Linda Ford (15 page)

She searched his face for clues to his meaning.

His first thought was to kiss her again but he had to explain his idea before he forgot all his good arguments. “We can make this arrangement between us permanent.”

She searched deeper. “I don’t understand.”

Lost in the delight of her open look, wanting to see even deeper, he almost forgot what he meant to say. “We could get married and provide the children with a home.”

She pressed a hand to her chest as if trying to still turmoil. “I told you. I don’t intend to be owned again by any man.”

“Hang on a minute. You aren’t listening to what I said. It would only be a business agreement, a continuation of what we have already. You’d run your business. I could help where needed. Hunt for food. Maybe get some land nearby and run a few cows. It could work, Cassie.”

“A business arrangement.” She rubbed her chest with the flat of her hand. “No strings attached? Equal partners?”

“Only if the uncle doesn’t want the youngsters.” Of course he would. No man in his right mind would turn down a ready-made family.

And if he did take them, Roper and Cassie would have no reason to go ahead with a marriage.

He tried to make himself believe it would be okay.

“I could handle a business arrangement.”

Did her voice sound hopeful, as if she welcomed the idea and not just to ensure the children were kept together? As if she secretly longed to maintain what they had here? He couldn’t tell and didn’t ask, not sure he wanted to hear the truth.

It was enough that she agreed. But he had to make sure she truly understood. “If the uncle won’t take the children then we will marry and keep them?”

She nodded slowly, her gaze watchful, guarded. “A business arrangement.” She ducked her head. “I agree.”

He must see her face, read her expression. He caught her chin with his finger and tipped it toward him, waiting until she brought her gaze to him. “We’ll be good together.”

They looked deep into each other’s eyes, plumbing for truth and on his behalf, something more, something he couldn’t—wouldn’t—name because he hadn’t forgotten who he was.

A nameless orphan.

Could he learn to be a family with her and the youngsters? According to the Mountie they already had. The idea wound through his thoughts, caught hold of his heart and rooted there like an old oak tree. Family. With Cassie. He sighed.

He bent and caught her mouth with his own, silently sealing their agreement, giving an unspoken promise he meant to uphold.

I will show you what I believe about family.

He would do his best to care for them all, protect them and make them happy. A distant bell tolled in the depths of his brain.
This can’t last.
But he ignored the warning, lost as he was in the warmth of her kiss.

He took her response as her own silent promise though he couldn’t guess what words she would put to hers.

* * *

Cassie tried to concentrate on her tasks.

Marriage as a business arrangement. Was it possible?

He’d kissed her again. Not once but twice. Surely only to mark their agreement. But something inside her shifted a little more with each kiss. To be honest she found sweet comfort in the touch of his lips.

Suddenly she realized why. He demanded nothing from her when he kissed her. He simply gave. Was it possible...?

Of course not. This was only about the children.

And if they didn’t need her, she would be free to pursue her original plan. But rather than make her feel better, the realization filled her with an acute sense of loss.

She would miss the children but it was best they go to family. Her insides warred. The loss would be more painful than she dared contemplate.

She shouldn’t have let herself care so much. She smiled. She’d tried to protect her heart but what chance did she have against them? Daisy, so helpful with a sense of responsibility Cassie understood so well. Neil, determined to imitate everything Roper did. He’d even begun to walk like Roper—a rolling cowboy gait. Billy, so innocent, so mischievous. And Pansy—sweet, little Pansy.

Carrie pressed her palm against her chest where Pansy’s head had rested. She’d thought she would never enjoy the feel of a warm little one in her arms.

Now that she’d enjoyed it she couldn’t bear the thought of losing it.

But the children’s future was not in her hands.

Whatever happened, Cassie would survive. Battered and bruised but as she told Roper, what didn’t destroy her made her stronger. She’d grow stronger.

That night she fell into an exhausted sleep only to be jerked awake by a noise. Her heart kicked into a gallop. Were the children running away again? She lay motionless waiting for the sound to recur so she could identify it.

“Daisy, are you asleep?” Neil’s hoarse whisper was barely audible.

“Yes. Shh. Be quiet.”

The covers rustled. Cassie guessed Neil crawled to Daisy’s side.

“I miss Ma and Pa.” Neil’s whispered words reached her ears.

“Me, too.”

One of them sobbed, the sound muffled as if they tried to cover it with their hand or bury it in the covers.

“Mama.” Billy’s voice joined the others, louder, more intense.

Daisy scolded, “Now you woke up Billy.”

“I miss Mama and Papa,” Billy wailed.

More rustling and Cassie guessed Daisy drew the younger boy close. She knew it for certain when she heard Daisy hushing Billy.

“I miss them, too.” Daisy’s voice was full of unshed tears.

Cassie lay quiet, wide awake now. Crying in Roper’s arms had healed something inside her. Something she didn’t even know was broken. Nor could she say if it was the tears or the comfort of his arms that accomplished it.

All she knew for certain was the children needed someone to hold and comfort them while they cried. She turned toward them. They heard her move and sucked back sobs.

“It’s okay to cry,” she murmured as she moved to Daisy’s bedroll. She reached for Neil and pulled him to her arms. Billy climbed to her lap and pressed her face to her shoulder—the same place where she had found such sweet comfort with Roper. “Of course you miss your mama and papa. Shh. Shh.” She patted and stroked and made comforting noises until, one by one, the children lay quiet and spent in her arms.

“I think Billy has fallen asleep,” she said.

Daisy eased the boy back to his sleeping mat.

Neil shifted away, too. “How long before Uncle Jack sends for us?”

He and Daisy waited for her answer. “I purely can’t say. But you’ve no need to worry. You’re safe here with Roper and me. I promise we’ll take care of you until your uncle makes arrangements.” Silently she added to the promise.
Even if he doesn’t want you.
She would not say the words aloud, though. The children did not need to worry about such things.

Neil seemed satisfied and returned to his bed.

Daisy hugged Cassie then settled under her covers.

Cassie slipped over to her own mat and relaxed once she heard all the children breathing deeply.

Was she wrong to offer them assurances about the uncle? Even if he did come, who could guess at what he would expect in return for taking four children. Likely instant obedience, willing hard work and more. More than a child could be expected to know to do unless someone told them. It was in their best interests to be warned of what they might expect.

And who better to do it than someone who knew as well as she did.

She would speak to them in the morning.

Chapter Eleven

R
oper whistled as he climbed the hill for breakfast. Cassie had agreed to marry him. Of course, there were certain conditions but somehow that didn’t dampen his spirit. A wife. A family. A home. It was more than he’d ever dared hope or dream since he was nineteen years old and full of blind optimism.

He ignored the persistent warning bell in the back of his brain. Ignored the words of his rules.
Don’t put down roots.

He heard her speaking and silenced his whistle. The children sat at the table facing outward. Cassie stood before them, her back to him. The expression on the three older children’s faces let him know this was a serious discussion. He drew to one side, not wanting to disturb them.

Cassie twisted her apron as she spoke. “Expect nothing for free. No matter what your uncle might say.”

Poor little Billy looked confused but from the wide-eyed horror on Neil’s face and the way Daisy pursed her lips, he guessed this was the tail end of a little speech and could almost guess what it involved—insistence that every kindness had a price tag. He ached for whatever experience had led her to believe this way.

“You’re sure you understand?”

Three heads nodded. Pansy watched curiously.

“Good. It’s best you be prepared.”

Roper stepped into sight. “You youngsters go play for a moment. Cassie and I need to talk.”

They scampered away as quickly as frightened fawns.

Cassie watched Roper, alerted by something in his voice he hadn’t tried to conceal.

He shook his head as he studied her, reading the hurt in her eyes, the defensive way she crossed her arms over her chest. “Cassie, Cassie, who taught you there is a price tag to love?”

He expected she would deny it, refuse to answer but her face crumpled and tears clung to her lashes. With a muffled groan, he reached for her. She hesitated but a moment.

“Tell me who, sweet Cassie.”

She choked back a sob. “My grandfather.”

He’d expected as much. He edged her toward the bench and gently pulled her down to sit beside him. “He made you pay for love?”

She kept her head down but rested it on his shoulder as if the contact kept her from drowning. “He made us pay for the privilege of having a roof over our heads. He made it clear he owned us in exchange for every begrudging bit of charity.”

“You and who?”

“My mother. When Father died—Grandfather’s son—the old man took us in but he made us pay. Every day and every way. I married George against his will. He knew he was losing a slave.”

The bitterness in her voice drew knife-sharp gouges in his heart. “What happened to your mother?”

“I tried to get her to come with me but she was afraid. I wrote her but she’s never written back. I doubt she’s even got my letters.”

“Oh, Cassie, my sweet Cassie. No wonder you are prickly sometimes.”

“When the children cried about missing their ma, I couldn’t bear it. I miss my mother. She could be dead for all I know.”

“Can you not contact a neighbor and ask about her?”

She didn’t answer at first. “I suppose I could send a letter to Mrs. Ellertson. She was always kind to us at the market. She’d know.”

“Then you should do that.”

She nodded.

He turned her so they faced each other and waited until she lifted her face to him. “But love does not have a price tag.”

“How can you be sure? You’ve never had a family.”

The truth of the words scraped the inside of his heart. He used to dream of belonging. Had learned he couldn’t. Only being part of a pretend family unit with Cassie and the children had made him forget it wasn’t possible for him. “I remember a passage I memorized many years ago in which Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. Seems to me that means there is no charge, no expectation other than to wish the best for others.”

She clung to him with her eyes, as if wanting to believe what he said.

“There’s nothing better than to love others and make them happy.”

Her eyelids fluttered. “I understand that’s your philosophy. Mine is ‘Owe no man anything,’ which I know is in the Bible, too.”

“Someday, sweet Cassie, you will learn not everyone exacts a price like your grandfather did.”

For a moment he thought she believed him, and then she shook her head.

He pressed her to his shoulder again and kissed her hair. “Someday.”

Neil poked his head over the bank. “Can we eat yet?”

Cassie sprang from Roper’s arms and bolted for the shack. “Call the others. The food will be right up.”

Roper moseyed over to the shack. “I’ll take the coffee.” He reached for the coffeepot and she jerked back a good two feet.

“No need to be all jumpy around me.”

She squinted at him. “I’m not. You’re imagining things.”

He studied her a long, hard minute wondering if she would turn away but she admirably held his gaze. Sheer determination, he figured. But then Cassie was good at holding her own. Even when it wasn’t called for. He took the coffeepot and headed for the door. “Someday, sweet Cassie. Someday.”

Her defiant snort made him chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Neil asked.

“Oh, nothing.”

Daisy giggled behind her hand. “He and Cassie are arguing. A lovers’ quarrel.”

Neil grimaced. “Yuck.”

“’Fraid it’s no such thing.” What he wouldn’t give to have a lovers’ quarrel. It would never happen, though. He’d lived without love all his life. He immediately corrected himself. He’d learned to count only on God’s love. He figured he could continue to do so. Though never before had his heart twisted at the idea.

The day passed in fits and starts. Pansy cried for no reason and clung to Roper. Daisy and Neil argued reducing Daisy to tears. Billy threw a temper tantrum because the fence he had built for his pretend cows crashed down in the wind. He blamed Neil even though everyone knew Neil had been helping Roper on the house.

Several times Roper caught Cassie with a distant look on her face, her hands idle, her task forgotten.

So much for knowing how to be a family.

He must do something before they were all reduced to a pile of misery. He knew just the thing to remind them that life should be enjoyed.

Over supper he outlined his plan. “Let’s go see a buffalo jump. It’s not far. We could leave early in the morning and be back by evening.”

“What about feeding the men?” Cassie’s look informed him he must be missing a few brain cells to even suggest it.

“You’re the boss. You can decide if you want to work or not.” He said it knowing what her reaction would be, and chuckled when she got all huffy.

“Seems if you want to succeed, people need to be able to count on you.” Her scowl matched his grin for intensity.

“I knew you’d object so here’s what I figured out. You leave something cooking real slow in the oven and Macpherson could check on it for you...” He held up a hand as she opened her mouth to protest. “If that doesn’t sit well with you then have a meal already cooked. We’ll leave real early, spend most of the day and be back to serve the food. Might be a little later but you can leave a note informing the men they can come back after we return.”

Cassie shook her head but Billy bounced up and down on the bench eagerly. “We can see buffalo skulls?”

“You sure can.”

Neil didn’t bounce but he was equally as eager. “I’ve never seen buffalo bones. Heard they were really big.”

Daisy watched Cassie. “I’d help you get things ready. A picnic sounds real nice. And you’ve been working awfully hard. You deserve to take some time off.”

“I’ll help, too,” Neil added.

“Me, too.” Billy jumped from the table all set to start immediately. Cassie shifted her gaze from child to child, over to the half-built house and then to Roper. “Very well. So long as we’re back in time for supper.”

The children had convinced Cassie when he couldn’t. He admitted a bit of resentment that she didn’t jump at the chance to spend the day with him. Which didn’t make a lick of sense. They spent every day together.

She’d agreed to go. That’s all that mattered.

They cleaned up in short order then Roper got the youngsters making sandwiches while Cassie prepared and cooked meat and potatoes. He built a wooden safe, put the pots safely in it then set the box in the river and secured it. “The food will stay cool while we’re gone.”

* * *

The next morning Roper was up before dawn and hitched the horse to the wagon. The noise must have wakened the others for they soon clambered from the shack.

Cassie fried up breakfast and made a pot of coffee. They sat in the cool air of the purple dawn to eat. Roper read from the Bible, then took Cassie’s hand as he prayed for safety, adding silently a request for a refreshing time.

As he prayed, he built memories in his head. The morning greetings of the wakening birds sang the melody of creation. The whisper of the river added a duet voice. He inserted his own words for this moment—
pleasure, satisfaction, anticipation.
In the future he’d rejoice over this day.

They were soon in the wagon, the lunch tucked safely away, the children singing in the back.

They left behind the trees and hills and meandered over deceptively flat prairie. The breadth of the land quieted the children’s voices and they crept forward to watch the trail ahead.

Roper pointed to the right. “Antelope.” The golden-colored animals lifted their heads and watched.

“Why don’t they run away? Aren’t they afraid?” Neil asked.

“They can outrun a horse so they aren’t too worried.”

The animals watched them pass then resumed grazing.

A jackrabbit skittered away in front of them. Overhead a hawk circled with a whistling cry.

Cassie let out a long sigh. “It’s so peaceful.”

Far to the right he saw a twist of smoke and made out a rock chimney. “Looks like another homesteader. Soon they’ll be breaking the sod and ruining the land for cattle.” He didn’t welcome the notion. “Seems to me some of this land should be left as it is.”

“People need to be able to provide for their family.” Cassie continued to stare at the wisp of smoke as they continued along the trail.

Did he see longing in her gaze? It made him wonder what Cassie really wanted—a business so she could support herself or a real home? Like the one Lane had built? The idea soured in his stomach.

Sometimes he wondered if
she
knew what she wanted.

Did he? He couldn’t say. But he would make the best of this day.

The children leaned forward, eagerly pointing out one thing or another and he focused his attention on them.

A few minutes later, Roper turned the horse from the trail and they bounced across the prairie for a bit then he pulled on the reins. “We’re here.” The children tumbled from the wagon. Roper held out a hand to assist Cassie. When she would have ignored him he caught her around the waist and lifted her as easily as he did Pansy.

She giggled a little, surprised and perhaps a bit uncertain at his boldness, especially when he didn’t immediately release her. She glanced up at him. Her lashes fluttered and she lowered her gaze.

Good. She understood he intended this to be more than a business trip. He leaned close and whispered, “If we are to be married we should practice acting like a couple about to get married.”

She pushed his hands away and drew back. “Roper Jones, you know very well that isn’t the kind of marriage we discussed.”

He chuckled. “A marriage is a marriage, don’t you think?” Undeterred by her dismissive sniff he took her hand. “Better let me help you. The ground is pretty rough.”

Indeed it was, but he wondered if she tripped over a clump of grass or if his attention unsettled her.

The children, arms out like wings, ran shrieking across the prairie.

Cassie stopped to watch them, easing away from him and crossing her arms at her waist so he couldn’t take her hand again.

“They look so free and happy.” She sounded wistful and he moved closer until their shoulders touched.

“It’s good for them to be unfettered for a day.”

She sucked in air preparing to say something but he didn’t want to hear how they might never be free again, how they would owe their very lives, perhaps their souls, to their uncle. “Come on. I’ll show you the jump.” He reached for her hand and she pretended not to notice.

“Come on, kids.” The four roared toward him and fell in at his side, eager to accompany him.

They walked to the rim of the cliff, revealing a deep gulley. “Stay back from the edge.” He showed them how the Indians drove the buffalo up the incline to this spot leaving them no escape.

“Can we go down there and look for bones?” Neil asked, leaning forward.

“Neil, stay back.” Cassie’s voice rang out in warning.

“We’ll go in a bit. Now you kids stay away from the edge. We don’t want to look for your bones down there.”

Billy giggled. “Our bones are covered with skin.”

“Let’s keep it that way.” He led them away. “Play for a while.”

They resumed racing about.

Roper had plans. If Cassie wanted flowers he would show her some in full bloom. He’d spotted several bright displays on their arrival. “Got something to show you.”

She hesitated.

“What? You think I have something sneaky up my sleeve?”

“Do you?” One eyebrow quirked. Something he’d never seen her do before, and he liked it. But her playful mood caught him off guard. He’d expected resistance. Prickliness. “You do manage to surprise me again and again.” He couldn’t tell if she was annoyed or pleased at this observation.

“In a good way. Right?” She quirked her eyebrow again making him chuckle.

“You’ll like it. I promise.” He held his hand out in invitation.

She studied it for several heartbeats, then put her hand in his.

He tucked his satisfied grin into a corner of his heart and led her to a patch of wild roses.

“Oh, they’re beautiful.” She leaned close to smell the full-bodied scent.

“There are more flowers over here.” He took her to another area with bluebells and unusual purple, white and yellow flowers.