Lies Beneath the Surface (Buried Secrets #2) (14 page)

At five PM
I pack the productivity reports into my messenger bag, then leave the office. After taking a quick shower, I dress in black leggings, a loose fitting grey dolman sweater and my favorite black Bear Claw boots. I touch up my makeup and spritz on some Japanese Cherry Blossom perfume before heading to Colton’s for the evening.

I barely make it up the steps of the porch when Heidi Jo comes
barreling through the front door wrapping her arms around my waist as she nearly sends me tumbling backwards. “Carly Jo, Carly Jo!! I’m so happy you came to see me!” She squeals, hugging me tighter. I ruffle her hair, laughing at her excitement.

“Well
, Heidi Jo, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you missed me.” I kid her.

She steps back, and motions for me to lean closer to her. She brushes my hair aside and whispers to my ear, “I did miss ya, but I think Daddy might’ve missed ya more. But don’t tell him I said so, ‘kay?” A glint of
cheer shines through in her sweet brown eyes, and I can’t hide the giggle that bubbles up in my chest. She is always looking out for her daddy, but I guess that’s because they are all the other one has. She takes me by the hand leading me inside the house. “What’s in the bag, Carly Jo?” She asks as I pull my boots off.

A wicked smile tips up on my lips and I lean in to whispe
r to her this time. “Rocky Road ice cream, sweets.”

“Oh yummy,
I can always eat some rocky road ice cream.” She says, taking the bag as she bounces off to the kitchen singing, “Daddy, Carly Jo is here!” Stepping into the living room, I get a clear view of Colton rushing around the kitchen as he tries to finish dinner. A bowl of potatoes whips round and round on the stand mixer, while Colton flips pork chops in the frying pan. He looks over his shoulder at me and one side of his lips curls up into a smile.

“Hey,” he hollers over his shoulder
. “Shit, I forgot the damn rolls.” He drops the oven door quickly, pulling out a pan of golden brown rolls, burning his wrist on the oven rack.

“Let me help.
” I rush over to the counter turning the mixer off as mashed potatoes begin to fly from the bowl, splattering against the walls. He drops the pan of rolls onto the counter with a string of cuss words flying off his lips. Heidi Jo has her hand covering her mouth, trying to hide her burst of snickering. I gently take Colton’s hand in mine, assessing the burn. “You need to put something on that, do you have burn cream?” He looks down at me with a fierce gaze, then gently pulls his hand from mine. Taking a step back, I pull in a deep breath bringing his delicious scent along with the air I inhale. He turns the faucet on, then runs his wrist under the cold water, chilling the freshly scorned flesh.

“I’ll be fine. Ain’t the first time I’ve burned the hell outta my arm cookin’. Won’t be
the last, I’m sure.” He keeps his gaze away from me, and I can’t help but wince from the distance he is still putting between us. He invited me to supper, yet his personality is still sullen. I can’t blame him, but it still stings a little. I was really hoping that I could shake away the anxiety just for tonight, but it is slowly creeping up through my chest. Plastering on a fake smile with quivering lips, I stuff my nerves deep in my stomach and jump in to help Colton.

“Are ya hungry? I wasn’t sure how you’re eatin’ these days.” He asks as he pulls dishes from the cabinet to set the table with
.

“I had a busy day, so I’m starving actually. Everything looks so good.” Not sure where to start, I plunder through the cabinet for serving dishes, then begin placing the ‘flyin’ taters’, green beans, corn on the cob and alfredo all in the dishes before setting them on the table.

Colton comes in behind me plating the fried pork chops and adding the rolls to a basket. “Ya gotta eat, Carly Jo. Remember, you’re feedin’ two now.” He glances down at my stomach quickly before turning away. I open my mouth to argue, but think better of it before the words fly from my tongue. He’s concerned about me and the baby; that has to count for something, right? “Supper’s ready baby girl, wash up,” he hollers down the hallway to Heidi Jo, who hasn’t paid a lick of attention to me since I showed up.

When Heidi Jo joins us at the table, she reminds us to say grace before we make our plates. “Ya gotta hold hands to say grace, Daddy. Grab Carly Jo’s hand.”
She cheeses big from ear to ear. Colton hesitates briefly before sliding his calloused hand in mine and I willingly take his. Bowing our heads we bless the food. Heidi Jo certainly ain’t bashful about eating. She piles her plate full of food then begins to shovel spoonful after spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

“Carly Jo, why haven’t you been comin’ over any?” I nearly choke on my
bite of food and I have no clue how to respond. Quirking an eye brow up at Colton, he glances in my direction, but continues eating waiting for my response. I take a swig of sweet tea, thinking quickly of what to tell her. She’s seven and doesn’t truly understand the friction between Colton and I. All she knows is one day I was around, the next I wasn’t. I’m only here tonight for her, because it’s clear Colton is suffocating with me in the room.

“Ahh sweets, I stay so busy with work.
” I lie through my teeth. She continues to eat, accepting my lie for the moment.

“
Daddy works a lot too, so I don’t get to see him as much sometimes.” She looks down at her plate, sadness pinching at her little eyes. “Daddy says his boss is a big meanie sometimes though.”

“Heidi Jo, be polite. You know better little girl.”
Colton chides her. She shrugs her shoulders like it’s no big deal, obviously unaware that I’m the big meanie.

“Well it’s true.
” She drags out in a whiney voice. “That’s what you say all the time when I get upset that you have to work. You say your boss may be pretty, but she’s a big meanie.”

“But it’
s rude, princess. You’ve been taught better than that.”

“Well excuse me. Who’
s the big meanie now? I can’t help it that I miss her, Daddy.” She pouts, her plump pink lips quivering as her brown eyes well with tears.

I grasp her hand in mine with a light squeeze comforting her before the tears fall.
“Well maybe we need to have another girls’ day out, what’cha think?” Her eyes flicker up brightly, as she wipes away the tears that are just tipping over the corner of her lids with a bold, toothy smile.

“Can we do the bubbly water
where they paint our toes and get ice cream?” She begs, pouting her lip out for emphasis.

I l
augh at her antics, replying, “Anything you wanna do, sweets. We can do it Saturday if it’s okay with your daddy.” I look to Colton for his approval, and he nods with a grin tipping up the corner of his lips. There is a glint of intrigue in his eyes and I realize he’s just been taking in my interaction with Heidi Jo, enjoying it even. She bounds up from the chair quickly, rushing to wrap her arms around Colton’s neck before she leaps up into my lap pulling my cheek flush with hers.

“I love girls
’ day with Carly Jo. She’s the bestest friend ever.” She claims and like putty in her hands, I melt. I’d give this little girl anything just to see her smile. She may not be mine, but she owns a huge piece of my heart.

“Hold on there, little girl…
I thought I was your best friend?” Colton tilts his head to the side looking at her with a goofy grin on his face. He knows he holds her heart in the palm of his hand, but I think he enjoys seeing her happy with me. Regardless of what wedge I’ve driven between us with my royal screw up, Colton still loves me deep down inside even if he’s lying to himself.

“You’re both my best friends, Daddy.
” She giggles, rolling her eyes back. “But sometimes, girls just need to do what girls love.” She hops down out of my lap and twists her hips through the hall making her way to her room.

“Are you finished eatin’, Heidi Jo?” Colton hollers out to her.

“Yep, got a full belly, Daddy. Now I’m gonna shake it all off.” She bellows out, shutting her door behind her. Music flows through the house as the bass pumps loudly from the speakers. I laugh inwardly at her choice of music. R&B, Pop, and Hip Hop are the direct polar opposite of Colton’s love for Country. He loves the classics like Johnny Cash, George Jones and some of the newer artists such as Florida Georgia Line and Brantley Gilbert. Where as she loves Ariana Grande, Pit Bull and Iggy Azalea. Where this little diva gets her taste in music from is lost on me.

C
olton begins to clear the table so I jump in to help him. He scrapes the plates into the trash while I wrap the leftovers placing them in the fridge. He remains quiet, but judging by the look on his face he’s deep in thought and has something hanging on the edge of his mouth. I begin rinsing the dishes to place in the dishwasher when Colton spins me around swiftly, grasping my face in his large calloused hands. His sultry breath dances across my lips before his lips crash into mine, slowly tilting my damn world off its axis.

Psalms 26:2 Prove me, O LORD, and try me; test my heart and my mind.

I firmly believe as I was taught as
a boy. God has a plan for us all. For each man he created, a woman was made from his rib. For him and only him. A perfect fit, side by side, hand in hand. Souls that are separate, survivin’ on their own, but only livin’ when the two collide into one.

God has dealt with me for the last couple of weeks
. But I’m stubborn as hell and refused to give in, lettin’ the anger subside and forgivin’ Carly Jo. But tonight, He played me for the fool that I am. Pushin’ me to my limits, testin’ my heart, soul and mind.

My heart feels mangled.

My soul feels lifeless, detached.

My mind feels manic and torn.

Temptation tugs at me. I’ve fought it off, workin’ the night shift just so I wouldn’t have to face her. But since she stepped foot through the door I can’t function. An action as simple as speakin’ is impossible. Everything I try to say comes out harsh. I can’t even begin to process everything I need and want to say to her.

I push
ed myself away when she was just within reach. The smell of Japanese Cherry Blossom envelopes my senses as I breathe her in, causin’ my knees to grow weak. Watchin’ her with Heidi Jo, hearin’ the laughter the two of them share tells me that I have to know what I’ll be missin’ by lettin’ her go. We work around each other in the kitchen with a fluid rhythm, but with each wisp of her caramel brown waves her scent intoxicates me deeper. Temptation swells within me and like a bitch, my knees about hit the floor.

Grippin’ her elbow in my hand
I swing her around facin’ me. I cradle her delicate face in the palms of my hands as I hover my lips over hers, thinkin’ twice about my next move. Either I’ll be void of all emotion and will be able to erase Carly Jo from my memory like yesterday’s news; or I’ll be enraptured in her as I always have been. For the sake of my sanity I’m prayin’ for the former. When the air escapes the room I crash my lips onto hers beggin’ for oxygen, for a life line.

The world stands still.

I encase her lips within mine, explorin’ her mouth with the most delicate, sensual touch. When I pull away she clutches my shirt as her eyes remain firmly closed. Her breath catches in her throat and she releases a slight whimper. My body trembles as I pull away from her, guilt and regret washing over me. I take a step backwards raking my fingers through my hair in frustration. Carly Jo’s eyes flicker open slowly as she traces her index finger over her swollen, bottom lip. When she sees the pained expression on my face, she casts her eyes down to the floor. I take a step closer to her searchin’ her face for any emotion but she’s blank.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” I
whisper before walkin’ to the back door. I swing the door open and suck in a deep breath of fresh, cool air. My chest is tight and my heart is thunderin’ against my rib cage with heavy thrusts. It takes me a few minutes to pull my shit together. I’m pissed as hell at myself for even invitin’ her over to supper. Shoulda known I couldn’t keep my damn hands to myself. Clarity washes over me and I realize that I’ll never be able to move on from Carly Jo. Just like Eve was made from Adam, Carly Jo was made from me. But the realization that the woman who’s a part of me betrayed me in the worse possible way stings like hell.

I pull the
door closed and make my way to the living room where Carly Jo is scrunched into the corner of the couch with her knees pressed up against her chest. I fall back into the recliner with a long sigh, scrubbin’ my face against the palm of my hand. “Carly Jo, I’ve tried to justify everything over these last few weeks. Tried to see the big picture and damn, it’s hard as hell.” She stares down at her hands, refusin’ to make eye contact with me. This is her way to mask the tears that I know damn well are threatenin’ to spill. The prick inside of me wants to see her cry, wants to see her beg and plead for my forgiveness. But only because I want to be the one to dry her tears and to put her heart back together. But that’s hard as hell when she shattered me this time. Frig. I think Karma just showed her Royal Flush, bustin’ my ass in this gamble. What goes ‘round comes ‘round, I think is what they say. “I understand now why you had such a hard time lettin’ me get too close to ya, and why you kept pushin’ me away. You were afraid I’d break your heart again. You were scared to trust me because you knew I’d screw up somehow. We both screwed up. I’m tryin’ to forgive ya, but I can’t stand the thought of knowin’ another man had what was mine.”

She wrings her hands together
as she chews on her bottom lip searching her thoughts for a rebuttal. She shakes her head back and forth deep in thought as she pinches her eyes closed. “I let fear control my emotions for far too long and by the time I had realized that, it was too late. I can’t change my mistakes. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness. I know it’s not going to come overnight, and I don’t expect that. But a chance would be appreciated.”

“
What if the baby ain’t mine, Carly Jo? Do you know how many damn times a day that thought flashes through my mind?”

“Colton, probably as much as I think about it. I can’t force you into anything. I can
’t make you accept a child that ain’t yours. All I can offer you in this moment is my penance. I’ll always love you, whether you forgive me or not. And if all I ever have from you is friendship that will be better than not having you at all.” She says softly. Stretching her legs out, she stands up making her way to the front door. “The Paternity test is in a week. I hope you can find peace with the situation over that time and can find it within yourself to realize that we both made the same mistake. Only I wasn’t here to draw the guilt out of you at the time. No matter how angry you are with me, I need you. The baby needs you.” She wipes a stray tear from her cheek as she pulls her boots on. “Thanks for dinner.” She mutters. Twistin’ the handle she vanishes out into the cold winter night.

I stare at the front door for what feels li
ke an eternity before I realize she ain’t comin’ back. The only way she’ll come back through that door is if I go after her, but right now my damn stubborn pride is holdin’ me captive of my own freewill. I want her so damn bad. I want to possess every inch of her just as I was meant to. But I just don’t know if can live with raisin’ another man’s baby.

I’ve talked to Luke
a little about my hesitance and although he insists that he only wants friendship with Carly Jo, somethin’ tells me he will feel differently if the paternity tests reveals that he’s the daddy. Then it will be a battle of wills. How will she deny the father of her child at havin’ the lovin’ family it will deserve? Hell, that’s the very reason I didn’t run to the ends of the earth searchin’ for her when she left eight years ago. I knew Kari was havin’ my baby and it wouldn’t be fair for Carly Jo to have to endure all of that. And the double edged sword twists deeper into my gut, slicin’ me inside and out. I’m one sick bastard. A conversation I had with Heidi Jo a few months back, comes floodin’ to the base of my mind.

The only momma figure Heidi Jo has ever ha
d in her life has been my momma, Emma. She has helped me raise Heidi Jo since the day she was born. When Carly Jo and I started seein’ each other again, Heidi Jo quickly became attached to her. One night as I was tuckin’ her into bed Heidi Jo asked me if Carly Jo would be her momma one day. Clingin’ on to the love that embodied me so fiercely, I was honest with my little girl. I told her that I was workin’ on it. And I meant every word I said. I’d never break a promise to Heidi Jo intentionally. I had intended on makin’ Carly Jo my wife, makin’ her Heidi’s momma. But now I realize I was expectin’ her to turn the other cheek raisin’ my daughter as her own, which is basically what she and Luke are both tellin’ me to do now; if the situation presents itself that way.

I’m a prideful man, you can blame my raisin’ for it. I want to build our family so damn bad. But I don’t know that I can get past the mistakes she’s made. Yeah, I know
our sins are the same. The only difference is Carly Jo has a heart of gold and with time can forgive. I’m a black hearted bastard still learnin’ to mend fences and move on.