Life in Fusion (32 page)

us both a favor. Whatever it is you’re running from or attempting

to screw up by screwing me, just stop. If the guy, whoever he is,

doesn’t feel like the one you can see yourself with, then get rid of

him and start over.”

He started to balk at me in protest.

“Tell me you don’t think so little of me—like I didn’t realize

you’d already had another guy lined up before you dumped me?

Your reputation is legendary in this hospital.”

There was now some perspiration forming on his brow but

he folded his arms, taking a solid stance, as if his body was

attempting to inform me I could push him no further.

“You know what?” I shook my head. “I don’t even care

anymore. Breaking up with me was the single greatest thing you

ever did for me. Meeting Wade…I never imagined it would be…

no that’s not right, that it
could be
this good.”

His demeanor appeared to soften. “That’s great, I guess.”

“Take a lesson from me, Phillip. Because funnily enough,

I think we’re a lot alike. We each enjoy our independence, and

keeping others at arm’s length has become more like a life-goal

than merely a bad habit.”

“Then why do people always like you more than they do me?”

he asked, obviously confused.

“Because you use your education—that elitist, I’m-better-

than-you attitude to keep people at a distance, while I use wise

cracks.”

He nodded. “You make people laugh.”

“And you make them feel inferior.”

“That’s not…I don’t mean to, you know?” He let his arms fall

to his sides.

“But you know you do it, so stop.” I laughed at his complete

lack of common sense. “It’s that simple, dude. And if this guy, the

one you’re already running from, makes you as uncomfortable in

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233

your own skin as Wade did me—if he scares the ever-loving shit

out of you, then don’t let him go.”

I could tell I’d hit the nail on the head when he refused to

look me in the eye. He wiped his mouth with the palm of his

hand. His eyes appeared dodgy and a little wild. I knew that

expression because I’d felt the desire that went with it. He still

wanted to bolt.

I smiled and got into the elevator and he followed me in,

pushing the first floor button for me. As the doors closed and we

began our descent down, I turned to him once more. “Whoever

he is, he’ll eventually stop trying. He’ll no longer care, because

you let too much time pass you by. So you have to decide now—

do you want a future that exists without him in it?”

He didn’t say anything, but he shook his head.

“Then there’s your truth, Phillip.”

He glanced my way once more before the doors opened onto

the main floor of the hospital. “Be happy, Boone.”

“That’s the plan, man.”

I winked and walked away, leaving him behind in the elevator.

I liked that idea. The thought that the doors would once again

close, separating me from Phillip once and for all, carrying him

back up into the sky. A realization of how lucky I was swept over

me. I was happy to have my feet on the ground for real, and in

more ways than one.

I was beginning to worry, now that I’d paced a groove into

the floor. Wade’s bags were lying there just inside the front door,

taunting me. He’d beaten me home alright, but now was nowhere

to be found, and I was beginning to fear the worst. I was cursing

myself for not being the kind of paranoid guy who had one of

those annoying police scanners, like my neighbor Mrs. Diaz had.

I was damn near swallowing my pride and heading next door

to beg her for any info she might have about terrorists, traffic

accidents, or convenient store robberies gone wrong.

I’d called his cell the minute I got back to the house only to

discover he’d left it on the kitchen countertop along with the key

to my front door from the hide-a-key plastic cowboy frog—a gift

from my parents. I swore to myself that the instant I found him,

I’d drag his hunky ass to the nearest veterinarians to have one of

those damn locater chips implanted in his ass. Scooby Doo and

the gang could keep the fucking mysteries, from here on out. I

was one hundred percent sold on
knowing
where my man was

from this point further.

I let out a loud groan, hearing his rental car screeching into

the driveway. “Oh thank God, the mother fucker’s alive.”

I took in a deep cleansing breath and exhaled, slowly.
Okay,

calm yourself down now, freak of nature…don’t be acting like some raving

lunatic when he walks through the damn door!

I jumped suddenly as Wade came banging through the front

door, my mouth falling open when I saw the carved iron-work

handle cutting a gash into the wall as the two came together.

“What the—”

“Where the
fuck
have you been?” Wade asked, pushing the

solid wood door closed, as if it were made out of marshmallows

and weighed nothing.

I jumped again as it slammed shut, vibrating the entire house.

236 Ethan Day

“What’s your damage, Heather?” I asked, pointing to the gash in

my wall.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Wade crossed the

room and took me by the arms in his vice-like grip. He shook me

a little. “Were you with him?”

I wrung my body around, grunting, until he let go of me.

“What are you talking about? Are you
on
something?”

“I was at the hospital, Boone, and I saw the two of you

together.”

“Two of…?” It dawned on me who the,
he
in question was.

“My flight was early so I thought I’d swing by the hospital, try

and catch you before you left. I knew you were there because that

piece of shit car of yours was still in the lot. I followed your trail,

from Julie to the café, and was riding up in an elevator to find this

Stella lady’s room when the doors opened.”

“They tend to do that,” I said, still trying to figure out what

the hell had crawled up his butt and rotted. I noticed the gash

in my wall again, and felt my temper rising. “This is all really

interesting, but will you be getting to the fucking point anytime

soon?”

“I was patiently waiting for the people in front of me to get

out when I noticed you and your ex, who was pawing all over

you.”

“Oh.” I cringed, having already apparently blocked that rather

disturbing part out.

“Yeah,” Wade said, tossing his hands into the air. “He had his

hand on your ass!”

I felt guilty for about a half a breath before remembering I

had nothing to feel bad about. “Well I didn’t tell him he could

put it there!”

“You could have stopped him!” Wade accused.

“I did!”

“You sure took your sweet time in doing so.” Wade turned

Life in fusion
237

away, like he was looking for anything other than me he could

punch. “Can’t believe you let him put his
hands
on you.”

“I kinda had
my
hands full, asshole,” I reminded him by

pointing to my box, gym bag and balloons on the floor next to

the coffee table. “You didn’t see me push him away?”

“Well…” Wade turned red. “The stupid doors closed on me

before I realized what was happening, and I didn’t hit the damn

button to re-open them in time.”

“I’m so confused,” I said, shaking my head at him.

“I couldn’t find the stupid ‘open doors’ button—”

“Not about that, you nit wit. I know how a damn elevator

works.”

Now he seemed confused.

“How the hell did you even know it was Phillip? You’ve never

met him.”

“Do you really think I wouldn’t, at the very least, Google

the guy who’d dumped you right before we met? That I didn’t

consider he might try weaseling his way back in? That I wouldn’t

keep an eye on him, of all people?”

“Wait so…were you Googling out of curiosity or suspicion?”

“I’m not the type of guy who leaves things to chance Boone.

Don’t pretend to be shocked by that fact.”

“Goddamn it, Wade. I can’t believe you think so little of me.”

I spun around, so angry that I didn’t know which way to turn for

a moment. I settled on my bedroom and subsequently stormed

off down the hall, wanting to put some distance between the two

of us. I was muttering about the fact he didn’t trust me, listening

to him clomp along hot on my heels.

“Hey, I trust you plenty. It’s
that guy
I don’t trust. And from

the look of things I wasn’t exactly wrong.”

“Bullshit!” I tried to slam the door shut so he couldn’t get into

the room, but he shoved past me like I weighed nothing at all.

I stomped my feet like a two-year-old having a tantrum. “That

238 Ethan Day

excuse is utter bullshit! What was he going to do, Ruffie me?

Because any other scenario I can come up with would require

my willing consent and participation. So I say bullshit that you

trusted me.”

“I…I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat and choke

the life out that prick!”

It wasn’t lost on me he’d decided to ignore my apparently

right-on-the-money accusation. “So basically you didn’t see shit!”

“When I finally got back to the right floor you were both

gone.”

“So you just assumed I went off and fucked him?”

“I didn’t know where you’d gone, I panicked…I mean the

thought that—”

“That’s the first place your mind went?” I asked cutting him

off now that he was all stuttering—trying to back pedal.

“I came back here and realized I left the key and my phone

in the house,” Wade tried to explain, “and you have that stupid

door that automatically locks when it latches unless you click that

damn button.”

“Not that I would
never
do that! Not that you have absolutely

nothing to worry about!”

“I waited for what felt like forever before I went back to the

hospital to search for you.”

“Not that you fucking trust
me
! But that I’d betray you in such

a horribly heinous way?”

“Well I…”

“That’s just fantastic Wade. I can’t tell you how secure in
us
I

feel right now.”

“Don’t put that off on me, Boone. You’ve been waiting for

the other shoe to drop for months—ready to bolt at the first

goddamn bump in the road.”

“If you really think that…”

“Oh come on! Don’t insult me by denying it.”

Life in fusion
239

I felt my sanity slipping slightly off kilter because I knew he

was a teensy bit right, but that had been months ago, right?

Well maybe weeks, but still…it didn’t mean that I didn’t love him, did

it?

“Well this all sounds like a solid base for a budding relationship

to me.” I finally snapped back. “You don’t trust me and I don’t

trust us?” I flung my arms into the air and turned away, punching

the door. I immediately wanted to yelp like a little girl as I shook

my hand, but I held myself.

I could see Wade placing his hands on his hips out of the

corner of my eye. He was breathing deeply, as if the room was

running out of oxygen and he could no longer catch his breath.

“I just got scared…I…I’m sorry, baby.”

He reached out for me, but I stepped away.

My hand was already throbbing from the force of flesh and

bone versus the wood door. “I can’t believe I almost uprooted

my entire life—”

“Don’t Boone,” I heard him say, his voice was shaking. “Don’t

you say that.”

“I need to go.” I stepped back into the hall and made my way

toward the front door as Wade chased after me, yelling for me

to stop.

I felt his hand close around my arm again as I reached down

and snagged my keys and phone off the coffee table.

“Stop, damn it!” he screamed. “
Please
.”

I jerked my arm free, surprised I’d actually been able to. “I

need to think—stop fucking smothering me.” I swung the front

door open.

“Don’t go,” he said as I pulled the door shut and all but raced

to my car, my feet crunching into the tiny gravel. My chest felt

like it might implode and I knew that if I got away from him,

some distance from his person, that I might have a chance in hell

at figuring out what I wanted—what I needed do.

240 Ethan Day

I wasn’t sure where to go as I started the car and hit the gas.

I pulled away from the curb and sped off, certain Wade would

come after me if I gave him enough time to collect his thoughts.

That realization almost made me feel better; believing I knew

him well enough to know what he’d do in any given situation.

Then I remembered his accusation and it cut me all over again.

The sharp pain of it twisting in my gut that he’d thought, even

for an instant, I’d be capable of doing that to him.

He doesn’t know me at all.
I was about to move away from

everyone I knew and loved for a man that couldn’t possibly love