Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) (20 page)

When I woke up, the clock beside the bunk read four o’clock. "Oh, my God. Oh no..." My heart rate skyrocketed.

"Yeah?" RD mumbled, his arm across my chest.

"I gotta go." I found my t-shirt and jeans crumpled on the floor. I pulled them on, forgetting to be embarrassed about getting dressed. "Sorry. I'm late. I fell asleep. It's my fault."

"Asleep." RD looked up, this time sounding awake. "Four a.m.? You gotta go home, Cass." He looked at the clock with a pained expression. "Tell them you were at the party, maybe say you fell asleep there."

"I know. I know. I'll make something up." I found my keys on the countertop beside the bunk. "I'll tell them I was with Priya. Aunt Lucy will believe me."

"All right, okay." RD stood up, a blanket wrapped around his body. "Drive safe. See you in a week. I'll call you when I can." He gave me a peck on my cheek and I climbed up the ladder and ran.

Four a.m.

Four a.m. is not just late. It's "you're so late you're grounded for life" late. My cell phone told an even worse tale. Missed calls. Six to be exact. Three from home, three from Priya. I'd put my phone on "silent." I had felt so rebellious and angry after the party and now I just felt stupid. I'd allowed myself to rack up a bunch of questions I wasn't sure I could answer.

I opened the front door. All the lights were on downstairs so I braced myself; there would be no slinking upstairs undetected. Aunt Lucy sat in the living room, her head against the back of a chair, eyes closed. As the door clicked shut, her eyes snapped open. Maybe she did have some traces of "mother radar." How did she do that? I cringed. The warmth of the margaritas from earlier in the night had turned into a low, static throb behind my right eyebrow.

"You're late." Aunt Lucy spoke, her voice low and even. I imagined this was how she dealt with a courtroom. Steady and strong.

I was screwed.

"I was at the party."

"Have you been drinking?"

"What? No. Oh, my God. I can't believe you'd ask..."

"Who were you with?" She didn't give me time to even think.

"Priya. I told you we were at a party at Nay Nay's."

"Did you drive together?"

"No, we went..."

"So, you've been with her this whole time?"

"Uh huh."

Aunt Lucy stood up and rubbed her eyes, which were shadowed with flecks of black mascara. She wore Mom's blue robe. "Sit down, Cassandra." God, she reminded me of Mom. The way she used my name, although Mom usually called me Cassandra Marie at times like this. I sat down on the low brick stair that led to the living room. I felt as though I was on a bench facing a jury.

"Priya called." Aunt Lucy sighed and paced the room. "She was worried, so I know you weren't with Priya and, honestly, I don't know what I'm supposed to be mad about. You're lying to me and you came home after, what is it..." She looked at the clock and blanched. "… Jesus Christ… four in the morning!"

"I lost track of the time."

Her cheeks flushed red; apparently, that was not the right answer. "Your mother." Aunt Lucy held her forehead like it hurt. She controlled her voice as if she didn't want to wake up Mom. "Your mother is upstairs. I know this is a stressful time for all of us, but you have been told to be honest, to tell us where you are. These are the basics, Cassandra."

Aunt Lucy knelt in front of me and took my hands in hers. "I'm going to give you another chance. Where were you?" She looked at me with Mom's eyes and held my hand.

I couldn't tell her. She had asked me the impossible. "I was with a friend and I don't want to talk about it."

"One more time. Where were you?"

I stood my ground in silence.

"Okay, no answer?" Aunt Lucy dropped my hands and gripped her forehead. Her voice changed. "All right then. New plan." I immediately wanted to take my silence back, but with what? Another lie?

"New world order. From now on, you go to work. You come home. You don't go out."

"What?"

"Cassandra Marie Safire." Aunt Lucy had never sounded so strong and steady to me. It was terrifying. "Your mother told me, if you pushed it, to fire you from the Hideaway and ground you for the whole summer. Do you get it? She's not messing around and I will not let my sister down." Her voice shook.

"Fine." I stood up too quickly feeling nauseous and overheated. I hated Aunt Lucy. "I was out. I was out with a friend, someone you don't know, someone Mom doesn't know and I'm glad I was there because being out there with him is better than being here. Go ahead and ground me, I don't care." I turned to go, my heart screaming in my chest. "I hate having you here. I hate you being here watching everything I do, waiting for Mom to die."

"I am not waiting." Aunt Lucy stumbled. "We are not waiting."

"Yes, we are. We are all waiting. We walk softly, we talk softly. No one will say it, but I know what is going on even though you won't tell me. You always tell me to leave her alone, that she's resting, that she just doesn't feel good. It's not fair."

"Someday, Cassie, you'll understand why your mother and I..."

"No!" I turned and faced her. "I won't understand. And you will never know what this is like." My voice shook with tears. "She's my mom, not yours."

I started upstairs.

"She's my sister."

"So is that why you ignored her for ten years? Because you loved her so much?" I looked at Aunt Lucy, knowing that would hurt her. "It's too late. News flash! You can't make up for ten years in a summer, even if you are helping her die. You weren't here when I was a little girl and I don't want you around now."

"Cassie," Aunt Lucy called after me.

"I don't want you as my mom. I already have a mom," I said. "She's just sick right now."

Aunt Lucy looked stunned. Her mouth opened in shock, then tightened into a thin, tight line.

"You are grounded," she said as I headed up the stairs. "Grounded, Cassandra. I mean it."

"Fine." I didn't even look at her as I walked to my bedroom. And then, breaking a long-standing Safire rule, I held the door handle for a moment and then slammed it shut loud enough to wake the whole house.

I called RD three times when I woke up the next morning. No answer. He'd warned me that his reception was bad, that he'd be stuck in boring meetings prepping for his super-boring presentations, but I figured he'd find a few minutes to talk to me. I imagined him sitting in a room with tedious professors droning on about school budgets with PowerPoint charts while he stared at his phone, helpless and unable to take my call. It wasn't his fault he was ignoring me. I was sure of it.

I lay in bed and stared out the window at the line of trees that led to the Forgotten Woods. About a million years ago, I'd stood beneath those sparkling trees with RD. I closed my eyes, remembering the feeling of his hand against my back, the magic in that first kiss. So many doors had opened in that moment. I'd walked through every one of them and hardly recognized the girl I'd left on the other side.

I called RD again.

This time my call went straight to voicemail after one ring. Had his phone died? Or, wait. What if he'd turned his phone off? Panic twisted my stomach into knots. Why wouldn't RD answer me?

I heard pans clanking together in the kitchen and the sound of low voices and laughter. Aunt Lucy and Addie. The fact they were enjoying themselves making breakfast made me even angrier. "I'll go first," Addie's voice carried as she ran up the stairs. A few seconds behind her, Aunt Lucy's even, steady steps followed.

I heard a door open and close. "Mama, it's pancake Saturday." Addie's voice sounded muffled in my mother's room. I rolled over in bed. Well, at least they were leaving me alone.

"'Morning, Naomi." Aunt Lucy's voice drifted down the hall, too.

Beep. A text from Priya.

R U OK?

No, I'm not okay. What a stupid thing to ask. It was her fault I'd gotten caught. If she hadn't tried to be all responsible and call to see if I'd made it home, maybe Aunt Lucy would have believed me. I deleted her message and texted RD again.

Please call. 911.

I got out of bed, put on a pair of blue shorts and pulled my hair into a ponytail. Dark circles framed my eyes and my lids were puffy and red. My collarbone stuck out a little more than usual. I was always pretty thin, but I looked skinny. I guessed having a secret, pseudo-boyfriend and a sick mom killed the appetite.

I sat on my bed staring at my phone, feeling sick as each second passed with no call, no answer. Only silence.

"Cassandra?" My mom's voice drifted down the hall; it felt like she'd reached through my door and tapped me on the shoulder. "Cassandra Marie Safire. I know you're in your room." She waited.

"No," I whispered.

"Come talk to me."

This was a command.

I pushed open her bedroom door. Inside the scent of medicine, potpourri and citrus lotions all mixed together. We filled her room with beautiful smells to hide the scent of her fading. I felt sick just breathing.

Mom lay in the center of her blue and white comforter, pillows stacked beside her like a little fort. There was an IV on the right side of the bed; Aunt Lucy had said something about hydrating Mom now. I'd pretended not to hear her. I didn't like needles, let alone the idea of one permanently residing in my mom's arm.

"Come sit," Mom said, smiling.

I climbed up on the bed beside her, the pile of pillows between us. She reached over and took my hand. Her fingers so thin, her hand looked slightly transparent.

"What happened yesterday?" Mom asked.

"Nothing." I looked down at our hands, the way our fingers wove together.

"Don't 'nothing' me, Cassie. What is going on with you?" I looked at her round, luminous face. Her eyes still looked familiar, wide-set and pale blue. I could see flecks of gold around her irises. That sparkle I always thought made her a fighter, at least that wasn't gone. "I know when something is wrong with you. Spill it."

I opened my mouth to speak, but words like 'sex' and 'lies' just seemed too horrible to say out loud, especially to my mother. And was it wrong to love someone like RD? Did I love him? And did he love me back? All of these questions swirled from my heart right up into my head. "I'm okay. I'm just tired."

"Look at me." Mom squeezed my hand, her voice soft. She didn't sound angry; she sounded like my mom.

I stuttered. "I think..." Oh, the dam was breaking, the tears splashing over the top. "I'm just really tired, that's all. I'm just so tired." And I cried. I dropped my head onto her chest. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to cry."

"Oh, Cassie," Mom whispered, stroking my hair. "You are such a strong girl. You are so strong and I'm so sorry to do this to you, my baby girl."

I looked up and saw that Mom had started to cry, too, but she didn't hiccup and stammer. Her tears just slipped down her cheeks without a sound. Her eyebrows had almost disappeared and her lashes framed her blue eyes with a thin fringe. She was growing younger everyday, looking more like a newborn baby. "You are my first baby girl and I have tried so hard to give you a good life, to make the right choices for you. But this?" Mom laughed and I could taste her bitterness in the air, but maybe it was the taste of medicine. "This is not a fair thing to give to my girls. I'm so sorry. I know it hasn't been easy being with me."

"What?" I wiped my nose. Mom thought this was all about her, which made me feel even worse. Watching her cry, I felt like the worst daughter in the whole world.

"It hasn't been easy being mine." Mom smiled. "Being my little girl, growing up all alone with me."

She was right. It hadn't always been easy being the daughter of a single mom who insisted on growing all her own vegetables. Kids thought stuff like that was weird, especially in a place like San Sebastian. Hearing lectures about bee pollen as I ate my Cheerios. Having no one in the world but Mom, Addie and, now, Aunt Lucy.

"Your Aunt Lucy loves you," Mom said, as if she could read my mind. "And I love you more than you can even begin to understand." She touched my cheek. "You are so smart, sweetheart. I'm very proud of you."

The word
proud
stung. "I'm not that smart, Mom," I hiccupped. "I really screwed up."

"So what did you do that was so awful?"

"Well, Nick and I got in a big fight at a stupid party." And he stole a note from me that proves I had sex with RD, which I am pretty sure would cause you to majorly freak out. Well, that part I didn't actually say out loud.

Mom almost laughed, her bitter edge gone. "Cassandra, these problems with Nick, the problems with Priya, they will go away. You have been friends way too long for you to let silly fights get in the way."

"I guess." I couldn't believe there was no interrogation, no grilling. No asking me if I'd forgotten the house no-slamming-the-door policy or, even better, the no-saying-hateful-things-to-your-aunt-who's-just-trying-to-do-the-right-thing rule. "I can do better. I can try to talk to them both, especially Priya," I said, feeling better with every word. "So am I okay?" I asked, standing up.

"Yes." Mom reached for my hand and squeezed my fingertips.

I could not believe it. I wasn't in serious trouble. I knew Aunt Lucy wasn't really in charge.

"You're
absolutely
okay." Mom dropped my hand and lowered her voice. "And
absolutely
grounded, Cassandra. I believe Aunt Lucy said you were grounded for one month, but don't worry, you'll survive." She straightened the comforter over her legs and smiled at me, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners.

I felt like I'd been sucker-punched when my head was turned.

"Mom. You can't ground me. I have to work. I have stuff to do."

"Oh, you can still work. And, oh yes, I can ground you." Her forehead creased. "Four in the morning, Cassandra?"

"Mom."

"As for work, that's all you're going to do. Mariah knows what's going on and you are, under no circumstances, to go anywhere with anyone unless it's Aunt Lucy. You go to work. You come home. One month. End of story."

"This is not fair."

"Fair?" Mom shook her head. "No, Cassandra, you may not think it's fair, but I'm your mom and I have told you to obey your curfew. You did not. I have told you to respect Aunt Lucy."