Life Is but a Dream (15 page)

I land with a thud on the soft ground. The dry grass sways above my head like the million arms of golden jellyfish. The ink on my hand is still drawn in the shape of a cat. —
Want to do that again?
— I ask Fred and he responds with a permanent smile.

Alec charges through the field. I see his shoes before anything else. I hear his breath rushing out of him quick and concerned before he speaks. —
Jesus! Are you alright? I’m sorry … it slipped out of my hands.
— He bends down, sees me laughing, and is relieved I’m alive.

—
That was close
— I say. —
We should try again. We almost made it that time.
—

—
We almost got you killed is what we did
— he says, collapsing in a heap beside me. The shopping cart rests on its side—one wheel still spinning in the air. Alec puts his arm across my chest and buries his face in my neck. His breath is a hot wind coming in gusts.

I have a clear view of the sky. There are no trees or buildings or power lines in my sight. One color fades as another glows brighter. They take turns like blinking Christmas lights. I can see shapes scribbled over the surface like the messy crayon figures children draw. I’ve missed them. When they’re absent, it is too easy to forget the comfort they bring me.

—
Isn’t this perfect?
— Alec says.

—
Perfect
— I say.

His fingers crawl through my hair and mine press into his arm. —
Being in this field, this is freedom. I get so sick of being scrutinized, you know? It’s like you can’t get away from it
— Alec says. —
At my school, there are cameras in every hall. They’re inside those black spheres. You know, like the kind they use in malls to catch shoplifters. Then they also have hall monitors and armed guards at the door. It’s all the same as prison. So is the hospital. Sometimes I wonder if you can ever get away.
—

—
It gets to me
— I say.

—
Yet, we’re the crazy ones.
— Alec shakes his head at the thought. —
Sometimes I just want to get away from it all.
—

—
I want to all of the time
— I tell him.

—
Yeah … I guess I do too.
—

Alec begins kissing the skin behind my ears. His hand moves under my shirt like water. He doesn’t hear the screaming in the air. He misses the flashes of the storm coloring the sky blue and red. It grows louder and thicker like a weapon and I cover my ears.

Alec looks up. He can see them. —
It’s okay
— he says. —
Just act normal.
—

*   *   *

A wave of panic comes over me as I stare at the police car parked at the edge of the field. Its sirens are flashing, taking pictures from the sky. I’m only able to stay calm because Alec is next to me, squeezing my hand. Nothing bad can happen to us when we are together.

The town stretches out in front of us. It sits against the horizon like the backdrop on a stage. It is thin and almost see-through but becoming more solid every second we stand here.

—
Are we going back to the hospital?
— I ask Alec.

He shrugs. —
Do you want to?
—

I see a stone by my feet. It glows brighter than any I’ve seen since leaving home. I bend down and pick it up. The world seems so different than I remember and it scares me. —
I’m not sure … maybe we should.
—

The flashing police lights create halos above Alec. —
Something tells me we’re not going to have a choice
— he says.

The headlights are watching us. Even in the afternoon sunlight, they are on full blast—taking image after image to steal us bit by bit. It’s how they do it. If we won’t go along, they’ll just absorb us one picture at a time until we become ghosts inside their machines.

The driver’s-side door opens and a police officer steps out. He is dressed all in brown so that he fades into the dusty air spiraling up from the ground behind him. The sun shines directly down on his pink forehead. His black boots melt into the asphalt and he becomes an approaching storm. When he waves his hand to get our attention, the sky changes color. It’s not like when I do it though. There are no rainbow trails lingering in the air. No, when he waves his hand, the sky turns dark with violent clouds.

—
You kids hold up there a second
— he hollers. —
I want to talk to you.
—

My heart is a bird at the edge of a cliff wanting to leap—full of thoughts of flight. I have wings in my feet, ready to carry me into the sky, but Alec continues to hold me. His fingers slide under my sweatshirt, petting the small of my back.

—
Why? What did we do?
— Alec calls out. He is ready to defend me.

The police officer never takes his eyes off of us. He reaches for the small radio clipped to his shoulder. He mumbles something I can’t hear and is answered with a burst of static that startles me. —
I’m going to need you two to come with me
— he says to us. With a flick of his head, he motions toward the car.

The muscles in Alec’s body grow tense beneath my fingers. I can feel his bones—smooth like the rocks I collect.

The policeman’s footsteps are crashes of thunder, rising up from the ground instead of raining down from above. His face is twisted into the kind of strained grimace sewn into puppets—resembling something between friendly and suffering from a stomachache. His body is swollen like a worm too full with blood. His uniform tugs at every angle. He is expanding. There is enough static inside of him to fill me and Alec both if we aren’t careful.

He holds his hand up like a crossing guard. His hand shakes like the smallest earthquake ever noticed. —
Take it easy
— he says to us, shuffling forward with the clumsy steps of a diseased werewolf—terrifying and unpredictable while Alec and I stand entwined like pale angels.

A burst of sunlight shatters the sky and for a split second, I see through everything. I can see through the veil that covers the truth of the world. I see the horror that eats away at the beauty of the grass and trees and strips the color from rainbows until there is a sickness in everything that surrounds us.

I turn and hide my face in Alec’s shoulder. —
Make him stop
— I say. —
He’s not real … he’s only pretending. Please make him stop.
—

Alec pets me softly. —
It’s okay. I’ll take care of it
— he says. Then he raises his voice, shouting out over my head. —
We don’t have to go anywhere with you. I know my rights
.—

—
Son, I think you know perfectly well what’s going on here
— the man in the uniform says with the same authority as a teacher telling someone in class to keep quiet. —
Let’s just get you kids back to the hospital. If there’s a problem there, we can work that out. Okay?
—

—
Like you’d even care?
— Alec yells. —
Besides, aren’t there any crimes or anything you should be taking care of? Any old ladies need help crossing a street or anything like that? You think because we’re kids you can just bother us?
—

I press my mouth to Alec’s ear and whisper —
I want to go. I want to go back now. It’s not safe here. I want to go back. Not forever. Just for now.
—

Alec turns to face me. He puts his hand under my chin and makes me look him in the eyes. —
Sure. Whatever you want
— he promises, kissing me on the forehead. His arms relax and my grip loosens. I bite down on my sleeve and keep close to him. My heart is a rabbit in my chest, kicking and thumping as we take a step forward.

I count my breaths and the storm starts to retreat.

Everything will be okay once we’re back—we’ll be hidden again.

—
Why don’t the two of you take a seat in the back of the car
—the officer says with his hand on the top of the door, ready to seal us inside. He clicks the button on his clip-on radio a second time, feeding the sky with more noise that seems both in front and in back of me. —
They’re sending somebody down to pick you up. It’ll only be a minute or so.
—

I shiver with the sudden spark of a fever when the cop touches the top of my head, helping me to climb into the car. His fingerprints tingle with static and I’m glad to be set free so quickly. Glad to be in the squad car, separated from the world.

—
What? No handcuffs?
— Alec says, getting in beside me.

The cop exhales deeply and closes us up inside.

—
Don’t say anything to anyone when we get back, okay? They’ll just twist everything you tell them into something else
— Alec says as I stare at the sky through the window like a fish looking out of an aquarium.

There is a smell in the plastic seats like the bleach smell at the hospital. A smell that has comforted me during the weeks I’ve stayed there. My thoughts grow clearer as I inhale. —
What do you think they’re going to do to us when we get back?
— I ask.

—
Probably keep us from seeing each other
— he says, tapping his forehead again and again against the window. He hits the door lightly with his fists too. There is an explosion inside of him and I have to keep reminding myself that he’s doing it for me. —
They’re not going to let us be together. For a little while anyway.
—

His words frighten me worse than anything.

—
They can’t though!
— My eyes are wider than oceans as I think about us being apart. Without Alec, this me, the special me who he loves, will fade into nothing. —
We can’t let them!
—

—
Hey … don’t worry
— Alec says, holding my hand tighter. His touch tingles. His eyes radiate a soft glow. —
It’ll be a day, maybe two at most. They’ll never stop me from seeing you longer than that, I promise.
—

—
Will you still visit me … in my dreams, I mean?
— I ask.

—
You couldn’t keep me out if you tried
.—

I see the lights of the hospital’s security car approaching. Their flare on the car window reminds me of the crystal figurines in our cabinet at home—fairy figurines that my mom collects. And when I close my eyes and let Alec’s mouth become one with mine, I can almost feel my own wings—sparkling and invisible to anyone without the right kind of eyes.

CHAPTER

ELEVEN

—
How long do I have to be in here?
— I ask the security guard. I want to go back to my room so badly that my voice comes out high-pitched and fast. The guard mistakes my nervousness for anger at first. Then he sees my hands wound tightly together and knows that I’m only afraid.

His face turns kind after that. Even though his skin is dark like the center of my eyes, there is a glow to him. —
I don’t think it will be long
— he explains, reaching for the door handle on his way out of the room. —
A doctor should be by … soon, I guess.
—

I’m alone then, sitting in a tiny room at a tiny table.

A mirror takes up most of the wall facing me. There’s a reflection in the silver glass, but it’s not me. It’s nearly a perfect clone but something about the eyes is darker and different as they stare back at me. Her eyes don’t glow like mine. They are blue like the sky, but mine shine like electricity underwater.

It’s hard to breathe for a second and I have the impression that this other me has stolen the air from my lungs as she watches from the other side of the mirror in disguise.

The imposter me is small and only takes up a fraction of the space in the mirror. I keep watching—waiting for her to make a mistake and make a move that I don’t. Even if she only blinks, I will have proof.

I’ve seen this girl pretending to be me before. I’ve seen her in the bathroom mirrors at my school. Only glimpses though. I’ve seen her longer inside the computer. I remember her from there. It’s where she was born. That’s where she lives, but she wants out—wants to switch places with me for good.

She is one of the secret people. There’s a secret person for every one of us.

My chest tightens when I see her here and so stable. What if she has already done it—has gotten out? It’s possible. Everything is brighter in the reflection. It’s cramped in the room. The gray walls connect to form a metal box—a silver piece of glass like a computer screen in front of me. But which of us is on the outside and which one is looking in?

*   *   *

—
Okay, I’m almost done
— Kayliegh says. She thinks I’m mad at her for spending more time with Thomas than me this summer. She’s been spending the whole week before school starts up again trying to make it up to me. She says it’s bad luck to start sophomore year separated from your best friend. I’ve told her at least a hundred times that I’m not upset, but I guess I haven’t been too convincing. This is Kayliegh’s newest attempt to make up before then. My birthday is coming up soon and she’s giving me my present early—setting up a profile for me online without my parents knowing. —
You’re going to love this
— she says, clapping her hands in anticipation as she laughs.

There is gravity in Kayliegh’s laugh that pulls everyone around her into orbit. Her gravity is strongest with me—I am the planet revolving closest to her star. —
Okay, okay. Show me already.
—

We are sitting on my bed with the door closed and locked so my mom won’t walk in. She’d freak if she knew what we were doing. My parents don’t think these kinds of web sites are safe. They don’t let me use them, which is actually fine with me. Sure, I used to bug them about it back when my friends were first getting their profiles. But lately, it all seems like more noise—just another way for the static to watch me.

—
Ta-da!
— Kayliegh says, spinning her laptop around so that it faces me. —
Welcome out of the stone age.
—