Left for Dead: A Maeve Kerrigan Novella (Maeve Kerrigan Novels) (7 page)

‘We didn’t realise how small the hotel was,’ Steve said dismally. ‘It looked bigger on the website.’

‘Is very misleading,’ Elena said, nodding. ‘Always we have complaints.’

‘Sorry for disturbing anyone,’ Steve said. ‘We didn’t think.’

‘That’s all right.’ Gary nudged me.

‘Yes. No problem.’

‘Please to be considerate of the other residents,’ Elena said, frowning.

‘Oh, we will be,’ Steve said.

Elena turned on her heel and left. Steve waited until she had gone, then whispered to his wife, ‘Do you think she’ll be doing breakfast?’

‘I should think so.’

‘Oh help. I don’t think I’ll dare go down for it.’

‘We’ve paid,’ Karen pointed out.

Gary and I left them to it, managing to get all the way down the stairs and back out to the patrol car before breaking down. After a long argument about who was going to explain this one to the control room, Gary got on the radio.

‘Lima Delta Two Two, clearance, over.’

‘Two Two go ahead.’

‘We’ve located the source of the noises, and spoken to both parties. Received so far?’

The controller sounded intrigued. ‘So far.’

‘There are no offences here. The disturbance was caused by, um, some enthusiastic and completely consensual … activity. Involving handcuffs. Received?’

‘Two Two, that’s all received. As long as they weren’t yours.’

I could hear the controller laughing and I knew that every officer on our frequency would be in hysterics. I couldn’t keep a straight face myself; every time I thought I had it under control, I would start again.

‘Get a grip. You’re in uniform.’ Gary was grinning widely.

‘I can’t. I just … when he said about breakfast.’

‘How did we not laugh at the time?’

‘We’re professionals.’

‘Elena wasn’t laughing,’ he said softly, and I started giggling again at the memory of the night manager’s expression when she saw the two of them.

‘I’m sorry. I think it’s leftover hysteria from last night. I was so scared it had happened again, and then to see
that
…’

Gary waited until I had calmed down to start the engine, but instead of going out through the gate, he drove around to the back of the hotel and stopped the car again.

‘What are you doing? Why have we stopped?’

‘Because I had to do this.’ He leaned across the car, pulled me towards him and kissed me, taking me completely by surprise.

I didn’t push him away. I didn’t even think of it. I was starting to see where he got his unshakeable confidence from, because he was an
awesome
kisser.

When he moved back to his side of the car, he was smiling. ‘Sorry. I couldn’t help it.’

I blinked. ‘You don’t look sorry.’

‘You got me. I’m not.’ He ran his thumb down the side of my face and across my lower lip. ‘You are irresistible.’

I knew I should laugh it off, but I couldn’t.

And I wanted him to kiss me again.

‘I’m amazed you have the ability to think about kissing anyone after the what we just saw in room twelve.’

‘They were not a turn-on,’ he admitted. Then, ‘But you are.’

‘Oh,’ was about all I could say.

‘Didn’t you guess?’

I shook my head.

‘Probably just as well. You have no idea the things I’ve been thinking about you ever since I first saw you.’

My heart was thumping. ‘God, Gary. I don’t know what to say.’

‘And I don’t know what to do. All I can think about is you.’

With the tiny particle of common sense that remained to me, I shook my head. ‘We shouldn’t do this.’

‘Why not? Got a boyfriend?’

‘No. But the boss told me—’

‘What? That you shouldn’t get together with anyone on the team? She says that to everyone and no one pays any attention.’

‘Really? Everyone?’

‘Yeah. But she probably made you feel as if you’re the only one she’s ever tried to warn about it.’

‘That was the impression I got.’

He shook his head. ‘She knows what she’s doing, that woman. And she’s one to talk – you know she shagged around on her husband, don’t you?’

‘Chris told me.’

‘Well, then. She’s just being a hypocrite.’

‘She told me she’d made all the mistakes already. She didn’t try to pretend she hadn’t done the same. She just wanted me to be aware that it hadn’t worked out very well.’

‘She couldn’t pretend she hadn’t done it herself because everyone knows. And everyone knows you can’t ignore how you feel about another person just because you work with them.’ He looked at me, his eyes full of longing. ‘You’ve been on my mind, Maeve. A lot. I’ve been keeping my distance but I can’t do it any more. And from the way you kissed me back, I’m guessing you feel the same way.’

‘I’ve never been able to resist a good kisser,’ I said, grinning.

‘You think I’m a good kisser? That’s a good start. Come here.’

‘No.’ I put my hand up to stop him. ‘Not sitting in the patrol car on duty. That’s just asking for trouble.’

The sky was fading from pure black to inky blue, and the dawn chorus was tuning up. The city was about to begin its day and even though it was early, there would be people up and about – people who would like nothing better than to see two Met police officers doing something they shouldn’t. Gary knew that better than I did and he didn’t argue.

‘Okay. I won’t touch you.’ His eyes were all over me, though. ‘If we could find somewhere to be alone, though …’

The possibility was dizzying. I shook my head. ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

‘Just to talk.’

‘Talk?’ I raised my eyebrows. ‘We can talk now.’

‘All right. Not just to talk.’ He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. ‘Where do you live?’

‘Sydenham. What about you?’

‘Isleworth. Your place is closer.’

‘I have a flatmate.’

‘Is she out during the day?’

‘Yeah, but—’

‘Would she mind you bringing a strange man back with you?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said weakly. ‘I’ve never done it.’

‘Well, if she’s not there, I don’t think she can mind too much. I promise not to raid the fridge. I’m house-trained and everything.’ He started the car again and drove carefully out on to Oakley Road, where the traffic was already starting to build. ‘So that’s sorted, then.’

I wondered how we had gone from a first kiss to going back to my place in the space of two minutes. ‘Um. Today?’

‘No time like the present.’ He glanced across and grinned at the expression on my face. ‘I meant it, Maeve. We can just talk. And sleep. I could do with a decent kip. My next-door neighbour is having a job done on his loft. It’s like trying to sleep in a foundry.’

‘That sounds terrible. But I’m not sure, Gary.’

He patted my knee. ‘That’s all right. I am.’

‘Gary … I’m not saying yes. Yet,’ I added hastily when I saw his expression darken. He took a moment and I thought I’d wrecked the whole thing before it even got started. Then he smiled at me and I felt myself start to melt.

‘Just promise me you’ll think about it.’

‘I’ll think about it.’

He turned his face away from me as he watched the traffic, waiting to pull out onto the main road, but I still heard what he said under his breath. ‘I’ll be thinking about it too.’

* * *

I got all the way to the end of the shift without any more strange or disturbing experiences to report, and was almost disappointed. I was definitely disappointed when Gary disappeared from the nick without saying goodbye. I felt like a dog that had heard its lead being rattled and then got left behind. It wasn’t that I’d decided to take him home, I thought, wandering forlornly around echoing corridors, not finding him. It was just that I’d thought he would ask again. He’d seemed so keen in the car. Maybe he’d reconsidered during the last couple of hours when we’d caught up on paperwork and shared the details of the Karen and Steve show with everyone who was interested, which was everyone in the nick. Even Inspector Saunders came in to hear about it, laughing in her raspy voice.

‘Poor old Steve. I bet he got a right earful.’

‘She was not my idea of a submissive, I promise you.’ Gary shuddered. ‘Big lass, and loud with it. No wonder he had to cuff her to the bed.’

‘Was she pretty?’ Ray asked.

‘Was she fuck. Face down, remember? She was lucky she didn’t have a bag over her head.’

I couldn’t quite smile. I wasn’t all that impressed by the way Gary was talking. I knew I was working in a laddish environment and anything sex-related was fair game for
humour, but he’d been nice to Steve and Karen. Now he was trashing them – and Karen in particular – because he had an audience.

It was just possible, I thought later, getting my bag and preparing to leave the nick for the day, that Gary had noticed I was annoyed. It was possible he’d decided to save himself a lecture from me on respecting women. Maybe he was hurt I hadn’t jumped at the chance of being alone with him. Maybe he’d just realised that it was an all round bad idea. I was half inclined to think it was a good thing that he’d changed his mind. It saved me from making any decisions. I had wanted to say yes – a lot – but the idea was terrifying too. I told myself not to be disappointed and it almost worked.

I hadn’t been able to get parked in the police station car park so I had a walk to get to my car – about five minutes – but it was hard to motivate myself when it was the end of the day and my back ached from sitting in the patrol vehicle for hours. I heaved my patrol bag on to my shoulder and started walking, staring at the pavement. There was still no news on Sally-Ann. There was still no sign of her attacker. I felt unbearably tired and strung out. What I wanted most was to go home. Not to the flat, but to Mum and Dad’s house, where I would be looked after and scolded and fed and loved.

But I couldn’t let them see me when I was white with fatigue. The one thing I’d promised myself was that they’d never know how hard the job was. I would never complain. It opened the door to their advice –
why don’t you do something else? You’d be a fantastic lawyer. A barrister, even. You’d still be locking up criminals …
And when I said no, my mother’s mouth turning down at the corners, and her voice flat as she inevitably got the last word.
Well, you’re well able to argue. If you ever change your mind about the law you’ll be all set
.

I was deep in thought about them so when I turned into the residential road where I’d parked it took me a second to recognise the man leaning against the side of my car. Gary had
changed into a tight T-shirt, tracksuit bottoms and a baseball cap that was pulled well down over his eyes.

‘I thought you were never coming,’ he said.

‘I thought you’d left without me.’ It sounded so pathetic when I said it out loud but he didn’t tease me about it. He shook his head.

‘Never.’

I unlocked the car and he opened the boot without asking, to put our bags in side by side. I got into the driver’s seat. There was something unreal about this situation. I couldn’t begin to guess how I’d found myself here.

‘Okay?’ Gary sat into the passenger seat without waiting for an answer, and pulled his cap down a quarter-inch further before he put on his seatbelt. ‘I’m looking forward to you driving me for a change.’

I was a good driver and didn’t fluster easily but it was weird, having him on the other side of the car. It was very weird to think about where we were going. It was beyond weird to imagine what would happen when we got there. I didn’t move.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Just – are we really doing this?’

‘Not if you don’t want to. Do you want me to leave you alone? We can pretend none of this happened if you like. No kissing.’ His voice softened. ‘No confession that I fancy you rotten. I can just go.’

‘No.’ I said it without thinking. ‘Don’t go.’

‘So.’ He pointed at the road ahead. ‘Drive.’

It was pretty difficult to make small talk on the way to the flat and I drove in silence, for the most part. I found a parking space without any trouble, for once, not far away.

‘We can leave the bags in the boot,’ Gary said, taking off his cap and throwing it into the back seat. He ran a hand over his hair and smiled at me, and I was lost.

‘Okay.’

I got out and locked the car, then started walking towards the flat. Gary took hold of my arm, his grip firm. It pulled me out of my trance, because I couldn’t help thinking it was ironic that he seemed to think I needed to be guided when he didn’t actually know where I lived.

‘I feel as if I’m being arrested,’ I said, making a joke of it as I freed myself.

He laughed, but I knew he wasn’t all that pleased. I thought he probably needed to feel as if he was in charge, since he was on my territory. I let him hold the door open for me when I let us into the building, despising myself just a little for going along with it.

When I opened the front door of the flat, we were both reflected in the mirror just inside the door. I stopped for a second, unsettled to see the two of us side by side. He really was a lot shorter than me.

And it was shallow and pathetic of me to mind.

‘Do you want a cup of tea? Or some breakfast?’

‘No thanks.’ I’d expected him to look around, or at least sit down and talk for a bit, but he was completely focused on me. ‘Which is your room?’

‘That one.’

‘Show me,’ he said, his eyes locked on mine. Two words and I forgot all my reservations about him. I felt a slow twist in the base of my stomach that was lust, pure and simple.

I led the way to my room, which was a miracle of tidiness after my cleaning spree the previous day, not that he seemed to notice or care. He put his phone down on the bedside table.

‘Come here.’

I went.

He took hold of me and kissed me again. This time he was very much in control and I went along with it. He tangled one hand in my hair to pull my head back, so I gasped a little, and his mouth curled into a smile.

‘You like that.’

Before I could answer, he had pushed me back so I was leaning against the wall. He kissed me again, then started to unbutton my shirt, working fast, sliding it off my shoulders before I’d really realised what he was doing. Things were going too fast. I felt as if I’d gone on a nice safe carousel in an amusement park and ended up on a roller coaster. I’d never been with anyone like Gary before. All of my other boyfriends had been too nervous or respectful or ironic to be dominant, but it seemed to come naturally to him. Once again I had the uneasy feeling that I should call a halt before things went too far, but I couldn’t find the words, and I didn’t want to, and desire was driving out the logic from my brain. He pressed his leg in between mine, grinding against me and I felt faint with longing.