Learning to Live Again (4 page)

This was not
your typical Christmas morning. Everyone seemed to need extra sleep, so it wasn’t until around ten in the morning when the first person materialized in the kitchen. By the time Austin showed up, coffee had been brewed and Rachel, who, by the way she was bending over removing three pans of cinnamon rolls from the oven, caused Austin to bite back a groan.

They still had not spoken about yesterday evening. When Austin had finished with his call, Rachel was gone. The day had been almost perfect
, and he had been thanking his lucky stars when he had stumbled onto Rachel in that store. They had spent the day together, buying gifts for their respective persons, and enjoying getting to know each other.

Rachel was still a bit of a mystery to Austin. He knew there were things she wasn’t sharing with him, and he could sense a bit of sadness in her, but all in all she was just flat out intriguing to him. She had a love for life that was so natural and genuine
, and he had a hard time not watching her in awe as she experienced things around them like she had never seen them before. The day had been sad, then happy, then funny, and finally, ended as a bad day. It was seriously bipolar, and Austin knew the reason it had ended the way it did was because he didn’t know when to let go.

There should have been no reason for Austin to answer that phone call. It had been past office hours in New York and on Christmas Eve
, nonetheless, but old habits die hard, and somewhere along the way, Austin had become so self-involved he had forgotten basic manners. Frustration had taken over, and Austin was now seriously kicking himself for doing what he had always done—putting his work first. He had been so close to kissing Rachel’s beautiful lips. This time Austin actually did groan out loud with the thought of what that kiss might have been like, how the night might have ended so differently with Rachel in his arms. His groan was louder than anticipated. Several eyes turned toward him, including Rachel’s. He could have been mistaken, but he swore he saw a hint of a smile on her face before she turned back around to finish what she was doing.

“Everything okay,
cousin?” Talia nudged Austin as she looked back and forth between him and Rachel.

“Yes, but I
kinda screwed up yesterday,” Austin whispered to her.

“Is there someone you need to apologize to?” Talia asked.

“I think so.” He nodded.

“Well, make sure you do that. Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness, Austin, it just means you value someone else’s feelings more than your pride.” She smiled. “I think you might be in uncharted territory,
am I right?”

“Oh shit, Talia, you have no idea.” Austin chuckled as he grabbed a plate to dish up a few of those decadent rolls.

***

Austin leaned back
, taking in the disaster of paper and ribbons around their homemade decorated tree. Everyone had loved their gifts, and it seemed that Christmas was a huge success. The girls were getting ready to start a few things for the dinner later on, and Austin wanted to pull Rachel aside to apologize before she got too far.

He glanced over at her, taking in how delicate she was. On her lap sat a beautiful cashmere hat and scarf in the same green as her eyes
that she was absentmindedly rubbing between her fingers. Austin had a feeling it would make her already beautiful face even more irresistible. He was also happy she had a new hat, remembering the day before how cold her head had gotten after the snow had started falling. He was just about to approach Rachel when Ava stood up.

“Um, there is one more thing we wanted to share with you all.” Ava and Trevor glanced around the room at their best friends. “We wanted to let you all know that we are going to have a baby.” She bit her lip and then grinned in her excitement
, practically bouncing on her feet.

“You bitch, I knew it!” Talia jumped
up, pulling Ava into her arms. “You always drink with me, and don’t think I didn’t notice you were drinking plain cranberry juice the other day.” They hugged and laughed together.

Ava laughed. “Yep, Trevor’s going to be a daddy, and I’m pretty sure it’s mine!” All of the girls surrounded Ava,
laughing, hugging, and touching her belly, full of congratulations.

Austin shook Trevor’s hand
. “Congratulations, man.”

Tom pulled Trevor into a hug, patting him on the back, but the shocker for the day was when Nick came up and patted Trevor’s crotch and said, “Good job!”

The look on Trevor’s face was priceless, and Nick was smart enough to back off before taking the time to laugh.

“I’m going to say thank you this once, but I swear, Nick, if you ever touch my balls again
, I’m going to kick your ass!” Trevor was cracking up. Leave it to Nick to do something like that.

Chelsea just shook her head. “Don’t be jealous, guys, he’s all mine.” Nick pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard. “Don’t you forget it, baby.”

While everyone was talking over each other, Austin took the moment to approach Rachel. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” She nodded and followed him out to the balcony. Austin led her over to the fire that Tom had built before they had all opened presents.

Austin ran his hands over his face and sighed. “I wanted to apologize for my rudeness last night. I have a bad habit of putting work before everything else in my life.” He took a deep breath. “Usually it isn’t an issue, but I seem to have found myself in unchartered territory here.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel asked.

“Well, for the first time, I have found something I want to put before work.” Austin sat down next to Rachel. “I had the best
time with you yesterday, and I don’t know what all this is, or if it is even anything, but I do know that I want to know more about you. I want to spend more time with you, and I really want to do what I almost did yesterday before we were so rudely interrupted.” Austin waited for Rachel to process everything he had said, and when she smiled and nodded so slightly, he didn’t wait for her to change her mind.

He placed his hands along the sides of her face and leaned in, brushing his lips ever so gently against hers. When he pulled back
, they both smiled before he took her lips in an all-consuming kiss. Her lips were so soft against his, and the small sigh and whimper she let out pushed him along. Their lips moved against each other’s like a well choreographed dance. When Austin felt her tongue against his lips, he moaned, opening his lips and inviting her in. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed there lost in each other until they heard a throat being cleared behind them.

“When you’re done, the girls could use Rachel’s help.” Trevor stood stiffly at the door
, taking in the sight before him. Rachel giggled and squeezed Austin’s hand before heading inside. Trevor walked forward and took a seat. “Have a seat, Austin.”

Austin took a deep breath and prepared himself for God
-knows-what from Rachel’s big brother.

“She’s been through a lot this past year, Austin. She seemed perfectly content in your arms just now, but I’
m telling you … if you fucking hurt her, I will kill you. Just so we are clear with that.” Trevor stood up and clapped Austin on the shoulder as he walked by. Austin let out a deep breath—he must’ve held it during Trevor’s mini diatribe. He understood where Trevor was coming from, and he had no intentions of hurting Rachel, but something Trevor had said caught his attention, and Austin realized just how little he really knew about Rachel. He needed to find out what exactly she had been through this past year, and he really hoped to hear it from her.

The dinner dishes had been cleared, and dessert had been dished up. The whole gang sat around the large dining room table looking happy and content. Rachel had made several pies and a cheesecake, and everyone was well on their way to a sugar coma.

“Hey! Let
’s play Would You Rather,” Tom suggested to the nodding group. Rachel glanced at Austin who looked a bit confused, but seemed open to a game. Poor guy had no idea how twisted this game could get with these people.
This was a game Trevor and Rachel had played for as long as she could remember. It started out very innocent, two kids amusing themselves with silly questions like,
"Would you rather touch dog poo or being pooped on by a bird?"
But over the years, some of the questions had taken a frightening turn. And once they began to play it as a group, it always seemed that they crossed verbal boundaries that most people wouldn’t.

“Okay,
Ava,” Tom began. “Would you
rather be a rodeo clown who distracts the bull or the cowboy who rides the bull?” he asked.

Ava
popped another bite of cheesecake into her mouth and swirled it around before she answered. “I would rather ride the cowboy.” She grinned, obviously pretty proud of herself.

“Not an option
, my slutty friend.” Talia giggled.

“Okay, I’ll go with the clown. I figure I can run and dodge better than I can fall from a testosterone overloaded beast
. Plus, I would never want to be a cowboy. They have no fashion sense,” Ava concluded.

Tom seemed satisfied with her answer. “Your turn
,” he said as he sat back and took another bite of his pie.

Ava shifted her right leg onto the chair beside her, tapping her spoon against her lips. “Okay, I’ve got one.
Nick, would you rather F
rench kiss a dog or have a baby spit up into your open mouth?”

“Shit, Ava, that’s just gross.” He scrunched up his nose as they
all seemed to laugh louder than any of them intended to. “Do you realize what dogs do with their tongues? Wait, is the baby a breastfeeding baby? ‘Cause that might be interesting,” Nick joked, flinching as Chelsea smacked him on the shoulder.

“
Eww.” Ava wrinkled her nose. “No, in fact the baby just ate some of that puréed spinach stuff,” she confirmed, causing them to all dissolve in a fit of laughter again. Nick groaned. They all concluded years ago that you must answer, and death was never an option. They were a sick group, a fact they were all well aware of.

“I think I read one time that the human mouth is dirtier than a dog’s, but I figure that a baby hasn’t had as much time to acquire all that filth yet
...” Nick pondered out loud.

“Talk it out, man
,” Trevor encouraged him with a chuckle.

“I’m going with the baby.”
Nick nodded finally.

Rachel
took another small bite, as she waited for his question, which he turned and directed at Talia. Rachel leaned over and whispered to Austin, “And now we digress.” It was unavoidable.

"Okay, Talia, would you rather throw up every time you have an orgasm or have your genitals look and smell like rotten eggs?" Nick started laughing before he even finished the question. He was such a kid sometimes. Rachel could
see that he was utterly proud of himself, too.

“What? Seriously, Nick! What kind of choice is that?” Talia screamed in a disgusted voice
. It was completely lost on him. He was still laughing hysterically at himself. “Shit, no matter what I choose, I’m screwed. I can’t see having a very rewarding sex life, and I hate puking.” She talked it through out loud as everyone waited for her answer, clearly having nothing to contribute except laughter. “I like eggs, but certainly
not
on my hoo-ha, and honestly, the smell isn’t great regardless. The eggs, not my hoo-ha,” she clarified. Sometimes Rachel wondered about Nick. He probably needed professional help. They may have to arrange an intervention.

“Do I have a vote here since it would directly affect me?” Tom spoke up from next to Talia.

“Sure, baby. Lay it on me.” Talia motioned with her hands for Tom to continue.

“I’m not a big fan of eggs, so I would much rather stock up on those little barf bags from airplanes. We would need a
very
large stock of them though.” Tom waggled his eyebrows as he leaned in and planted a kiss on Talia’s lips.

“You know it!” She grinned. “Okay, I choose orgasmic puking.” Talia nodded at Nick and then proceeded to flip him off
, causing another round of laughter.

Talia pushed her now empty plate away from her and turned to Trevor. “
Would you rather live in a world where hugs were replaced by grabbing a person's crotch and squeezing it, or where all friendship disputes were settled by a dance off?” In unison, everyone threw his or her hands up and yelled, “Dance off!” Rachel watched the entire room dissolve in laughter.

Trevor finally stopped laughing long enough to clarify his answer. “There is no question that a dance off would be my choice. Rachel, can you imagine how much more awkward greeting mom’s sisters would be if we had to trade hugs for crotch grabbing?” Trevor and Rachel both visibly shuddered at the thought.

Trevor turned to Chelsea next. “Okay, Chelsea, would you rather have your arms severed in an accident or have your genitals removed?”

“Arms!” Nick answered quickly for her.

Rachel laughed as Chelsea glared at Nick. “Excuse me? They are
my
arms.”

“Come on, Chelsea.” Nick practically begged. “You don’t really need arms.”

“Fine, but just remember that you now are responsible for wiping my ass.” She raised her eyebrows as Nick seemed to re-think his answer.

“Fine, keep your arms
,” Nick conceded, practically pouting, but lightened up when Chelsea leaned in a whispered something in his ear, obviously giving him some alternatives he would be satisfied with.

Chelsea looked between Austin and Rachel before settling on Austin. “Austin, would you rather have your mom walk in on you masturbating or walk in on your mom masturbating?” Rachel watched
as Austin’s mouth dropped open in horror and Talia spit her drink across the table. “Eww!” She laughed at the thought. It was clear Austin felt the same.

“Shit. You guys are fucked up
. You do know that, right?” Austin looked around at the laughing group as he tried not to bust out in laughter himself. “I would have to pour bleach in my eyes if I walked in on my mom, so it would have to be me doing the deed for sure.” The guys all nodded in agreement with Austin’s answer. Clearly the thought of catching your mom in a sexual encounter was frightening to each of these grown men.

Rachel took a deep breath, knowing that she was the last one to go, and that Austin would be the one asking her the question.
“Rachel, would you rather be able to see one year into the future or change any one decision from your past?” The question seemed pretty benign, and she was grateful that he hadn’t taken it to a sexual area, but Rachel couldn’t help the heavy feeling in her stomach as she thought it over. She noticed everyone was watching her, waiting for her answer. “Um, well, I can’t think of anything off hand that I would change from my past, but I don’t want to see into my future either, because that might change the way I live each day now.” Austin seemed to realize that Rachel was struggling with her answer, and he threw her a safety line.

“Well, I’m good with that answer.” He reached under the table and took her small hand in his, squeezing it gently. Rachel thanked him with her eyes and squeezed his hand back.

“Okay, well, since Chelsea still has both arms and genitals, I think we are going to retire for the evening.” Nick stood up and scooped a laughing Chelsea up and carried her off to their room.

Tom pulled Talia along
as they said their goodnights also. Trevor seemed to be torn as to whether he should leave Rachel or not, but before she could set his mind at ease, Ava pulled him up. “Come on, sweetie, let’s go to bed. Goodnight, guys.”

“Goodnight
,” both Rachel and Austin replied at the same time.

“Are you tired?” Austin asked Rachel as soon as they were alone.

“I actually am, but do you want to sit for a while?” Rachel smiled, causing Austin’s heart to speed up. The light from the fireplace was surrounding her in a soft glow that made her skin look flawless. Austin couldn’t help himself; he reached out and softly touched her face.

“You are so beautiful, Rachel.” His voice became much lower than normal
—the desire he was feeling channeling through. Of course he was drawn to her beauty, but it was more than that. Austin wanted to know everything about her—what made her laugh, what she liked, what she feared. He wanted to hold her when she cried and laugh when she laughed. To be honest, these feelings scared the shit out of him.

Rachel placed her hand over Austin’s as he let his rest against her cheek, leaning into his touch and closing her eyes
. The fire continued to burn as they lowered themselves to the couch, Austin bringing Rachel down to lay against him. There wasn’t anything overly sexual about their position, but it was just nice to be with someone like this. Before Austin could say anything else, he felt Rachel relax into him, and he knew she had fallen asleep.

Austin lay there for almost an hour before picking Rachel up and carrying her up to her bed. It was at least another hour before he was able to stop his mind from running and fall asleep himself.

***

“Get up! It’s time to hit the slopes!” Nick banged on Austin’s door and then proceeded down the hallway to disturb the next victim. Austin groaned and rolled over
, taking in the time on the clock.

“Holy shit, Nick, it’s only seven-thirty
,” Austin grumbled more to himself than to Nick who was way out of ear shot anyway.

After a long hot shower, Austin felt more awake and ventured out to the kitchen where almost everyone except for Ava
was moving around, grabbing breakfast. “Good morning,” Austin whispered to Rachel as he reached around her for a coffee cup. She topped her coffee off and then poured some for Austin before setting it back down.

“Thank you for taking me to bed last night.” She smiled shyly.

“Excuse me?” Tom frowned at Austin.

“Whoa, wait.” Austin laughed as he held up his hands. “I literally just took her up to her bed. She fell asleep on the couch.” Austin chuckled as he saw the relief on Tom’s face. It was obvious these guys were really protective of Rachel.

Before Austin could say anything else, his phone began to vibrate. “Excuse me,” he answered on his way back to his room to see what urgent matter his coworkers couldn’t handle now. After a fifteen minute conversation, Austin was finally able to join everyone else. Most of them were getting their things ready for their day on the mountain.

“Rachel, aren’t you going?” Nick asked as he brought out his and Chelsea’s snowboards.

“I don’t know.” She chewed on her lip. Austin could tell she was nervous about something, but he wasn’t sure what.

“Rachel, please come. You can take it slow. I’ll stay with you if you want.” Talia sat next to her and placed her hand on Rachel’s shoulder.

“Doesn’t Rachel ski?” Austin asked Trevor quietly.

Trevor chuckled softly. “Yeah, in fact she could probably wh
oop all of our asses if she wanted.”

“Then why is she unsure if she wants to come?” Austin frowned. Trevor paused and studied Austin for a minute before shaking his head.

“It’s just been a while,” Trevor finally said before walking back to his room.

It didn’t take long to convince Rachel to join
them and soon everyone had their gear and was walking toward the base of the mountain, one of the many perks of the location of the condo—walk out skiing!

Rachel, Talia
, and Chelsea walked ahead of Austin and the guys. Austin couldn’t help but admire how sexy Rachel looked in her tight ski pants. They hugged every curve, and damn if her butt wasn’t something he could stare at all day.

“She really does look good, Trevor
,” Tom mentioned as they walked.

“I know. I agree.” Trevor nodded.

“Shit, considering how she looked even just last month, I’d say she has come a long way.” Nick added. “Fuck, though, those cancer treatments almost killed her.” Nick shook his head.

Austin froze, and it took the guys a minute to realize he had stopped.
“Cancer?” he whispered, barely audible. Trevor closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“
Ow!” Nick hollered as Tom punched him in the shoulder.

“You seriously have
a bigger mouth than brain, Nick. I’m going to get you a fucking shock collar, so every time you are about to say something stupid I can remind you to shut the hell up,” Tom said as he and Trevor walked back to where Austin was standing, mouth gaping.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me? God, I’m such an ass! I made those comments about her hair and everything
, and you all just sat there.” He started to pace. “Fuck, I asked her what she would change in her past or if she wanted to see into her future … No wonder she had a hard time answering! How could you all just let me make an ass of myself?” Austin didn’t know what to think. He was shocked and mad, but most of all, he was scared. He was scared because he had really started to care about Rachel, and now he found out she was sick. He didn’t want to lose her, too. The first time he put something before himself or his work, and now it might be taken away from him. He couldn’t do this again.