Authors: Clarissa Carlyle
Stretching, Alex stood and checked the time. It was ten in the morning. She looked back at her watch in disbelief. The digits looked back at her, blinking and unforgiving.
“But my alarm.” Alex shook her head, unable to comprehend why she hadn’t woken up. She’d set her alarm for half-past eight, determined not to miss another class. Her attendance record had gotten dangerously low over the past few months, and it was imperative that she start attending classes more regularly.
Checking her phone, Alex saw that she had indeed set her alarm and that it had gone off at the delegated time. She’d just slept through it.
“Dammit,” Alex moaned as she searched the chaos of her dorm room for her class books and backpack.
Ashley had many admirable qualities; she was kind, fun, loyal and patient, but she was not tidy. Almost all of her clothes were strewn across the floor. Alex had vowed to only clean up her own stuff, but she was starting to thaw on that decision, realizing that the only way her room would ever be clean again was if she took it upon herself to tidy up Ashley’s stuff along with her own. She supposed it was the least she could do for her friend, who was so kindly paying for them both to live in the sorority house the following year. Assuming Alex even passed freshman year, which at this rate looked unlikely.
Without time to change or even tidy her hair, Alex knew she’d just have to endure the shameful looks she’d incur as she walked out wearing the same outfit she’d partied in the night before. She wouldn’t be the first student to do it, nor would she be the last. She considered pulling on a sweater, but the morning was already hot and heavy. She’d have to just go with the glittery ensemble and take any negative comments hurled her way.
“I’m off.” She jiggled one of Ashley’s exposed feet to wake her slumbering friend.
“Already?” Ashley groaned from within the comfort of her covers.
“You should get up too if you don’t want to be late for class,” Alex warned.
“Yes, Mom, I’ll be up shortly,” Ashley answered curtly. She wasn’t a morning person.
“Bye, Brad,” Alex added to the presumed owner of the second pair of feet. Her eyes quickly widened when she spotted Ashley fervently shaking her head. She watched her embarrassed friend mouth the name ‘Jake.’
“Sorry, Jake,” Alex sweetly corrected herself, though she was blushing profusely. “I’m so bad with names.”
****
Alex was glad to get out of her room and avoid any further awkwardness. As she hurried along the corridor of her dorm, she noticed girls stopping to glance at her dishevelled appearance. Alex hadn’t dared to even look into a mirror that morning, knowing she’d be too ashamed of what it revealed. She probably still had makeup strewn down her cheeks. It was not a good look.
As Alex ran across the courtyard, she heard her phone start ringing in her backpack. She considered ignoring it but decided against it at the last second and answered an incoming call from her mother.
“Hey, Mom,” Alex panted, tired from running to class.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Jackie’s warm voice came filtering through the handset. “You’re not in class yet, are you?”
“No, not yet. Going there now, got a few minutes to spare.” Alex slowed her pace so she could talk to her mother.
“Well, I put a dollar’s worth of quarters into the payphone, so we should have ten minutes to talk,” Jackie informed her.
“Great.” Alex forced a smile, the doors to her class loomed up before her, closed and foreboding.
“How is everything going? I haven’t heard from you for a while.” Her mother sounded hurt by this, which made Alex feel guilty.
“I’m just super busy, Mom. Classes are really intense.” In Alex’s defence, classes were intense, when she actually managed to attend them.
“I’m so proud of you. You’re working so hard.”
“Uh huh.”
“And Andy is doing really well. He got straight As on his report card. Can you believe that? Maybe both of my children will go on to college!” Jackie said proudly.
“Yeah, that’d be awesome.”
“Are you eating right?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Getting enough sleep?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“It’s just, you know how I worry.”
“Yes, Mom. But you don’t need to worry, I’m fine.” Alex tried to reassure her mother.
“Do you have enough money?” Jackie asked anxiously.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine for money.” Alex was fortunate that her scholarship included accommodation and on-campus meals, and next year her sorority dues would be covering similar things. She had considered getting a part-time job just to earn some extra cash, but felt she currently didn’t have the time to spare.
“I’ve worked some extra shifts so could always send you some if you need it,” Jackie offered.
Alex suddenly stopped fretting about her class and focused solely on the conversation she was having with her mother and smiled warmly. Her mother tried so very hard to be there for her, and it wasn’t easy. It warmed Alex’s heart to hear such selflessness. She hoped that if she were to ever have children, she’d be as willing to take care of them as her own mother was.
“That’s really kind of you, Mom, but I’m okay, really I am. Why don’t you take that money and treat yourself to something nice? Like a new dress or something. You deserve it,” Alex told her softly.
There was silence on the line, and Alex feared that she’d made her mother cry. Before losing her father, Alex knew he’d taken such good care of all of them, especially her mother. He’d regularly take her out to fancy dinners and buy her new dresses and jewelry. If Alex was his princess, then Jackie was definitely his queen. Alex forgot sometimes that it wasn’t just her who’d lost her hero; her brother and mother had too.
“You okay, Mom?”
“Yeah, yes, I’m fine.” Jackie sniffed a little.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go to class now.”
“Oh, that’s fine, honey. You go and learn and be great.”
“I’ll try.”
“I’m so very proud of you, Alexandra.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I miss you,” Jackie whispered.
“I miss you too, Mom.”
Alex hung up and steeled herself for her entrance into class.
****
Alex tried to be as stealthy as possible as she walked in late to the lecture hall. She spotted a vacant seat near the aisle that she quickly occupied. She could feel people looking at her, but she didn’t turn to absorb their judgement. She knew what they’d be thinking, and she was too tired to care.
The class was being taught by a young female professor. She wore her blonde hair atop her head in a tight bun and had on a smart beige skirt suit. She looked extremely professional, which was a stark contrast to the casually dressed students she was teaching, in particular Alex, who looked like she belonged in a nightclub rather than a classroom.
Alex began to regret not at least changing her top. The sequins sparkled and called out to be noticed. A less shimmering top would have helped her to blend in more easily.
“If you can all turn to page sixty-six of your textbooks,” the professor instructed.
Alex and the other students all obliged, but as Alex scanned the page, she could feel the eyes of the professor settle upon her.
“Miss Heron, since you are so accustomed to being late for my class, perhaps you can tell us the solution to problem 3B?”
Problem 3B was conveniently about time, or rather the lack of it. It was a complex equation that centered around vortices and aircraft speed. Alex had previously studied the problem, as per the homework from the previous class. Thankfully, her gifted mind could easily solve the problem. She was grateful that her aptitude in mathematics gave her leeway to be late sometimes. She assumed the only reason she was kept on the course was because her grades remained steady. It was only her attendance that was a real issue.
Alex looked back through the question, wanting to be certain of her answer.
“The solution is to take time and distance, divide it against weight and speed, and you create a formula which should run five, seven, seven, eight, all in seconds. This is the only pattern you could release the aircraft in.”
“The only pattern?” the professor asked incredulously.
“Yes, Miss Dunne,” Alex confirmed. “That is the only pattern which would work as a sustainable solution.”
Alex watched Miss Dunne’s reaction, which was pretty unreadable. Behind her designer glasses the professor appeared indifferent. She paused for a moment, absorbing Alex’s response, and then nodded in agreement.
“Very good,” she commended Alex simply. “If only, Miss Heron, your own timekeeping was as accurate as your mathematical skills.”
Some people sniggered at this, but Alex didn’t care. She’d got the answer right, which meant she was safe in her class, for now.
****
Alex didn’t return to her dorm room. She wasn’t ready to tackle the mountains of clothes that were growing across the floor. Instead, she went and sat down in the courtyard, the sun warming her bare arms.
Ashley had texted suggesting they meet for lunch, so Alex only had half an hour or so to kill. Taking her notebook out of her backpack, she decided to write back to Mark. Lately she had found herself missing him more than ever. She longed for the stability she felt in his arms, and each time she saw Ashley in bed with someone, she felt a pang of loneliness.
Dear Mark,
I’m glad you haven’t forgotten about me. I certainly haven’t forgotten about you!
While I’m loving being here at Princeton and finally being the real me, life is far from simple. I’m beginning to realize that life can never be simple, no matter who you are or what you’re running from.
At Woodsdale I tried so hard to be the popular cheerleader that I think I’ve forgotten how to be the studious girl I once was. I’ve been partying a lot. A lot more than I’d let you believe because I don’t want you to think less of me. I just get caught up in the moment.
And now I’m officially a member of Kappa Pi, which means more parties and social events. And as much as I’d like to say I’m above it all and only here for my education, I’d be lying as I’m loving it. I get to enjoy myself with others without worrying that they’ll disown me if they knew the truth about my past. No one here cares that my family lives in a trailer.
I am making it all count, though, don’t worry. And while I’m not top of my class yet, I’m certain I will be by the end of the year! I promise to start applying myself more to my studies!
I wish you were here to keep me grounded, keep my head on straight. And other things… I don’t want to write smut in a letter, but I hope you miss me in that way too. The nights are long here when I can think of only being in your arms once more.
Missing you,
Alex
Xoxo
****
“Can you believe that our freshman year is almost over?” Ashley asked in disbelief as she struggled to pack away her belongings.
“Yeah, it’s crazy,” Alex agreed, looking sadly at her final report card for the year. She’d made it into the second year, barely, and there was a note that her progress would be assessed and reviewed when her junior year commenced, which she didn’t like the sound of. It shamed Alex to think she may have potentially failed.
“I’m going to miss this room.” Ashley glanced around at the now empty walls, feeling nostalgic.