Layover (15 page)

“Allen, seriously, don’t you think it’s a bit soon to be making this big announcement?”

“Ny, what are we waiting for? Nya, now that I’ve felt what it’s like to be inside you, I can’t wait anymore. I want to feel that for the rest of my life. Can you understand how I feel? I was kind of hoping you felt that way too.”

“I do. It’s just that there are so many unanswered questions, Allen. I’m afraid to make this decision without knowing all the facts. I don’t know everything there is to know about you.”

“Ny, the only thing you need to know is that I will love you, protect you, take care of you, be supportive of you, believe in you, never leave you lonely, never lie to you, never cheat on you, always respect you, always protect your honor, never let anyone or anything hurt you, and never let you or our children want for anything in this world. I will give you any and everything your heart desires. I will make good love to you and take care of all of your physical needs. You will never hurt or feel any pain.  You will never have a need or a care in the world. Now, all of those things, you already know about me. What else do you need to know?”

I stood there with my mouth wide open. He had covered everything, and he was right. I did know all of those things about him. I don’t know what I was afraid of. I guess I just didn’t want to hurt Kenny. That had to be it. Allen was everything I ever dreamed of and he was asking me to be with him for the rest of our lives. I had to be crazy to stall on such a lucrative offer. Sure, I had my concerns about Akina, but overall, that didn’t factor much into the equation. I was afraid. Maybe I was afraid to be happy. Maybe I liked drama and uncertainty. It was what I had always known and it was familiar to me. This fantasy life that Allen was offering me seemed too good to be true. Maybe I wasn’t ready for true love and happiness.

“Allen, I have an idea. Let’s get through the rest of this holiday. Our emotions are running high right now and we make be making decisions in haste. If we still feel the same way a month from now when we come back here for the Christmas holiday, then we will tell everyone. That will give us time to sort out our feelings for our respective spouses, as well as our feelings for each other.”

“I know I’ll still feel the same way, maybe even stronger. But, I’ll give you until then to realize for once and for all that Kenny is not the man for you. Ny, after that, I can’t promise you that I will be willing to wait. You have to make up your mind. If you don’t want this life I’m offering you, I’ll have to start looking for someone else. My relationship with Lisa is over and I need someone to come home to every night and give this good loving to.”

I felt a chill run down my spine. He said that as if it were his second job to administer good loving to his wife. It was a job that he took very seriously. I would love to be on the receiving end of that loving he was giving out.

“I promise. We will tell everyone at Christmas - provided we still feel the same way about each other.”

The front door opened and Denise walked into the house. She started down the hall and saw us sitting in the library.

“What are you two doing?”

“Looking at old family pictures.”

Denise came into the library and sat down between us. She grabbed a book and started flipping through the pages.

“Nya, you’ve never seen any of these before, have you?” she asked me.

“No, I was just started to flip through them. Where is everyone else?”

“They’re right behind me. I just thought I might need to come in first and make sure nothing was going on.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Like smoochie-smoochie,” she laughed.

“That’s not funny, Denise.”

“No, it’s not funny. But I was right. You two are nestled all up in here like Mama and Papa bear.”

“We are not nestled, we were just looking at pictures.”

“Nya, just take your ass in the back bedroom and act like you were watching TV or something. Please don’t give these people any more to talk about or speculate.”

I walked to the back and turned on the television. Soon I heard the front door open again and more voices poured into the house. I stayed in the back and watched television for a while. I could hear pots and pans starting to rattle and soon the delicious smells from the kitchen filled the house. It was starting to smell and sound like the holidays.

The next day was Kenny’s birthday and it was always a big deal every year. He was a spoiled brat when it came to things like that and everyone knew it. We all dreaded it, but it was too deeply ingrained in him that we should go all out for it. He loved receiving gifts and he loved everyone making a big deal over him turning a year older. It was ridiculous to me because it was always so close to Thanksgiving. In fact one year, it was actually on Thanksgiving. He didn’t care. He wanted a separate birthday dinner and cake, in addition to the regular Thanksgiving feast and desserts. It was too much for me, that’s why we always came to his mother’s house during the holidays. My family wasn’t about to go through all of that hoopla for his spoiled ass! They might give him a slice of turkey and a piece of mince pie and tell him to get over himself. I mean, my parents adored Kenny, but they felt I was contributing to his spoiled behavior by catering to him. I admit, I do a lot for Kenny, but that’s because I always saw my mother cater to my father. He got the royal treatment and he was very gracious. My husband on the other hand, he thinks that’s a woman’s job and she should work incessantly to please her man without expecting the least amount of gratitude.

The funniest part about Kenny’s birthday to me is the actual amount of time he spends with us on his birthday. I mean he’s here just long enough to receive his gifts and eat. After that, he hits the streets and we usually don’t see him until the following day. But, that’s Kenny. He does that on every other day, so why should this day be any different?

It did my heart good to see Kenny having a great time and enjoying his day, but all I could do was look across the room and think about how much I loved his brother. I mean, I loved Kenny, but I haven’t been in love with him for the longest time. I try to remember what it was like to be head over heels for him, but each time I think about it, all I do is remember all the ugly things he’s said to me. I think about how selfish and unsupportive he has been. I think about how he never wants me to achieve my dreams, how he just wants me to be complacent and live day to day like him. He doesn’t want me to be happy, he just wants me to make him happy and I just can’t sacrifice my own happiness so he can achieve his. The sad part is that Kenny may never find happiness in someone else because he’s not happy with himself. He’s too afraid of failure to set goals for himself. He’s perfectly happy taking whatever life dishes out to him. As for me, I’m not happy with just making it. I want to make it happen. Allen is the one that sparks that flame in me. He makes me want something. He makes me feel like I can do anything. He’s the man I want to share my life with. Now, the only thing I have to do is tell my husband that I don’t want him anymore. The last thing I want to do is crush him, but when I think about the pain he has caused me, telling me I couldn’t be successful in my own business, I don’t really care about his feelings. It’s all about me now. I gave Kenny a chance and he blew it. Now he’s about to be ass-out. My biggest concern is what this will do to Kenny’s relationship with Allen. I know that they have had their difficulties, but this would be a devastating blow for Kenny if Allen were to take the one thing Kenny has on him. All of Allen’s money can’t buy him a wife like me and Kenny knows it. It would kill Kenny to find out that Allen could have it for free. Although I care about my relationship with Allen impacting Kenny and the family, if Allen is fine with it, then I can live with it too. I can honestly say that I would be able to live my life married to Allen and still look Kenny straight in the face. The reason I can do that is because I know that I haven’t done anything wrong. I have been faithful to Kenny and real with him. Hell, I even told him that I had feelings for his brother. I don’t know if he took that to heart or if he thought it was just something I was saying to upset him. Still, I hope he’s able to handle the big news that I want be marry Allen. If God is willing, a month from now, Allen and I will make our big announcement. I just hope everyone is ready for the news. I just hope nothing happens between now and then. Regardless of whether anything happens or not, the only thing that could keep me from declaring my love for Allen in front of everyone would be if Allen says he doesn’t want me. I pray that his feelings don’t change because I need him in my life. I need to have this life with him. I have waited my whole life for someone like Allen and it would be an injurious blow for him to change his mind at the last minute. I hope he doesn’t develop some kind of sympathy for his brother and back out on me. I would just have to remind him of all the self-serving things Kenny has done to make Allen’s life miserable. The fact is that Kenny deserves to be hurt. No one is doing it on purpose, but if it’s an after-effect of our decision to be with each other, then Kenny will just have to live with it. Allen is my choice and nothing can change my mind now.

It was late into the evening by now and I was helping my mother-in-law clean up. Practically everyone scattered when the festivities began to wind down because they were afraid they might be summoned to help clean up. I didn’t though. I knew it was part of my job and I knew it was expected of me. Kenny had gotten everything he wanted for his birthday and more and I was left to pick up the torn wrapping paper and boxes that his gifts came in. He was in the back putting on his new clothes and getting ready to step out. He was going to take his youngest brother, Alex, to the nightclub for the very first time. Alex had just turned 21 a few months back and he was itching to get inside of a bar. Kenny was the obvious choice to take him. He was the party boy who knew everyone and everything when it came to the night life. We hadn’t seen much of Alex since we had been in town. He had a new girlfriend who had her own trailer and Alex had been staying with her. There was a lot of buzz around town because she was a White girl living in a trailer park and was much older than him. Many people thought he could do better than her, but if that’s what he wants, who are we to judge? I said something to that effect once, and I was told by the family that I was just standing up for her because she was White. Personally, I don’t know the girl and don’t give damn what color she is, I just think motherfuckers ought to stay out of other people’s business. If she makes him happy, then why should we be all in his shit? That boy is grown and can make decisions for himself.

With all of that, I was sure Kenny was taking him somewhere where there are lots of young Black women. I guess he thinks if he overexposes Alex to Black women, he might find one on default. If anything, I would think that would push him further away. Anyway, at his age, I don’t think it’s so much who he’s interested in as it is who is interested in him. When you’re 21, whom ever shows the most interest in you is the one who usually gets you. That White girl probably put her game down strong when all the sisters were playing hard to get. That’s usually how it happens. Then the sisters want to get mad and say he’s a sell-out because he only dates White girls. No, he only dates people who are not idiots. If you like somebody, why play hard to get? I mean, isn’t it just easier to let people know how you feel? If you don’t, you run the risk of losing that person forever. They might run off, get married, have five children, and you will be left all alone. All because you thought it was cute to act uninterested when you would like nothing better than to spend the rest of your life with someone. But, that’s just me. I could be wrong about these things. I mean after all, I am in love with my husband’s brother. What do I know about relationships?

Kenny and Alex left the house and soon it felt empty there. Denise had gone to her house, Allen and Lisa took Andy to the movies and my mother-in-law was about two winks from a stage 4 sleep. She wasn’t going to miss her sleep for too much of anything. Since there was no one to play with, I decided to call it a night, myself.

The next day was the eve of Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law had everyone up extra early peeling potatoes, snapping beans, cutting up celery and onions and all sorts of other miscellaneous food preparation. She was not the one to be cooking on Thanksgiving Day so you could be sure that the day before Thanksgiving was the busiest. All the lazy people, like my husband were threatened with the possibility that they may not be invited to eat if they did not assist in the work aspect of the holiday. He always claimed the same exemption every year: He doesn’t have to help prepare the food because he is the one who fries the turkey every year. This fried turkey concept was introduced to me only after Kenny and I were married. It is a Cajun thing, for certain. I don’t know any other culture of people who eat such a thing, but it is a highly anticipated treat every year. Kenny was the best turkey frier, by far. It was one of his more endearing qualities. For some reason, he thought since he fried the turkey, he didn’t have to help do anything else. We complained every year but nothing could be done about it. He had us over a barrel. We wanted the fried turkey so we didn’t push the envelope. So, once again, Kenny gets away without helping out around the kitchen. I could hear him in the back room getting his golf clubs ready for 18 holes at the casino’s golf course. The rest of us would spend the day slaving away in the kitchen while he went a frolicked on the greens. That was classic Kenny. He had no problem with leaving the menial tasks to “the help” while he strutted around all day yelling, “Fore!”.