LIGHTNING (14 page)

Brooke

I had been awake all night thinking about Logan. I missed him already and it hurt like hell.

“Morning,” I spoke as I walked into the kitchen and saw Brandon sitting on the stool at the island.

“Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“Like shit. I was thinking about Logan all night. How did it go?”

He sighed. “Well, he drank himself into oblivion and we had to carry his dumb ass to his apartment because he couldn’t stand. He’s really hurting, Brooke. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if you want my honest opinion, I can see him going into more of a depression than being angry.”

I poured myself some coffee and leaned against the counter.

“Trust me, Brandon.”

As I was drinking my coffee, my phone beeped with a text message from Logan.

“Brooke, please don’t do this to us. I’m sorry and I’m begging for your forgiveness. Please come back to me. I love you.”

A tear sprang to my eye as I typed a response.

“Go back to your life, Logan. Your life before me. What you said was true, I did want to be the hero that saved you and got you back to playing hockey. I wanted all the attention and glory of being the one who gave them Lightning Logan back. That was the only reason I agreed to take the job. You were a challenge and the sex was one of the perks. I’m sorry you fell in love with me. That was never part of the plan. I don’t love you, Logan. You need to understand that. I used you for my own personal gain and I’m sorry.”

Tears started streaming down my face and the ache in my heart intensified. I hated this. Every single fucking part of it, and I prayed that when the time came, he would forgive me.

“How can you be such a cold-hearted bitch?”

My hands were literally shaking as I typed a message back.

“This is who I really am, Logan. The person I was with you was a façade. Our time is over. Your leg is pretty much healed and now you can move on with your life.”

“Fuck you, Brooke! If that’s how you feel, fine. I will move on and curse the day that I ever met you.”

“Oh God.” I covered my mouth with my hand.

Brandon got up from the stool and wrapped his arms around me.

“Remember, you’re helping him. You’re giving him his life back.”

I knew what I was doing, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Hurting the man, I was deeply in love with was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

****

Logan

“FUCK YOU!” I screamed as I threw my phone at the wall.

My body was on fire and my veins were throbbing. The anger that sat inside me was like nothing I’d ever felt before. I was ready to lose it. Crack. Go insane. I wanted to kill someone. I clenched my fists and was ready to punch a hole in the wall. My leg hurt and I didn’t care. That was nothing compared to the heavy heart that resided inside me.

I walked to the bedroom, got dressed, grabbed my hockey bag and stick, and hailed a cab to the ice arena. When I walked in, there was no open ice available.

“Hey, Logan,” Kyle spoke from behind the counter.

“I need the ice to myself.”

“Sorry, man, but it won’t be available for another thirty minutes and then you’d only have about a half hour out there because lessons will be starting.”

I reached across the counter and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to me.

“Cancel the fucking lessons. I’ll pay for it. Charge me double for ice time. I need at least two hours out there.”

“Dude. What the fuck?”

I let go of his shirt and he stumbled back.

“I’m sorry. I need the ice time, Kyle. Please.” My voice softened.

“Fine, you can have arena A. It’s just a private lesson. I’ll tell Jess to call and cancel. But you owe me for this, Jackson.” He pointed his finger at me.

“Thank you. Anything you want, man.”

“I’ll think about it and let you know,” he spoke as he picked up the phone.

Sitting down on the bench, I took my skates out of my bag and put them on. How could she do this to me? All this time, I thought she had fallen for me. Every time we fucked, we grew closer, and she led me to believe we had something real. Something that I’d never had with any woman before. I let the rage consume me because I had been played for a fool.

As the skaters stepped off, I grabbed my stick and puck and set them on the ledge of the wall. My blades hit the ice and I began to coast, picking up full speed in a matter of seconds. The more I thought about her, the faster I skated around the ice. Bending my knees and staying low, I did crossovers and took in the sound of the metal blades crunching against the ice as well as the breeze that swept across my face, trying to rise above the emptiness I felt. This place was my home and it welcomed me back with open arms. I grabbed my stick from the ledge and threw the puck down on the ice. The feel of the wood in my hands again elated me. I started moving the puck around from side to side and then forward and back as fast as I could. My leg was on fire, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking about that pain as I shot the puck as hard as I could against the wall.

Suddenly, I heard a clap, and when I looked up, I saw Gene standing there with a smile on his face.

“Welcome back, Logan.”

“What are you doing here, Gene?” I asked as I skated over to him.

“Kyle called and said you’d gone psycho on him. I had to see for myself what the fuck was going on with you. Where’s Brooke?” he asked.

My nostrils flared at the mere mention of her name and I could feel my top lip begin to twitch.

“She’s gone and I don’t want to talk about it. Do you understand me?” I spoke in with an authoritative voice.

“Sure. I understand.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to what I was doing.”

The corners of his mouth curved upwards. “Team practice tomorrow. Seven a.m. The training center. Be there.”

“Not yet, Gene.” I skated away.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘not yet’?”

“I need to practice alone before I start with the team again.”

“Logan, we have the final games in three weeks and you’ll fucking be there. Do you understand?”

“I know, and yes, I understand. Trust me.”

He shook his head. “If I didn’t believe you could do this, I wouldn’t allow it. You have two weeks, Jackson. Two weeks to get back into shape before you start practicing with the team.”

After spending a total of two hours on the ice, I grabbed my bag and walked over to Kyle.

“I appreciate what you did for me, but I have another favor to ask.”

“What now?” he sighed.

“I want the ice when the arena closes and before it opens again. I need this for the next two weeks. Like I said before, charge me double. Do whatever you have to do.”

“Dude, it’s not my arena. I just can’t do that.”

“Then call Lawrence for me. He owes me a favor anyway.”

“Fine, I’ll call you after I talk to him.”

“Thanks, Kyle.”

“Yeah. Just get out of here before I change my mind.”

As I began to walk away, I heard Kyle call my name.

“Hey, Jackson?”

I turned around and looked at him. “Yeah?”

“Welcome back.” He smiled.

After heading out of the arena, I went down to the Apple store to buy a new iPhone. Walking into my apartment, it felt fucking empty, and I couldn’t stand being there alone. My once happy place where I’d come after a long day of practices and games was now a place I dreaded.

My leg hurt, so I went into the kitchen and grabbed the special oils that Brooke used. At least she was kind enough to leave them for me. I poured a few drops into my hand and began massaging my leg. Once I was finished, I went to my room and lay down on the bed. Closing my eyes, all I saw was her.

“Damn it!” I yelled as I sat up. I couldn’t be here, so I headed to the boxing gym where Owen was.

“Hey, bro. What are you doing here?” he asked as he removed his boxing gloves.

“I couldn’t stand being in my apartment.” I pulled out my phone and showed him the text messages from Brooke.

A frown took over his face as he stood there and read them.

“Wow. She’s something else. I’m sorry, man. I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing you can say. I spent two hours on the ice this morning.”

“Hey, that’s great. Getting back into hockey is what you need right now. That’ll take your mind off of her. Is this a new phone?” he asked as he arched his brow.

“Yeah. I threw my other one at the wall this morning.”

“Oh. You need to erase her name and number, bro. Get rid of anything you have that reminds you of her. Time heals all wounds, remember that.”

“And what the hell do you know about that? You’ve never been in love, Owen.”

“I have. Maybe. Sort of.” He shrugged. “Okay, this is why I don’t get emotionally involved with women. Just fuck them and be on your way. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, bro. Go back to pre-Brooke days. You can still have anyone you want. Just don’t get involved this time.”

“It’s not that simple. Brooke and I had a connection. Something I’d never felt before.”

“Yeah. A real fucking connection. She used you, man. She may have physically healed you, but she fucked with your head.” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe she said those things. Shit. What a bitch. I didn’t see that one coming. I’ll be honest.”

“I didn’t either.”

Owen hooked his arm around me. “Forget her. Lesson learned. Right? Focus on getting your career back and nothing else. What has always been our motto?” he asked as he held up his fist to me.

“Being defeated isn’t an option.” I pressed my fist against his.

“That’s right.” He smiled.

Brooke

I spent the afternoon cooking dinner for me and Brandon. It wasn’t like I had anything else to do. I needed to be careful about going out in case I ran into Logan. He couldn’t know that I was still in New York. I had called my dad earlier and told him what I’d done. He wasn’t pleased at first but understood why I had to do it.

“Hey, something smells delicious.” Brandon smiled as he walked into the kitchen.

“You’re home and right on time. Dinner is ready to be served.”

“Good. I’m starving. I’m going to go change.”

Just as Brandon said that, there was a knock on the door. He turned and looked at me.

“You better go upstairs in case that’s Logan.”

“Do you think it is?”

“I don’t know, but we can’t take the chance.”

I sighed as I left the kitchen and Brandon answered the door. Sitting at the top of the step, I heard Owen’s voice.
Shit.

“Hey, we need to talk about Logan and what that bitch did to him.”

I bit down on my bottom lip as I sat there and listened to their conversation.

“You know, this is all your fault, bro.”

“How is it my fault?” Brandon asked.

“You went and hired that bitch. Brought her to Logan and she played him like a damn fool. What’s that smell? Are you cooking?”

“It’s chicken. Would you care for some?”

“Hell yeah, I’m starving. Training was brutal today.”

They walked into the kitchen and I knew I had to come clean to him. I didn’t want him going around calling me a bitch and thinking that I was someone I wasn’t. I stood up from the step and walked down the stairs. As soon as I reached the kitchen, Owen glared at me.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” he yelled at Brandon.

“Calm down, bro.” He put his hands up.

Owen walked over with his finger pointing directly at me.

“You moving on to the next brother? I swear, if you were a guy, I’d punch the shit out of you right now.”

“Let me explain.”

“You are a cold, heartless bitch. Logan showed me what you said to him. He’s so torn up inside and I hate seeing my brother like that,” he spoke through gritted teeth. “I have no idea why you’re still in New York, but I suggest you get the fuck back to California as soon as possible.”

“She’s not going anywhere, Owen, and you need to calm the fuck down,” Brandon spoke.

“What?” He glared at him. “Is she staying here?” he shouted.

Brandon opened the refrigerator and handed Owen a beer. “Take this and go sit down. She’ll explain everything.”

He grabbed the beer from his hand, shot me a look, and took a seat at the table. Taking in a deep breath, I sat down across from him and Brandon handed me a glass of wine.

“Thanks.” I smiled at him.

“You going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“If you can keep your mouth shut long enough, I will.”

Brandon snickered and Owen sat there, shaking his head.

“Logan was giving up. His fear of not being able to play like he used to was preventing him from even trying. He told me that if he couldn’t be Lightning Logan again, there was no use in playing hockey. I had no choice but to do what I did. I didn’t mean any of it. I love your brother more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life.”

“Wait a minute. I don’t understand. You hurt the fuck out of him.”

“I did hurt him, but I also made him angry. Your brother has made a career out of taking out his anger on the ice. It’s the one place where he can truly focus. He needs that anger towards me to get back out there and become the hockey player he once was.”

Owen narrowed his eye at me. “You’re right. He told me he spent two hours on the ice this morning.”

“I know. His coach called me and gave him two weeks of practice on his own. When the time is right, I will go to him and explain everything. I’m going to make things right, but for now, he can’t know that I’m still in New York. He has to believe that I went home.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell him. As much as I hate seeing him like this, I understand why you’re doing it. I’m sorry for calling you a bitch. It’s just I’m very protective of my brothers.”

A small smile crossed my lips. “I understand. There’s no need to apologize. I would have called myself the same thing or anyone else, for that matter.”

“To be honest, I don’t know how you can do what you’re doing. You must be hurting pretty bad.”

“I am. But have you ever heard the saying ‘If you love someone, set them free.’? I know he loves me and I love him, but I could never live with myself if he gave up on his dream. His happiness is all that matters to me.”

Owen brought his finger up to his eye.

“Bro, are you crying?” Brandon smirked.

“Fuck you. I’m not crying. I just have something in my eye. Probably all that dust floating around at the gym. You are a pretty special woman, Brooke, and someday, if I ever decide to feel something for someone, I hope she’s like you.”

“Aw.” I smiled as I got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re sweet.

“Okay. Okay. Let’s not go and make a big deal out of this.”

I kissed the top of his head, sat back down, and the three of us talked some more over dinner.

****

Logan

Kyle had called me earlier to let me know that Lawrence told him to shut the arena down for the next three days and to put up a sign that they were working on an ice issue, but I would pay up the ass for it. I didn’t care. I needed the time to get my shit together and keep my mind off of Brooke. He also agreed to letting me have the ice before and after hours. Grabbing my hockey bag, I headed back to the arena.

“He must owe you big time for shutting down the arena,” Kyle said as he handed me a key.

“Yeah. Actually, he does.”

“Make sure to lock up when you leave and I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

Walking to the storage room, I pulled out the orange cones and set them up on the ice. Grabbing my stick, I weaved in and out of the cones doing crossovers to start and then transitioned into backward crossovers, increasing my speed little by little each time. After about an hour, my leg felt weak and my speed had significantly decreased. Throwing my stick down on the ice, I skated off and took a seat on the bench, trying to catch my breath. After about ten minutes, I got back on the ice and continued my drills. This was all I had now. This was where my focus needed to be.

Looking at the clock, I saw it was two a.m. and I was physically exhausted. Locking up the arena, I headed home, took a quick shower, and climbed into bed. I lay there, staring at the empty side where Brooke used to lie. I had envisioned a life with her, and I would have given up everything to go wherever her job took her. That was how much I loved her. Believing that she didn’t have feelings for me was impossible because I felt it. I know I did. Or maybe it was just my love that was blind. Closing my eyes, I shut her out.

When my alarm went off at six a.m., I stumbled out of bed. The pain in my leg wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. That was a good sign, right? After getting dressed, I grabbed my phone and headed to the kitchen. Against my better judgement, I sent Brooke a text message and set my phone down.

“I don’t believe you never cared for me.”

A few moments later, as I was making some eggs, my phone beeped. When I picked it up from the counter, there was a reply from Brooke. It was three thirty a.m. in California. Why was she not sleeping?”

“I cared for you as a patient and nothing else. Let it go, Logan.”

Maybe she couldn’t sleep because of her ice-cold heart.

“I am letting it go, Brooke. I’m resuming my life. A life that only consists of hockey and fucking all the beautiful women I want.”

“Good for you. Make sure you use protection. But I do hope you find someone special someday.”

I clenched my fist as well as my jaw after reading her last message. Anger ripped through me like a tornado. I threw the eggs in the sink, grabbed my bag, and went to the arena.