Linda Ford (12 page)

Anxious to fill their stomachs and get on with their business, the men washed the food down with copious amounts of coffee that Roper kept pouring.

Except for Lane. He ate leisurely. Like a real gentleman. Every time Cassie’s glance slid by him he watched her. Each time she jerked away, resisting an urge to run her hands over her hair. She tried not to let his attention unsettle her, but it did.

Almost as much as the way Roper studied him. His expression gave away little but she couldn’t help wonder why he was so interested in the man.

“How’s that crop of yours?” Roper’s question seemed sincere but Cassie watched to see if he had something else in mind.

“Good. Going to produce a bumper crop. I’m pleased with the way this new land has produced. Shows lots of promise. I’ll have a good supply of feed for the winter.”

Roper considered the comment. “A man can go far in this part of the country. Good grass. Good water. Good soil.”

Lane leaned back, nursing his coffee cup. “Great place for a man to start his own place. Raise a family.” His gaze brushed Cassie before he brought his full attention back to Roper.

Her cheeks burned. Did he think she would be part of his dream?

She spun away.

She had no intention of belonging to any man. Ever again.

Even if she had found sweet comfort in Roper’s arms and from his kiss.

It had been a momentary lapse and it wouldn’t happen again.

The men finished and departed, Lane at the tail, saluting a goodbye and promising to come again.

She wanted to tell him not to bother but he was a customer. She couldn’t afford to turn him away so she smiled and waved, then started cleaning up the meal. She washed plates and forks so fast Daisy couldn’t keep up then attacked the pots with vigor.

Daisy giggled. “You’re going to wear a hole in it.”

Cassie stopped scrubbing and straightened. “Guess I’m taking out my frustration on the pot.”

“Don’t you like Lane? I think he’s handsome.” She blushed and ducked away.

“I suppose he is.” Though not exactly to her liking. She preferred—

Roper’s face sprang to her imagination and she closed her eyes and willed it away. How had he wriggled so far into her thoughts? “I just don’t care to belong to any man.”

Daisy twisted the tea towel and considered Cassie’s words. Finally she spoke. “My ma said she and Pa were one. Neither was more important than the other. They were equal and stronger for being together. She didn’t seem to mind belonging to Pa.”

“Your parents had a special relationship.” Or else they hid their problems from the children.

“I thought all married people were like them.” She looked toward her brothers. Slowly she hung the towel, picked up Pansy and went to join them.

Cassie put away the last pot and turned to see Roper standing nearby watching. “What?”

“Did you love him?”

“Who?” She knew he meant George, and when he waited, letting her know he knew, she mumbled, “We weren’t like the children’s ma and pa.”

“What were you like?”

“Why?” She remembered his understanding and comfort about her babies and longed to feel it again. But her feelings regarding George were different than her feelings about her babies. More confused. Filled with a thousand different things. Anger. Guilt. Disappointment. Shattered hope.

He didn’t move in close, forcing her to confront his gentle gaze. Instead, she felt it slip past the barricade her feelings formed.

“I married George to get away from my grandfather. George was never unkind.” She tried to rein in her feelings. Stop the rush of words pushing at her tongue. “He just didn’t take my feelings into account. Nor consider my wants or needs.”

His gaze never faltered. Neither did it judge.

More words rushed uncensored to her mouth. “I don’t know if I even understood what love was when I married George.”

He waited, his eyes darkening with a deep emotion. She didn’t try and analyze what it was.

“I thought we shared the same dreams.”

“But you didn’t?” he probed gently.

“Turns out no. I wanted only to settle in a safe home. George wanted to move West, try his hand at homesteading. Free land. Acres of it. We needed only to earn a little more money to buy machinery and supplies.” She forced herself to take in a deep breath. Tried to calm the harsh words that revealed a truth she had never before confronted. “I tried to explain that I didn’t want to move or start a farm in a new land but he said I was his wife and had no choice but to follow him.”

His gentle smile contained sadness. “No wonder you vow not to belong to a man again.”

She nodded. “There are many ways of owning and controlling a person.”

He didn’t speak for a moment. “What happened to him?”

“He got a job working in the woods to earn some money before our final leg of the trip out here. Got soaking wet one day.” She stared straight ahead, seeing nothing as she relived those dreadful days. “His raging fever frightened me. We were in a new and strange country where I heard more French than English. I couldn’t make anyone understand my need for medical help. In the end I was helpless to do anything except hold him as he gasped his final breath.”

Her chest filled with a merciless weight. She thought she was in desperate straits under her grandfather’s harshness. Thought things were bad when George dragged her to Canada. But when she sat beside his cold, dead body she realized that was nothing compared to being abandoned in a foreign land.

She shuddered as wave after wave of remembering pounded through her.

Roper’s eyes filled with sorrow. Oh, how she ached to go into those comforting arms.

She hadn’t realized he’d moved until he opened his arms and pulled her to his chest.

“Oh, Cassie. If only I’d been there to help.”

She clung to his shirtfront as stored-up fear and sorrow washed through her.

“How did you manage?” His voice rumbled beneath her ear.

She sniffed back her tears. “I was all alone with no money. No home. I ended up sleeping in the train station, avoiding the conductors and station master who would have driven me out.” Safe in his arms, she could almost smile at her predicament. “That’s where Linette found me and practically forced me to come with her. I fought the idea, not wanting to be under another person’s control again.”

He laughed, the sound a gentle murmur inside his chest. “Good thing she did, otherwise what would have happened?”

“Turns out it was a move in the right direction. Out here in the West I can start my own business and stand on my own two feet with some hope of success without depending on a man...or woman, for that matter.” She understood the irony of saying she had to stand on her own two feet while leaning against Roper, safe in his arms. But it was only for a moment while she gathered together her resolve. Then she pushed back and put a step between them.

“I learned a valuable lesson. I would never again be so dependent on another.” She met Roper’s gaze with determination. “I accept help only when I can pay for it in a businesslike fashion.”

Roper crossed his arms and gave her a gentle smile. She knew he was thinking of last night. She’d accepted something from him that could not be bought or paid for.

And she could not bring herself to regret it.

Suddenly she remembered her own parents when her father was still alive. They honored each other without any obligation.

Except to love each other.

Where had those words come from? She must have heard them somewhere but she couldn’t recall where. Perhaps a sermon at church. Or...

She shrugged.

Did it mean love was an obligation? A debt she had to pay? It made love sound petty and controlling.

She wished she could believe it was otherwise but she had no proof it was. Unless she counted her parents.

Roper shook his head. “Cassie, prickly Cassie.”

She wanted to take offense at his words but they were spoken so softly she couldn’t.

“Someday you will learn you can’t reduce life to a balance statement of debts owed and debts paid. Some things are given freely. To try and repay a gift is an insult to the giver.”

“Isn’t there always an unspoken expectation?”

“I don’t think so.”

She tore her gaze from him only to see the flowers in the middle of the table. A gift. But certainly with expectations. If she wasn’t mistaken Lane wanted to pursue a relationship. “My experience says otherwise.”

He didn’t move, causing her to look at him to see why. He watched her with a gentle, chiding expression on his face. “If you are completely honest with yourself you will know that isn’t true.”

No doubt he meant last night. And he was right. She couldn’t deny she had nothing to give him in return and knew he didn’t expect it. But she didn’t know what to make of it.

She searched for an escape from his relentless look...from her confused thoughts. Her eyes scanned the site and lit on the basin full of water. “I need to finish my chores.” Turning away, she lifted the pan, not caring that water sloshed over the sides and soaked her skirts.

“I’ll do it.” Roper reached for the basin but she jerked away, sloshing even more water over the sides. At this rate there’d be nothing to pitch out by the time she had gone three steps.

“I’ve got it.”
Hear me, Roper Jones. I can do this on my own.

He wisely stepped back.

* * *

Roper grinned as she stomped away, her wet skirts clinging to her legs. She could protest all she wanted but he hadn’t forgotten how she’d allowed him to hold her and give her comfort last night. Nor would he ever forget it. His smile melted away as he thought of her words to Daisy, how she’d been alone with a dying husband, hiding in a train station. No wonder she’d been so prickly those first few months at Eden Valley Ranch.

Avoiding the muddy spot where she’d slopped water, he took six strides that brought him to her side.

She stubbornly kept her back to him, shaking lingering drops from the basin as if each silvery tear must water the ground.

He ached to pull her into his arms and comfort her as he had last night. “Cassie?” Would she hear the unexpressed invitation in his voice?

A shudder crept across her shoulders, and then they settled in a slight hunch. “Guess it’s true what they say.”

“What’s that?”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” She turned, the fierce look in her eyes almost blinding him. “I know I’m stronger for my experiences.”

“Strong, yes. No one could deny it. But still a mite prickly.” He grinned, hoping to convey a teasing tone even though he was deadly serious.

She spared him a defiant look. “Guess maybe the two go together.” And she stomped away.

He knew strong and prickly didn’t belong hand in hand unless a person chose to let them, but he reckoned now was not the time to argue with her. His gaze lighted on the flowers wilting in the tomato can and he figured his expression might match Cassie’s. What did Lane want? As if it wasn’t as obvious as the nose on his face.

The man would no doubt hang about courting Cassie, growing more and more open about his intentions. ’Course he had to tend to his work at least part of the time. Cutting his crop. Feeding his livestock. Gathering wood for the winter. Why, Roper figured, the man should be busy most every day of the week. Perhaps a little nudge reminding Lane of the upcoming winter would be in order.

His tension fled as quickly as it came.

Lane might bring flowers that died within hours but Roper was building Cassie a house. He figured the house to be more important than flowers any day of the week.

Whistling under his breath he sauntered back to the building site. He was satisfied with his work.

Still his gaze returned over and over to the wilted flowers. And his thoughts circled back to an endless regret.

He had nothing to offer Cassie, or anyone, apart from his help.

* * *

Cassie left the washbasin on the grass, and followed the sound of the children to the riverbank. Her conscience warned her she should be working—or was it only Grandfather’s persistent voice? But she didn’t want to return to the home site and see Roper. Even if she couldn’t see him, she heard him working and was acutely aware of his presence nearby.

Prickly Cassie.
He’d said it a number of times. She saw it as determination.

Some things are given freely.
Like what? It hadn’t been so in her experience.

She caught up to the children.

The boys picked through a pile of rocks.

Daisy sat on the sand, piling it into a heap for Pansy. She glanced up at Cassie’s approach. “Do you need me?”

“No. Supper is ready. We’ll eat a little later. Enjoy your play.”

Daisy got to her feet. “I’ll help if you need something done. It’s the least I can do seeing as you’re feeding the four of us.”

“Oh, Daisy, I don’t mind.” She rather enjoyed wiping little faces after each meal, checking that there were clothes for them each morning. She liked baking things the children enjoyed. “I don’t expect repayment.”

The words echoed what Roper had said.

If Cassie could give without thought of repayment, was it possible others did?

She waggled her hand at Daisy. “You play with your little sister.” She sat with her back to a nearby tree and watched the children. They were a sweet bunch and deserved a home where they were loved and allowed to be children. Their uncle better be a more appropriate guardian than her grandfather had been.

Pansy joined the boys examining rocks, ever under the watchful eye of Daisy who sat close by guarding her younger siblings.

Pansy picked up a rock and headed toward Cassie.

“Stay here,” Daisy said.

Pansy shook her head. “I show her.” She nodded at Cassie.

Daisy hesitated a heartbeat before saying, “Okay.”

Cassie held her breath as Pansy walked to her, the rock cupped in her hands. The little one had never warmed up to her like she had to Roper. Or perhaps Cassie hadn’t invited it, reminding her as she did of her own babies. But now she ached to be friends with Pansy and smiled encouragement.