Last Call (Bad Habits Book 3) (30 page)

“But this is our thing. This is how we work, Lil. When we’re fine, we’re fine. And when we aren’t, we walk away and shut down. The issue is that we’re
both
like that, so a grand total of zero problems get solved.”

“So break the cycle. Go talk to him.” She gave the advice like it was just that simple.

“And say what? I swear to God, I walk into conversations with him with every intention of being honest and open, but in the moment it’s like my dum-dum switch gets flipped, and I lock up. Like my mouth just goes on the fritz and all I can say is stuff like ‘Whatever,’ and ‘Fine.’ That’s not a conversation. We just don’t know anything else.”

“What about writing him a letter? That way you can think about everything you want to say.”

“I don’t even know what I
want
to say.”

“Well, obviously you need to figure that out first.”

I thought about it, about what I’d say, but the second the ache in my chest peaked, I pushed it all away again. “I’m not ready.”

Lily smiled and pulled me into a hug. “Well, that’s step one. And there’s no rush.” She squeezed me tighter. “It’s all gonna be okay, Rosie.”

The tears found their way back, hot and burning at the back of my eyes, emotion climbing up my constricted throat. I couldn’t find it in me to be so optimistic.
 

Patrick

I WALKED WITH WEST TOWARD Habits that night full of dread, feeling no better about any of it after a long conversation he and I had in his apartment, rehashing it all. My only comfort was the resolve I found, strengthened with every conversation I had about it.
 

Rose and I were bad for each other. There was no repairing what we’d shredded — we’d done enough damage for a lifetime.

Everyone would be meeting tonight because Maggie had been accepted as a full-time, salaried employee at the homeless shelter, and I’d never refuse to be there to congratulate her just because of Rose and me. I’d been making it work without her for all these months. Now was no different.

The minute we walked through the door and I saw her behind the bar, I realized how much of a lie that was.

I almost stopped walking but caught myself and pressed on, averting my eyes from hers to scan for everyone else. The group stood gathered at the end of the bar, laughing and smiling as always, the happy couples, plus me and Rose.

They greeted us as we approached.

I made my way around to say my hellos, congratulating Maggie with a kiss on her cheek, trying to put as much physical distance as I could between me and Rose, to match the chasm between us. But it was no use. Somehow I found a way to step to the bar and order a drink from her, standing in silence watching her pour in silence. I couldn’t look away. She seemed happy enough, shoulders back and chin high. But I knew it was for show. I could feel her pain just as much as if it were my own.

She avoided my eyes, handed over my drink as I passed her cash and found a place to stand where I was far enough away, at an angle where we wouldn’t make eye contact. Every minute was torture, and soon after finishing my drink, I said goodbye.

The evening was chilly for June, the wind blowing just enough to push the cold through you, into your bones. But I didn’t want to take a cab. I wanted to feel the cold, feel the ground under my feet. I wanted to remember why this was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. But I found myself searching for answers, repeating the reasons over and over in my head, like a prayer.

Rose

Being in the same room with him was hell.

I felt him when he walked in, my eyes finding him, his finding mine before snapping away like he didn’t know me. The only words we spoke were when he ordered his drink, his gaze on me so heavy as I poured, I could barely breathe. But when he left a few minutes later, it was without a glance.

The chill crept into my heart.

The second he was gone, our friends looked at me like my grandma had died. I rolled my eyes, playing it off like I didn’t feel like I’d been shot.
 

“Cut it out, guys.”

Everyone tentatively looked away, and Cooper took the lead, sparking a new conversation with the group. Lily leaned on the bar with her brow furrowed.
 

“You okay?” she asked quietly.

“I’m fine.”

Her eyes were on her drink, but her brows were up. “You can’t lie to me, Rose Fisher.”

I took a breath, dropping my chin as my eyes narrowed and emotion climbed up my throat. “What do you want from me, Lil? That fucking sucked. That was terrible, and I want to crawl under this bar and drink a bottle of whiskey alone.” My voice trembled. “There. Do you feel better? Was that honest enough for you?”

She eyed me. “Karaoke.”

I huffed and threw my hands up. “That’s not an answer, goddammit.”

Lily shrugged. “Of course it is. You want world peace? Get the whole world together to karaoke The Humpty Dance.” She turned around on her stool to face Ellie and Maggie. “Karaoke is happening. You in?”
 

Cooper opened his mouth to speak, but Lily waved her finger at him.
 

“Nope. Girls only. Whaddaya say, ladies? I think a little karaoke therapy in the form of “When Doves Cry” is just what the doctor ordered for Rosie here.”

I rolled my eyes again, swallowing my tears, joking past the pain. “Please. Prince is way out of my range.”

The girls nodded and laughed, and Lily turned to me, looking smug. “See? It’s happening.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m going to be here until like three in the morning.”

Lily flagged Shelby. “Shelbs — can we steal mopey Rosie tonight before closing? We need to get her liquored up and singing eighties songs, stat.”

“Yeah, you do.” She smiled. “As soon as this rush dies, get out of here.”

I tried not to scowl at the adorable traitor, though I narrowed my eyes at Lily. “All right. You win.”

She laughed, clearly gloating. “What’s new?”

A few hours later, the four of us sat at a high bar table as a man in a cowboy hat with a thick grey mustache sang a Roy Orbison song, eyes closed and face full of conviction.

“Karaoke rules.” I raised my glass and whooped along with the rest of the crowd when he finished. Once I’d gotten a solid howl in, I slammed the end of my whiskey and picked up the fresh glass our waitress had just dropped by.
 

We were all undeniably drunk. And I was numb enough that I could pretend like the last few days hadn’t happened. It all seemed far away, like a story of something that happened to a girl named Rose and not like it was my actual life.
 

Five or six or eight whiskeys did that to me.

The DJ came on the PA and called Ellie’s name. She hopped off the stool and bounded over to the stage, giggling into the microphone.
 

“Hi, everybody.”

The men whistled and cheered, and she grinned, smoothing her short dress over her hips just as “Like a Virgin” began, and we witnessed the most hilarious, Betty Boop rendition of the song I’ve ever heard in person. It was all wagging hips and puckered lips, her cleavage banging and red hair spilling over her shoulders. I swear to God, every man in the place had his eyes glued to her. I could practically hear a collective
aooga
when she ran her free hand down her body during the chorus.

We could not stop laughing.
 

“I’m gonna pee,” Lily squeaked.

“Oh, my God, if you pee, I’m Instagramming it.” I breathed.

Maggie couldn’t even make noise. She dropped her head to the table, shoulders shuddering with laughter.

Ellie waggled her fingers at us and winked, giggling again at us in the microphone as she strutted across the stage, stroking the mic like a giant dick.

By the time she finished, we’d caught our breaths enough to scream for her as she hung up the mic.

“Marry me,” some random guy screamed from the crowd.

Ellie smiled in his direction. “Show me your bank statements, and you’re in, honey.” She twiddled her fingers to whistles and screams as she stepped off the stage.

We clapped and cheered as she approached.

“That was amazing!” Maggie clapped.

Ellie smiled and did a little curtsy before sitting down. “Thank you. That song always kills it in karaoke. The only thing better is when a hairy fat guy sings it.”

I shook my head, laughing. “I swear you were a stripper in your past life.”

“I can’t help it. I’ve got all this to work with.” She motioned to her curvy body. “Like, do you know how easy it is for me to twerk? Look, I’ll show you.” She started to get up, and we laughed even harder.

I touched her arm. “Later. When you have pants on.”

“Pfft.” She waved her hand, not the least bit ashamed, though she did sit back down.
 

The next singer came on, and she was
really
good, belting out “Barracuda” like an absolute pro. Maggie and Ellie shimmied in their seats to the beat, singing along.
 

Lily took a minute to leaned into me. “Feel any better?”

I smirked and held up my drink. “Once again, you were right. Karaoke solves problems.”

“Or at least puts a little distance between you and them for a while.”

I booped her nose. “Aww, a Drily truth nugget.”

She nodded seriously. “When Drunk Lily advances to Drily status, important conversations are had.”

“It’s so true. Liquor affects your filter in the best way.”

She chuckled and picked up her gin and tonic. “Drosie’s not so bad herself.”

I shrugged, unimpressed. “Drosie’s workable. I will say though that I’m a little worried about keeping Drellie’s clothes on.”

“Yeah, you may not be wrong there.” She raised her glass to toast mine. “Tricky, who?”

“Tricky, who,” I chimed and clinked my glass to hers.

“Any ideas on what to do next about all of this?”

I sniffed and made a face. “Not really. I guess get through the weird and hope someday we can be around each other again. But right now, I don’t really want to see him.”

She leaned in, eyes squinted like she couldn’t see me. “Is that true? Like, really real true?”

“Yes and no, I guess. Part of me wants to see him and pretend everything is fine and then fuck his brains out. The other part never wants to lay eyes on him again and really, really wants to forget he ever existed.” I took another drink. “I guess it’s entirely possible that we won’t see each other much, now that he’s staying with Seth.” The pit in my stomach could have echoed, it was so black and dark.

She sighed. “The whole thing just sucks. After everything, you guys staying together, almost getting back together. I mean, what a fucking tease.”

“I know.”

Lily nibbled on her lip. “I feel partially responsible.”

“Why would you feel responsible? It had nothing to do with you.” I touched her arm.

She gave me puppy dog eyes, and my lips pressed flat.

“What did you do?”

She grabbed the end of her hair and twisted it around her finger. “Well, it was West’s idea.”

My eyes narrowed. “What was West’s idea?”

“Well, I’m getting there, if you’d let me talk.”

I sat back in my chair and picked up my drink, folding my arm under my elbow, feeling prickly. “Please. Be my guest.” I gestured with my glass.

She took a drink and then she took a breath. “So, we obviously know how you two feel about each other, and the …
challenges
you face. You know, the whole not talking to each other situation.”

“I’m aware.”

She looked guilty as hell. “Well, we maybe, sort of, kind of, were faking the whole loud sex thing.”

I blinked. “What?”

“I mean, it wasn’t always fake,” she clarified. “Sometimes it was
very
real.” She snickered.

I held up a hand and made a face. “Ew.”

“Anyway, I suggested to Patrick that he should sleep in my bed, and then West and I set an alarm every night to wake up and bang on the walls. West even sabotaged all those fans and white noise machines he kept buying in the hopes he would start sleeping over there, and that you guys would … I don’t know. Be forced to make amends.”

My mouth was hanging open. “Lilith Jane Thomas. I cannot fucking believe you.”

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” she said, defensively, in part in pleading.

“You lied to me, you ass!”

“Yeah, because I love you, which makes it okay,” she said sternly. “Anyway, you would have done the same thing if the tables were turned.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but closed it again. “Yeah, probably. But dammit, Lily. That was way out of bounds.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I really am. I love you, Rosie, and I want you to be happy and I thought I could help. My heart was in the right place.”

I scowled. “Which is the only reason why I’m not taking out my earrings to deck you.”

She smiled apologetically. “Will you promise to yell at West too?”

“Oh, believe me, his will be worse.” I took a drink.

“Well, that makes me feel better,” she said happily. “I still think you should go talk to Patrick about all of this.”

“I don’t know what to say.” I leaned on the table and shook the ice in my drink that was already almost empty again.

“Do you want to talk to him?”

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, Lily. I don’t know.”

“Okay, okay. Let’s go simpler. Do you miss him?”

I paused. “Yes.”

“Well, that’s something.” Lily motioned for two more drinks as the waitress walked by.

I pursed my lips, even though I couldn’t feel them. My thoughts stumbled and tripped over each other, just like Patrick and I always did. “Patrick is big and scary and messy. I don’t even know how to deal with all the things I feel for him — hurt, betrayal, lust, friendship, amusement, everything. He makes me feel everything, which is why I’d been avoiding it all this time. Starting over just seemed so much cleaner. Easier.”

“Except it’s not.”

“Because we’ve been around each other all this time. Maybe with him gone, I can get over him.”

“Do you want to get over him?”