Lakeside Romance (13 page)

The air whooshed out of him as if Amber had jabbed her elbow below his rib cage. He forced a smile. “Yes, that's my late wife, Christy, and me.”

“Oh. Sorry.” She turned the album page quickly as pink colored her cheeks.

“No need to apologize. She's been gone several years.” He gave her shoulder a light squeeze, then drained the last of his iced tea. “Excuse me.”

He strode away from the table, pitched the bottle in the trash near the food table and fished his keys out of his pocket as he headed for the parking lot.

“Alec, wait.” Sarah jogged alongside him and pressed a hand on his arm. “You okay?”

“Yes.”

“Then why are you leaving?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I just... I need to clear my head, okay?”

She stepped up on the parking berm in front of his car. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

He nodded without speaking, unlocked the car then slid behind the wheel. The caged heat nearly choked him. Cranking the AC, he left the parking lot and headed west on Center Street toward the lake. As the business district grew smaller in his rearview mirror, he passed a familiar road he hadn't traveled in years. He made a sudden U-turn in the middle of the empty street and turned right onto Meadowbrook Drive.

Trees lined either side of the narrow two-lane road. Sunlight flickered through the branches. A squirrel raced across the pavement. Alec swerved to miss it, then slowed his car and turned left, bringing his car to a complete stop.

Gripping the steering wheel with whitened knuckles, he came face-to-face with his past.

He shut off the engine, then opened his door. His feet touched the gravel driveway that had nearly disappeared under the invasion of weeds.

The barren stretch of land shielded by the grove of trees hollowed out his insides. The skeletal remains of the house he once shared with Christy had been bulldozed and hauled away. Gone. Grass filled in the scars from the destructive inferno that had claimed the lives of the ones he loved most. A light wind stirred up the leaves swirling along the path he forged through the forgotten landscape.

As he circled the perimeter where the house used to be, he unlocked the door to a dark corner of his heart and allowed the pressing memories to flood his thoughts. Dropping to his knees, he squeezed his eyes shut against the wetness threatening to escape his eyelids and pounded his fists into his thighs. His chest shuddered. He gulped short swallows of air to control the raggedy edges of his breathing.

Why had he come here? To make sure he didn't forget? To keep Christy's memory alive? What good was a memory when he longed for reality?

Seeing that photo had been a vivid reminder of what he'd lost...and what he longed for again. Though she'd reside forever in his heart, he'd never hold Christy in his arms again. But did that mean he needed to spend the rest of his life alone?

He wasn't sure how long he sat on the ground with his arms wrapped around his knees, remembering his time spent with Christy. They'd dated for a couple of years before getting married. She'd been gone almost as long as they'd been together. They weren't all happy moments, but they'd managed to work through their problems. As he scanned the property boundaries, his eyes stumbled across a swath of color. He frowned and pulled off his sunglasses. Pushing to his feet, he trudged through the grass until he found what had caught his attention.

Hidden behind a hedge of weeds, wildflowers in bursts of yellow, purple and white bloomed in a small clearing next to a little pond. A ray of sunshine spotlighted their beauty. He'd been so focused on the weeds that covered what had been, he'd almost missed the array of color that bloomed near the forgotten pond. A family of ducks quacked at him for disturbing their peace. They flapped their wings and waddled out of the water into the grass.

He inhaled the air that had once been choked with smoke and soot. This time, instead of feeling pain, he felt something different...something a little unfamiliar. Something like...promise.

What else had Pastor Nathan said this morning? God wanted to give them a future and hope?

Was that possible for him?

Sarah's laughter filtered through his head. Her quick smile shone like a beacon on a stormy night.

He walked back to the property line, his steps feeling a little lighter. He stooped and touched the ground. “You'll always be in my heart, Christy.”

But he couldn't remain stranded in the past and hide from his future forever. What that future held, he had no idea. Nor did he know where to begin. All he knew was that he had to start living again. And somehow he'd convince Sarah that she needed to be a part of it.

Chapter Thirteen

W
hen was Sarah going to learn to stop expecting more than what others were willing to give?

After Alec had bailed on her at the picnic earlier today, she'd kept her smile in place for the rest of the afternoon, but something inside her had withered.

Alec's wife's tragic death continued to torment him, but seeing his reaction to the photo created a chasm between them she wasn't sure they could ever bridge.

That's why she'd been ignoring his texts and letting his calls go to voice mail. She needed time to clear her head—and the lake seemed to be the perfect place for that.

Carrying her sandals in her left hand, she bent down and scooped up a handful of sand, allowing it to sift through her fingers. She sidestepped the remains of a sand castle, its white tattered napkin flag fluttering in the breeze skimming off the lake. She walked to the end of the dock that separated the fishing from the roped-off swimming area, sat and tucked her sandy feet below the water's surface. Despite the hot summer they've been having, the water temperature remained cool.

On the horizon, the sun balanced on the hilltop, spilling its tangerine hue across the steely-blue water. Dragonflies hovered over the glassy surface before skyrocketing over to the shore where the frogs croaked and ducks quacked.

The serenity of the lake should've soothed her, but her thoughts tumbled in her head like choppy waves as questions created a whirlpool of mixed emotions.

“Sarah?” Alec's quiet voice startled her, but she kept her gaze focused on a pontoon boat floating across the lake.

“Sarah?” He called again as his footfalls reverberated to the end where she was sitting.

She turned her head to find him standing about a foot behind her, one hand shielding his eyes from the sun and the other shoved into the pocket of his dress pants, which were stained with grass and dirt at the knees.

What had he been up to?

He walked closer. “I need to talk to you,” he said in what was almost a whisper.

The threads of vulnerability in his voice laced around her heart, giving it a gentle tug. “How did you know where I was?”

“Daniel told me when I stopped at your apartment.” He toed off his dress shoes and socks and bent to roll up his pant legs. The dock shifted slightly as he settled on the weathered wood beside her and dropped his feet in the water. He sucked in a breath as the cool temperature made contact with his skin.

He brushed a piece of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear, his touch no more than a light caress. “I'm sorry I left so quickly.”

“I'm not sure how to respond to that.” She needed to move away from him—to gain some distance—but her treacherous heart kept her rooted where she sat.

“You could begin by accepting my apology.”

The simplicity of his words unraveled the rope she kept knotted around her mounting hurt and frustration. She whipped off her sunglasses and glared at him. “Does that make everything all better? What about the next time something spooks you? Are you going to run again?”

“I didn't run.” He glanced at her, then lowered his eyes to the water.

“You walked away quickly. Amber felt terrible.”

“It wasn't her fault.”

“Of course it wasn't, but your actions didn't reaffirm that to her. When Adam broke our engagement, my heart was shattered. It took months to put it back together again, piece by piece. I simply can't imagine the pain you endured losing your wife and child so tragically. It changes you, redefines you, calling into question everything you've ever believed. But at some point, you've got to stop running.”

He reached for her hands, his thumbs brushing across her skin. “I have stopped. That's what I've come here to tell you. Seeing that picture was an unexpected shock. I can remember that day as if it were yesterday. It was a much happier time in my life. I loved Christy with my whole heart. She was a gift from God and we were going to grow old together. But she was taken from me way too soon. Not only weren't we going to live out our years together, but since she'd been carrying our child, the loss was doubly painful.”

“Sometimes life really stinks.”

“Yes, it does. After I left the picnic today, I drove out to the property where we lived. The burned shell of the house has been scraped away, thanks to Christy's parents. Dirt was brought in and now grass is growing as if that time in my life with her didn't exist anymore. While I was there, I realized I didn't want to continue living the way I have been.”

“What changed?”

“I had forgotten, but behind the house there was a small pond. Wildflowers bloomed along the bank. Even though the house was gone and no one lived there anymore, the flowers continued to grow and thrive. They reminded me of you. You radiate light and joy. You're the kind of person people want to be around because you find the good in others. I want to face my future, but I don't want to do it alone... I want to share it with you.”

“Oh, Alec.” She should have been thrilled by his words, but instead they created an ache in her chest. “I'm so glad you're ready to move forward, but I don't know if you're truly ready to do it with me.”

“Of course I am. I just said so.”

“You're clearly still in love with your late wife. I refuse to be with someone who can't commit his whole heart to me.”

“Sarah, Christy was my first love. She will always hold a special place right here.” He patted his chest. “A part of me will always love her, cherish the memories we made together, but that doesn't mean I can't find love again with someone else.”

“What about God?”

“What about Him?”

“Where does He fit into your life?”

He remained quiet for a moment. “Does that make a difference?”

The weight of his words pummeled her core. She blinked back tears. “To me, it makes a world of difference. If you can't commit to Him, then I can't commit to you.”

“But—”

“No
buts
. Growing up, my dad put work first. When I found Adam, I was sure he was the one, but then he couldn't follow through with his promises to me, either. I'm at a place in my life where I won't settle. Not anymore. I want a man who is willing to dedicate his life to God and to me. The two are nonnegotiable.”

“Tell me you don't feel anything for me, Sarah, and I'll walk away.” Alec jumped to his feet and pointed toward the parking lot. “Tell me that, and I'll leave right now.”

Sarah stood and wrapped her arms around her waist. “You're not hearing me. What I feel doesn't matter if the other person doesn't share my faith. If I share my life with a man who doesn't share my faith, then I'm headed down the road of heartache once again, and I refuse to do that.”

“Fine.” He raked his fingers through his hair, then enveloped her hands between his. “I'll come back to church.”

“It's more than that. Anyone can go to church.” She squeezed his hands, silently pleading with him to have a change of heart. “You've got to learn to trust God. You can't walk away and get mad at Him every time something terrible happens. Otherwise, who will you depend on? Where will you land when life pulls the rug out from under your feet?”

“I've coped on my own.”

“But it doesn't have to be like that. God created us for relationships with one another and with Him. He offers peace and comfort. Right now, you're still angry with Him over losing Christy. Until you can resolve your anger and heal those wounds, we can't have a future together.”

“Of course I'm angry at God— He robbed me of my family.”

“Alec.” Sarah dashed away a tear trailing down her face. “I think you're looking for someone to blame for your loss, and you're using God as your scapegoat. It's time to stop picking at your wounds and let them heal. Those scars are a great reminder of how far you've come. Holding on to that anger, though, prevents you from moving forward. That way you don't have to risk your emotions and future pain. It's a sad and selfish way to live.”

Releasing his fingers and leaving pieces of her heart at his feet, Sarah picked up her shoes and walked away, leaving Alec sitting on the end of the dock. She knew she was making the right decision, but why did it have to hurt so?

* * *

Alec didn't know where to begin. Like Sarah had said, maybe that was what made moving forward so difficult. But he had to try, even if it meant facing his future without Sarah. Her parting words couldn't have been clearer. Problem was, she just didn't get it.

He unlocked the back door to Christy's Closet, unleashing the stale air trapped inside for ages.

Flicking on the lights, he moved into a room that was suspended in time. Wooden floorboards creaked beneath his feet with every step he took. Circular racks of clothes remained untouched after four years. He knew that if he opened the register, he'd still find money in the drawer. A cobweb covered Christy's favorite coffee mug like a doily. Layers of dust coated the counter, covering the paperback she'd been reading.

Why hadn't he let his mother-in-law take over the store after Christy's death like she'd offered?

Fear.

What? No way. What did he have to be afraid of?

Sarah's words from last week on the dock echoed in his head. If he let go, then what did he have to hold on to, to keep his grief alive? Around him everyone else's lives moved forward while his had come to a sudden stop.

But he was trying. He didn't want to be suspended in time like this room. He wanted to pack up the past and find his way back to the present.

The floor creaked behind him. He spun around, his heart thudding in his ears.

Chloe stood at the back entrance of the store, tote bag over her shoulder and a puzzled look stealing across her face.

“What are you doing here?”

She shut the door and stepped into the shop. “I was heading home from work and saw lights, so I came around back to see if your car was here. What are
you
doing here?”

Alec dragged a hand over his face and touched the sleeve of a nearby garment. “I don't know. Trying to move on, I guess.”

Chloe dropped her bag on the floor, walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “That's great...about time, too. Does moving forward include Sarah?”

An ache squeezed his chest. He hadn't seen her in a week. “No.”

“Oh, why not?” Chloe's smile disappeared. “I just thought you guys had hit it off pretty well...working together and her getting you to come to church.”

He disengaged her arms from around his waist and moved away from her. “It didn't work out.”

“I'm sorry.”

He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Are you sure there's no hope?”

“Can we talk about something else, please? I don't want to discuss this anymore.”

Chloe planted her hands on her hips and glared at him. “Well, tough. We are going to talk about it. You bottle everything inside and then walk away without dealing with your issues. You've been that way since Dad died.”

“It was my job to look after you guys—take care of the family.”

“No, it was your job to be a teenager. It was Mom's job to be the parent.”

“She fell apart after Dad was killed.”

Chloe threw her hands in the air, her voice rising. “Of course she did—he was the love of her life. You know what that's like. But look at her now—she's happily married to Bert and traveling around the world taking care of pregnant women in developing countries.”

“Every time Dad deployed, he said it was up to me to look after the family, so I did.” Alec jerked a thumb at his chest.

“Dad didn't mean for you to close off your heart and carry everyone else's burdens. You're the best big brother a sister could ask for, but I hate seeing you with this vacant life you're leading.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? I get up, go to work, take care of things at Gran's and with Uncle Emmett. I'm not holed up in my house staring at the walls, drinking away my problems.”

“What about your joy? I ran into Billy the other day. He mentioned his threat about handing out your number to all the single women he knows.”

“Billy doesn't have much room to talk, considering he dates a lot but hasn't chosen to settle down. And he really needs to mind his own business.” Alec sagged against the counter and rubbed a hand down his face. “I really thought Sarah could help restore my joy.”

“Are you sure there's no chance of that happening?”

“She said she can't commit to a man who doesn't share her faith.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you love her?”

Alec's head jerked up. “What?”

“You heard me. Do you love Sarah? I think you do. Remember what Dad always said—love is a choice. Loving God is a choice, too.”

“I'm really not in the mood to be taken to church.”

“Good, because I'm not eloquent like Pastor Nathan. Life is hard, Alec. Going at it alone makes it harder.” She paused and tapped his chest. “Surrendering your heart isn't a sign of weakness but of strength. Once you do that, you'll find your joy. By staying mad at God, you can't blame anyone else for what happened to Christy.”

“I'll tell you the same thing I told Sarah—God could've saved Christy, but He didn't. I can't trust Him to protect those I love.” Alec strode across the room and stared through the dirty storefront windows into the street.

“So you put on your cape and try to be everyone's hero.” Chloe's words struck like bullets in his back.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?”

Chloe appeared by his side, her arms folded in front of her. “How's Justin, by the way?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”