License to Love (8 page)

Her quick cutting look proved he’d been a real jerk to ask.
“What boyfriend would that be?”

“Your boss. Sounded like you had a fight before you came out
here.”

“It was over before I came out here, and I don’t plan on
ever speaking with him again.” She nudged the horse ahead, leaving him to watch
her hair shimmer in the weak sunlight that made it through the morning fog.

The light vanished and he looked up. The fog was
dissipating, but a front of dark clouds followed behind. He usually saw a storm
coming, so he wasn’t happy that she’d distracted him.

“It’s about to break loose,” he told her just as a brisk
wind flipped her hair around. She followed his lead and turned her horse to
head back.

* * * *

In the stables, Brent moved the brush across Jeffrey’s back
with long, sweeping stokes. “I shouldn’t have asked.” Actually, he wasn’t sorry
but he knew he needed to say something about it.

“It’s fine.” She shrugged without looking at him. “But if
we’re going to be friends, we can’t do that.”

“Do what?” And why did they need to stick to friendship? How
could they deny what they felt?

“Ask questions.”

“Why not?” His hand paused as he looked at her. “Friends ask
questions and talk about themselves.” Not that he wanted to stay friends.

“Ok, fine, but my past is off limits. I’m sure by now you
understand it’s too hard for me to talk about.” When she pulled in a deep
breath, he noticed her hands tremble on the horse.

That was exactly why he needed to learn more about it.

Speckle made a loving noise as if she felt Missy’s fear, and
Brent felt awful for causing it.

He stepped closer so that when she turned, she was inches
from him. They stood close enough for him to smell her lavender shampoo.

Confusion washed across her face before understanding.

“You change gears awful fast.” Her try at lightness failed
and her voice came out heavy, husky.

“Think so?” His voice grew as quiet as it could without
becoming a whisper. “If you don’t want to kiss me, you’d better run. Now.”

Chapter Five

She had to be imagining the care in his eyes. This hadn’t
been her goal. So when had these feelings snuck in?

He hovered, obviously waiting for her to either make a move
or run.

He wasn’t her boss this time, but close enough. Wasn’t she
here to prove she could make it on a ranch? She wanted to turn away, but leaned
closer instead.

Weren’t his eyes magnificent? She thought of a clear winter
sky, so freshly light blue. His eyes searched hers, searched her face as if to
memorize, and settled on her mouth. Oh, no, her mouth was open, her lip
trembling.

Get a grip, Missy! Get a grip and run!
No, no, no,
why was she leaning forward? Her heart hammered as his head tilted, leaned, and
then it happened. Their lips met.

Something sharp and sweet washed through her, starting at
her mouth and running down to her feet. His lips moved against hers and she
nearly jumped. She would have, if she could move.

She was timid and he seemed to feel it. Though their tongues
touched lightly, he kept space between their bodies. He rested one hand on her
arm and nothing more.

That made her want more of him.

Brent tasted like the outdoors, sweet like autumn sunshine
and country air. The smell of his leather coat and his aftershave raked through
her. She’d never smelled anything like it.

Or felt anything like his lips on hers, so tender and
asking. She reached up and found his shoulders with her hands and leaned
closer. She’d lost control. His arms came around her, encircling the dip of her
waist. She ached for him, wanted his hands to tease lightly all over her bare
skin, but she knew better. She could lose everything again. What was she doing?

Sanity raised its troubling head and she pushed out of
Brent’s hold. She shouldn’t have kissed him.

She’d vowed to never again get involved with someone she
worked with. Not after the struggle to get past the humiliation and the rumors.

“Brent… this will change things. We can’t go there.” She
turned and ran clear to her house.

* * * *

“Missy!”

She didn’t hear. She was gone.

His body felt on fire. For a minute, he’d been lost in the
most moving experience of his life. His lips felt cold now that hers weren’t
there.

Was he losing it, or had she leaned toward him first? The
woman had no idea of what she wanted. Her reaction sent a chill through him,
though he couldn’t tell if she’d been shocked or disgusted. Both were
disheartening.

He breathed deeply and debated for a minute, and then
started walking. Maybe it wouldn’t be as simple as getting her into bed. He had
tried to tell himself that would fix these feelings for both of them so they
could get on with their work. It wouldn’t though, would it? She was afraid of
something, and he felt a lot more than plain old lust.

If only he knew what to do about it. For the moment, he
needed to make sure she was okay. He knocked five times before she opened the
door. The words he wanted to say just didn’t work. Not when he saw the pain in
her big brown eyes.

She’d removed her red coat, revealing the white long sleeve
shirt she wore underneath. It stretched across her breasts, making him wish
they were here to continue what they’d started, not discuss why they wouldn’t
be.

Something big stood in the way of her trusting him. He could
see it in her expression. Her frightened face made her eyes larger, darker. He
wanted to hold her and kiss her again to make it all right, but not after what
just happened.

“Missy, don’t you trust me?”

Taking several steps back, she nodded. At the very least,
she said she did. Maybe she’d been upset with herself for breaking a personal
rule. Could it be that simple?

“Then did I read you wrong?” he asked, stepping inside and
shutting the door.

“No.” Her hunched shoulders kept him close to the door,
watching her as she took a deep breath. When she motioned to the couch, he came
in and sat, leaving space between them.

Suddenly he noticed the pile of folded blankets next to the
couch. “You’re sleeping out here?”

Shrugging, she tried to say something, but just ran her
fingers through her hair. He didn’t understand for a minute, but it didn’t take
long. From where he sat, he could see down the hallway, to the bedroom door. It
was shut. He doubted she’d gone into Ben’s old room.

Brent felt so lousy about himself he didn’t know what to
say.

She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.”

Even if she’d kissed him first, which he doubted now, it
wasn’t her fault. “You don’t have to be sorry for it.”

She looked up to his face again. He saw regret in her eyes
and braced for the words. “I have to be, and I can’t do that again.”

“You didn’t like it?” His question went over the line, but
he had to know. He wasn’t sure how he’d walk away from someone so mysterious,
so beautiful.

“I did like kissing you, Brent.” The way she spoke slowly
had him bracing for the ‘but’. “I’m just not ready for a relationship.”

“I wasn’t either. There’s no way to prepare for that.” She’d
about knocked him over, sent him into moans.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.” She stood back
up as she spoke, and he jumped to his feet after her.

“If you’re not attracted to me, tell me, but please don’t
turn away if it’s something else.”

She folded her arms. “I don’t have to explain this to you,
or anybody. I told you my problems are just that, remember? My problems.” Anger
simmered under her quick words. She took three long strides to the door and
grabbed the handle.

She was tall, but he was taller and took two steps to catch
her. He planted a hand on top of hers. “That’s not how it works with people who
care about you.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I care about you.” Without warning, he planted his
mouth on hers again. She made a noise that started like an
hmm
and ended
with an
ahh
! She leaned into him, going soft, her hands relaxing on his
shoulders, but it ended quickly. With a shove, she separated them.

Eyes dancing with fury and heat, she declared, “I don’t have
to kiss you, and I don’t have to explain!”

Taking her gently by the chin, he held her so she looked
straight into his eyes. “Of course you don’t have to kiss me. But since you did
back there, you should tell me why you don’t want to do it again.”

“No!” She shook, trying not to cry. “I can’t.”

“Why, Missy? What happened that made you this way? Because
your boss lied about you, or because he did something else?”

She stared at him with icy eyes.

“He hurt you?” Sure, he was blunt. He’d always been that
way. But he regretted this instance of it because the emotion slid off her
face. He’d lost her.

Instead of responding, she passed him and walked down the
hall and into the bathroom. Man, he needed to learn how to talk to people. He
went to the door where she’d locked herself in.

“I’m sorry, Missy.”

“I just need some time alone.”

He knew she had some fears and hurts but he wanted to help.
It probably didn’t help that he was so cold when he first met her, but couldn’t
he make up for that now?

He knew what betrayal felt like, and how hard it was to
trust again. Despite that, he wanted to try.

“I’m too curious for my own good.” He resigned himself to
talking to the door. “I’ve grown to care about you. It happened when we met,
but I didn’t want to like you. I can’t fight it now. So I’m sorry about
whatever happened that hurt you.”

Wow, his longest speech ever. He thought he heard quiet
crying.

“I hold on too tight, I know.” Confession time now, he
guessed. “I don’t want to push you away. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

She didn’t answer and he was out of words. Now what? Sure,
he could sit and wait. Or he could remember his place, or more specifically
that this was her place now, her home.

“Okay, I’m leaving, but I won’t give up on you.” His legs
felt stiff on his way out, like he had to push through river water to get
outside.

He gulped down a cool breath of sweet Oregon air. This
complicated the hell out of things, but there was no turning back.

* * * *

“Has there been a flash flood warning or something?” Dale
asked as he met Brent at the stable entrance in the early morning. “You’re
moving fast.”

“I feel something coming. Let’s get the rest of the horses
in.” He’d brought in two already, but he needed help to calm down the horses
remaining in the pasture.

They were excited about something, and it just might be the
heavy rain they’d had for days now.

The horses couldn’t seem to make up their minds once they
were inside for the day. They settled down, then panicked again.

“It’s just rain,” he muttered to himself before the truth
hit him. His mood, not the weather, was spooking them.

He trudged back to the pasture. How was he supposed to act
normal? He wanted to help Missy through this, whatever it was. Plus, they
couldn’t work together with things the way they were.

With the horses in their stalls, he felt better.

“Brent?” That one quiet word behind him made him jump. He
turned around to find Missy bundled in a thick brown jacket, her arms crossed
and pulled close.

He stood, staring, a full minute at her lips, red from the
cold, and her weepy eyes. They were wide, driving him crazy, and reminding him he
should answer.

“Missy.” He stepped closer, gauging her reaction, but she
didn’t move.

“I’m sorry I shut you out like that.” She dropped her gaze.

This felt like a second chance to talk things out, but he
knew to step lightly. He wondered if he could at least offer a hand of support
on her shoulder.

She was trying not to cry and needed something. So he took
the last step, but stopped in front of her, not touching, just waiting. “Well,
if we’re both sorry, let’s just move on. If you want to, that is.”

When she nodded, he moved his arm across her back and drew
her closer. That sweet lavender smell reached him right before she relaxed into
him. Her head leaned and rested on his shoulder.

“Can we be friends again?” she asked. Feeling her in his
arms stirred protective feelings. She felt like a fragile fawn, too wobbly to
stand on its new legs. Her lavender and spice scent stirred other things, but
he ignored them.

“Friends, Missy.”
And anything else you want from me
.
He hoped she sensed that thought because speaking it wouldn’t be right.

He couldn’t fight for a woman who asked him for his
friendship. She clearly needed that, someone to depend on. He could be a good
friend, it had always been the
more
that caused problems.

* * * *

After she looked out her window the next morning and saw
Brent working with the horses, Missy stayed indoors for the day. Somehow she
had to keep busy and not think about their kisses.

The cabin had no TV, so she tried to finish the cleaning. It’d
been a mess when she moved in and she had slowly been moving things around and
settling in. She’d added some touches of her own here and there, and autumn
decorations, though she’d been hesitant to replace Ben’s things with her own.

Coming here turned her life around. She’d spent three years thinking
about the firm, her accounts, building her reputation. She’d fought and won
battles. Now she questioned what she’d been fighting for. Whatever she sought
before, wasn’t there.

But what would happen if this didn’t work out? She felt like
she was gambling every time she flirted with Brent. They could be business
partners if they wanted, but she wasn’t sure they could be lovers and make it
work. If that kind of relationship didn’t work, how would she stay here? She
was loving it more and more with each passing day; she hated to think about
leaving.