Layover (20 page)

I hated myself for what I was doing, but it was all I had. I had to use all of my ammo.

“What did she say? Did she say she slept with him? Is that where she was staying while she was gone away from me all of those weeks?”

“I promised Lisa I wouldn’t tell. All I’m saying is don’t be a fool, Allen.”

“Lisa wouldn’t do that, she just wouldn’t.”

“Oh, no? When was she planning on telling you about her being pregnant? Or was she? How do you know she wasn’t going to break up with you again when you all got back to Denver? It seems strange that she tells you about a baby the minute you show interest in someone else. Some people are just like that - they don’t want you, and they don’t want anyone else to have you. Case in point - my husband.”

“She said that? She said she was going to leave me again?” Allen asked feverishly.

“I told you Allen, I’m not saying.”

“Why should I believe any of this?” He asked.

“Because there is no other way I could ever know about an ex-boyfriend named Michael at your job.”

Allen was fuming. I couldn’t tell if he was angry at me or at Lisa. He looked like he wanted to hurt someone. I felt very badly for him, but there was nothing I could do. I had to go for mine! When she came with the pregnancy thing, it was on! I don’t start fights, but I don’t back down from them either.

“Allen, I would never do anything to hurt you. I love you very much. I would do anything for you. I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me. But, I don’t want to see you hurt and if you go into this thing with Lisa blindly and trustingly, that’s what is going to happen. You are going to end up hurt. I know Lisa cares for you, but no one loves you the way I do.”

He turned around and walked out of door. I didn’t know if he was mad at me, ignoring me, or if he just wanted to leave. In any case, I started feeling a little better. I guess I needed to say those things to him so that I would feel better. I sat there for a few more minutes until Angela come back.

“Here’s your water. I’m sorry it took so long but we had a customer on the Black Jack tables who was cheating. I had to file a report and get security to put his ass out. You look much better, though.”

“I feel a little better.”

I thought about telling Angela what had just happened but I decided to wait. I really didn’t want to appear to be a woman crazed.

“So did you think about what I said?”

“Yeh, and I decided that you are right. I’m just going to chill for a while. Well, thanks Angela. I do feel a lot better. Listen, are you guys coming over for Thanksgiving tomorrow?”

“We’ll come by after we leave Ricky’s mother.”

“O.k., I’ll see you then.”

“Ny, I’ll call you if there are any new developments over here, if you know what I mean.”

I smiled and walked out.

After I left the casino, I got in my car and headed back to the house. I was feeling a little better, but I still didn’t know what to make of Allen’s reaction to what I told him. If he went back and told Lisa what I said, the shit would really hit the fan, then. She might try to take my ass out! The thing is, I never really told him she said anything. I just gave him hypothetical situations. Besides, Allen would never tell her I said anything. He’s not like that.

When I walked into the house, Denise looked at me like she felt sorry for me. I sat down and started watching television with her and my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law looked at me the same way.

“What?” I asked.

“You know Lisa and Allen went to the hotel?” Denise asked me.

“Oh, well. I’m happy for them,” I lied.

“Ny, are you really alright with this?”

“What can I do? Those two are married.”

“You seem upbeat. Where did you go?”

“Just drove around,” I continued to lie.

“Well, we finally finished cooking,” my mother-in-law told me.

“Great, I can’t wait to eat tomorrow!”

We sat and watched television for a while and soon we heard the sound of a familiar engine pulling into the driveway. The door opened and a fuming Allen came through it.

“Why aren’t you at the hotel with your wife, boy?” Denise quizzed.

“I left her there.”

“What? Why did you do that?” Ma jumped in.

“Because she hasn’t been telling me everything.”

“Everything like what?” My mother-in-law continued.

“Ma, I don’t want to get into it right now, but I’m sure it’s obvious to anyone who was here earlier today. Lisa is not interested in me. She’s interested in keeping me away from someone else.”

“Allen, you are going to leave your pregnant wife at a lonely hotel tonight?” Denise asked him.

“Why not? She left me when I needed her.”

Allen went back to his room and closed the door hard. Denise winked at me. My mother-in-law threw her hands up in the air as if she had given up.

I was really feeling good now, but a part of me felt very sorry for Lisa. I hate what she must be going through now, but she has to know that most of it she brought on herself.

Denise, my mother-in-law, and I sat up for a while and continued to watch television. Soon, Denise was tired and announced that she was going home. My mother-in-law stayed up with me as long as she could, but she was soon asleep on the couch. She decided to take herself to bed. I sat there for a while, but soon decided to change into my warm, flannel pajamas. When I returned to the living room, Allen was sitting in his favorite chair.

“How’s it going?” I asked.

“I’m here and my wife is at a hotel, you tell me how it’s going.”

“You’ve still got me.”

“If I had you, I wouldn’t be worried about any of this.”

“Allen, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop trying to have it both ways and make a choice. There is no excuse anymore, Ny. Everyone knows how we feel. What are you waiting for now? Are you afraid to leave Kenny? Are you afraid everyone will say, ‘Damn, I can’t believe she left that fine ass Kenny for that nerdy ass Allen’?”

“That’s not fair, Allen. You know I don’t think about that kind of stuff.”

At least I didn’t until he brought it up. I suppose people will say something like that.

“Then what is it, Ny? Are you so in love with him that you just can’t let go? Tell me now. It will help me make my decisions to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“I thought you already made your decision.”

“I thought I did, too. But, after I talked to you earlier, I went back to the room and asked Lisa the pertinent questions that I never did before. I guess I was afraid to ask her because, deep down, I didn’t want to know where she went when she left. Nevertheless, I asked her and she told me. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, so I came back here.”

“I’m sorry Allen.”

“It’s cool, Ny. I should have never let her come back after she left me. But, I was lonely and I really missed her. On top of that, I wanted my family back together for Andy’s sake.”

“I know.”

“Ny, I’m saying all that to say this: If you love me and you want a life with me, you have to let me know now, not a month from now, not even a day from now. You have to tell Kenny it’s over, not that you have feelings for me but that you want to marry me. That’s it, Ny. There’s no other way. It’s now or never.”

“Allen, I...”

“Allen, I nothing, Nya. Do it now or we can’t be together,” he told me firmly.

“What are you going to do about Lisa?”

“I’m going to do what I need to do to take care of my responsibilities, should I have any. That is not for you to be concerned with. I will do right by you and take care of you. I will give you the life you have always dreamed of, but I can’t do any of that as long as you are married to my brother. So, do it tonight, Ny, or you and I have nothing else to talk about - ever.”

I sat there quietly trying to fight back the tears. He was right about one thing - I did still love Kenny. As awful as Kenny can be at times, I loved him very much. But, I didn’t want to take the chance of losing Allen by waiting to break up with Kenny. While I didn’t appreciate the ultimatum that Allen was giving me, it really helped me to put things in perspective about decision-making. In business, tough decisions have to be made daily and quickly. There is little room for dragging your feet and flip-flopping. If this was a business decision, it would be easy because there would be no emotions involved. In fact, if I took the emotional aspect out of this, it would be hella easy. Kenny is not good for me and Allen is! That’s simple. But when I think about Kenny’s pretty chocolate face smiling at me, I lose my nerve. Nonetheless, Allen was right. I had to make a choice, and quickly. So, that was it. I was going to tell Kenny as soon as he got home.

“So, Ny, what’s it going to be?”

“You’ll know my decision by morning,” I informed him.

I remained on the couch and continued to watch television. Allen dozed off several times in his favorite chair. We must have looked like an old married couple. After a while, Alex came from his room to get a glass of water. He looked at us, smiled, and shook his head. He took his water and went back to his room. Allen finally woke up and announced,

“I didn’t want to go to bed. I was trying to wait up for Kenny. I was going to tell him myself.”

“I was wondering why you were still up.”

“Well, Ny, I can’t wait up anymore. I trust you will do what’s right. Whatever you decide, I’ll be happy for you.”

He sounded as if he didn’t expect me to tell Kenny it was over. I was sure that I was going to, but the longer I waited for Kenny, the more nervous I got. This was surely going to rock our world - all of ours. I think Kenny and Lisa would have been happier if Allen and I just lied and cheated on them. They would have us sneaking around and enjoying stolen pleasures whenever we could. No one wants you to break up families over what might be considered a simple physical attraction. My feelings for Allen went a lot deeper than the physical. I was attracted to everything about him.

“Ny, if you want to be adored for all your life, I know you’ll make the right choice.”

Allen left and went to his room. I imagined myself going with him and climbing in bed next to him. He made the coldest and loneliest part of my soul warm. I stayed on the couch and waited for my husband.

I woke up what must have been a few hours later to headlights beaming through the living room window. I could hear a car pulling up and I knew it was Kenny. I sat up and tried to look as if I had been awake for hours. He was surprised to open the door and find me still up.

“What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” I told him.

“Why not?”

“Kenny, Allen and I want to be together.”

 “What? What the fuck happened while I was gone? I thought we had squashed this shit. Nya, stop talking crazy. You don’t know what you are saying, hell, you’re sleep deprived!”

“Kenny, I know exactly what I’m saying. I’m in love with your brother and I want to marry him.”

“You sound crazy! What makes you think Allen is going to leave his expecting wife for your wishy-washy ass?”

“I understand that this comes as a shock to you, but there is no need for name calling. I am not wishy-washy. I know exactly what I want and it’s not you.”

“Well, if he wants to marry you, let him tell me. I gave that motherfucker the chance to tell me today and he punked out. That should tell you something right there.”

“I asked him not to say anything yet, that’s why he didn’t tell you.”

“Fuck that! A real nigga would stand up for his woman.”

“Oh, you mean like you? A real nigga would tell his wife that she doesn’t have what it takes to run her own business, so she might as well sit behind the White man’s desk because that’s all she’s good for.”

“Oh, here we go with that shit again! You’re gonna leave me because I want your ass to get a job? That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“Take it how you want, Kenny. It’s over. And at this point it wouldn’t matter if Allen and I get together or not, I don’t want you either way. When we get back to Birmingham, I’ll be filing the necessary paperwork to get you out of my life for good. And by the way, you will need to start looking for a place to live.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll find a place to live. You need to make sure you can pay your bills without my help.”

“Do I look worried?”

Kenny went back to the room and slammed the door. I thought it went well considering the fact that he didn’t go try to wake up Allen and make him explain himself. It really hurt me to tell Kenny that I wanted to leave him, but it was something that definitely needed to be said. I decided it would be best if I stayed on the couch for what was left of the night.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of cups rattling in the kitchen. It was Allen up at his usual early hour. He came into the living room and sat in his chair. He looked over at me as if he was waiting for a report.

“I did it,” I told him.

“I heard.”

“You did?”