Authors: Karice Bolton
Hearing Arie in the kitchen
I decided to bring it up with her first. My goal was to make these
strange occurrences sound more casual than they felt. That was my
first mission. My second, was to do my best to muffle the
desperation that I was feeling deep within my soul. I had to take
these appearances as a sign – a sign not to give up. I had to do my
best to rid myself of these awful feelings that kept trying to
drift through my world. The level of conflict I was feeling
constantly was exhausting.
Pouring myself a glass of
orange juice, I looked over at Arie.
“Can I talk to you for a
sec?”
“Of course, sweetie. What’s
up?” She asked, spinning around from the sink where she was washing
berries.
“I’ve been having something
happening to me at night. It’s kind of weird, and maybe I’m
dreaming is all…” Uttering the words out loud made me more nervous
than I realized.
“Okaaay?” She was staring
at me like I had horns growing out of my head.
“Someone has been in my
room. It has happened twice. I can’t see them, but I know they’re
there.”
Completely alarmed now,
Arie put the dish of berries down searching for the right
words.
“If you can’t see them or
it, how do you know there is someone there, Ana?”
“A touch.” Was all I could
get out before I turned quickly to the fridge to play like I needed
more orange juice. The tears were starting their way into my life
again, and I didn’t want anyone to see them. To me, they meant
something different than what they would represent to anyone else.
Blinking as fast as I could to make them dissolve back to where
they came from, I did my best to seem normal and sat down at the
table where Arie was already sitting.
Looking intently at me, she
asked the question I wished she didn’t.
“Who do you think it
was?”
“I don’t know.” I knew she
knew I was lying, but bringing up something that I was told was
impossible was useless anyhow.
“And you’re sure it wasn’t
like those other times, like at Thanksgiving where the demon was
appearing before you?”
“Oh, most definitely not
that type of thing.” I said doing my best to divulge as little as
possible. I didn’t need that last little tweak implying I was crazy
on top of everything else. I was fighting that feeling enough,
privately.
Silence was how our
conversation ended, making me wonder what I really did by divulging
it all.
Chapter 16
We pulled up to our home in
Kingston, searching for what I wasn’t actually sure. We had all
made some lame excuse about needing certain things from this
particular house. Arie announced that she needed another jacket and
rain boots. Cyril said he wanted some of his tools for working on
the house in Victoria. I only claimed that I wanted to sleep in our
bed once more since he seemed to be slipping away from me bit by
bit. I know our stay up there was longer than we thought it would
be. Truth be told, none of us needed anything except a break. We
needed to regroup and regain some sort of normalcy.
Attacks were becoming more
frequent. Athen was still AWOL, and I had absolutely no energy left
to participate in life whatsoever. We needed a vacation from our
daily lives. I had been searching for some sign of Athen for so
long now and was coming up empty-handed beyond what was possibly a
figment of my imagination. I needed to come back to a place where
we shared some very special memories. I was pretty certain that my
non-talk with Arie had something to do with our unexpected trip
back down to Kingston as well. Honestly, I didn’t care what the
reason was. I was simply happy to be back. I was tired of fighting
the evil thoughts that kept infiltrating me to my core.
Being able to crawl under
the covers that Athen and I last inhabited was all I craved. I
hoped that by being back at the Kingston home, I’d find a little
bit of solitude and let go of the monstrous thoughts that kept
creeping in. I knew Whistler certainly wouldn’t provide that
especially with the off-chance of running into some of my
acquaintances. The only people who understood even a glimpse of
what I was going through were right here in this car.
The garage door opened
welcoming us back to a bit of normalcy - minus one person and a
very affectionate bulldog. I was relieved to see Athen’s Lotus
parked in the garage. It made me feel like he was possibly upstairs
waiting for us to return from a day of shopping or some such
errand. I was willing to let myself play the fantasy if it gave me
even a few seconds of relief. Cyril put the brake on, and we all
climbed out of the car. As Arie unlocked the door leading into the
house, I found myself holding my breath - for what I wasn’t
sure.
The door swung open and
something seemed off immediately. I looked at Arie and Cyril to
gauge their reaction. They didn’t seem to be taken aback at all. I
lugged in my overnight bag, flipping on the lights as I went from
the mudroom to the kitchen to the stairs. I felt that someone had
been in this house since we last were. I spun around dropping my
bag on the floor.
“Aren’t you guys going to
say anything? I know it isn’t just me feeling that?” I was looking
straight at Arie waiting for some sort of affirmation.
“I honestly don’t feel
anything. What do you mean?” Arie set her purse down and looked at
Cyril, shaking her head in confusion. “Do you feel
anything?”
“Ana, what are we supposed
to be feeling?” Cyril seemed genuinely puzzled.
“Ugh, forget it you two!” I
grabbed my bag and stomped upstairs.
I made my way down the
hall, passing by the guest room that had played host to me for a
little while when I was here with Athen my first time. I felt my
legs going a little quicker. I wasn’t sure what I thought I was
going to see when I got to our room. Did I truly believe I was
going to swing open the door to have Athen staring back at me? I
was angry at myself for being so pathetic. I finally reached the
door to our bedroom, which wasn’t closed all of the way, and I
slowly opened it up with my bag, walking onto our shag rug placed
in front of the door. I immediately inhaled the largest amount of
air I could. I wanted to get the last little bit of essence of
Athen before I contaminated it. I threw my bag down and did what I
came for. I crawled under the covers, thankful that we didn’t
change the sheets before we left.
I laid on my back
stretching, imagining Athen holding me and whispering to me some
silly joke. The thrill of hearing his voice, even though it was
only in my mind, brought an automatic smile to my face. A movement
my lips hadn’t felt for a very long time. Coming back to our
Kingston home was a really good idea. I let these feelings of
relief and happiness wash over me. I could somehow feel him again.
I knew it was silly, and maybe it was only because this was where
we had last joined our bodies together, but I felt him here and I
needed that. Not knowing how long I could be facing without him
made me appreciate every little reminder that I could scoop up
around me.
I heard Arie and Cyril
going down the stairs probably to watch television or something. I
was relieved. I needed sleep. I was happy that they have both been
with me during this time, but I needed my own time too. I needed to
be able to grieve in peace.
The morning sun shot
through my bedroom window, greeting me with a freshness I hadn’t
felt in a long time. I had no idea how long I had been out. I
didn’t even wake up for dinner last night. I fell asleep dreaming
about Athen and woke up thinking about him. For once, it was all
positive. My thoughts were overflowing with images of him and I
together up in Whistler or picking out our first Christmas tree
since my own reintroduction.
I knew these were the
images that would keep me strong, strong enough to wait 50 years if
I had to. He was worth waiting for. He was worth fighting for. I
wasn’t going to slip to the other side. I had the strength within
me. I needed to tap into it and avoid the demons’ traps. I was sure
that was all it was and had been.
I grabbed my bag that I had
dumped on the floor the night before without emptying it out and
began placing my clothes in the drawers. I opened up the bottom
drawer to see what was actually filling it up since I never
actually paid attention before. There were some of Athen’s nice
sweaters folded and underneath those, I saw what looked like a
leather journal of some sort. I was tempted to grab it and devour
it. But there was the other side of me that didn’t want to violate
Athen’s trust. Right now, that side was winning. I moved the
sweater gently to cover up the edge of the leather journal and
closed the drawer back up.
The house seemed empty so I
decided to venture downstairs and see if my instincts were right.
Things were very quiet, the air still. I was pretty sure that I was
alone. They had probably decided to grab some items at the store
for us. I slipped from the family room to the dining room to the
kitchen looking at everything again as if I hadn’t seen it before.
My hands moving over the granite countertops, the shock of the ice
cold stone awakening my senses more than I was used to
recently.
I grabbed a mug out of the
cabinet and filled it up with some water from the hot water tap to
prepare some tea. I found the remote for the stereo turning it on
through the house as I tried my best to warm up from the chill in
the air. The house was still warming up from nobody occupying it
for awhile. Walking over to the window to watch the ferries, I
grabbed a pillow to sit on and threw it down as I tried to make
myself comfy. I rested my back against the ottoman taking in the
beautiful water gently moving in the distance. My eyes quickly fell
to the beach access down the path from where I was taking in the
scene of the ferries. I did my best to ignore the urge to go down
to the beach.
My eyes began to fill with
tears, and I placed my cup of tea on the ground doing my best to
wipe away the wetness before it was released down my cheeks. I got
up onto my knees looking through the window towards the beach.
Placing my hands on the cold glass, I saw the boulder where we had
made love for the first time. I was almost feeling the same jolt of
cold running through me as the memories were pumping through my
body. It was like the boulder was speaking to me, confirming that
Athen and I really did exist, like our love was truly possible. The
only thing stopping me from running down there and collapsing onto
the grounds where we were so close was my outfit, flannel pjs and
house slippers. I didn’t need to cause any more concern for my
family as boaters and ferry passengers see some crazy woman in her
pajamas crying hysterically, pounding a boulder.
***
Night had fallen, and we
had just finished watching a movie, gorging on popcorn and trying
to escape a little. It was a good choice considering we had to
impose laughter on ourselves somehow. Cyril and Arie were doing
their best at giving me space but also keeping me busy enough so I
didn’t put myself in an early grave by jumping off a cliff again or
something. Not that an act like that seemed to do much to us, but
it was the thought that counts.
“Hey, guys. That was a good
choice, but I think I’m gonna hit the sack now.” Arie was curled up
on Cyril, and she looked like she had barely been able to keep her
eyes open the last few minutes.
“Sure thing.” Cyril said
scooping up Arie who was now almost completely asleep. “I’ll see
you in the morning.”
“Yeah, you too. I’ll lock
everything up… and thanks, Cyril. I appreciate everything you guys
have been doing.” I really did. I don’t know that I could have made
it this far without them.
“That’s what family is for.
Ana, we’ll get him back. Don’t give up on him.”
I nodded, and he carried
Arie up the stairs. I did my best to keep my tears at bay until he
reached the top, and as if on cue, the tear that started the flood
rolled down my cheek. I used my sleeve to wipe away the excess
misery from my face. I checked the garage door and French doors,
and both were locked.
I turned to go up the
stairs and felt a spark. My hair began to softly blow against my
neck as if a light wind had crossed my path, but no windows were
open. I looked around quickly and saw nothing. I felt it again.
Only this time, it seemed to almost grab me and then let me go. The
same feeling when we first entered the house began to present
itself. I wasn’t alone. I darted up the stairs knowing whatever I
might be faced with was something I’d have to deal with by myself.
Whether it was internal fear, or one of the demons attempting to
make me crack, I needed to decipher its meaning alone. I needed to
learn to count on myself not Arie and Cyril. It was the only way
I’d get stronger.
I made it to my bedroom
without hyperventilating, quietly and quickly closing the door
behind me. I charged over to my window not sure what I was
expecting to see. At first, the only thing in view was darkness,
but as my eyes adjusted to the gentle cast of light the moon was
throwing down, I saw very subtle movements. Fear welled up inside
of me, not sure what I was seeing. I quickly arranged myself so I’d
hopefully not be seen as I saw what I was sure was a human figure.
It was so dark outside, I couldn’t see any distinguishing features.
I did my best to move forward a little closer to the window hoping
to make something out. I was not feeling contempt or disgust that
would often accompany my encounters with the demons, so I was
guessing it might be a human who was just wandering our property.
At least, that was what I was hoping.