Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (8 page)

Paul’s hands traveled my
torso while his lips sucked on my neck. James, still on his knees,
lapped at my juices while two fingers entered me. I imagined
reaching behind me and stroking Paul’s cock as James tongued me
into oblivion.

“
Always, only, forever
you, Blackbird.”

“
Anything you want,
Cass.”

Their words filled my ears
and drove me closer to the edge. The orgasm that flooded me had me
trembling against the shower wall. When my eyes opened, my fantasy
faded away. A girl was allowed to dream, right? And a dream it was.
I finished my shower and climbed into bed, a faint throb still
lingering between my legs.

I was dreaming, or at least
I thought I might be. Blindfolded and tied to the bed, hands roamed
my body. I was aware that more than one pair traveled along my skin
as a pair of lips lingered on my lower back. A hand moved down the
curve of my hip, toward my inner thigh. My hips rose as I sought
out a deeper and more meaningful caress.

“
Soon, Blackbird.” His
voice near my ear alerted me that his was not the mouth on my
back.

“
James?”

“
Just relax, enjoy the
pleasure.”

Someone knelt between my
legs and lifted my hips slightly when there was a knock on the
door. “Tell them to go away!”

“
Anything you
want…”

“
Paul?”

The knock on the door came
again and this time it was Jane’s voice I heard. “Cassidy, you
hungry? I’m coming in.”

I rolled over, vaguely
aware of the pillow between my legs. I had been dreaming.
Shit!
What was wrong
with me? Jane poked her head in as I waved to her.

“
Hey, you ready to hit the
road soon?” I nodded. “Sorry, I know it’s early. I have to work
tonight so…”

“
It’s ok. Just give me a
few minutes and I’ll be down.”

“
Ok.”

She seemed like she wanted
to ask me something, but wasn’t sure if she should. “Mind your
business Jane, or tell Cal to!” She laughed at that before nodding
her head and leaving the room.

On the drive home I was
remembering the day Cal had come to the house. He was furious,
ecstatic, overly-protective, and just plain concerned. It was the
day after my miscarriage and I hadn’t even told him I was pregnant
yet. It was a mess.

“
Cass, Jane told me.
You’re pregnant!” I was unable to speak as I felt myself pale.
“What’s wrong? That’s a dumb question, I know what’s wrong. What
can I do to help? Want me to rough him up again?”

That got a small chuckle
from me as I shook my head. “You should sit down.”

We walked over to my couch
and sat down. “I can’t believe my baby sister is going to be a
Momma!”

“
Cal, there’s no baby.” He
looked dumbfounded.

“
What do you mean? Jane
said…”

“
I lost the baby on
Sunday.” I watched as he tried to process my words. I should’ve
told him from the beginning.

“
But, how?”

I shrugged my shoulders.
“Sometimes these things happen, that’s what the doctor said
anyway.”

“
It’s because of him,
isn’t it?”

“
Cal, there really is
nothing anyone could’ve done. I imagine Jane told you that I fell
down the stairs. I’m sorry I kept it from you. I’m a klutz, we all
know this.”

“
You wouldn’t have fallen
down those stairs if it wasn’t for him!”

“
Cal, we don’t know. I had
started spotting lightly earlier that day. It’s just too
complicated, there’s really no way to know why. Please, let it
go.”

The tears were filling my
eyes as he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.
“Cassidy, I’m so sorry.”

“
I know. I am,
too.”

I exhaled a big breath and
shook the memory away. We were close to home and Jane and Paul both
appeared to be asleep. Cal caught my eye in the rearview mirror and
smiled.

“
Don’t jump into anything
new, too quick sis.”

I rolled my eyes at him,
responding, “Calvin David, mind your own damn business.”

“
Cass…”

“
CAL!”

He put a hand up in
defense, “Ok, ok. Geesh.”

“
I love you, but
don’t.”

Jane lifted her head and
scolded Cal with her eyes before looking back to me and winking.
Paul still seemed to be asleep and I was grateful for that. Cal
dropped me off first and Paul jumped out as I closed the truck
door.

“
Cassidy?”

Turning to look at him, I
smiled. “Be patient with me, Paul.” He nodded and dug his hands
into his front pockets. I leaned up and kissed him on his cheek.
“Call me.”

I walked in my front door
without looking back. It was around lunch time and I was looking
forward to doing a whole lot of nothing for the rest of the day. I
spent a good part of my day searching for my iPod with no luck.
Worse case I’d just buy a new one. I could afford to, though I knew
I should focus on paying off my student loans.

The next day at work, I got
a call from Annie. I had debated about even answering the call, but
figured it could be important. She told me that Judge Mathis had
requested to see me and James regarding the divorce proceedings. My
heart dropped like a brick as I took down the address and meeting
time for the next day. We’d had the papers drawn up weeks ago, or
so I thought, and I had no idea what to expect next. Annie warned
me that we likely wouldn’t be approved for an annulment. Whatever
happened, I just wanted it over with.

The next day as I walked
into Judge Mathis’ office, my senses were on high alert. I was
waiting in his office, alone. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve expected
James or not. The door opened and I turned and recognized the judge
who had married James and me on that winter night a few months
prior.

“
Cassidy, pleasure to see
you again. Though, I wish it was on better circumstances.” We shook
hands and he kissed my cheek before taking his seat behind his
desk. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“
No, thank you. I’m all
set.” I was gripping my hands together, trying to diffuse my
nerves.

He leaned back in his chair
and just stared at me. I was becoming uncomfortable when he finally
spoke. “You two seemed so in love.”

His statement caught me off
guard. “Well, sometimes love isn’t enough.”

“
So you still love
him?”

For whatever reason, I
didn’t feel like hiding anything from him. What did it matter?
“I’ll probably always love him. I believed whole heartedly when I
said my vows that he was it for me.”

“
So what changed?” I just
stared at him. “I’ll be candid. Sources tell me that you’re
pregnant.” The expression on my face must have alarmed him. He sat
up quickly, from his laid back position and clarified, “Your secret
is safe, but it’s a big decision bringing a baby into the
world.”

“
There is no baby, not
anymore.”

“
Hmm, I see.”

“
I lost the baby, I didn’t
abort it, if that’s what you think.”

“
Sorry, I didn’t mean to
presume.”

“
I was ecstatic when I
found out we were going to have a baby. Our relationship was the
only problem, or lack thereof.”

“
Well, I can’t grant you
an annulment. You’ll have to go through the six month separation
period before it’s official. At that time, if you still wish to be
divorced then I’ll make the process as quick and smooth for you as
possible.”

I’m not sure what I was
expecting. Six more months of being MRSJB3 wasn’t really what I had
in mind, but there was no getting around it. “Thank
you.”

He shuffled through some
papers and placed them in front of me. “I just need you to sign
here and here.” I signed my name, Cassidy Benedict, and scoffed
when I realized I’d never even had my driver’s license changed
over. “Something funny, dear?”

“
No. Sad really. In all
the commotion of the last few months I never changed my name on my
driver’s license. Guess it never really mattered.”

He walked around the desk
and clasped my hands in his. “It matters dear. If you want my
opinion, that boy is a fool. He didn’t have a ring for you that day
either. That was his first mistake.”

My throat tightened at his
kind words as I feigned a smile. “He’s a good person. The
circumstances were just wrong. Our timing has always been a little
off.”

“
Well, I’ll let you get
back to your day. You can finalize in November, but I hope you two
can work it out.”

“
Thank…” The door opened
at that moment and James came walking in.

“
James, I was just telling
this lovely creature that I hope you two work it out.” I was
mortified and couldn’t look to either of them.

I reached for my purse and
made my exit. “Cassidy, wait.” I continued down the hall and away
from prying eyes and ears before he stopped me. “Cassidy, please
talk to me.”

I turned to look at him,
mascara running, with no words to throw at him. “What James? You
got what you wanted. In six months we’ll both be free.”

“
That’s not what I
wanted.”

“
Ditto.” We just stood
there staring at one another. “I have to get back to work.” He just
nodded and I walked away from him, but I would never be whole again
because the core of my heart was with him and always would be. I
couldn’t keep fighting for him when he clearly wasn’t going to
fight for me. Six months. A lot could change in six
months.

~ JAMES ~

After speaking with Judge
Mathis, my plan was falling into place. Though I wasn’t sure how
much of a plan it was. Annie would call Cassidy to schedule the
meeting on Tuesday with the judge and we’d sign the papers. I had
spent the rest of Sunday and Monday getting caught up on work and
putting the other pieces of my plan into motion. I didn’t like
flaunting my money to get what I wanted. But for her, there was no
price tag too high for me to pay to show her I loved her. I wasn’t
planning to buy her love, just trying to prove my love. If a few
grand gestures helped get through to her, then so be it.

I met with Paul and Smith
and got down to business. I pressed Smith on the Dan front. We
suspected that he’d left town, but I wanted him caught so that we
could all breathe easy again. Paul and I were civil and I hated
what I was doing to him. He had no reason to believe that I wanted
my wife. Hell, I’d practically handed her to him on a silver
platter. I shook the memory away as we discussed the house and
other properties of mine.

“
I want to move forward
with the house.”

“
Ok. I’ll get started on
laying the foundation.”

“
Good. Alright, next. The
Blue Horse. I want it gutted.”

“
I thought you were going
to sell it?”

“
Nope, change of plans. I
have plans for some kind of memorial for my mother. I’ll let you
know when I finalize everything.” I knew what my plans were, but I
couldn’t risk anything being spoiled. “It’ll be quick, too. I need
it finished by mid-September. Remodel and all.”

“
Ok. Just keep me up to
date.”

“
Delaney will be in touch.
She’s helping with the final design.”

“
Sounds good.”

That night as I headed to
the penthouse, I stepped out of the elevator and ran into Melissa.
Her bodyguard was with her and I pulled her aside to speak to
her.

“
I wanted to apologize
again.”

“
James, it’s ok.” She
smiled and rubbed my arm. “You’ve been through a lot, so has
Cassidy.” I nodded and she asked, “How is she, the
baby?”

Shit. It dawned on me that
she didn’t know. Shaking my head, “She lost the baby.”

“
Oh, God. I didn’t
know.”

“
How would you? That
reminds me, what happened with the job interview?”

Snickering, she replied,
“It didn’t happen. I’ll find something else.”

“
Melissa, you’re a perfect
fit for that job. I think you should try to talk to
her.”

“
No, thank you. I’m over
getting my head bit off.”

Smiling, “You two are more
alike than you know. Her bark is worse than her bite. Ask her to
hear you out. Give her the benefit of the doubt and she may do the
same.” She started to say something else and I stopped her.
“Seriously. If you want that job, you’re going to have to fight for
it. Think about it.” She processed my words for a moment before
agreeing to think about it. “Alright. I’ll let you go.” She got in
the elevator and I headed to my suite.

I had Cassidy and music on
the brain. I’d been listening to her playlist, the one titled with
my name, over and over and working on my own playlist for her. The
one year anniversary of the first night I saw her was fast
approaching, which meant that it had also been almost a year since
Holly’s death. I pulled my tie off and headed up to my room to
change.