Last Days of Summer (17 page)

Dear Charlie,

He had it in his glove. I saw it. Then he let go because he's a bonehead. Henrich got to first base fair and square—it's not his fault that Owen doesn't have hands. Smokes,
every
body knows that. So don't get cheesed off at
me
.

Joey

Dear Joey,

Maybe you need to get your eyes checked. You said it yourself that M. Owen had the ball in his glove. I saw that too. What I also saw was T. Henrich do some other things at the same time. Like (1) stick his big ass in Owen's face so he could not see and (2) kick Owen's arm so he could not hold on to it. Some “fair and square”. Why don't you ask your buddy in the W. House to get Henrich a job in the War Dept.? What a laugh. He would probably pop the Queen of England on the noodle and then try to take London home with him by saying she dropped it. Your crazy.

Charlie

Mr. Peter Reiser

Brooklyn Dodgers

Ebbets Field

Brooklyn, New York

Dear Peter:

What a shame! And after the lovely year you had too. Let this be on Mr. Durocher's head for the rest of his life. What kind of an idiot puts a boy like Mickey Owen behind the plate after he's been out half the night with who knows what kind of people? I listen to the radio. I know.

Try not to read the papers for a few days—they'll only give you
tsouris
. But 48 years I'm here and I can promise you one thing: you'll get over it. Besides, you batted .343 and Mickey Owen didn't.

Carrie Gettinger

Dear Sprout,

It's only October 20, but there's already 2 feet of snow on the ground in this part of Kansas. It'll probably take me until spring training just to find my car keys.

I don't know how this whole Bar Mitzvah deal works and whether presents are supposed to be about God or something, but I figured you could get alot more mileage out of Spaulding's
Illustrated Baseball
, even if Noah didn't take it on the Ark with him. So here it is. (I'm on p. 418.)

Go get 'em, kiddo.

Your buddy,
Stuke

P.S. Personally I wouldn't give you 2¢ for Henrich or Owen, so I'm the wrong guy to ask. But it sure sounds like Owen blew it, huh? (By the way, I said the same thing to Charlie about Henrich. I'm no dumbbell.)

Presents

Mom………a gold mezuzeh for around my neck

Aunt Carrie………my own talus and yarmulke

Dad's secretary………check for $50

Rose and Ben Goldstein………subscription to
Natural Wonders

Morris and Estelle Goldman………Ties

Edith Snyder………Handkerchiefs

Phyllis and Kenny Ellis………Socks

Gloria Liebowitz………subscription to
Natural Wonders

Aunt Ett………4 shirts

Aunt Sheba………underpants

Cousin Sally………
Porgy and Bess
records

Cousin Jane………
The Speeches of Franklin D. Roosevelt

Grandma Hilda………Typewriter

Cousin Flossie………Peanut butter cookies

Craig………G-Man Ring With Secret Heat Ray

Alan and Barbara Sapperstein…subscription to
Natural Wonders

Cousin Sammy………GLASSIES!

Dr. Weston………Joseph Margolis stationery

Stuke………Spaulding's
Illustrated Baseball

Hazel………Saxophone lessons

Charlie………
The Complete Torah
with our names in gold on the cover

Temple Chizuk Amuno

SABBATH SERVICE

S
ATURDAY
, O
CTOBER
25, 1941

on the occasion of the Bar Mitzvah of
Joseph Charles Margolis

Shabos Prayer………Rabbi Lieberman

Kiddush………Cantor Rosenfeld

Opening of the Torah………Joseph Charles Margolis

Blessing Before the Torah………Rabbi Lieberman

Torah Reading
Genesis VI, v. 9
………Joseph Charles Margolis Charles Linden Banks

Blessing………Cantor Rosenfeld

Haftorah Vayyechi
I Kings II, v. 1
………Joseph Charles Margolis

“Today I Am A Man”………Joseph Charles Margolis

Bar Mitzvah Blessing………Rabbi Lieberman Charles Linden Banks

Kaddish………Cantor Rosenfeld

Sabbath Hymn………Rabbi Lieberman

Temple Chizuk Amuno

1243 Parkside Avenue • Brooklyn, New York

Dear Charlie:

First, please allow me to thank you for making Joseph's Bar Mitzvah the success that it was. Outside of the High Holy Days, we have never before had to turn people away at the door. One would think that tickets were being sold.

I would also like to convey my deepest gratitude for the diligence and patience you have displayed over the past five months. I cannot imagine that facing the Cincinnati Reds could be nearly as difficult as keeping up with a thirteen-year-old boy whose attention span at any given moment is no longer than nine seconds, and whose sense of mischief often borders on the unlawful. When he pretended to forget the name “Japheth”, you aged measurably. But I trust you saw the tears in his eyes when you and I blessed him.

I am enclosing a silver Kiddush cup which I took the liberty of having engraved with your name. The next time we do this, I will not be foolish enough to place any sort of bet with you until I am guaranteed even money in return.

Warmest personal regards,
Rabby Morris Lieberman

P.S. I'm afraid I can't quite agree with your position. Even a blind man knows it was Mickey Owen's fault—and he didn't need help from Henrich or anyone else. You're too young to remember Fred Merkle's boneheaded play of 1908. I'm not.

Teacher's Comments:

Either Joseph has too much free time on his hands or he is deliberately attempting to undermine the entire infrastructure of world literature. Thanks to his debatable oratory, my entire class now regards Stephen Crane, Sir Walter Scott, William Shakespeare, Samuel Clemens, Jane Austen and the Brontë Sisters as Communists, racists, anti-Semites, and—worst of all—rock-heads. For no just cause he has developed a particularly toxic loathing for Emily Brontë, a self-possessed and taciturn woman whom he is convinced was covertly working for a foreign government. (I suppose it serves her right for keeping the umlaut.) Fortunately, I have at least managed to secure his approval of Nathaniel Hawthorne—but for all the wrong reasons. “How come Hester only got one ‘A'?” is not a question I was trained to answer.

He and Rachel have finally begun speaking to one another, though their conversations so far have been restricted to the following: “Hi.” “Hi.” However, these exchanges can occur as frequently as four times an hour; in fact, I have watched Joseph deliberately walk down the same hallway twice, merely for an opportunity to run into her again. I expect them to graduate to full sentences shortly.

Joseph has a mind of his own—but he will need to learn that he cannot expect to amount to much unless he does what he is told.

Janet Hicks

Parents' Comments:

I wasn't too fond of Jane Austen myself. However, we'll do what we can to see that Joey follows directions more closely.

Ida Margolis

So he should open a vein? Maybe if you stopped using words like “infrastructure” he'd pay more attention. I don't know what you're talking about either.

C. Gettinger
Joey's Aunt

BROOKLYN BOY NAMED CONTEST WINNER BY MRS. R

W
ASHINGTON
, Wednesday. Joseph Margolis, 13, of 236 Montgomery Street in Flatbush, is one of ten winners named by Eleanor Roosevelt in an annual essay contest sponsored by her Committee on Child Education. Titled “If My Father Were President”, this year's entries were submitted by over 5,000 students from schools across the United States. Winners and their fathers will be honored with specially struck medallions to be presented by the President and First Lady in a ceremony at the White House shortly after Thanksgiving.

In a curious twist, the youngster departed from the announced theme and invented a title of his own. However, it was the opinion of both Mrs. R and the judges that the boy's essay best captured the spirit of

I
NTERVIEWER:
Donald M. Weston, Ph.D.

S
UBJECT:
Joseph Charles Margolis

A:
We found out about it at school. Right in the middle of equations.

Q:
What did you do when they told you?

A:
I threw up.

Q:
You must have been pretty excited.

A:
I guess so. Rachel didn't stop looking at me all day. One time she even smiled.

Q:
Have you told Charlie yet?

A:
Craig says she'll be a pushover now. I hope so, because I'm running out of different ways to say Hi and—

Q:
Joey? Have you told Charlie yet?

A:
No, but he came over for dinner last night and then he took me to see
The Maltese Falcon
. When we got back, he asked Aunt Carrie how come there were eight candles on the Hanukkah menorah. So she told him about the Maccabees and the lamp that burned for eight days, but he said he had a flashlight at home that wouldn't burn for eight
minutes
unless—

Q:
Why haven't you told him?

A:
'Cause he's gunna get cheesed off at me again. Smokes,
you
know how much he hates Roosevelt.

Q:
So what? Charlie's not the one who's going to the White House with you.

A:
Oh, yes he is.

Q:
What about your father?

A:
There's something I forgot to tell everybody.