Languish for you (My soulmate) (27 page)

Christopher knew that he really was doing a bad thing confusing her soul, mind and emotions, but she was so similar to his Vanessa, to his wife, who he will never have a chance to see, touch, hear or kiss.

He shook his head and asked Avery to take a look at her during the rest of the night, while he was just wondering around he flat.

He had a secret wish to see Trinity in his bed again, sleeping peacefully in his presence. It was selfish desire, but still, it was in his mind. But he had to understand that he had to be aloof, be professional.

Christopher was a bit surprised seeing Trinity in his room, asking from him what he wanted himself; be with her. But he knew what he had to do; say no to her. Tell her to go to Avery, but seeing her pleading eyes, he didn't find enough strength to say that one word. So, instead of saying no, he let her stay in the room and soon she was taken by sleep.

He studied her face, her body. She come here not because she wants to sleep with me, but because she wanted to feel safe, he was saying to himself over and over again until he started believing in that. After all, Trinity wasn't the first girl acting in this way; every single of his own protected souls did the same thing. After being attack by the hunters, souls wanted to be safe and sure that someone could keep them safe. In all their mind, Christopher was that person. But it wasn't a surprising thing. After all, he was a protector.

Christopher closed his eyes and let himself just enjoy listening to quiet Trinity's breathing, feeling her body's warm, smelling her sense.

But soon something strange happened. Of course, he couldn't say that he wasn't pleased by that; Trinity moved unconsciously closer to him, her hands, at first touched him gingerly, like making sure if this was what they were searching for, and when their guesses confirmed, her arms snaked firmly around him and her head soon rested on his shoulder, forcing Christopher's heart to beat in his chest faster.

He knew that he shouldn't enjoy this unexpected Trinity's behavior. Also, he knew that he should pull away from her and ask Avery to come and watch over her. But he was too weak to do that, when her warm skin was against his, distracting him. Even if he managed somehow to create a plan, what he should do, her one breath destroyed it.

After some minute, her legs found a way to come closer to him, to wrap around his. Christopher grinned, gently touching with his thumb her nose, her cheek, leaving her lips for a desert. She didn't take long to wrap around him like a creeper. But what was the worst thing, she did that unconsciously, and what people do in sleep, usually was what their hearts, souls desired. Trinity really shouldn't want to be with him like this. Christopher knew that his protecting souls felt something to him: respect, trust, admiration, but never what Trinity's body was telling him: love.

That's not love, he tried to convince himself. That's called friendship.

But was it?

Soon he found himself drifting to sleep, to the world where everything was possible and
hope
had more power that in reality.

Chapter twenty one

I couldn't really remember when was the last time I had slept so wonderfully. Event that nightmare, which liked to torture me every night, decided to take a vacation. Also, I felt so recreated myself.

I opened my eyes in slow manned to see sleeping Christopher next to me. I narrowed my eyes and quickly looked around, trying to remember, why my protector was so close to me. Yea, I came here, because I felt unsafe in my room. But that didn't explain why my arms and legs tried to coalesce with his body, although I couldn't say that I was angry with finding myself in this position. No. I was happy. I felt like this was that place in which I should be; home.

It was really stupid. I shouldn't have feelings like these.

But still, I didn't hurry to unwrap my arms with legs and move away from him. Also, I didn't turn my eyes from his sleeping face, from those red lips, which my lips wanted to taste. He looked like and angel, when he slept, I had to admit that.

I leaned closer to him. I bit my lip, seeing only those two red lines on his face. My heart started racing only with the thought of me touching them with a finger. So, I could only imagine what my heart will do when I would touch them with my own.

Christopher was still dead to the world. Deep in my mind I knew what could happen if I would do what my heart wanted; my protector would be really furious and always cautious around me. But I really wanted to have another kiss from him, to make sure that those feelings, which I felt, when he kissed me, were real and not just a trick of my body, imagination.

I leaned more and joined our lips, hoping only for the best scenario. And what did you know, Christopher opened his eyes, but didn't push me away. For my surprise, he returned the kiss, his arms slowly and carefully traveled my waist, my back, my arms until they stopped on my face.

It felt so good to kiss him. Maybe even better than Tobias, and that took the wind out of my sails. Christopher wasn't my soul mate; he was nothing at all in my life, but still, my soul sang when he touch me. Maybe they lied to me about themselves?

But if they lied, that minute I didn't care.

Christopher's hands pull me away from him only that I could lie on the bed on my back while he appeared on the top, still kissing me, turning me on. My body seemed to be on fire, especially when his lips started traveling on my neck A moan escaped my mouth.

Christopher liked that, because I felt how his lips formed into a smile.

“Vanessa,” he whispered, filling everything in that one word: love, respect, anger, happiness...and yearning for...for his Vanessa. Those kisses which he was giving me, wasn't mine. Those were his soulmate's, which will never come to take them.

I pushed him away and jumped from the bed, like the devil himself was chasing me. Christopher sat on his bed, confused. In his eyes I still could see what I saw in Tobias eyes almost every time when our eyes met; need, possession and endless love. But Christopher's feelings weren't mine.

I was in a huge trouble. My soulmate was my cousin, and other person, which was something to my heart, was languish for a person, which will never return, and will never look at my direction, because I was his mission. And how did I manage to end up in this stupid situation?

“Vanessa?” Christopher asked, now
horror in his eyes was
living.

I hugged myself and glance to the door. It was stupid of me to kiss him, when I knew in which sides we both were standing.

“I need to prepare myself for university,” I said quickly and moved towards to the door, but Christopher jumped in front of me, locking his hands around my arms.

“Look at me,” he said in a commanding voice,” please,” he added this word gently.

I lifted my head up reluctantly. At that moment I would do anything instead of meeting his eyes, which told me things, which I prefer not to know.

I always liked to read about girls, trapped in love triangles and how they struggled to understand, what their hearts really wanted. I admired them, because they didn't just try to solve a difficult algebra problem, but also decided which guy will be that one which could give endless love, protection, happiness.

But I didn't have any intention to become one, because my brain and heart worked in different
regimes
had different rules of life. For example, now. My brain shouted in my head to leave this room while my heart supplicated to stay, to put my fingers on his warm arms, naked chest, cheek... I will never find a way to connect my heart and brain, and that was devastating.

“I am sorry,” he said, his hands glued to his side.

I licked my lips and turned my eyes to look away from his face. It was I, who had to say those words, but I wasn't sorry for doing that.

“I am not,” I confessed and took a small step back, returning my eyes back to meet his. “I liked that,” another truth, which was like a knife into my heart, because I shouldn't have liked that.

For a moment he seemed lost. He brushed his hand through his hair. I knew what he was doing; collecting the right words for me to say. And these moments were which I didn't like, because most of the times in books it was the moment when characters tried to hide the truth.

“You shouldn't have liked that,” he found his voice and started talking. “I am sorry for misleading you. I shouldn't have kissed you in the first place. I was just... You seem so similar to her,” he didn't need to name
me,
who
she
was
. I knew about what he was talking and that was another knife into my heart.

I didn't say anything. I just let him talk further.

“I am really sorry. Vanessa, understand one thing, I am your protector, not ...your soulmate. You must not kiss me ever again,” now that sentence sounded like a threat to me.

I tensed up. It wasn't hard for me to imagine what he could do to me if I actually try again to kiss him. After all, I was that one with a wild imagination. Of course, most of scenarios which I had in my head were stupid, funny, but still, they would do their dirty job.

“Do you understand?” he asked me, narrowing his eyes dangerously. He wanted to give me a clear sign that he wasn't joking around. He was out of limit for me and I had to understand that, even if it was so magnificent to kiss him.

I didn't answer or give a sign that I heard his words. I just frowned and made a bolt for the door. Christopher didn't strive to stop me this time. Maybe he fathomed out that it would be a bad idea or maybe he just wanted go give me some space to contemplate his words and this situation. Whatever the reason was, he did the right thing; I needed some time to be with my own thoughts.

I sat on my bed, my face in my hands. Snow jumped on my bed and tried to nestle on my lap. I let her and soon I even found myself stroking her. It really was amazing, how animals could calm you down with just simply being with you.

Snow mewed and I put a tiny smile on my face. On mature reflection, I really didn't have a strong reason to act like a jealous or angry girl. Christopher wasn't mine and I wasn't his. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. Nothing really connected us, if not that fact that he was my protector.

I lifted my chin up to the window. The sun tried to let some rays into the world while the angry dark clouds put all their effort not to let anyone feel warmness.

I heaved a sigh.

“Reality sucks,” I said with a half of smile on my face.

Snow mewed and jumped from my lap to the bed. Her moist and cold nose touched my arm. She agreed with me.

I changed my clothes quickly, called Tobias to pick me as soon as possible and then left my home without even taking a second glance at Christopher or Avery. I wasn't in mood to have breakfast with them both over the same table and pretend that everything was okay when it wasn't.

“What did you do?” I heard Avery asking Christopher when I was about to close the door.

Yea, I was angry, because I didn't know what I should really do and feel. In books everything was easier; to find the right answer, to live. Lucky for me, it was strange reality in which I had a privilege to take part in.

Tobias met me in the U-bahn. He seemed still one foot in the dreamland. Under his eyes I could see dark circles. He didn't sleep at night or couldn't.

“Tough night?” I asked as I leaned closer to him.

He lifted one corner of his lips.

“You can say that again,” and kissed my forehead. Tobias soon took my hand into his. I felt warmness in my body, which threatened to become a bonfire.

“Like to share?” I asked, closing my eyes. I didn't want to see people around us, who stole glances at us.

“Not really,” he said openly. “And you? What troubles you?” he asked, pulling me closer to his embrace.

“My stupidity,” I said laughing.

“What do you mean?” he sounded alarm suddenly.

“I just ...have a bad time at home. I fastened a quarrel upon Christopher.”

“About what?” he said through his greeted teeth. Tobias didn't like my protector. Was he jealous? If so, he shouldn't be. Christopher drew boundaries between us; he was my protector and every single feeling I had toward him, had to greet a rubbish bin. It was a sharp sense of disappointment. I had never been a person, who liked to cherish some kind of feelings toward someone, and if I did that, I wanted that it would be mutual.

“Well,” I didn't want to tell him the truth, but also I didn't have plans to lie him. So, I decided just to tell half of the truth. “We have different opinions about one thing. And you know what happens next,” I tried to sound careless and convince him that it was pointless to talk further about this meaningless thing.

He didn't notice my warning to leave that topic and start a new one.

“About what?” he kiss my head.

“About relationships,” I said flatly.

“Rela...”

“Did I tell you about a fund-raiser?” I cut him off. He shook his head. He didn't seem determinate to find out more about my and Christopher's disagreement. “Well, my family is invited to one because of Avery,” I lied and felt sadness, but I knew that I couldn't just tell him that there was a guy, who wanted to see everyone in action. He would think I was nuts. “Would you like to go with me? You know, be my escort. There would be a dance, food, beautiful women,” I said in teasing voice.