Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) (19 page)

"She's resting. "

Addie sat at the counter eating fish sticks. "Can I come?"

"No," Aunt Lucy and I said in unison. At least we agreed on one thing.

"Don't be late." Aunt Lucy smiled as I walked out the door. I actually felt like I'd pulled a fast one on her. Mom would never have let me out of the house so easily. The fact that Aunt Lucy had agreed to let me go to a party at all seemed like a minor miracle. I figured that, since I had the car, I could go to the party and then go see RD before he left. He hadn't answered my texts, but I remembered him saying something about an early ferry Saturday morning. I hoped, at least.

Cars stacked side-by-side filled the Taylor's circular driveway. Although the house seemed quiet, the parking lot down the winding road pretty much drew a map to the house with a big neon side that read, "Underage Drinking Here." I pounded on the front door. They'd had the good sense to lock it, at least.

"Cas-san-dra..." One of Nay Nay's fans opened the door, a short boy named Stevie who always ended up with door duty at parties. "Come on in, you gorgeous amazon," he said, his eyes darting beneath his baseball cap. "Hey, where's your new mystery man?"

"What new man?" I walked inside, immediately regretting my decision. Had rumors about my imaginary boyfriend really spread that far? I followed the hum of conversation through etched sliding glass doors onto the patio. People gathered by the pool, the blue-green light of the water bathing everyone in a ghostly hue. A marble statue of a naked woman with no arms stood on one side of the pool. On the other, a soldier held Medusa's head as a trophy. Definitely Italian. It just seemed so stupid on an island like San Sebastian.

"Cassie!" Priya shouted to me across the crowd. She wore a sassy short skirt with a matching tank. I felt totally out of place in my t-shirt and jeans. Normally, we would have called each other to discuss what we were wearing. Those days were clearly over. Priya ran across the patio.

"Oh, my God. You look so cute…” Was it my imagination or was she searching for words? “I love those earrings. They are so… so… silvery..."

"Thanks," I mumbled. "Nice skirt."

"So where is he?" She looked around like someone might be hiding behind me.

"I told you, Priya. I don't have a boyfriend." I smiled.

"That's right. You're just hanging out all summer by yourself to avoid me." Priya sounded hurt and I really hoped she wasn't going to start another fight with me. But she also sounded a little too loud. Had she been drinking? What was going on with her? She grabbed my hand. "You have got to have a margarita. Nay Nay's parents are out of town but, before they left, they totally stocked their bar and Nay found the key."

"Wow." We weren't curing cancer, people, but we did have tequila.

"We've got a couple of the cheerleaders mixing drinks." She giggled and I noticed that her perfect complexion had flushed red around her nose. My ex-best friend was tipsy.

The mini-crowds of people quieted a bit when I walked by; news of my mother's slow decline had crept around the whole island.

"A margarita, please?" I smiled, gritting my teeth as I stood in front of the cheerleader's 'Jamaican Me Crazy' bar.

"Hi, Cassie."

I turned around to see Valerie Valdez in line behind me. A sweet, teeny-tiny Filipino girl, Val's family was probably on a first name basis with the Pope. "We're praying for your mom at church," she said, reaching for my arm. She gave it one of those "we're rooting for you" squeezes. "You know that God has a plan for us all." Val smiled. "Even if you can't see it. There is a plan."

I know that's Christian and all but, seriously, I wanted to scream at her,
what plan? You call this a plan?
If she had told me that every time God closes a door, he opens a window, I just may have had to drown her in that beautiful, marble-bottomed pool.

"Thanks." I took a gulp of my drink, managing to swallow about half of the overly-sweet concoction. I'd ordered a margarita, but this drink was pink and tasted like strawberry. I doubted the cheerleaders knew what they were serving, so I had two more while standing at the bar.

"Cassie!" Nick stood on a tiny balcony overlooking the pool. "Cassie! I need to talk to you." Nick was wasted. I could hear it in his voice.

I waved back, hoping he'd shut up. I could feel the hot, white spotlight of stares from the crowd. It was a repeat of the beach bonfire. Nick, Cassie and Priya, together again, and everyone wanted to know how this party's drama would play out. I never should have come.

Nick swayed on the balcony. "Where is the love of your life?" he shouted. I looked at my drink, wanting to melt into the cool, blue Mediterranean tiles beneath my feet.

"Can't hear you." I cringed, looking up at him. This was definitely my cue to leave. I made a beeline across the patio, hoping to make it down the hall to the front door before my apparently crazed ex-boyfriend could intercept me. Over my shoulder, I saw Priya navigate through a sea of people trying to get to me first. She waved me over.

"Yeah, see you!" I waved back, pretending I didn't understand her gesture, and headed straight for the front door.

"Cassie." Nick walked up behind me. "I need to talk to you." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a room that looked like a library out of Masterpiece Theatre or some old British mystery. Tall shelves crammed full of leather-bound books covered the walls. An enormous purple velvet couch sat in the center of the room. An Oriental carpet covered the floor and the coffee table was decorated with a marble globe of the world. Nick shut the door.

"Nick. I'm going home."

"No. You're talking to me." Nick stood between the door and me. "So, do you love him?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do. You. Love him." His voice rose and his eyes looked sleepy. "I mean. Shit, Cassie. I thought you loved me. You've always loved me. Always." He dropped onto the purple couch as if he were in his therapist's office.

Stunned, I stared at him as a flash of anger ignited my normally long fuse. "No," I shouted. "I loved you. Loved, past tense. For ten years, Nick, I hung on your every word, did everything I could to be the right girl for you. I thought that was love, but I was so wrong." Nick looked at me with those half-closed eyes that had oh-so-recently broken my heart. The sad, wounded girl I'd been at the beginning of the summer was gone. She had bigger problems now.

"It's just… I miss you, at least I think I do," Nick said. "We have history, you know? I don't want to lose that. I screwed up, Cass."

How romantic. For once, my brain did not fail me and I could think of something to say. "Oh, Nick." I used my best girly-girl voice. "I want you to listen closely because I'm only going to say this once."

"Yeah?" He looked at me and smiled, his face hopeful.

"You had me and it wasn't enough for you. Remember? You made out with my best friend because you were confused. If you really loved me, there would be no confusion. And this is the important part. I would not get back together with you if you were the last guy on the planet."

He looked stunned and I turned to go. Saying mean things had apparently become a lot easier for me. I'd never said stuff like that before, not to Addie, Priya or Nick. Telling people what I really thought would go against my grain. How could I be nice to everyone while telling the truth? I couldn't.

"I read what he wrote you," Nick said, his voice sounding sad and far away. "I didn't know there was money in the envelope or I never would have taken it. But I read his note. I know what you did with him."

I couldn't move. Nick had the note from RD. He knew what we had done and he knew RD's name. I stared at the door, my only escape out of this horrible situation. "What did you do?" I said.

Nick pulled a small blue envelope out of his pocket. "I saw that guy come by and I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to know what you were doing. How you got over me so quick."

"You had no right."

"I know."

"You've had it all this time? What's wrong with you?"

"What's he like?" Nick said.

"What do you mean,
what's he like
?"

"It just seems like he's too old for you. I know you're having a tough time."

I could feel all of my rage coming together into one hot fire right in the center of my chest. "That is none of your business. And who are you to tell me who I can and can't be with?"

"That's cold, Cassie."

"Give it back." I swung for the note, my fist landing right on Nick's nose. I heard the bones crunch.

"Shit!" A burst of blood exploded on his perfectly sculpted face as he fell back onto the couch.

"Oh, my God." My hand throbbed. "Oh, my God. I hit you. Oh, my God."

"Jeez, Cass. I'm bleeding. You know, you didn't have to hit me." Blood poured down over his mouth and dripped off the end of his strong jaw. Shiny droplets rested on top of the purple love seat.

Then an amazing thing happened. For once, I didn't stammer and apologize. Looking at Nick bleeding with tears pouring out of his eyes, I was glad I'd hit him. "You deserved it," I said. My body felt electric as the rush of my pulse pounded through me. "You dumped me right before summer because you had 'feelings' for my best friend, you humiliated me and walked away from our relationship and our friendship and then I found out that my mother is sick. And all you think about is yourself, your stupid band, and your schedule, and your life and your stupid pathetic high school angst." My voice had risen to a near scream.

"My what?"

"Cassie, are you okay?" I turned to see Priya and a bunch of blond, bobble-headed cheerleaders all standing in the open double doors that led to the patio. Apparently, we'd created a bit of a scene here. I had no idea how much they'd heard.

"I'm fine. I'm just leaving."

"Cassie, wait." Nick pulled himself up off of the couch and stumbled past me, blocking the door, my only exit. The crowd behind him, I couldn't tell if he thought we were still alone.

I looked at Nick. "Give me my note or get away from the door."

"I loved you too Cass, but I didn’t know it." Nick's voice rose, making him sound almost angry. "And then I read what he said to you. About the boathouse. You had sex with him."

Somehow this one sentence seemed to slice through all of the gasping and chatter. For a split second, there was nothing but silence. Silence and those words seeping into everyone's brain.

You had sex with him.

It wasn’t a question. I wanted to die.

Standing there, I could feel the weight of everyone watching me and, in the awkward silence, I could almost hear all the questions they weren't asking.

"Cassie?" Priya's voice carried across the room weakly.

Nick stumbled backwards and landed on the purple couch. "He said you were beautiful. I thought you were beautiful, Cass. I just never told you."

I ran out the front door.

I drove with the windows down, concentrating on the road. Nick had a note proving I'd had sex with RD at the boathouse. He knew his name. What was I going to do? My whole class knew I'd had sex. I knew other people who’d had sex, but no one who had been publicly ousted as a no-longer-a-virgin at an annual "Jamaican Me Crazy party." If word hadn't yet spread about good-girl-gone-slut Cassie, it would soon. I had to get that note back from Nick. I had to find a way to fix this mess.

My arms shook as I gripped the steering wheel, wondering if I was drunk. Island cops were notorious for passing out DWI's to the high schoolers. Let them pull me over. Who cared if I crashed? Nobody cared about me but RD. And, as for my curfew, I wasn't afraid of Aunt Lucy. I was sick of her pretending to be my mother. And I was sick of Mom not paying attention to anyone and staying upstairs all the time.

I drove straight to the marina. I didn't even bother calling RD before I showed up. I knew he had to get up early to go to the mainland and I was afraid if I warned him I was coming, he'd say he needed to rest. I walked straight down the dock without worrying if Bill would spot me. I needed to see RD. I had to be near him. I jumped aboard and knocked on the wooden hatch, sliding it open before he answered.

"RD?" I called softly as I climbed down the ladder.

"What the hell?" RD sat straight up. He was in his clothes on one of the side bunks. An empty bottle of beer rolled along the floor. "What are you doing here, Cassie?" He sounded upset.

"Sorry," I whispered, ignoring the smell of beer in the air and telling myself that he was just surprised. "Sorry I woke you."

"Yeah, you woke me," he said, running his hands through his hair. "Sorry, it's just I'm stressed about going home."

"For your work thing?"

"Yeah. For that." He rubbed his eyes. "So, what's up? You're upset?"

I buried my face into his chest. I just wanted to forget about everyone else in the world.

"Did something happen at the party?"

"No," I lied. "It was boring. Boring and awful. Nothing happened."

"You sure?" He squinted at me as if he could see into my brain. I wondered what would happen if I told him the truth.
Bad things, Cass. Really bad things.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I smiled my best girl smile. "Can I just hang out here with you for a little while?"

"For a little while," he said, leaning back down. "I'm outta here early and I'm a mite tired."

"I just want to rest for a minute before I go," I said.

"For a minute."

As he pulled me toward him and I felt the familiar touch of his hands unbuttoning my jeans, I believed it was possible for us to be together like this forever. Being with RD, I felt like a whole person. When I was in his arms, I didn't feel broken inside. And I wasn't shy anymore. I knew exactly what to do now. He'd move my hands or whisper things, but mostly we just moved together as if this were a perfectly choreographed dance.

But sometimes, when I felt the sweat between our skin and the feeling of him moving over me, I'd wonder for a second who I was. In a flash, I'd feel like someone else had slipped inside my body, but I didn't want to go back to being me. I wanted my legs to stay wrapped around him, nothing between us but our sweat and maybe a tangled blanket.