Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1) (20 page)

She shies away from my touch. “That was a one-time thing.”

“Hell no, it isn’t.” I grab her hand and pull her back into me, mashing my lips to hers. Her body melts into mine. It seems her body has different ideas than her mind.

Chapter Twenty

Ciera

Darkness has fallen upon the beach as Topher leads the way via a flashlight.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I never even let my mom know I was leaving.” I am referring to the newly bought tent and sleeping bag Topher carries under his arm, along with the bag of s’mores accessories I carry.

“Do you want to call her?”

I sigh. “It’s kind of late now. I would probably wake Rose and Wes. It would be easier if she had a cell phone.”

“Oh, that’s right, I keep forgetting…” he trails off as he drops everything onto the sand. “We are going to have to change that.”

I ponder over what he means by that as he takes the paper grocery bag out of my hands, and drops it on the sand. His lips find mine again, and it’s as if he can’t get enough of me. Ever since I made the move to kiss him earlier, he’s made a conscious effort to be touching me in any way possible. Whether it was his arm around my waist at the sporting goods store, or his hand on mine in the car, it’s as if he’s scared I’ll disappear. The feeling is foreign to me, but makes my heart beat rapidly in my chest in a good way.

I know how amazing I feel now, but I know the feeling can’t possibly last. I can only guestimate how it will be when we return to school on Monday. Will we go back to simply existing alongside one another or will he finally acknowledge my presence in front of our peers?

He releases me quickly, and begins setting up his newly purchased tent on the highest part of the sand, back amongst the rock wall. After we’ve finished setting up our sleeping quarters for the night, he runs off to find wood to make a bonfire. Never in a million years would I have guessed I would be tackling my bucket list alongside one of my biggest tormentors. It’s funny how much can change in such a little amount of time.

I know I will have to face reality again soon, but in the meantime, I decide to embrace the experience. No one has ever made me feel so special. Reality can wait. I’m planning to live out my fantasy for a couple more hours tonight.

Soon, we are seated on the sand, roasting marshmallows just like I’ve always dreamed of. We have everything we need to make s’mores, but we find ourselves lost in conversation instead. “What’s your favorite color?” Topher asks.

I giggle. “Don’t you think it’s a little late to be asking that? I mean, you’ve already had your tongue halfway down my throat…”

He chuckles, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. His eyes are illuminated by the flames, and I feel myself getting lost within them.

“It’s never too late to learn more about one another.” He smiles widely back at me.

The problem is, I don’t want him getting any more attached than necessary. It’s just going to be more difficult when I’m gone. I know it’s unfair of me to pursue anything with Topher…but I fear that we are already too invested at this point.

“Green,” I reply simply. “What about you?”

“Blue.”

“Typical.” I pull my marshmallow out of the flame, lightly touching it with my fingers.

“What?” he asks, clueless.

“Isn’t blue like every guys favorite color?” I tease him, sticking my tongue out.

He smiles wider. “Fine then, brown.”

“Boring…” I continue to have fun with him.

“Oh, you’re going to get it!” He drops his stick along with the marshmallow to the sand before hopping up and chasing me. I stumble up as well, dropping my stick, and race toward the opening to the tent before I feel his strong arm wrap around my body, and he tackles me down onto the sleeping bag.

We are out of breath from laughing when I realize this is going to be the first time I’ve spent the night with a guy…ever. From kissing to sleeping together, I’m sure moving fast. My heart begins to beat wildly against my chest. Topher’s facial expression changes to concern. “I’m not going to pressure you to do anything you aren’t ready to do.”

I swallow, some of the tension dissipating from his statement.

“I mean, I was your first kiss. I know how nervous you must be,” he tosses back.

I nod lightly, averting my eyes.

He gently moves my hair out of my face. “You’re so different than what I thought.”

I lock eyes with him and try to read his intense gaze. “Is that a good thing?”

He smiles lightly. “So good. So much better.”

I can’t help but return his smile, blushing.

“You act like you’ve never received a compliment before…” he murmurs, nestling his mouth into the crook of my neck, sending tingles down my spine.

I sigh.

He jerks his head upright immediately. “Wait, what?”

I shrug. “It’s because I really haven’t.”

His eyes get a hint of sadness to them. “Ciera…” he trails off.

“It’s okay,” I interject quickly.

“No, it’s not,” he says firmly, pulling me up to a sitting position with him.

He continues to tuck my hair behind my ears gently, his eyes raking over my face with care.

I close my eyes when I feel his warm breath next to my ear. “Open your eyes.”

I oblige and he is staring intently into my eyes. “I am so sorry,” he says softly, his eyebrows creasing. “I am so sorry for being such an asshole to you. I am so sorry for standing idly by while my friends made your life a living hell. Even though I never noticed you before, it’s not because you were any less of a person…it’s because I was. You have the most beautiful heart. You are an incredible person, Ciera. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize this.”

I run my fingers gently across his jawline, looking at the handsome boy in front of me.
Why now? Why are you saying all of this now?
I pull his face close to mine, and close my lips upon his softly, my heart hurting. It’s happening…and pretty soon, I’m not going to be able to stop it. I can feel myself falling for Topher with every brush of our lips, every slight touch or deep stare we share. It’s unfair to him, I know this. But what seems more unfair is the possibility that I could pass away without ever knowing the meaning of true love.
Maybe all of this is happening for a reason? Maybe it’s finally my turn to really live.

Nothing is ever certain. Life is simply a mixture of possibilities and choices. I’m choosing to embrace this change. I know I am going to have to be honest with him eventually, but for now, I am going to enjoy the ride for as long as possible.

* * *

The weekend passes and we stay fully wrapped up within one another. On Sunday, Topher takes me to a very fancy restaurant where we end up crossing another item off my list by dining and ditching. I’ve never felt more alive. He also takes me to my first haunted house, and I grip onto him tightly like my life depends on it.

I’m starting to wonder how I went through life without ever knowing
this
Topher. How we knew of one another, but didn’t really
know
one another. Everything seems better with him around, brighter. I’m smiling until my cheeks hurt, laughing until my sides are sore. I still have a small knot in the pit of my stomach wondering how school will be. Wondering if any of our feelings can translate into his world…but I know I can’t live my life in fear anymore,
I don’t want to
.

So when Topher offers to pick me up for school on Monday morning, I don’t hesitate in agreeing. I make sure to dress in the yellow sundress Madalynne bought me. It’s cold outside, but I know Topher will appreciate the effort I make. When he picks me up he is grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey you,” he says softly as I enter his car. Goose bumps are already rising up on my exposed legs, but I can’t be sure if it is due to the chilly weather or due to the look he is giving me. Almost as if he wants to devour me whole. “You look nice,” he says as he gives me a quick peck on the lips.

His hands comes to rest on my upper leg, and fire surges from his fingertips throughout my body.

“Thanks,” I say.

As we near the school the knot seems to only expand within my stomach.

“What’s your middle name?” Topher asks randomly.

I look over at him. “Grace, why?”

He returns my gaze, his teal eyes warm, before he shifts them back to the road. “Just curious. Ciera Grace Nelson…very pretty.”

“Thanks,” I reply. “What’s yours?”

He shrugs. “I don’t have one. I guess my parents thought Topher was unique enough.”

He pulls into the parking lot and exits the car. I’m frozen, fear taking hold of me. I know I should be climbing out as well, but I can’t move a muscle. I can already feel countless eyes on the car. Our peers already invested in what is about to take place.

I hear Topher close his door and then moments later, I feel mine being opened. He crouches down so that he is at eye level with me. “Hey, you okay?”

I glance at him quickly, and then down to my hands. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

His face softens and he takes one of my hands in his, squeezing it lightly. “I’m right here with you.”

Just hearing him say the words alleviates some of my fear. I force a smile on my face as I slowly climb out of the car. Our peers are huddled in various groups around the parking lot, staring. I can feel the eyes burning my skin. I look up at Topher quickly, and he gives my hand one more reassuring squeeze.

“Wait.” He pulls me up and gives my hand a tug before I stop him from moving forward. “We don’t have to do this. I mean, I had a lot of fun this weekend…more fun than I’ve ever had, but it doesn’t have to translate here. We can go our separate ways…” I’m still rambling when he crashes his lips to mine in front of all the prying eyes around us, quieting me. He presses me up against the car lightly, continuing his assault on my mouth. By the time he breaks off the kiss, I can’t even remember what the hell I was talking about.

He rubs his finger across my chin gently. “I’ve never felt more alive than when I am with you. You awakened something deep inside my soul. I can’t explain it, but I’m not letting you go. At least not without a fight.”

I swallow deeply before pinching myself lightly.
Nope, not dreaming.
I take a deep breath and then begin making my way toward the school alongside Topher.

The whispers and stares only accelerate as we get inside of the building. We are making a statement and it’s on everyone’s radar. Peers are trailing their eyes up and down my body, and I’ve never felt more violated or judged in my entire life. We break apart briefly to open our respective lockers when I hear Sophia’s obnoxiously loud voice.