Letters of Love (Green Division Series Book #3) (9 page)

*****

When they left the hospital, Ben’s anger subsided, replaced
by remorse.  His anger was very misdirected.  He’d gone to Aubrey asking for a favor.  A favor he didn’t deserve after their prior interactions, but she agreed to his request.  She’d given her time freely to Tiffy and Tiffy loved her.  Ben wasn’t sure how to fix his fuck up.  He was embarrassed and thought she’d hate him after his outburst.  He wouldn’t blame her if she did.  But, she seemed to have forgiven him.  More than most women would do, rightfully so.
Ben turned the headlights off and both stared into the fields behind her house.
“What does it mean?  Tiffy passing out like that?”
“It could be many things.”
“But most likely it’s because her cancer is progressing.”
“We shouldn’t talk about this, we know how this goes.”  Aubrey sat up from their snuggled position.
“Be honest.”
“We both know it’s because of the tumor, Ben,” she said heartfelt.
Ben took in a deep breath.  “I don’t understand why.  Why does a nine year old get cancer?  She hasn’t even lived yet.”
“She’s lived a very happy nine years.  That’s more than many people.”
“It’s not...it’s not right.  This shouldn’t happen to a kid.  It shouldn’t happen to my niece.”  Ben spoke more candidly with her than he had anyone, family or friend.
“Tiffy promised me to secrecy, but you should know this.”
Ben sat upright, his attention peaked.  “What should I know?”
“All she wants is for people to treat her like a normal kid.  She say everyone treats her like she’s dying, or like she’s already dead.  She wants you to treat her like she’s still here, like she’s not already gone.”
“She said that about me...”
“She said it about everyone.  She said she’s not afraid of dying, she knows she going to Heaven.  What scares her is hurting you guys, the pain you’ll feel in her loss and coping with it.”
“Jesus Christ.”  Ben covered his eyes.
“She’s a strong girl, Ben.  And she understands far more than you think.  She knows what death is.  She knows she’s dying.  And she knows how much it's tearing you all apart.  More than anything on that list, all she wants is for you all to treat her like she’s not dying.  Like she’s Tiffy.”
Ben held his hands tight over his face.
“She’s still here.  Don’t look at her like she’s already gone.  She’s still here.  We can’t control if any of us will be here in another year.  I could die, you could die, she could still be alive.  All we can do is live for now.  Even that isn’t guaranteed.”
He pulled his hands from his face and took a deep breath trying to get his composure.  Ben wasn’t a crier and he didn’t cry, but he came pretty damn close.  He’d hurt Tiffy.  That was unacceptable.
“I wish I could trade places with her.”  
Aubrey squeezed his hand.  
“God, I could use a beer right about now.”
Aubrey picked up her purse from the floor.  “You are in luck, I just so happen to have a twelve pack of Smirnoff and a bottle of Captain.”
“I shouldn’t.”  Ben wanted to.  Getting hammered sounded like a wonderful idea at that moment.
“I’m going to have a few.  You’re welcome to.”
“You know, I think I’ll take you up on the offer.”
They walked into her house together.
“I’m going to take a quick shower.  Help yourself to a drink.”  Aubrey pointed to the fridge, then walked to the back of the house.
Ben took a bottle of Smirnoff and went into her living room.  Her house was modest and impeccably clean.  He inspected the pictures on her walls.  A man in a military uniform was in several pictures.  Either a family member or boyfriend...but if it were a boyfriend, she would have mentioned it.  Another picture of whom he presumed were her parents.  A few of her in bridesmaid dresses at a couple different weddings.  She was beautiful, damn, she was. Not typical size 2 model beautiful, but the way a woman should look.  Now if he was three inches taller and twenty pounds heavier, he could say the same for himself about being a man.   Ben was incredibly self conscious of his height.
“They are awful pictures.”  Aubrey came back wearing a pair of Santa Claus fleece pajama shorts and a pink tank top.
“They’re nice.  Are you...um...one of those Christmas all year long types?”
“They’re soft and warm.  I don’t care what they have on them.”
Ben smiled at her.  Aubrey went to the kitchen and made herself a Captain and Coke.  She normally didn’t keep hard liquor, but Jill and Taylor had left it behind on their last visit.
The first Captain and Coke disappeared within a matter of moments.   
“Do you want one?”
“I’m still working on my Smirnoff.”  He’d only had a few sips of the Smirnoff.
“Have a real drink with me.”
“Ah, okay, one drink.”  Ben wanted to drive home within a reasonable amount of time, so he didn’t plan on having more than one.
Aubrey poured one for both of them.
Like her first, her second drained quickly.
“You know how to drink...”
“I haven’t drank, really drank in a long time.  But damnit, I need it tonight.”  She poured a third and sat on a bar stool.  
“I guess you do.”
Aubrey’s third on was gone within another fifteen minutes and her alcohol caught up to her.
“Do you have to work tomorrow?”  Ben finished his drink.
“I swapped shifts so I don’t have to be in until nine pm.”
“Good thing.”  
“Have another drink.”
“I’m not having more than one and driving.  As it is I’m going to wait a few hours so you’re stuck with me.”
“I have a spare room, you can crash here.  Have another drink!”
“You’ll change your tune in the morning when you see me in your spare room and don’t remember inviting me.”
“I’ll ‘member.  Stay.  Drink with me, drinking alone is no fun.” She pouted.
“I do have tomorrow off.”  He contemplated it.
She opened a bottle of Smirnoff and went to the living room.  Aubrey dropped onto the couch ungracefully.  Three drinks within the hour had her buzzing like a fly, her intoxication very visible.
“C’mon.  I’m fine.”  Ben sat on the opposite side of the couch.  “What do you want to watch?”  She turned the television and flipped through the channels.  “We can watch....an infomercial...another infomercial...or one GI Joe.”
“GI Joe has my vote.”
“Good.  Mine too.  Channing Tatum is hot.  H-A-W-T.”
Ben laughed.
“Don’t lie.  Youuuu think actresses are hot.  Like Megan Fox is hot.  Every man does.”
“She’s attractive.”  He wasn’t going to deny she was.
“So.  Ben.  Why are you here with me instead of being with some hoochie whore?  That’s what you police guys do, screw every woman around, right?”
“Tell me what you really think.”  
She’s an honest drunk.  
“Well, you guys get a rep for being, ya know, man whores.”
“Man whores...”
“Yeah, cause all the whores throw themselves at you.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not like that.  The majority aren’t...”
“Screwable,” she said bluntly.
“You’re a fun drunk.”
“I’m fun sober.”  She smiled and took a drink off her Smirnoff.  “I bet you have a different woman every night.”  
“Um, no.  I wish.”
“Mhm.  I don’t believe you.”
“You’re a nurse, your type have the same reputation.”
“Pshhhh, I haven’t had sex in three years.  Three years!  That’ a long time!  Has it been that long for you?”
Ben was nearly speechless.  THREE YEARS?  She was too beautiful to not have some man jump on her.  He’d take care of that problem...
Ben....no.
“Ah, no, it hasn’t been three years for me.”
“How long for you?”
“A few months.”
“Bastard.”
“That explains why you’re so wound up.”
“You’d be wound up too.”
Ben was tempted to make a comment, but stopped himself.  She was far too drunk to be having this conversation.  If she remembered it, she’d be mortified.  He, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious.  
“You are a very entertaining drunk.”
“I’m not dunk.”  Aubrey chuckled at her flub.  “I’m not dunker.”  She laughed harder.
“You’re so drunk you can’t say drunk.”
“I need to pee.”  She stood up, stumbled, and then recovered.  
Ben watched her walk to the bathroom.  He could tell she had to concentrate to keep herself in a somewhat straight line.  She was an entertaining woman when she was intoxicated, but she’d reached her limit.
“Ben,” she called out as she jogged back down the hallway.
THUMP
 
Aubrey fetched up on the braided throw carpet.
“Ouch.”
“Are you okay?”  Ben stood and walked to her.
“Yup.  I’m allllllllright.”
He helped her up.  
“Kinda hurts.”
“You skun your knee up.”
“I need another drink.”
“Aubrey—”  He followed her into the kitchen.  “I think you’ve had enough.”
“You don’t tell me when I’ve had enough.”  She opened a bottle.  “I decide.  Yoooooou can’t tell me what to do.”  She took a haul off her drink.
“You’ve had more alcohol in an hour than most people do in a night.  Look at your knee and tell me you haven’t had too much.”
“It’s just a scratch,” she said without looking down.
It wasn’t a scratch, it was rug burned badly.  Ben felt pain looking at it.  Blood ran down her leg.   Ben reached over and stole the bottle when she set it on the countertop.
“Hey!”  She gave him a dirty look.
“Let’s get your leg cleaned up there Grace.”
She looked down at her leg.  “Shit, that doesn’t look pretty.”
“Looks painful.”
“Not too bad.”
“It’ll hurt tomorrow, don’t worry.”  Ben walked her back to the couch.  “First aid kit?”
“Bathroom shelf.  I’ll get it.”
“Sit.  I got it.”  He walked to the bathroom and retrieved the little kit along with a wash cloth.  
“We never did finish our convo ‘bout why you weren’ with a hoochie.”  
Ben knelt down in front of her.
“Because I’d rather be here with you.”  He didn’t mean to say that.  
Good thing she is drunk and won’t remember that.  Change the topic.  
“All you had was rubbing alcohol on your shelf.  You don’t have any peroxide?”
“Ran out.  No biggie, alcohol will work.”
“I think a little soap and water will do.  Alcohol will hurt like hell.”
“I’ll do it.”  She reached for the rubbing alcohol.
“Chill out.”  He laughed.  “I’ve got it, but you’re going to change your mind once we clean your leg with it.”
“I’m a big girl.  I got this.”
“Oh, sure.”  Ben took the washcloth and wet it with alcohol.  “No going back.”  He held up the cloth.
“Go for it doctor.”
“Okay...”  Ben knew better than to listen to a drunk, but a floor wasn’t the cleanest of places.  He wiped the wound with the cloth and Aubrey instantly buckled.
“Owe, owe, owwwwwe!”  
Ben leaned forward, held the sides of her knee, and blew on her wound to lessen the pain.
“Is that better?”
Aubrey cleared her throat.  “Yeah....thank you.”
GI Joe ended followed by a riveting episode of Cheers.
“I’m tired.”  She yawned.
“Babysitting you has me worn out too.”
“We should take a nap.”  Aubrey moved to the center cushion and snuggled into his side.  “Mmmm, you smell so good.”  She shifted, pulled his arm around her side, and snuggled more comfortably.
“Are you comfortable?” he joked.
“Very comfy.”  She rested her arm across his center, her head on his chest, then took a deep breath and closed her eyes.  “I like cuddling with you.”
“You know I’m going to remind you of everything you’ve said to me tomorrow.”
“Go for it.”  And like that, she was out.  
Ben wouldn’t embarrass her by rehashing their conversation of her nun-like sex life when she sobered up, but his mind would continue to wander about fixing that issue for her.
Damn her.
 He liked her, lusted her.  That was a problem.

CHAPTER TWELVE
Aubrey groggily came to at the sound of the refrigerator kicking on.  She felt like she was in a fog.  Too...much...to...drink.  Where was she?  What was on her back?  Whatever it was, it was warm.  And the couch, it moved ever so slightly underneath her.
After struggling for a few moments she got herself together.  She wasn’t laying on the couch, she was laying on a person.  Ben.  The warm weight on her lumbar—it was his arms wrapped around her lower back.  She lifted her head and looked up at him.
“Ugh...I’m going to regret this in the morning.”  She laid her head back down and passed out.
Five hours later.
The morning sun beamed down on her face and awakened her from her deep sleep.  Her head pounded and felt as though someone was beating it like a drum.
“Ahhhhggg,” she moaned as she picked up her head.
“Not feeling so well?” Ben asked, his arms still around her back.
“No.”  She laid her head back down.  “Sorry I passed out on you.”
“It’s alright.”  
She lifted her head and this time summoned the strength to get up.  She felt her leg, the nonchalant attitude she had the prior night about her injury had changed.
“That hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.”  Aubrey sat on the edge of the couch and looked at her knee.  “I drank way too much last night.  I made a fool of myself.”  
She cringed at the memories. She remembered everything and...Sweet Jesus...She’d told him how long it had been since she’d unwillingly abstained from sex.
“I can’t believe some of the things I told you.”  She dropped her head down.
“I don’t remember you telling me anything too revealing.  A little talk about Megan Fox and how I’m a manwhore.”
“Sorry.”  She managed a small smile.  “I haven’t drank like that in years.”
“I could tell.  You’re a lightweight.”
“What else did I tell you?”  
Ben’s lip slightly hitched up.  “You were obsessed with my manwhore ways and then you took a digger.  That sums up the night.  Oh, you did tell me you liked cuddling with me.”
Her cheeks flushed.  
Nothing about my sex life?  I swore I told him that....good, I’m glad I didn’t.  That must have been a dream.
“I am a friendly drunk.”  She tried to play it off.  “Obviously too friendly. I can’t believe I slept with you.”
“You didn’t sleep with me, you slept on me.”
“You’re doing good at making me feel like a fool.   I need some Tylenol.”  She ventured from the edge of the couch to the kitchen cabinet where it was kept.
Ben stood up and walked into her bathroom.  
It was 6am and the horses needed to be tended to.  Aubrey pulled on her muck boots and opened the door.
“Tending to your horses.”  He returned to the living room.
“No matter how hungover I am, they still need to be fed.”  
“Do you want some help?”
“No, I’m okay.  Go back to sleep, I won’t sleep on you this time.”  Aubrey closed the door behind her.