Learning to Forgive (The Learning Series) (22 page)

He digs out his wallet while eyeing my naked body from head to toe. “Not a fucking thing.” He pulls out a condom and rips it open with his teeth. I watch, mesmerized, when his hands wrap around his length, and his thumb rubs around the piercing on the head. Moisture builds between my legs, and I rub them together, eager for him to come back to me.

When he crawls over my body, it’s unhurried and affectionate. It’s his turn to explore me, and explore he does. When he kisses the creases between my legs, I come unglued. A moan from deep down erupts as his tongue slides between my folds. But it’s just once. “I’ll come back for a larger sample later.”

He licks and nips up toward my belly button to my breasts and all the little pieces of my skin between. Then once again, we are face-to-face, fanning one another with our labored breathing. This time I lock my legs around his waist. “You ready for this?” he asks.

I don’t answer. Instead, my hands clasp behind his head, and I pull him down for a kiss that answers his question. With one deep thrust, he’s inside me, and the understanding that there’s no going back hits me. But I don’t want to anymore.

As he moves in me, we never break eye contact. I want to see him. I want to know he’s the one causing me to feel these intense sensations. Nobody else. With every thrust of his hips, his impact is like a collision. Shock waves shoot throughout my entire body, and my heels dig into his ass. Heavy breathing and guttural sounds fill the room. Maybe it’s the piercing adorning his cock, or maybe it’s him. I don’t know. What I do know is it’s different this time. Sensual. Erotic. I feel high from the look on his face. Even though the sun is shining golden beams of light on us, his stare is dark, dominant, and raw. Almost on the verge of primal.

He sits up, and holding one leg in place around his waist, he puts my other legs on his broad muscled shoulder. This position allows him to slide in deeper, and I moan loudly.

“You like that, don’t you?” He thrusts harder and harder.

My body is starting to tense up, and I know I’m close. He grips my thigh before reaching up to pinch my nipple. My hands are restless, and my head is thrashing. I don’t know what to do. But his voice is there. Commanding me. “Let go, baby. Let it all go.”

And I do.

We lie naked in bed for the rest of the day. Even though we’ve explored one another many times, we can’t seem to stop. He’s shown me things and caused me to feel emotions I never imagined. Never dreamed of.

His phone rings again, and like before, he leaves the room to talk. I don’t dwell on it though. He’s here now, and I’m sure it’s Ryan or Hyde. But this time, he comes back in the room and pulls his pants up. My heart stops because I’m sure he’s leaving and our time is up.

“Where you going?”

“Work.” He grabs a shirt out of his drawer and pulls it on. “You goin to stay, or you gonna get ready?”

“Um… I haven’t seen anyone in two weeks.” Should I go to Jay’s and face them? Face Chris? “I don’t know.”

“It’ll be fine.” He walks over and kisses me as I lie on the bed. “Come on, Red. It’ll be okay. If you feel uncomfortable, I’ll beat the fuckers up.”

His words cause me to smile and ease my nerves. “I’ll have to get ready. It could take a while.”

“I’ll wait. Take all the time you need. Besides, they won’t start without me.” He winks and walks out the door, and I’m questioning who is this guy? He’s so different than before, and all we did was have sex. But in the end, I dress in new jeans that I found in the drawer along with a black and white chevron blouse. When I walk out to Lyric, he whistles before bending down to kiss me where the shirt shows off a good amount of cleavage.

“I might have to kill the fuckers anyway. Huh?” He hands me my jacket before studying me from head to toe. When his eyes land on my black heels, he grabs my waist and pulls me close. “Leave those on tonight while I’m fucking you.”

Instead of his erotic words pissing me off, I get a visual of us back in his room. Fucking. Our sweat drenched bodies sliding in sync. But, before I can attack him, he pulls away and walks outside. I mumble ‘asshole’ as I follow behind.

The rest of the weekend flies by. Unless Lyric has to play at the club, he’s in bed with me. The only interruption we have is his phone and Sissy. He’s been attentive and has brought me food in bed every morning. He’s run me baths and has even washed me. It’s the first time in my life I haven’t been scared or fearful of a man other than my brother.

Nobody questions our closeness at Jay’s, or at least not that I know of. David only gave me a knowing look when I saw him, and Chris continuously apologizes for his reaction. Of course, I’m the one who’s sorry, and he’s forgiven me. He even offered to let me stay with him again, but before I could answer, Lyric started to sing on stage. So I gave him the only answer that came to mind. No. And as soon as the band exited the stage, Lyric grabbed me, and we left. Together.

Now it’s Monday, and he’s gone. But this time, it’s different than before. I’m not lonely. Plus, he left me the keys to his car so I could leave. Janet called to check in and wants me to come back to work, and after some inner debating, I decide to start again tonight.

When I walk in the door at Jay’s, I hear a loud scream before Cory jumps in my arms and straddles my waist. “You’re alive!”

“Of course I’m alive,” I say and place her on her feet.

She pushes my shoulder. “Bitch. I’ve been a fucking wreck. You just disappeared, and then I heard about what those bastards did.” Her blue eyes become angry. “Makes me want to castrate them with my nail clippers.” She opens one of the lockers, pulls her sweater off, and shows her goodies to whomever is in the lounge.

“Are you working here now?” I ask when she pulls on a Jay’s shirt.

“Yeah, I needed the cash. Parents are being dicks. I really hate asking them for a dime anyway.” She shrugs and throws her hair in a ponytail.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not. We’ve never really gotten along.” She walks out the door, and I follow. “Thank Yoda, Lyric showed up when he did. I mean, kinda romantic on a fucked up level, if you ask me. Like fate or some shit. And luckily, for you, he’s hot. Could you imagine some Peewee Herman being there instead? Or better yet Richard Simmons? He’d have pulled his booty shorts up another inch and run away instead. That or jazzercise on their asses.”

I really feel uncomfortable with where this conversation is going, but before I can divert it, I feel warm breath on the back of my neck. I look over my shoulder at Lyric as his arms slide around my waist, pulling me close.

“Mmmmm… You’re one lucky bitch, Blaire.” Cory winks in our direction before walking behind the bar.

“Why are you here? The band doesn’t play until Thursday.” I ask, enjoying his closeness a little too much. I’m too addicted to stop, or walk away from it. This guy has me hooked.

“I got done early at the gym,” he says in my ear. His warm breath makes my body heat up. “Went home expecting to see you waiting for me. Naked,”
kiss
, “wet,”
kiss
, “those long, beautiful legs spread wide open,”
kiss
, “on my bed.”
Kiss
. “But my car wasn’t there. So I figured you’d be here.”

“So you were worried?” I ask hopeful.

“No. Just
really
horny.” I hear the smile in his voice and go to elbow him in the gut, but he moves out of the way, grabs my arm, and spins me around. His face loses its smile at his eyes meet mine. “You sure you’re up to working again?”

“I need to do something before I go bat shit crazy. Plus, I’m not a freeloader. I want to make my own way.”

“I could pay you…”

I’m instantly angry and don’t let him finish. “For what? I’m not a fucking prostitute.”

“No shit, Red. I’m talking about you cleaning the house. Plus you’re taking care of that dog.”

“
That dog
is your dog.” I cross my arms over my chest. “And I like taking care of her. I don’t need to be paid.”

He takes a deep breath and scratches the back of his head. My eyes involuntarily travel down to where his t-shirt raises and I get a glimpse of skin. When I hear his deep laugh, I look up and blush. I quickly cover my embarrassment with mock anger. “I really need to get to work, jackass. So if you’ll excuse me…” I turn and leave with his laughter in my ears and a smile on my face.

Cory works the bar while I’m stuck working the floor with Trudy. I still refuse to talk to her. Every time I see her, I envision Benji’s grief stricken face and hear his words. Whenever we run into one another, she apologizes, but I ignore her and continue making my rounds.

As I head to Janet’s office after closing time, I can hear her coughing from the other side of her door. When it ends, I knock for permission to enter. She’s sitting at her desk, looking at her computer screen. “Hey, Mouse.”

“Are you busy?” I take a seat across from her, building courage. This conversation is long overdue, and I need to know why she’s been so distant.

“Always. But you can bother me.” She starts coughing again and takes a sip of water. Her weathered skin is pale and heavy with deep wrinkles as she looks at me.

“Are you okay?” My gut tells me something isn’t right. Either she’s disappointed with me or something else. She’s never around and hasn’t been for a while. “I’m sorry for what I did. You have to know the meds I stole from Chris weren’t to get high. I would never do that after what happened to Ben. I…” I look at my hands as shame sets in. “I just wanted to forget and sleep.”

She’s quiet, so I peek up through my lashes to find her studying me. “Mouse. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I know about your nightmares. You did live with me for a year. Besides that, we all fuck up in life.” She has another coughing fit, and I hear it gurgle deep in her chest. When I try to stand and help, she shakes her head no and holds up a finger. After the fit ends, she sighs and says with remorse, “Me not being around has nothing to do with you, Mouse. I wanted to tell everyone after Thanksgiving. But I’ll go ahead and tell you.” She gives me a serious look. “I’m selling Jay’s.”

“What?” I ask in disbelief. Jay’s is her baby. She’s struggled for years to keep it afloat. It’s also the last thing she has of her deceased husband. It can’t be financial reasons, because we’re always packed. “Why?”

She stands up and walks around to sit in the chair beside me and my stomach plunges. “I’m dying, Mouse. I have lung cancer.”

“What?” I say in disbelief. The idea of another person I love leaving me has my whole world shifting. I blink as I try to bring everything back in focus.
This has to be wrong. “
Have you seen a doctor?” She nods and I start to calm down. People do treatments and go in remission all the time. Janet is the toughest woman I know, and this should be a piece of cake. “Then when do you start radiation or chemo?”

She grasps my hands with hers. They’re cold and worn instead of their usual warmth. “I’m too far gone for treatment. It won’t do any good.”

My throat starts to burn, as her words sink in. “No!” I yell in anger and stand. “You’re gonna be fine. I’m sure there’s something we can do. And maybe the tests are wrong. People mess up all the time.”

She shakes her head no and pats my chair for me to sit. “Now, Mouse. You know I love you. You and Benji were always there for me after James died. You two were like my own kids. And I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to be prepared. Just like I want to prepare.”

The tears refuse to stop, but I fight them. As I count and breathe, I try not to picture my life without her in it. “How long have you known?”

“A while. Before you came back.” She embraces me in a hug. Her trademark fragrance of cigarettes is ironically comforting, considering what she just shared. “You’ll be fine, Mouse. Don’t worry.” I pull away and she wipes my tears. “You’re stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for. I see it. Ben always saw it. Hell, child! Everyone but you sees it. Now it’s time for you to recognize it. Okay?” I nod my head to placate her because she’s stubborn and won’t let up if I don’t. I’m not sure I believe it though. The only thing I’m sure of right now is that life isn’t fair.