Let's Be Crazy (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 4) (9 page)

Lexie

I tug on Sadie’s snow pants and bundle her up as we head outside. Tiff and I volunteer to take the kids, so Brooke and Nate have some alone time. Ashton and Jax drove into town to grab some more food and supplies.

“Okay, is it just me or were you expecting someone more like Ashton?” Tiff asks me as we watch the kids attempt to build a snowman.

“Maybe,” I tell her. Actually, I fully expected some Gucci model to be here all weekend. All Brooke ever told us about Nate was how wonderful he was.

“Well, I’m just saying I didn’t expect that.”

“But, if she’s happy, then we should be happy for her.”

“Oh, I’m not saying that. I’m shocked, that’s all.”

I nod, because I am too.

“Mommy, come play with us. You too, Aunt Tiff.” Sadie’s face is red and beaming. I can’t say no to that face.

I jump up with Tiff, and we help the kids build a snowman. It isn’t the greatest creation, but it’s not that lopsided. We use my scarf and Tiff grabs a carrot from the kitchen. Reed and Sadie find a couple sticks for the arms. We all four step back and see what we’ve done when it’s finished.

“That’s so cool,” Reed says.

“It would be better if it would sing like on
Frozen
.” Sadie shrugs. “It’s still good though.”

We all turn to hear the van pulling up in the driveway, seeing Ashton and Jax.

“Dad, we made a snowman.” Reed points to it like its a masterpiece.

“That’s the best one I’ve ever seen,” Ashton says, gathering up some bags, going into the house with Jax.

“Can we go sledding, Mommy?”

I nod to Sadie, and the kids run over to the side of the house to grab a couple sleds that Ashton had set out for them. The small hill is on the backside of the house. Tiff and I stand at the top, watching the kids race, and see how far they can go. It’s funny watching them come back up the hill, slipping and sliding. I know I shouldn’t laugh, but Sadie and Reed are covered in snow. Sadie falls at the top of the hill by my feet, panting.

“Are you going to make it, Sadie?” I tease her. “You’re not tired, are you?”

Sadie shakes her head, but I can clearly see that she’s exhausted.

“Come on.” I help her to her feet and grab the sled. Reed follows me with his. We set them back up by the house. That’s when I hear a snowball hit the back of Reed’s jacket. We turn to see Jax and Ashton quickly round the corner of the house.

“Dad, I saw you!” Reed yells at him. He begins to gather snow, but his hands are too small.

“Here, Reed.” Tiff makes a larger one and hands it to him, and then makes one for Sadie. “Go get them.”

The kids race to the side of the house, but stop when they turn the corner.

“They’re not here.” Reed sounds sad.

“Ouch!” Tiff yelps out next to me, and then I feel a slight sting between my shoulder blades. We whip around and see the guys standing there, grinning like teenage boys at us.

“Here, Mommy,” Sadie hands me the snowball, and without thinking, I fling it towards Ashton, hitting him in the shoulder.

“This means war,” Ashton says, gathering more snow.

Tiff yells for the kids to run, and we head towards the back of the house again. I’m not fast enough, and as Ashton grabs my waist, we lose our footing, causing me to fall in the snow. He lands on top of me, and I’m laughing so hard, my sides hurt.

“I’ll save you, Mommy.” I see Sadie pushing on Ashton’s side. “Get off her, Daddy.”

Ashton and I stop, and all the air leaves me. He quickly looks at me with wide eyes as Reed jumps on Ashton’s back.

“I got you, Dad,” Reed laughs loudly, and Sadie is too. She doesn’t even realize what she said.

I see Tiff standing over us, and
she
knows what Sadie just said. “Hey kids, come on, I think you two won.” She tries to sound cheerful, but she’s not good at faking.

“Yeah, we won!” Reed and Sadie jump up and down.

“All right, hot chocolate time.” Jax grabs their hands.

I rush to get on my feet, pushing Ashton.

“Lexie.” Ashton grabs my hand, but I break free, running into the house. I don’t stop when Brooke asks me what’s wrong, the tears rolling down my face. I slam the door and rip off the hat, the jacket, and my boots.

Sadie called Ashton ‘Daddy’. Did she mean it? I don’t even think she knows she said it, but she did. Does she think Ashton’s her dad? No, that can’t be right. She knows Tony is her dad. It was a mistake. It’s a slip of the tongue, but it still hurts.

Tony should hear her call him ‘Daddy’. He needs to be here to see her growing up. He needs to be next to me. I’ve made a mistake. It’s moving too fast.

“Stop overthinking.” Tiff walks into my room without knocking, shutting the door behind her. “She’s a little girl, and she just said it.”

“I know.” I wipe the tears away. “But, I think I need to end it with Ashton. I can’t let this happen.”

“What? You can’t have a great guy be a father figure for Sadie? What do you want, then? You want some asshole? Or would you rather be alone the rest of your life?”

“Stop it, Tiff. You don’t understand.”

“You’re wrong. I understand better than you think. I lost my brother. I’m still sad, but you can’t keep using him as an excuse.”

I gasp. “I’m not. I loved him. We had plans. We had our future all planned out, and look at what’s going on now.”

“Yes, look at it. There is an amazing guy downstairs, who treats your daughter like a princess, who lights up every time you walk into the room, and what are you doing about it? Hiding, running away, and not listen to your feelings.”

“My feelings are telling me to run away,” I tell her.

She shakes her head. “That’s a lie. I see how you look at him. I hear the glee in your voice when you say his name. I saw you last night, grinning like a schoolgirl, watching him on the ice.”

I drop my head. My heart races thinking about seeing him playing last night. I did watch him. I thought about him bringing Sadie into my room. I saw how he was staring at me. I knew what he was thinking because I had the same ideas.

“Mommy.” Sadie bursts through the bedroom door. Her face has chocolate all over it. “Miss Brooke made hot chocolate with whipped cream and syrup.”

I bend down to her. “That sounds delicious.”

“It is,” Ashton says from the doorway.

“Well, I need some of that,” Tiff announces. “Come on, Sadie. Let’s see if Miss Brooke will make me some.”

“Okay.” She grabs Tiff’s hand, and they race out the door, leaving Ashton and me alone.

I stare at him, and he gives me that small sexy smile of his.

“When I was in town, I got you a gift.” He shuts the door. I see that he has his hand behind his back. When he steps right up to me, he pulls the small packet from his back. I laugh. I try to stop it, but it comes right out.

“A SpongeBob nightlight?” I take it from his hand.

“Well, maybe it’s for Sadie, but it should help you get a good night’s sleep.”

I glance over the gift, still smiling. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now,” he wraps his arms around my waist, “you okay?”

I shake my head. “She’s never called anyone that before.”

“I figured.”

“I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know what to do,” I whisper my fear to him.

“Honestly, I have no advice either.” He kisses my forehead. “But, it’ll be okay.”

I nod. My fears won’t leave my head. They are still there.

“Let’s go downstairs.” He takes my hand, tugging me towards the door.

The rest of the night is actually a lot of fun. Nate is extremely smart and begins to relax a little bit around us. We all help with dinner, and the kids watch
Frozen
,
again
. After their baths, I take Sadie to my room for a moment. We sit on the bed, and I brush her hair.

“Sadie,” I say gently. “Do you remember what you said today?”

“When?”

I clear my throat. “When you called Mr. Ashton ‘Daddy’?”

“I did?”

“Yes. When we were outside playing. Do you know why you said it?”

She shrugs. I turn her sideway to look at her. “Sadie, you know that Ashton isn’t your dad.”

“I know. My daddy’s in heaven.”

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure that you know that.”

“Mommy,” she hangs her head, and her wet hair falls around her face. “Will I ever have a daddy?”

I take a deep breath. I’ve never really lied to Sadie, and I’m not going to start now. “I don’t know. But, I do know I love you, and Grammy and Pops love you, and Aunt Tiff loves you so much.”

“I know.” She looks up at me with her soft brown eyes that are exactly like Tony’s. “I wish that one day I would have a daddy. Everyone else has one.”

“You do have one. He’s just in heaven, watching over you,” I try to explain to her.

“But, I don’t have a daddy to wrestle with, or dance with, or to love me.”

“Sadie, your daddy loved you so much. The moment I told him that you were coming, he couldn’t stop telling everyone about you. But, he went to heaven because he was a soldier, and he was trying to help other people. He was so brave, just like you.”

She nods.

“All right, it’s time for bed. We need to test out your nightlight that Mr. Ashton got.”

“Okay.” She hops off my bed, and we go down the hall to her room.

When we walk in, Ashton is in bed with Reed, reading a
Transformers
book.

“Sadie, get in my bed. Dad’s getting to the best part.” Reed waves her over.

She runs over, leaping up on the bed next to Reed. Ashton smiles at me, but continues the story. When it’s over the kids clap and tell Ashton he did a good job.

“Well, if my hockey career fails, I can become a professional storyteller.” He tosses the book on the nightstand.

I pick up Sadie and tuck her in bed, telling her how much I love her. When Ashton shuts off the light, the room is illuminated with a yellow glow from the nightlight.

He touches my arm as we continue down the hall. “You want to have a nightcap?”

I shake my head. “Not tonight.” I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I need time alone.

Ashton

I can’t stop thinking about earlier, and I really want to see Lexie. It seems absurd that I’m not seeing her right now since I’m right across the hall. Tossing the blankets aside, I very quietly get up and open the bedroom door. Brooke stops mid-tiptoe when she sees me.

“What do you think you’re doing, young lady?” I whisper in my best authoritative tone.

“Shut up. What do you think I’m doing?”

“Sneaking around like a horny teenager.”

“Okay, maybe. But what are
you
doing out?”

“Bathroom? Kind of hungry too. Totally innocent activities.”

“Liar. Are you going to talk to Lexie? I can see there is some tension.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to sneak off to? If we keep talking here, we’ll be found.”

“Well, just be easy with her, and be a gentleman.”

“Always am. You be a lady.”

Brooke rolls her eyes and tiptoes past me. I slowly open Lexie’s door, cringing when it creaks. “Lex? You awake?” I whisper.

There’s a moment of silence before I hear, “Yes, you can come in.”

I close the door behind me as Lexie moves to the other side of the bed so I can lie down next to her. “Did I wake you, or couldn’t you sleep either?” My hand finds hers, needing to touch her even in the smallest of ways.

“I was lying here thinking. What about you?”

“Same. Doing okay still? You’re not going to push me away, are you?” That’s the last thing I want, but I know it must be hard for her. My worst fear was what happened today; Sadie calling me Daddy, and seeing Lexie’s reaction. I want her to be happy, and I want her to do whatever she feels is right for Sadie.

“No. Tiff tells me I overthink a lot of stuff. I just….I’m scared.”

I squeeze her hand. “You don’t have to be. I’m not going to hurt you or Sadie, and I’m not taking Tony’s place either.” That’s not what I want, but I do want to be there for Sadie, too, if Lexie wants me to be. Tony is her dad, and I really like her mom. There’s room for us both, as long as Lex is okay with that.

“I know you’re not, but that’s the first time she’s ever called someone ‘Dad’. I didn’t even know what to do. I talked to her, but I don’t know.” She moves to lie on her side to look at me, so I do too. “Are we moving too fast? I mean, I know the kids don’t know, but what do you think?”

“Has she ever had someone else around where that might have slipped out? You have to think about that too, Lex. We’re not moving too fast, but if you’d rather Brooke handle my side of the playdates so I’m not around her as much until things are more serious, we could do that.” With a deep breath, I finish softly, “I don’t know what you want.”

Lexie sighs. “Ashton, in the past seven years, I’ve been on two dates. Tony and I were together for a long time. I know I shouldn’t put this on you because you’re so young, but I don’t how to act with a guy anymore. I mean, the other night I almost ripped your clothes off, and I haven’t had these feelings in a long, long time.” This time, she takes a deep breath. “Sadie really likes you, and I don’t mind you coming to playdates because that gives you time with Reed too.”

“I’m not young, Lexie.” What is up with her and all this age nonsense? “Hell, I’ve been a parent one whole year longer than you, and look at Brooke and Nate. I’m only three years younger, so stop with that.” I reach out and squeeze her hip. “And believe me, I want you naked all the time, but I’m not rushing anything. I don’t want to. I haven’t really dated in a while either, you know.” Maybe that will help her realize she’s not the only one going through similar things. “All that really matters right this second is that I like you, you like me, and our kids get along. Everything else can be figured out along the way.”

“Well, you do make good points. Our kids really love each other, and if we take things slower, maybe I won’t overthink so much. Then again, some things might have to have to be real slow.”

“Slow sounds perfect. And just remember that I don’t give up easily.” I grin.

“Please, no more flowers. Although,” she wiggles closer to me, “I did enjoy the spa day.”

“No flowers, more relaxing getaway gifts. Got it.” My fingers dance up her side. “Mind if I stay in here until right before everyone wakes up?”

She seems to think about it for a moment before saying, “Under one condition: you have to let me make up for being a little crazy today.”

Smiling, I lean forward, my lips brushing hers. “We’re supposed to be crazy, remember?” As I press my mouth fully against hers, I roll her over onto her back, lying flush with her body. I haven’t quite figured out what it is about this woman, but the longer I’m around her, the more I want her and everything that comes with her.

Lexie’s hands move down my back, the tips of her fingers slightly digging into my skin along the way. I kiss her jaw, her neck, and then move to her chest. God, she’s wearing some silky nightie thing again. My thumb brushes over her nipple over the fabric and I murmur, “Is this what you always wear to bed?”

“Mhm.”

I travel back up to kiss her hard, letting my hand slide further down. “Fuck, you’ll kill me if you ever dress sexier than this.” Her little gown has risen up, causing my hand to run over the bare skin at her hip. As slow as possible, I inch my hand closer to her middle, my fingers brushing her panties. “Too fast?” I lean back a little to watch her reaction. Her eyes open wider, her breath comes in shallower intervals, and her grip tightens on my back. “Or,” I start, barely touching her as I move my hand between her thighs, “should I go even slower?”

With my words, my fingers deliberately and leisurely massage her as her panties begin to dampen beneath my touch. Lexie briefly closes her eyes when I add more pressure. She’s too beautiful not to watch. Those eyes flash open again. She moves to grasp the back of my neck, kissing me fiercely once more. When she starts to move her hips against my hand, I pull away. The kissing stops immediately.

I peck her lips quickly. “Slow, remember?” Whispering in her ear, I add, “Besides, if I keep going, you’ll end up moaning and screaming and wake everyone up.”

Her sigh is heavy, but breathy. “You’re right.” Lying on her side, she tucks herself into my arms.

“Good night, Lexie.”

“G’night, Ashton.” After ten minutes of silence, I’m almost asleep when she speaks softly, sounding almost asleep herself. “I won’t push you away, so I want you to do something for me.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t let me walk away.”

Instead of answering, I tug her closer and kiss the top of her head. That is definitely something I can do.