Land of My Heart (3 page)

“Can I learn too?” Ardith asked.

Susannah smiled as if the tensions of the earlier moments were all but forgotten. “Absolutely. Everyone needs to learn.” Her enthusiasm picked up, almost as if the idea to go west were hers. “Everyone will have to help. You younger girls will have to collect firewood as we go along the trail or we won’t have a cook fire at night. It won’t be easy, but we’ll make it work.”

Dianne heard the determination in her mother’s voice. The decision was made, and there would be no turning back now.

“Can we have a dog?” Betsy, the animal lover of the family, questioned.

Susannah grew thoughtful. “A dog would probably be good once we get to Virginia City but less helpful on the trail. On the trail he might get bitten by a snake or killed by Indians.”

Betsy’s eyes grew wide. “Indians? For sure, Mama?”

Susannah nodded. “I’ve long heard your father and my brother talk about troubles in the West. That’s something else we should consider.”

Dianne nodded. “We all need to learn how to handle the guns. The boys have a pretty good knowledge of them, but the time may come when we ladies will have to use them as well.”

“Pa didn’t want his womenfolk handling firearms,” Morgan said without thinking.

“Well, your pa isn’t here to defend us,” their mother replied. She frowned. “I think he’d understand.”

“Ma, I’m glad about going west,” Zane announced. “I’ve wanted to go west for the longest time. I read a book on Lewis and Clark going through that territory where Uncle Bram lives, and I’ve always wanted to see the headwaters of the Missouri.”

Morgan nodded at his mother. “I’m glad too. You know I like to explore. I’ve always wanted to go west, just like Zane. We’ll have a good trip—you can count on us.”

“I’m happy too,” Dianne said, smiling. “It sounds like a great adventure, and I know Uncle Bram will be happy to see you. He wouldn’t want you living here without Pa—especially not with the war going on.”

“Whether he’ll be happy or not remains to be seen,” their mother replied. “This will be a difficult journey. We’ll have to help one another and learn as we go. No doubt some of the other women can teach us some of what we need to know. Other than that, we’ll have to depend on our own ingenuity.”

Dianne nodded, realizing that the trip would probably be hardest on her younger sisters. “I’ll help the girls as much as I can.”

“We’re big enough to help ourselves,” Ardith, the most headstrong of the Chadwick children, announced.

Dianne grinned. “Of course you are. I just meant that I’d give you an extra hand. I know you’re strong and smart.”

“What about school?” Ardith asked. “Come Monday, I was supposed to complete my report on George Washington.”

“School’s done for the year as far as I’m concerned,” Dianne’s mother said with a resigned sigh. “Are you sure this is the best time to go, Dianne—boys?”

“If we don’t go now, we’ll never get there by winter. The mountain passes fill up with snow early on. Like I said, I’ve been studying up on this,” Dianne replied.

Their mother nodded and smiled at Ardith and Betsy. “You’ll get by. I’ll help you with lessons until fall. Maybe by then we’ll be in Virginia City and there will be a school nearby.”

“That’s when we can get a dog,” Betsy announced, dropping her hold on the pigtail. “I want to call him Shep.”

Susannah picked up
The Prairie Traveler
and got to her feet. “That’s fine, Betsy. We’ll call him Shep. Now I’ve got some reading to do.”

With her mother’s clear indication that the discussion was over, Dianne and her siblings got up to tend to their various chores. Dianne still needed to dust their rooms upstairs as well as the store shelves, although she wasn’t sure it was necessary if they were leaving next week. Living over the store made the Emporium a natural extension of their living quarters. It also doubled the workload—not that Dianne really minded. She enjoyed working with the customers, though she absolutely hated bookwork. Her father had always kept the ledgers so it wasn’t any real concern to her, but now she was finding herself caught up with the unfamiliar task. She’d asked Morgan and then Zane for help, but neither one was interested. Trenton could have helped her, but he hated the store and refused to stay around any longer than he absolutely had to, preferring instead to be sent on delivery missions for his father.

“Do you think there will be other children on the trip west?” Ardith asked Dianne. Morgan and Zane slipped from the room while Betsy picked up the broom and began her job of sweeping.

“I’m sure there will be lots of children on the trip.Why do you ask?”

Ardith shrugged. “I just don’t want to go to a place that doesn’t have other children. I want to make friends, you know.”

Dianne thought of her own beloved friends. Especially Ramona and Sally. How would it be to go so far away and not have them to talk to? What would it truly be like to live on the open prairie? Where would they sleep and tend to private matters? Where would they go to church?

A rush of other questions filled her head. Maybe she’d made a mistake in pushing for this change. How would they survive the trip? How would they manage it all? She picked up the duster and began to work.

I really don’t know how to do much of anything for myself. How can I hope to help keep my family alive and well on such an arduous journey?

CHAPTER 2

D
IANNE FOUND SLEEP IMPOSSIBLE THAT NIGHT. IT WASN’T UNTIL
she heard Trenton sneak into the house that she could finally rest. She understood his anguish and resolve, but she couldn’t comprehend his willingness to desert them, to leave them when they needed him most. Consoling herself with the thought that he might have changed his plans, Dianne got up and quietly tiptoed to the room he shared with the twins.

“Trenton?” she whispered.

He came to the door. “What are you doing up?”

“Waiting for you, of course. Come to my room and talk to me.”

She pulled Trenton back to her room and lit a lantern. “Where have you been? I was worried about you.”

Trenton pushed back his hair and shook his head. “You should know better than to worry. I’m a grown man.”

“A grown man who sneaks in and out of his parents’ house,” Dianne chided. “Please, Trenton. Just talk to me. Won’t you change your mind and come west with us?”

Trenton sank onto her bed. He looked emotionally drained. Dianne sat down beside him. “Please.”

“I can’t go.” He seemed to struggle for the words. “You don’t understand what it was like for me. I was always disappointing Pa. Here I am, his first son, and I never took any interest in the store or the things he thought important. He was always good in school; I can barely read and write.”

“But he loved you dearly.”

“I suppose I know he loved me, but I also know I disappointed him. I should have tried harder to please him. If I’d just been around that morning, I could have gone with you to the bank. I could have even taken care of the deed myself. He’s dead because I was selfish. I left before breakfast so he wouldn’t start harping at me about the inventory.”

“But staying behind isn’t going to change anything.”

Trenton got to his feet. “You—” he lowered his voice—“you don’t know that. I just feel that if I could do this one thing for him …”

“What one thing? Kill another human being? You know what Pa thought about violence. He didn’t want you boys involved in the war, much less personal vendettas.”

“I knew you wouldn’t understand. You have your own ideas about how things should be. Well, this isn’t one of those situations. I have to try to make things right. I have to ease my conscience in the only way I know how.”

“By killing other men.” Her statement was given with all the resignation and despair she felt.

“By killing the man who killed our father.” Trenton walked to the door. “I’m sorry, Dianne. I guess I’ve disappointed you, just like the others.”

Dianne thought to call out to him as he left the room but thought better of it. She’d let him get some sleep, then try to reason with him again tomorrow. Once he calmed down, surely he would understand why it was so important that he give up the idea of revenge.

The barest hint of light traced the curtains at Dianne’s window. She sat up with a start, wondering what time it was and whether or not she might speak with Trent before the day demanded their attention elsewhere.

“I just know I can reason with him,” she murmured. “We’ve always been close. He’ll listen to me. I just know he will.”

That was when she spotted the folded piece of paper. Someone had slid the missive under her door, and she was willing to bet that someone was Trenton. Shivering against the morning chill, Dianne wrapped her shawl around her nightgown and went to retrieve the note.

Picking up the paper, Dianne fought back tears. “Please don’t be gone,” she whispered as she stood and made her way back to her bed. Sinking back into the warmth of her goose-down comforter, Dianne unfolded the paper.

Dianne,

Don’t be mad at me. I know you don’t understand, but please try. I didn’t treat Pa with the respect he deserved in life. I owe him this. It’s important, and I wouldn’t be much of a man if I didn’t see this through.

I’ll miss you. You’ll always be my favorite. Just know that no matter where life takes us, I’ll be thinking fondly of my little sister. Probably by the time I see you again, you’ll be all grown up and married with kids of your own. I hope you’ll tell them good things about their uncle.

Please be happy. Pray for me.

Love,
Trent

Dianne hugged the paper to her breast, then gazed again at the childish scrawl. Trenton—her mainstay. When Ma cried over the war and Pa made friends with the Yankees, Trent had always been there to help Dianne cope with the situation. When the war loomed ever closer and Dianne feared for her brothers and friends, it was Trent who had gathered her close.

“Who will comfort me now?” she cried softly into the thick folds of her covers.

Outside the rain began to pour, almost as if God understood her pain and cried with her. Dianne had been so hopeful that Trent would change his mind. She hated seeing her family go its separate ways. First Pa had died, and now Trent had gone. Who else would leave them?

Forcing herself to get up, Dianne couldn’t help but take a mental inventory of all that she loved. Her room had been her sanctuary. It was small, barely large enough to fit her small bed, but it was all her own. Her mother had thought to make it a storage room, but Dianne had pleaded to turn the tiny room into her own place of quiet.

Trent had helped her paper the walls. The delicate rose pattern against a cream background had done wonders for the room. This, coupled with the oval rose-colored rug her father had acquired from one of the older women in the church, made the place quite cozy.

Dianne smiled at the memories. Her mother had even helped her polish the floor, and while it certainly wouldn’t rival anyone’s parlor, the wood was smooth and free of snags.

“I’ll miss it,” she murmured, fingering the lacy curtains her mother had ordered. They seemed to overwhelm the tiny window, but they finished off the room with a real touch of elegance.

With a sigh, Dianne once again read over her brother’s words of farewell.
I can’t bear for you to leave,
she thought.
It’s bad enough to lose all of this, but I cannot lose you as well
. She thought of going out and finding Trenton—to talk him into changing his mind. Then the memory of what had happened to her father halted further consideration. Dianne had scarcely left the house since her father’s death unless accompanied by the rest of the family. Her fear at repeating the scene while searching for Trenton kept her from pursuing her initial thoughts.

Going to her wardrobe, Dianne dressed for the day, choosing a serviceable day dress. Her mother had already warned them all that the days to come would be nothing but work. The black color seemed fitting, but Dianne was tired of wearing mourning colors. Her mother would wear black for at least a year, but Dianne hoped she’d allow her daughters to wear their pretty things much sooner. Of course, space would be at a premium. They might not even be able to take their colorful dresses with them.

Dianne pulled the shapeless gown over her head and quickly covered it with a black apron. Braiding her hair down the back, she hurriedly drew on stockings and shoes, knowing that her mother would be waiting for help with her corset.

Knocking lightly on the door, Dianne entered to find her mother sitting at her dressing table, staring into a hand mirror. “Mama, are you all right?”

Susannah Chadwick looked up and nodded. “I suppose as right as I can be. I was thinking—I’m only thirty-five. Thirty-six, come May. That isn’t so very old, is it?”

Dianne shook her head. “No. It’s not. Pa used to say you looked as young as the day he married you.”

Her mother smiled wistfully. “Yes, I remember that.” She fell silent and put the mirror on the table. Standing, she took off her robe, leaving only her cotton shift. She handed Dianne the corset.