Authors: Angela Verdenius
“Now where have I heard that before?”
She flipped him the bird, right before she smiled suddenly. “Thanks for coming to our rescue. Dee won’t listen to anyone but you in times like that.”
“Good to know.”
“Seriously, Ryder, she respects you more than you know.” Del paused, a strange look in her eyes. “She feels a lot more than you know, too.”
Not quite sure what she meant, he just looked back at her.
She sighed. “Goodnight, dumb arse.”
Ryder followed her home, waiting until she’d gone inside her house before he headed for his own place. Jezebel met him at the front door, meowing piteously, little front paws prancing.
“Geez, girl.” He dropped the keys on the hall table. “Have you eaten all your biscuits already?”
An investigation of the food bowls showed that the biscuit bowl was still half full, but Jezebel just sat near it and stared at him.
“I get it,” he told her. “Cravings. You’re having cravings.” He opened the pantry door. “What do you want?” He almost laughed out loud when she actually came to investigate the pantry, sitting beside his feet to gaze into the depths. “Find anything to tickle your palate?”
Jezebel looked up at him and blinked.
“Hmm, okay, let’s see.” He regarded the assorted tins of cat food. “Fish? Meat? Chicken? In gravy or jelly?” Taking out a tin, he held it down for her to look at. “How about chicken in gravy?”
Within minutes she was scoffing down a tin of food. Ryder tossed the empty can into the bin and debated if he should thaw some mince out overnight so she could have fresh meat for breakfast.
Taking a Coke from the ‘fridge, he popped the tab and took several mouthfuls, his thoughts turning to Dee. He’d give her another hour or so before he headed back. She’d be asleep by then and he could sneak upstairs and sack out on the sofa.
Rubbing his hand through his hair, he watched Jezebel eat. “I know, I know, Dee’s a grown woman. Whoo boy, is she ever. But we won’t go there. Though you’d know all about being a grown woman, wouldn’t you, you little hussy? Old enough to get pregnant - oh
shit
!”
Goddamn, he hadn’t spoken to Dee about the unprotected sex. Cripes, it was too late anyway, right? He didn’t know whether to panic or panic. Or panic. The tin he held crackled as his grip tightened.
Shit, what if she got pregnant? With his child? Their child? He could almost feel a line of sweat pop out on his brow. He wasn’t ready to be a dad, wasn’t sure he ever would be ready.
But damn it, he wouldn’t leave Dee to face it alone. He might be a prick at times but he wasn’t a total arse. He wouldn’t desert her, wouldn’t desert his kid. He’d be there for them both, he and Dee would see it through together.
Taking another mouthful of Coke, he frowned. Okay, another scenario was that Dee wouldn’t get pregnant. It didn’t always happen. Cripes, to be honest, he didn’t know just how strong a swimmers were his sperm. Maybe they were weak, falling back, unable to make that race. But no, it only took one strong bugger to outrace the rest and wiggle into an egg and from there - boom! Kid in the making.
Leaning back against the kitchen bench, he rolled the cold can across his forehead as he watched Jezebel wander out of the kitchen, her belly bulging.
Unbidden, he pictured Dee, belly swollen with his baby, walking across his kitchen, smiling at him as she passed. All that blonde hair piled on her head in an untidy bun, lush curves ripe with pregnancy. A babe made by him and her, a mix of them both.
Would it be a girl who looked like her? A boy who looked like him? A baby who was a mix of them both?
Rather than the flush of expected panic, he felt a wash of warmth instead, the picture expanding in his mind to Dee cuddled up to him, a little blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms, the scent of her perfume and the smell of baby powder drifting up from both his woman and his babe.
Okay, that was a pleasant thought. He smiled. Him, his wife, a baby -
Wait a minute! What the hell?
He jerked upright, his grip on the can crushing it so that Coke spilled over the top and down his hand, making him curse and drop the can in the sink, running water from the tap over his Coke-soaked hand.
What the hell was wrong with him? Thinking about Dee and himself setting up house, much less a baby? No way could he and that blonde, mouthy babe with the impressive boobs and delightfully curvy hips live under the same roof. They’d kill each other in no time. Shit, even the townspeople of Gully’s Fall hung on every cross word he and Dee shared, every man and woman watching with delight and curiosity as they verbally sparred.
Everyone knew Ryder and Dee were not a good match. Friends, yes, but anything romantic? No.
Ryder tipped the Coke from the ruined can into a glass. Imagine how shocked the townspeople would be if they knew he and Dee had slept together. Imagine how shocked any of their friends would be, for that matter.
No way could they have ever guessed at the fire inside Dee, the way he’d responded. He hadn’t expected it himself.
Now he was messed up, because he really didn’t know what he was feeling, what to think, what to do. He’d never felt that way about any sheila, ever.
Ever
. Until Dee. God, the woman tied him up in knots even when she wasn’t right in front of him.
A knock sounded on the back door, jerking him from his thoughts.
Crossing to the kitchen door, he flicked on the light to see Simon and Scott standing outside, Kirk behind them looking out into the darkness. Scott held several pizza boxes.
“Hey,” Simon greeted him.
“Hey.” Genuinely glad to see them, he stepped back. “What’s this?”
“Man cave time.” Scott strode past him.
“Simon called it,” Kirk informed him, carrying in a six pack of light beer.
“And since he called it,” Scott said, “he’s relegated to drinking your Coke while we have the light beer. He’s designated driver.”
“Tough.” Ryder flashed a grin at Simon. “Dickhead.”
Simon just smiled lazily and slouched inside, hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts.
Scott dropped the pizza boxes on the table. “I hear she’s knocked up.”
Ryder almost slammed his finger in the door.
“What?”
“Knocked up,” Scott replied. “Up the duff. Bun in the oven.”
Kirk slanted Ryder a look as he broke the seals around the necks of the light beers. “You’re careless.”
“How the hell…?” Ryder went hot, went cold. “How did you hear that?”
“You really think you can keep something like that a secret?” Scott flipped the box lids open. “Congratulations.”
Simon helped himself to a can of Coke from the ‘fridge.
This was unbelievable. “How could you possibly-”
“You’re going to become a daddy.” Scott grinned widely.
Jesus, he was starting to have chest pains. Ryder sucked in a big breath. “You can’t know straight away, not so soon.”
“Doesn’t take long,” Scott said cheerfully.
In the act of lifting a beer to his lips, Kirk paused and gave Ryder an odd look.
Not even noticing, Ryder stood rooted to the spot, watching his friends incredulously.
Popping the tab on the tin of Coke, Simon regarded Ryder with a raised eyebrow.
Kicking out a chair, Scott dropped into it, yanking a paper serviette from the holder in the middle of the table. “Come on, dig in while it’s hot.”
Ryder started to slowly cross to the table, their words ringing in his ears. “How did you all know? Who told you?”
Lowering himself into a chair, Kirk pushed the other light beers into the centre of the table. “Simon.”
Ryder glared at Simon. “How did you know? And more importantly, why did you bloody tell? How many people have you told? Jesus, Simon! You’ll embarrass her! I won’t have her embarrassed, you hear me?”
Not in the least concerned, Simon took the third chair and picked up a slice of pizza.
Ryder switched his glare to Kirk and Scott. “How many know? Goddamn it, don’t tell me the whole bloody town knows!”
Bewildered, Kirk and Scott exchanged glances.
“Bit late.” Simon took a bite of pizza. “Will from the supermarket told Cheryl from the café, who told Jill from the bookshop, who apparently told Ian from the furniture store, but he already knew because Mrs Miller couldn’t believe it.”
“Mrs Miller?” Ryder was almost ready to stroke out. “
Mrs Miller
knows?” Oh God, Dee’s
mother
knew! “That means the whole family knows!” And his. Oh
God
, his mother would
kill
him!
“Geez, settle down, Ryder.” Scott stared at him. “It’s no big deal.”
“Well, it kind of is,” Kirk murmured. “She is his responsibility.”
Ryder strode to the kitchen bench and back to the table, his thoughts racing a mile a minute. “Oh Christ, when she knows the whole town is talking about us, she’ll freak out. I have to go to her, be by her side when she finds out!” He stabbed a finger in Kirk’s direction. “Regardless of what you think, I don’t shirk my responsibilities. We’ll face it together. And I’ll personally sort out any bastard who dares to gossip about her!”
“Cripes.” Scott looked at Kirk. “I didn’t know he took this so seriously. Is he out of his mind?”
Kirk regarded Ryder closely.
Simon just smiled a little more and took another mouthful of pizza.
“Considering the shit you give me about my own cat, I think you’re overreacting.” Scott shook his head.
Ryder was aghast. “You can’t compare Tilly to her! What is wrong with you? And everyone thinks I’m the one with a problem!”
“It’s no secret she’s in your bed.”
Ryder almost choked.
“Bet you both snuggle up, all cuddly-wuddly, your hand on her big belly-”
“You dare to say anything about her figure and I will bust your arse, friend or no friend!” Ryder bolted upright, bracing his palms on the table as he leaned across to snarl down at a stunned Scott. “Dee has a great figure, you hear me? Makes my nuts hurt just to think of her bending over in front of me!”
It was Scott’s turn to choke. Normally unflappable, Kirk’s mouth fell open, which would have been hilarious if Ryder wasn’t so furious.
Simon just continued smiling and eating.
“And you, numb nuts!” Ryder stuck his finger in the redhead’s direction. “I don’t care if the whole town knows I made love to Dee!
Twice
, if they really have to know! Sure, I didn’t mean it to happen, but it did and I don’t bloody regret it, you hear me?” His nostrils flared. “And, you bloody moron, even I know it’s too soon for a woman to know if she’s pregnant! Sure, I might have forgotten protection both times, but it doesn’t mean Dee’s up the duff!”
Simon nodded thoughtfully.
“Is that all you’ve got to say?” Ryder glared.
“Actually, no.” Picking up a paper serviette, Simon dabbed at the sauce on the corners of his mouth before pointing to the kitchen doorway. “That’s the pregnant female we meant.”
Ryder jerked his head around in the direction indicated to see Jezebel sitting there, her big eyes looking around the room, her very pregnant belly sticking out both sides of her.
The meaning of Simon’s words filtered through him.
The silence in the kitchen could be cut with a knife.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Ryder turned his head to find Kirk and Scott still staring at him, while Simon took a mouthful of Coke and swirled it around his mouth before swallowing and giving him the biggest ear-to-ear grin the bastard could possibly make.
“Oh shit.” Ryder collapsed on the chair. “Oh shit.” He dropped his forehead onto the table, not even feeling the wood hit, though the ‘clunk’ was loud in the silence. “Oh, shit a brick.”
No one said a word. The seconds ticked past, the only sound that of Jezebel’s
‘mrrp!’
as she crunched through some biscuits before winding coyly around Ryder’s ankles, batting her eyelashes at Simon, who tickled her under the chin, cast a shy glance sideways at Scott and Kirk and walked back out, her pregnant belly swaying side to side.
Ryder saw it all because he couldn’t bring himself to look at his friends, who were all watching him. He followed Jezebel’s progress out of the kitchen before clearing his throat and reaching for one of the small bottles of light beer. Twisting the cap off, he took several long swallows before lowering the bottle to the table, taking a deep breath and mentally bracing himself as he finally met Scott and Kirk’s eyes.
Both his friends still looked a little stunned.
Hey, join the queue
.
“Jezebel was pregnant before I knew it,” he announced.
Play it cool, avoid the elephant in the room
. “She turned up several months ago, I’ve been feeding her, she came in out of the cold-”
“It’s summer,” Simon pointed out happily.
“-and I finally took her for a check-up at the vet to have her vaccinations and shit, and we found out she was pregnant. Once she’s had the kittens, she’ll be fixed.” He lifted his chin at Kirk. “That’s being responsible.”
“Are you freakin’ kidding me?” Scott asked.
“I’m a responsible pet owner.”
Avoid the subject
.
“You had sex with
Dee
?”
“Jezebel’s already micro-chipped.”
Play it cool
.
“
You
had sex with Dee.”
“She wears a collar, too. Tag and all.”
Don’t cave
.
“
You
had
sex
with
Dee
!”
“Jesus! Okay!” Ryder flung one hand into the air. “Yes, I had sex with Dee! I shagged, tupped, rode, went horizontal!”
“Don’t hold back,” Simon said. “Tell us how you really feel.”
“Shut up, numb nuts!” Ryder slapped one hand over his face and slumped back in the chair. “Oh God, I didn’t use a rubber! Twice we were at it and I didn’t once use a rubber!”
“So not that responsible then,” Kirk observed.
Ryder glared at him from between his fingers.
“About time, is all I can say.”
“What?”
“Woman like Dee, man like you. What took you so long?”
“So long?” he repeated stupidly.
Simon looked at Scott and sighed. “Dumb bastard.”
“What? What the hell - oh for…” Ryder felt like he’d been hit with a brick as he suddenly realised. “You mean…you three…every time you called me that…?”
“Oh,
now
he gets it.” Scott rolled his eyes. “Hallelujah, brothers, it’s a miracle!” He pointed the neck of his bottle at Ryder. “You dumb bastard, Ryder. Anyone with half a brain can see that you and Dee had something going.”
“What?”
Ryder straightened. “I only slept with her last night!”
“I mean, you drongo, there’s always been something between you two, some spark.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh God.” Scott closed his eyes. “My head hurts.”
“With all those wild ideas banging around in there, I’m not surprised.”
Simon leaned forward. “Ryder, think about it. She’s the only person who can insult you and get away with it.”
“So?”
“She’s the only person who can make you laugh when you’re in a snit.”
“Woman has a sense of humour.”
“She makes you come into her shop to get your comics, refuses to let anyone buy them for you, and gives you a hard time about it. You let her.”
“So?”
“Why?”
“Because it amuses me.” He shrugged. “So what? I like seeing her get all uppity.”
“You tease her in a way you never do any other woman.”
“I joke with other women.”
“Not like you do with Dee.”
Okay, that was true. But he loved seeing her cheeks flush, those pale blue eyes glitter with annoyance and, yes, laughter. Loved the way she leaned towards him when they shared a joke, touched his arm when they were close. Loved how she stood up to him, never plying him with false praise and affection.
He blinked, his friends’ faces coming into focus. “Okay.” He shrugged, but he was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under their steady regards.
Uncomfortable and a little like he was standing at the edge of something previously unacknowledged, something hidden but there, deep, dark, inviting, and a whole shit-load scary.
“Come on,” Kirk said quietly. “It’s obvious, Ryder. The way you treat her, tease her, laugh with and at her, argue with her, it’s special.”
“I argue with a lot of people.”
“You never put your arm around my neck after and kiss the top of my head,” Simon pointed out.
“So? I feel affection for her. Is that so wrong?” Ryder took another mouthful of the light beer. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. We stuck up for each other. I love her like a friend.”
“You shag your friends?” Scott queried.
“Don’t say it like that. I didn’t
shag
her.”
“You’ve shagged a lot of sheilas.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t shag Dee.”
“You had unprotected sex with her.”
“Damn it, it wasn’t just sex!” Ryder said angrily.
“So if it wasn’t just sex, and it wasn’t shagging, what was it?”
“Special.” The word practically shimmered in the air, all sparkly and silver. Or maybe that was just the grey edging his vision. Jesus, was he going to faint after that confession?
Special? What kind of sissy word was that?
Ryder opened his mouth to refute it, to take it back, but he couldn’t. Not for the life of him could he drag what they’d done into the mud, tear it down when what they’d shared
had
been special.
He just didn’t really know why it had been so special. Okay, his friends were trying to tell him something, tell him that-
“You love Dee,” Simon said suddenly. “She loves you.”
Scott’s head jerked as he stared in astonishment at him. “Simon!”
“Enough pussy-footing around it.” His expression was unusually serious. “It’s time he faces up to it.”
“Love?” Ryder gave a bark of laughter. “Are you crazy?”
“Crazy is how you acted when Jason Dawson walked Dee home from the pub.”
Ryder’s grip tightened on the bottle. “Bastard had no right being near her. She’s too good for him.”
“Then Dawson had his head smacked in for him, and you found him in her kitchen getting fixed up by her.” Simon’s eyes narrowed. “Odd how you bedded Dee last night, and oh look, last night was when Dawson was at her place.”
Just the memory of Dee’s hands being on Dawson’s skin was enough to make Ryder’s nostrils flare, not to mention the memory of how she’d looked at Dawson’s scrawny-arsed torso had made Ryder see red.
“I’m thinking you felt a whole hell of a lot possessive,” Simon said. “I’m betting you stopped Dee from tending to him, you took him home, and you were so stirred up with jealousy that you went back to sort Dee out in your own way.”
Kirk’s calm gaze switched from Simon to Ryder.
“If you’re implying that I forced her, I’ll tear you apart,” Ryder snarled hotly.
Simon didn’t flinch. “I’m betting that you went back to Dee with every intention of claiming her, and you did. You marked her like a tom cat, and that’s why you didn’t use protection.”
Ryder gritted his teeth. He was going to tear Simon limb from limb. “I will rip your nut sac off, you smug bastard.”
Scott tensed but Kirk just continued watching calmly.
Simon didn’t back down, his voice even and firm. “You’re the most careful man around, Ryder. You’ve had sex with a lot of women but you’ve never once done it without protection. Using rubbers is second nature for you. Not once in your whole shagging life have you ever,
ever,
forgotten protection. Yet there you are, alone with Dee, and you had sex twice with her without condoms. What does that tell you?”
“That he thinks with his dick?” Scott offered in a blatant attempt to ease the tension.
Simon didn’t remove his gaze from Ryder.
Fury boiling through him, Ryder pushed to his feet with every intention of smacking his friend right in the chops, but the longer he stood there glaring at Simon, his carefree, easy-going friend who suddenly didn’t seem so laid-back, the more his words pounded through Ryder’s head.
Those words ripped away a covering sheet, baring his thoughts in stark clarity.
Oh Christ, I deliberately didn’t use protection
.
It was a shock, like iced water thrown in his face. He dropped back in the chair to stare at Simon as the knowledge just kept coming. He’d not used condoms because he hadn’t wanted to, he’d deliberately shoved his normal caution and commonsense to the side because he hadn’t been acting as he usually did with a woman.
“You’re right,” he whispered. “You’re right. I knew what I was doing when I took Dawson home. I knew what I was doing when I went back to Dee’s place.” His heart pounded in his chest. “I wanted to possess Dee. I wanted her. I wanted to mark her inside and out so any man who came near her would know she was mine.”
The sound of the clock ticking on the wall was loud, every second marking time as the men sat around the table in shock and patient knowledge. The only one shocked, however, was Ryder.
He looked across the table at Kirk.
“You don’t mark a friend like that,” Kirk said quietly.
Cripes, he couldn’t back away from it now, not when the truth was so glaringly bright.
“Here.” Simon pushed Ryder’s half empty bottle of beer towards him. “Take a mouthful before you faint.”
Ryder blinked at him. “I’m not going to faint. Only sissies faint.”
“If I have to put your head between your legs, I’ll keep going and shove it up your arse.”
“Harsh,” Scott muttered. “But not a bad idea.”
“Up yours.” Reviving just a little, Ryder picked up the bottle, took a sip. “I think I need something stronger.”
“We don’t have anything stronger.”
Ryder looked down at the bottle in his grip before placing it back on the table. Shit, look at that, his fingers had a fine tremor. He fisted his hand, straightened his fingers again, studied them before picking up the bottle and having another swallow.
Becoming a little self-conscious under his friends’ gazes, he glanced up.
Kirk gave a slight smile, Scott was looking equal parts cautious and pleased, and Simon, well, that bastard who had pricked Ryder’s bubble without a qualm met his gaze full on.
“I ought to punch your lights out,” Ryder growled.
Simon grinned.
“Don’t think this changes anything.”
“We’re still friends?” Simon held up his little finger. “Pinkie swear?”
“Don’t make me hurt you.”
Simon’s grin faded, his gaze growing keen. “Speaking of hurt, how’s Dee?”
“Yeah.” Scott straightened from his slouch. “I heard she needed stitches.”
Glad to leave his chaotic thoughts and emotions behind for however brief a period, Ryder seized on the subject. “Yeah, she needed quite a few.” His gaze switched to Kirk. “Someone smashed the pots at her back door, she went down to investigate and fell, slicing her arm open on one of the shards.” Anger stirred inside him.
Kirk’s eyes sharpened. “Someone broke the pots deliberately?”
“That’s what Del told me. She doesn’t know who.” Ryder frowned. “When I find out, I’ll kick their arses so high and hard they’ll be farting out their mouths.”
“You should have called me as soon as you found out. There might be some evidence.”
“I was more worried about getting Dee to have the stitches, Kirk. That woman was determined not to have any and no one there could talk her into it.” Ryder shook his head in disgust. “All arguing with her. Anyone with half a brain knows you don’t argue with her when she’s like that, you just take control.”
“Most people aren’t willing to take their lives into their own hands,” Scott said dryly.
“And most people aren’t like Ryder,” Kirk added.
Ryder looked at him questioningly.
“In situations like that, Dee only listens to you. No one else could have made her have the stitches. Some wouldn’t understand her phobia.”
“Man, I remember how it all started. You would, too, Scott.” Ryder glanced at Kirk and Simon. “You didn’t live here then. When we were both ten years old, she cut her foot badly, needed stitches then, too. Bastard of a doctor we had back then wasn’t gentle, let me tell you. Here I am in the A & E with her, both of us shitting ourselves, blood everywhere. This doctor doesn’t tell her what’s happening, just stabs this needle into her foot. I can still hear her scream.” Ryder scowled. “I’m hanging onto her, she’s screaming, two nurses are holding her down. That bastard didn’t even wait for the anaesthetic to take full effect, he just started sewing. Man, her father came in and saw it, nearly laid that prick out. The only thing that stopped him was her mother hanging onto him, she knew Dee needed stitches, knew they had to keep going.” His hand fisted in memory. “By the time the doctor finished, Dee was a mess. Her mother had to pry her off me, she was hanging on like grim death, so pale I thought she was going to faint. Hell, even I had spots in front of my eyes, but I wasn’t letting her go. Her mother ended up dragging us both out clinging to each other.”