Life Is but a Dream (26 page)

He half-bends to meet me as I rise halfway and our bodies tangle together into one. There’s a shuffling of shoes over the boardwalk as the crowd moves one way or the other—leaving us alone in the center.

*   *   *

—
What are you doing here?
— Alec asks. My arms are draped around his neck and his fingers crawl through my hair, but his back is arched into the shape of a question mark and his confusion surprises me.

—
Waiting for you
— I say, pulling him closer and covering his mouth with mine. —
Just where we always said we’d meet.
—

He kisses me long and slow before pulling away.

—
How did you even get here?
—

—
How doesn’t matter
— I say. —
It would be like telling you that I had a dream about you, and then only telling the parts you weren’t in.
—

Alec wipes his forehead and blows a rush of air from his lungs. —
This is so weird
— he says. There is an excitement in his legs that makes him hop. —
I mean, that you’re here! I was just thinking about you and then … man, this is so weird. It’s like it’s not even real.
—

—
It’s real. I’m real.
— The sun on our skin is real. The ocean is real. The pier we’re standing on isn’t. The people aren’t. But we are. —
We’re together now.
—

—
Yeah … but what happened? Did something happen at the hospital?
— he asks.

—
I couldn’t stay
— I tell him. —
I would have disappeared in there alone. I told my parents I wanted to go home, but it was a lie. I knew I was never going home.
— I’m talking very fast, tripping over my words in a way I haven’t done in so long. It used to happen to me all of the time. Kayliegh’s mom used to say I had a motor for a mouth. She said I talked so fast sometimes she couldn’t understand me. It was only after things started to confuse me that I slowed down. That I’m speeding up again, I think is a good sign. Like maybe I’m finally getting better now. Everything finally makes sense to me.

Alec slides his hands down, resting them on my hipbones. His fingertips are cold and nervous in a cute way. He bends back, creating space between us as he stares at me with wild eyes. —
Why didn’t you call? I don’t get why you came here without telling me.

—
Because this is how it’s supposed to happen. All of the stuff we talked about … it all happens right here and I knew you’d come.
— My voice rushes out of me. My hands are quick too. I can’t stop fidgeting with the collar of Alec’s shirt. My fingers dig under the fabric and crawl over his shoulder blades like spiders. Here isn’t like the hospital. I don’t have to be careful or cautious. I can act on every impulse.

I start to pull his shirt up and push my chest against his. We are pressed so tightly together that I have to take smaller breaths when I kiss him. First on his cheek and then under his chin once before sealing my lips over his and pushing my words into his mouth with my tongue because it’s easier than talking—passing pictures from my eyes to his like telepathy.

Images of us naked in the grass flash across his eyes and I reach down to unbutton his jeans. —
Hey … wait a minute. Hold on, not here
— he says with a smile stolen directly from the sunlight. His hands cover mine and they are now warm and excited.

—
I missed you
— I whisper with my mouth faintly touching the smooth skin above his upper lip.

—
Obviously
— he says with a slight laugh. —
I missed you too. It’s hard to believe it was only yesterday we woke up together.
—

—
Yesterday?
— The word hangs above me like the shock of thunder.

—
Feels like a lot longer, right?
— Alec says, and I nod in agreement.

One hand falls to his side and the other stays clasped onto mine as he leads me away to the edge of the pier where we can look over the railing and see the waves crashing on the sand. Even as they roar and crest, I can see they are drying up. I can feel the city dissolving. And when I turn my head to peek, the tallest trees atop the hills are like a thousand paintbrushes driven by the wind to make colorful streaks across the sky.

I open my mouth to tell Alec about all of it, but I can already see it reflected in his eyes. I know he sees what I see so I stay quiet. I let him speak, listening to the clear sound of his voice floating over the noise. —
You know that they wouldn’t let me talk to you? They kept saying it wasn’t good for you to see me. Like just talking to me would harm you or something. As if they even know anything about you
— he says, staring out over the ocean where the sun pulses with the beating of my heart. —
I freaked out so bad on them about that. They tried to get me resentenced to a security ward, but my dad took care of it. He got all self-righteous like always, ranting and raving about how he was going to get their funding cut. He’s such an egomaniac, but whatever. It’s better we’re out of there. That place sucks.
—

—
They recorded everything I said. I didn’t know it but they did.
— I start rubbing my hand over my mouth until Alec steadies me. He says it isn’t right that they didn’t tell me but that it’s okay now. —
If I stayed another day, I don’t think I’d know who I was anymore.
—

—
I know what you mean. That place can really mess with your head.
—

—
They replace us … with copies of ourselves
— I say.

Alec stares at me when I say this. It’s the same look my dad sometimes gives when I try to tell him about shadows under the surface of the sky. It makes me nervous to see that expression on Alec, like maybe he doesn’t understand. Or worse, maybe he’s been replaced already. But my worry melts away the second he smiles, moving his thumb back and forth to pet the ink stain on my skin.

—
I still can’t believe you’re here! How great is this?
— He is excited all over again and lifts me up with his skinny arms encircling my ribs, spinning me around once before setting me down. —
But they’re looking for you. You know that, right?
—

—
They won’t find us.
—

—
They did call my house though
— he warns me. —
They gave me the interrogation from hell, asking all about where you were or where I thought you might go. I didn’t tell them anything, of course. I said I had no idea where you’d go. I mean, I was sort of hoping that you’d come here to see me, but I didn’t know. I doubt they believed me. Someone’s going to come by and check sooner or later. We can count on that.
—

—
It’s okay
— I say. —
They’ll never get here in time. We’ll already be gone.
—

CHAPTER

TWENTY

—
Is this really what you guys do all day?
— Kayliegh asks an hour after we get to Robbie’s house. She and I have spent the entire time sitting on the sofa watching Robbie and Thomas play a video game. It hasn’t exactly been entertaining and for sure not what Kayliegh had in mind when we hiked over here from her house.

—
Most of the time, yeah
— Robbie says as his thumbs make a million spastic movements on the controller.

—
By ‘most of the time,’ Rob means when he’s not jerking off
—Thomas says, elbowing Robbie in the side. Robbie pushes him away, but Thomas laughs it off. —
What? You know you’re the champ at it. At least, I hope you’re better at it than you are at this game.
—

—
Shut up
— Robbie grunts, and I feel bad for him. I’ve put up with enough of Thomas’s gross remarks on the bus over the years that I know exactly how he feels. I wish he would look at me so I could smile or roll my eyes at Thomas—do anything to let him know not to be embarrassed.

Thomas is the one who looks at me though. Robbie keeps his eyes glued to the screen as his character walks through a field of tall grass and decaying houses. —
Brina? Did you know you’re Rob’s first choice of wanking material?
— Thomas asks, making an obscene gesture with his hand.

—
Eww. Stop being so immature
— Kayliegh says.

—
Make me
.—

Kayliegh makes like she’s going to punch him and Thomas grabs her wrist. He pulls her down from the sofa, onto the floor, and rolls over on top of her. They are both laughing now and wrestling like little kids before they sneak out into the other room. Honestly, I have no idea what she sees in him. Aside from being a pin-up kind of cute, he’s one of the most obnoxious boys I know.

I slide over the cushions, closer to Robbie. —
Want to see something cool?
— he asks.

—
Yeah, okay
.—

I watch as the game character runs through a world that seems as large as our own. There are lakes, hills, and the remains of what were once roads and buildings. He has to run through them all at the same speed we would if it were real. The light in the sky changes as day turns to night, the longer he goes. It reminds me of the little worlds I make up for myself after school. Maybe we have more in common than I thought.

In the game, Robbie’s character is being chased—hunted by mutant creatures who he never sees until they are right on top of him. He uses any number of weapons to slaughter them one at a time. I watch their heads being blown apart in gory detail. It makes my stomach sick. Perhaps we are as different as I always suspected.

—
I don’t want to see any more of this
— I say.

—
Sorry for all the gut splattering
— he says. —
But, I got to kill these guys to get to what I want to show you.
—

—
How long is this going to take?
— I ask, falling back on the sofa so I don’t have to see exploding brains or bloodthirsty cannibals. —
This is going to give me nightmares.
—

—
I’m almost there
— he assures me. —
I just have to stop in this store here and pick up a scuba tank
.— His character enters a store and approaches another character. They have an entire dialogue about what he wants to purchase and for how much.

—
You buy things?
— I ask.

—
Yeah. And eat. And sleep. You can even get married
— he says. —
It’s the most realistic game out there.
—

—
And you play it a lot?
—

Robbie gives me a guilty look when he says —
Hours every day.
—

I’m jealous when he says that. I wish I could make my dreams last for hours a day but they always seem to fade in and out. It doesn’t seem fair somehow.

—
Okay, this is it
.— The part he wants to show me takes place underwater. His character dives below the surface of a virtual lake, swimming to the deepest part of the murky water and into a tunnel. —
This takes me to a secret place that’s not even in the game map. I had to find out about it online
— Robbie explains.

He surfaces in a cave filled with glittering light. Silver flowers glow on the ground and music comes from their petals instead of scents. Robbie works the controller to spin slowly around, showing me the whole scene before coming around again to face a female character with illuminated fairy wings. I can tell she is naked but the light is so strong that none of her features are visible.

—
Cool, right?
—

—
Yes
,
definitely
.— I think about all the fairy coves I’d built as a child and how I used to sneak out at night to look at them. Just once, I wanted to see something like the image on the screen.

—
If I kiss her? She grants me full life energy
— Robbie says. —
She’s like a guardian angel.
— I can see he’s wondering what would happen if he kisses me—if I’m an angel too.

He’s had a crush on me for years and I’ve always felt bad for not liking him back. He’s always so nice about it—always nice to me, even when his friends give him a hard time. It’s not my fault who I like. I’ve always tried to be friendly, careful not to lead him on. But when I hear him talk about angels and kisses of eternal life, it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time—seeing that maybe our souls know each other better than we think.

—
Do you believe in that kind of stuff?
— I ask him. —
Like angels and fairies and everything?
—

Robbie shrugs. —
I don’t know. I don’t really think about it. I mean it’s cool in the game and all. But for real? Nah, probably not.
—

The spark of love in my heart burns out as quickly as it flared up.

—
Oh
— I sigh.

I think he can tell right away that he’s said the wrong thing. Before he has a chance to make up for it, Kayliegh and Thomas come back. Thomas takes over the room the way he always does. —
So? Did you ask her to the dance yet?
— he says, and Robbie’s cheeks turn bright red. —
Guess that’s a no
.—

Robbie stumbles to find something to say, but I let him off the hook. —
I’ll go to the freshman dance with you
— I say without making him ask because I just can’t stand the way Thomas acts as if he’s so much better than anyone else. And who knows, maybe at the dance Robbie and I will kiss and in that moment maybe he will come to believe in all of the things I do. Sure, it’s not likely—but I’m still allowed to believe in fairy-tale romances, love at first kiss, happily ever afters, and all that sort of stuff if I want to. If I keep believing, one of these days it might even come true.

*   *   *

My shoes sit beside me, full of sand. My socks are pushed up inside them leaving my feet bare. I bury my toes in the sand as the air turns cool and the tide moves in. Above our heads, electric light trickles down like liquid from the thin spaces between the boards of the pier. Alec and I are safe in the shadows.