“You’re an amazing artist yourself,” Kelsi said staunchly. Not only because she loved Bennett, but also because it was true. “Someday someone’s going to say the same thing about you.”
“I think maybe you’re biased,” Bennett said with a laugh, and they kissed out there under a canopy of summer stars.
They kissed and kissed, rolling back and forth on the soft blanket, and once again Kelsi thought about how special and safe Bennett always made her feel. She knew that she wanted to stay with him forever. She knew it deep down in the pit of her stomach. She knew it in her fingers and her toes. She knew it with every breath she took and every blink of her eyes.
Which was why she decided, as she felt love course through her in waves, that she wanted to
really
be with him. The way they never had been, in all the time they’d been together.
“Hey,” she whispered, smiling up at him in between kisses. “I want it to be tonight.”
“You want what to be tonight?” he asked, gazing down at Kelsi with tenderness.
That was just one more reason to love him, Kelsi thought, her smile widening.
Unlike every other guy she’d ever dated, sex wasn’t the first, last, and only thing on Bennett’s mind.
“If you want to,” she went on, feeling suddenly a little bit shy, “I’d really like to…” It was ridiculous that she was going to be a sophomore in college and didn’t know what to call it. “Sex” seemed so scientific. “Making love” was just a weird thing to say and she couldn’t speak it without cracking up. In her head it was just…
It.
The
It
that she hadn’t done, despite being pressured by every guy before this one.
The
It
that she’d thought about so much and worried about so much, and now it just seemed like the obvious thing to do. The right thing, even.
“Oh,” Bennett said in a hushed voice, getting what she meant. They looked at each other.
“What do you think?” she asked. Because it wasn’t just her choice. It would be the first time for both of them, if it happened.
Kelsi suddenly wanted it to happen, so much so that she thought she might be shaking.
“I think,” Bennett said slowly, carefully, “that it would be perfect.”
They both laughed again—nervous and excited and hopeful laughter. Kelsi helped him blow out all the candles and then they climbed to their feet and she led him inside, up the stairs to her old bedroom. Once inside, they kissed
again, long and sweet. Again and again, as if they were relearning how to kiss each other. Their bodies pressed together tight. As they kissed, they pulled off each other’s clothes and then they were naked, and then they were in the shelter of Kelsi’s bed.
“Do you want to change your mind?” Kelsi whispered, when it seemed like Bennett was hesitating.
“No, no,” he whispered, holding himself above her. His smile was slow and wonderful. “I just want to make sure I remember every second. Every breath.”
Their warm skin together felt so soft and so natural. Kelsi arched her back and twined her arms around Bennett.
It was funny how Kelsi had always wondered why something in her didn’t want to take this step. She’d thought something was wrong with her. Maybe she was frigid, or dysfunctional.
Now she knew better.
Now she knew that she’d been waiting her whole life for this moment, this boy, this night.
“I love you, Kelsi Tuttle,” Bennett whispered.
“I love you, too,” she whispered back.
They smiled at each other, and then, just like that, they were no longer virgins.
Her first night in Maine, Ella Tuttle tied the ribbons on her platform espadrilles and inhaled the familiar smells of the cottage all around her. It smelled like the beginning of every summer as far back as she could remember: wooden and salty, old and comforting.
What did not smell familiar was the sunporch, where Ella was being forced to sleep this summer. Ella looked around the strange space that she’d never spent too much time in as she got to her feet. This was the guest area in her father’s cottage, and aside from making out with Stevie Lewis on the couch once when she was thirteen, Ella had never really paid it much attention. But Kelsi had brought a friend with her this year—Taryn—which meant Ella got to pretend to be okay with being banished from
her
summer bedroom.
Ella might have
appeared
cool with the situation, but the truth was, she missed Kelsi. Kelsi was so wrapped up in her new college life during the year that she’d bailed on family functions and hardly had time to call or e-mail her little sister anymore. Ella had been looking forward to the summer as a chance for her and Kelsi to play catch-up.
At least, the whole extended Tuttle family was in Maine, too, so Ella knew she could turn to Beth or Jamie when Kelsi was off entertaining her friend.
Ella ran through the cottage, waved a good-bye at her dad as he sat with his mystery novel in the armchair by the fireplace, and then burst out through the screen door and into the Maine evening.
“Take it easy!” her dad called, but she ignored him.
She couldn’t take it easy—she was too filled up with love.
She loved the pine needles that crunched beneath her totally inappropriate yet undeniably kick-ass wedge heels. She loved the pine trees themselves. She loved the sweet, salt smell of the coming dusk and the not-so-far-off sound of the waves in the bay hitting the sand of the beach. Her family had rented cottages in this small clearing for as long as she could remember. Ella felt as if she’d finally come home, after the long year with all its Catholic school restrictions and annoyances, strict nuns, and dreary detentions. She’d always loved Pebble Beach, but tonight it seemed as if that love had tripled in intensity.
She loved
everything
about Maine, she decided, but especially the fact that her long-distance boyfriend, Jeremy, was now just a few minutes’ walk away. Not a couple of hours away in Philadelphia. Not a phone call here or there. Not a text message or a weekend. Just down the road and up the hill.
A few minutes.
A few minutes that should, Ella felt, begin immediately. She felt that restlessness inside that she’d always thought was just uniquely
her
, but now she knew could be focused.
In this case, on to Jeremy.
She hadn’t seen Jeremy since he’d dropped her off at her dad’s cottage earlier that afternoon. That was a whole handful of hours they’d been apart, and it was too long. They’d already spoken on the phone twice. Ella loved the little buzz it gave her to know that he was every bit as excited as she was to have the whole summer to enjoy each other—a whole summer without the ticking clock that had been the focus on all those weekends during the school year. It was like the summer was a long, hot bath of Jeremy-time, and Ella couldn’t wait to start soaking.
All she had to do was motivate her little posse.
Ella headed toward the picnic tables out on the lawn that served as the central area of the Tuttle family’s collection of cottages. Kelsi sat on one of the tables, surrounded by their cousins and the college friend she had brought with her for the summer. Ella enjoyed looking at her family, all together
the way they were supposed to be, laughing at some story Kelsi was telling, looking like they all belonged in an Abercrombie ad, only with slightly less bare skin. No one was off at any summer programs this year, Ella noted approvingly. She preferred all the Tuttles present and accounted for, as they were tonight. That was the whole point of Pebble Beach.
Ella took in a lungful of sweet Maine air. How lucky was she that her cousins were her best friends as well as her family?
Ella and tall, toned Beth were the blonde Tuttle cousins, though they looked like two entirely different versions of the “blonde girl” stereotype. They both had long hair, though Ella’s was more golden than Beth’s and Ella wore hers down around her face in loose curls, while Beth preferred her sporty ponytail. And, apparently, Beth preferred outfits to match that sporty ponytail, despite years of Ella’s attempts to trendy her up a little bit. Which, Ella admitted reluctantly, suited Beth’s athletic figure best.
What suited Ella was the tight little tank top and short-shorts she was wearing, which she knew accentuated all her curves. It was fun to be a blonde, curvy stereotype, Ella felt, and she had always been about having fun whenever and wherever possible.
Ella’s sister, Kelsi, had also been a blonde once upon a time, but had decided to dye her hair a rich, dark brown
before going off to college last summer. Now she and her friend Taryn looked sort of alike—both with short, dark hair and intelligent eyes. The similarities didn’t stop there. Both Kelsi and Taryn were wearing different versions of the same ratty jeans, flip-flops, and floaty tank tops. Kelsi’s was floral with spaghetti straps. Taryn’s was a halter top in Kelly green. Ella wasn’t sure how much she liked the fact that Taryn and Kelsi looked like peas in their college pod.
Last, but not least, was Jamie, Ella’s gypsy cousin, with her dark curly hair, smattering of freckles, and bright green eyes. She was rocking her trademark thrift-store look, with her usual long, belted tunic and a raggedy skirt that showcased her slim legs. Not to mention the roughly seven hundred necklaces hanging around her neck and spilling down her front. Ella suspected Jamie had found the entire outfit for less than five dollars at some garage sale, which she supposed made it even more amazing that Jamie actually looked cute in her secondhand rags.
Ella liked the fact that everyone looked so good, actually. She wasn’t one of those girls who liked to hang out with less attractive girls in an attempt to make herself look good. In fact, she thought she got a lot more attention when everyone was equally hot.
“Let’s go, ladies!” she commanded, walking up to the little circle and inserting herself into the middle of it. She clapped her hands together like a coach.
“‘Let’s go’?” echoed Beth. “Are you kidding?” Beth, her smooth athlete’s arms bare in the summer evening, laughed up at Ella from her seat on the wooden picnic bench. “You went inside to change all of twelve seconds ago. Literally.”
“This is the new, improved Ella,” Kelsi told Beth, as if Ella wasn’t standing right there. “The one who can get ready for the annual party on the pier in five seconds flat—because she wants to see her boyfriend.”
“Cute Jeremy, right?” Beth confirmed. “He was so nice at Thanksgiving. Didn’t he bring a casserole?”
“He has
many
talents,” Ella bragged with a saucy wink.
“Ella with a long-term boyfriend,” Jamie said with a smile, her green eyes dancing. “The mind boggles.”
“Boyfriends are overrated,” piped in Taryn.
Ella cocked her head to one side.
Taryn smiled at Ella. “Unless he’s the right one, of course,” she added, possibly remembering that Kelsi also had a boyfriend. Who happened to be Taryn’s brother.
Ella chose to interpret that as appeasement on Taryn’s part, and therefore decided to be gracious. She smiled back.
“But I still can’t believe she got ready that fast, even for Jeremy,” Beth continued, shaking her head. “
I
don’t even get ready that fast anymore. Did Ella and I switch places? How scary is
that
?”
“We have
not
switched places,” Ella told Beth loftily,
and then let out a little sigh, as if she were annoyed. “You are wearing what looks like a Nike running shirt and Gap jeans from, like, six years ago.”
“They’re not that old!” Beth protested, although Ella noticed she frowned down at her jeans, obviously not sure. “And this is
not
a Nike running shirt!” She paused, considering. “Though I have gone running in it once or twice, now that you mention it.”
“Meanwhile,” Ella continued, pleased with herself. “I am wearing retro Zara.” She indicated her outfit with a little flourish of her hand.
“Can Zara
be
retro? By definition?” Taryn asked Kelsi, who laughed a bit harder than Ella thought was strictly necessary.
“You both look adorable,” Jamie said, standing up from the table to link her elbow with Ella’s, tugging Beth to her feet with her other hand. “You look exactly like yourselves.”
“Thank you,” Ella said, because that was exactly what a free spirit like Jamie would say. “Now I would like to hit the pier before it sinks into the bay. If everyone’s finished talking about how fast I can change my clothes?”
“Oh, please,” Beth teased her. “You love the attention.”
“I know,” Ella whispered, as everyone got up and started moving in the direction of the dirt road toward town. She gave her cousin a little wink. “But it’s fun to pretend.”
All the cousins—and Taryn—walked together down the uneven dirt road, through the woods, and then spread out a little bit when they hit pavement on the other side. Ella found herself walking in companionable silence with Jamie, down along the road that ran into town.
They looked at each other and smiled knowingly. Then they both took deep, dizzying breaths the way they had when they were little girls, to suck the summer straight into them. They broke into giggles.
“Are you psyched about Amherst?” Ella asked when she could catch her breath again.
“Yeah, it’s been my dream college,” Jamie replied, but there was a strange note in her voice. She looked out toward the boats bobbing gently on their moorings in the dark water.
“I remember how much you loved it last summer,” Ella mused. “I, personally, find it difficult to imagine that
I
could ever love a
school
, but whatever. You and Kelsi are going to have so much fun, hanging out up there in Northampton.”
“It’s a terrific place,” Jamie agreed, running her hand over the top of a well-pruned bush outside a clapboard cottage.
This time, Ella
knew
Jamie’s tone was off. Amherst was all Jamie had talked about since doing that writing program there last summer. Shouldn’t she be a little bit more excited? Kelsi had been beside herself when she’d gotten into Smith,
and she had never been crazy about that school the way Jamie had always been about Amherst.
Weird,
Ella thought.
And then she forgot about Jamie, because they were finally nearing the pier. The entire town of Pebble Beach seemed to be there, reveling in the first big summer party. Ella found herself smiling at nothing in particular, as she breathed in the atmosphere.
Ella could clearly remember other summers. Summers when she’d found the big inaugural party on the pier or the bonfire down on the beach boring. Summers where she’d felt restless and almost needy, like she wanted something thrilling to conjure itself out of seaweed and sand to sweep her away. But this summer she just wanted to embrace all of it. The packs of summer boys with their gleaming eyes and sun-kissed skin. She just liked looking at them. The urge to touch didn’t seem to be there at all. They were like pretty scenery.
“I’ll meet you down by the bonfire,” Ella told her cousins.
“
Please
go find Jeremy,” Kelsi said, rolling her eyes. “You’re practically jumping up and down.”
“Like this?” Ella asked her, jumping up from her toes a few times, mostly so Kelsi—whom Ella totally loved, but who had this whole prudish side to her—could look horrified at the possibility that one of Ella’s breasts might fall free of her skimpy tank.
A very high possibility, but then,
Ella
was not a prude. And, clearly, neither was Taryn.
“La Perla, right?” Taryn asked casually, motioning to Ella’s pink bra strap under her tank. “Best lingerie in the world.”
“Uh, yeah,” Ella said, taken aback by the input.
Grinning, Kelsi shook her head. “I knew the two of you were soul mates,” she said teasingly to Taryn.
“I should go,” Ella said, blowing kisses to her sister, Beth, and Jamie. Then she turned and headed for the spot where she’d arranged to meet Jeremy, trying to brush off the suspicion that Taryn kind of annoyed her.
“Sorry, boys,” she singsonged at a deliciously disheveled surfer dude and his completely Chad Michael Murray friend, both of whom grinned at Ella as she passed. “I have a date.”
“I could be your date,” Chad said with a twinkle in his eye.
“I have a
hot
date,” Ella clarified, but with a little smile to take the sting out of it.
Then she forgot the cute surfer boys entirely, bobbing and weaving her way through the crowd. She headed toward the stage where the band was playing something very Death Cab-meets-Sufjan Stevens, but didn’t give the band members a second glance—she wouldn’t make
that
mistake again. Farther out on the pier, couples huddled together
against the wooden railing and groups sat around fishing lines, apart from the madness of the party. Ella made her way to the farthest corner, her pace—and her pulse—quickening as she saw Jeremy standing there, waiting.
When he saw her, a smile flashed across his face and he started toward her, slowly.
He looked so good, Ella couldn’t believe it. She felt as if she hadn’t seen him in days instead of just hours. He was so deliciously Seth Cohen-ish. That dark hair and sexy, lopsided grin. His amazing lifeguarding body that he concealed perfectly in baggy jeans and long-sleeved T-shirts. She wanted to eat him up.
They finally reached each other.
“Hey,” Jeremy said, and pulled her into his arms.
“Hey to you, too,” Ella said back, which made them both laugh a little bit. Ella was usually so forward with guys and the last couple of summers were perfect examples. She had pursued Peter and Ryan with all the confidence in the world. But she couldn’t figure out what it was about Jeremy that made her nervous and yet so excited all at once.