Authors: Clarissa Carlyle
As the fog of sleep began to clear, Alex felt a panicked sensation rising up from the base of her spine. She’d been due to attend her first class that morning.
She tried to assure herself that she had gotten her days mixed up, that actually classes started the following day. Rummaging frantically through her backpack, she found her class schedule, and as she read it, the panic intensified and was joined by a sinking feeling in her stomach.
Alex’s first class was that morning at ten. She was already an hour late for a two-hour class and had yet to shower and change. Looking back at her bed, she wanted nothing more than to hide beneath her duvet and wish her day away. But then as she looked at her bed, she saw the picture of her father smiling proudly beside it. He’d want Alex to do her best, not throw away such an amazing opportunity to study and learn.
Begrudgingly, Alex grabbed her shower kit and headed for the communal bathroom.
****
With her hair still damp Alex pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt, hurriedly filling her backpack with anything she might need for her class. It was then that she noticed that Ashley was still nestled within her bed, oblivious of the day she was rapidly sleeping through.
“Come on, lazybones!” Alex declared, her voice annoyingly loud and bright as she pulled the pink duvet off her roommate’s bed.
The moment the duvet had been moved, Alex froze in shameful shock. Ashley was not alone in her bed. Brad was curled up beside her, completely naked.
Panicked, Alex threw the cover back over them.
“Sorry!” she mumbled, turning crimson.
“Is it morning?” Ashley asked groggily, rubbing at her eyes. Brad hadn’t stirred.
“Yeah, it’s like eleven.” Alex sighed. “I’m late for class.”
“Don’t sweat it. First class doesn’t count.” Ashley smiled.
Alex wasn’t sure if she agreed but didn’t have the time to argue about it. “Do you have class?” Alex asked.
“Not ’til three.”
“Lucky for you, then.”
“Yep.” Ashley yawned and stretched.
Alex hovered nervously at the end of the bed. She didn’t like the thought of entering her class so late. Everyone would look at her like she was some lazy, rebellious student. While that had been the persona she wanted to project at Woodsdale, it certainly wasn’t how she wanted to be seen at Princeton.
“Tell them you got lost,” Ashley offered, noticing Alex’s troubled expression.
“For over an hour?” Alex didn’t sound convinced.
“Yeah, it’s a big campus, you’re new. I bet it happens loads.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I’m always right, don’t worry,” Ashley joked. “Good luck with your class.”
“Good luck with yours later.” Alex smiled.
“We’ll regroup here this evening,” Ashley declared. “First I need to sneak Brad out of here. We aren’t supposed to have boys stay over, but where’s the fun in that?” she asked cheekily.
“I wonder if he’d fit out the window?” Ashley mused while Alex headed out the door and into the corridor.
****
After easily locating her class, Alex paused outside, reconsidering the plausibility of her excuse that she’d gotten lost.
She waited uneasily by the door, palms sweating as she contemplated her options. She knew that she had to go in; she was just terrified of all the eyes that would suddenly turn her way when she did.
Finally, an invisible force seemed to propel Alex forward, and she was within the classroom before she had a chance to consider retreat.
The classroom was immensely larger than any she had encountered at Woodsdale. Instead of individual desks, students sat in tiered rows, almost as if in a theater, with small, fold-out desks to work on.
At the front of the room a middle-aged man in a camel-colored vest used a pointer to emphasize a point within the presentation he was showing. As the lights were dimmed for the presentation, it gave Alex a slight cloak as she entered the room.
She could feel people’s eyes upon her as they turned to look and silently judge her tardiness. She forced herself to ignore them and focus solely on the spare seat she had spotted.
Once she sat down, she relaxed a little, though still braced for the verbal beating that would surely be bestowed from her professor down below.
In high school when a student was late, the teacher always took the opportunity to publically mock and ridicule them, making an example of them so that other students would think twice about being late.
“Oh, Miss Heron, too busy doing your hair to attend class?” Miss Davies would say from behind clenched teeth whenever Alex was late for Spanish studies. “There’s more to life than looks, you know.”
Alex would ignore the old woman and just sit down.
But here, things were different. Here, she wanted to be taken seriously, not seen as some dumb blonde who cheers. It felt surreal to be potentially fighting against the persona she had created at Woodsdale and had assumed it had been left there.
The professor, however, continued to talk to the class, seemingly unaware of Alex’s late arrival. He concluded his presentation and raised the lights, and only then did he glance towards Alex.
“I don’t condone late arrivals,” he called up simply to her. “Either attend on time or not at all. You get one chance to be late; you’ve just used yours.”
Before Alex could explain that she’d been fake-lost, he turned away from her and continued to teach. There was no threat of detention, no public shaming. Alex realized that he didn’t really care if Alex turned up or not, as the only person she was cheating was herself. Feeling embarrassed, she opened her notebook and did her best to follow the remainder of the lesson.
Alex didn’t regret going out the previous night. The party at Brad’s friend’s house had been a lot of fun. Probably too much fun. Alex hadn’t intended to stay late, but once she’d downed a few beers, time seemed to lose all relevance, and one moment she was dancing along to some song she’d never heard, the next she was waking up in her bed and it was eleven in the morning.
Wearily she rubbed her eyes and continued to make notes. Her head had begun to throb, but she ignored it. Once class was over she could go back to her dorm room and sleep. Sleep away the shame and the fatigue until she felt refreshed again.
****
When class was finally over Alex was relieved to let her mind relax once more. She thought about going to apologize to her professor for being late but thought better of it. She knew that her words wouldn’t be enough; he’d want proof that she was a serious, dedicated student and the only way she could show that was through her work.
The class had already been assigned a problem, which she was determined to solve that very afternoon, after she’d had a much-needed power nap.
As her peers filtered out of the class, Alex tried to linger nearby, perhaps even connect with someone from her class and make a new friend, but they were all giving her a wide berth. Initially she thought it was in her mind, but as she approached a group of girls, they quickly departed.
Alex felt very much the outsider as she came out into the sunshine of the courtyard. The whole area was bustling with activity as students were scurrying to and from class or sitting on the grass, some alone, some in pairs or groups. Reading, laughing or listening to music, there was so much energy, so much movement, it was exhilarating.
Walking with the sun on her back, Alex wished that Ashley didn’t have a class that afternoon. It would have been nice if they could have sat out on the grass and talked and laughed and had fun.
But Alex stopped herself from wishing for an afternoon of sunshine. She had work to do, had to prove her worth. The old cheerleader Alex would have wasted the day basking on the immaculate lawns. Alexandra Heron, serious student and sorority pledge, needed to get her priorities in order. Alex began to fear that the old habits she’d cultivated back in Woodsdale might not be so easy to escape as she’d initially predicted.
****
Back in her dorm room, Alex found that both Brad and Ashley were now gone. A neatly made pink bed left no trace of the previous night’s debauchery.
Alex sat on her bed and considered going to sleep. She was exhausted, but the bright light outside made her feel guilty to waste a day sleeping.
Emptying her backpack, she decided it would be best to get on with her studies. She moved over to her desk and noticed a stamped envelope waiting for her. Her name and address was written in a spiderlike scrawl on the front. Opening it, she smiled when she saw that the letter was from Mark.
Alex,
I was so thrilled to get your letter. As if I could ever forget you! You’re all I’ve thought about since you left.
I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying Princeton. I’ve no doubt that you’ll work hard there and do amazingly well. I’m proud that you’ve felt confident to be the real you and no longer hide behind secrets. The real Alex Heron is amazing, trust me, and everyone is going to love her!
Woodsdale is the same as ever. A new school year has already started, and I’ve lost count of the detentions I’ve handed out! But you don’t want to hear about my boring school life. I want to hear all about your exciting college life! Is it everything you hoped it would be?
I don’t want to sound patronising and like a father, but make sure you keep focused on your studies. I know what an exciting time freshman year can be. I myself was certainly no stranger to parties, but remember the bigger goal, while, of course, having fun.
You’ve worked so hard to get there, make it all count.
I’m saying all this when I’m certain you’re already top of your class and impressing your professors!
Write back soon with all your student adventures!
Love,
Mark
X
Looking at the letter made Alex suddenly feel nauseous. She moved it from her sight and doubled over, her forehead on her knees, waiting for the feeling to pass.
As she sat there, she realized that she felt sick with guilt. Mark saw so much in Alex, saw her potential and the great things she could achieve. The fact that she’d been late to her first-ever class was now making her feel wretched.
She thought also of her father and how he’d react if he’d known. He’d berate her for wasting such an opportunity and tell her to focus and get it together.
As the sick feeling finally passed, Alex looked down at her desk, where her math assignment was waiting to be completed. Mark’s letter lay discarded on the floor.
She wanted so much to sleep, to give her body a chance to rest and recover, but she knew she needed to work, needed to prove her worth. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was one in the afternoon. She had ample time to complete her assignment and rest before Ashley returned from her class.
Grabbing a pen, Alex settled down to complete her first assignment.
****
“Congratulations, girls.” Taylor Patterson smiled sweetly at the eight girls lined up before her. She was wearing a mint green and pink check dress, the colors of Kappa Pi.
Behind her the rest of the sorority looked on, all of them wearing the exact same dress. Each girl looked immaculate, from her makeup to her hair, even down to her toenails, which would be painted in either the obligatory pink or green, or even a combination of both. Image was very important within Kappa Pi.
“You have survived pledging and can now be welcomed into the Kappa Pi fold as sisters!” Taylor’s smiled broadened as she delivered the good news to the girls before her.