Linda Goodman's Sun Signs (31 page)

Married or single, it's fairly simple to spot the Virgo in public. For one thing, he won't be making much noise. He's not exactly garrulous, and he'll stand out as a loner. See that gentle, attractive man over there in the corner, with the thesaurus under his arm? The one with the tick tock mind, clicking away the hours neatly and methodically noticing the smallest details? If you look closely, you can almost see him measuring each minute for what it's worth. He's a Virgo. See that quiet young lady with the beautiful, soft eyes, waiting for the bus? Notice how she's perfectly accessorized, her cool manner. She'll have the exact coins for the fare ready in her hand. She wouldn't dream of asking the bus driver to change a five dollar bill. She's a Virgo.

Social gatherings are not the best hunting grounds when you're searching for these perfectionists. You're more likely to find them working late at the office than being gregarious at a cocktail party. It's not easy for Virgos to relax sufficiently to enjoy the carefree social swim, because they're basically uncomfortable in crowds. They sometimes make attempts to follow the party routine, through pure frustration, but duty whistles too insistently to allow for much frivolity. Sometimes, Virgo can make Capricorn look like a good-time Harry, and that's really going some. You'll seldom see them blowing bubbles in the air or building castles in the sand. Virgos are too busy to daydream, and they're usually too tired at night to wish on stars.

The first thing you'll notice about the typical Virgo is the definite impression he gives that there's a serious problem on his mind he's struggling to solve—or a vague feeling that he's secretly worried about something. He probably is. Worry comes naturally to him. One might even say he's affectionately attached to the habit. It's an intangible thing, and elusive, but his delightful smile will always seem to be hiding some great trouble.

Although the ascendant and other natal positions can modify the typical Jack Spratt spare figure, you can generally look for a rather wiry build, and unusually lovely, quiet eyes. Virgo eyes are often so astonishingly clear, you can almost see your reflection in them. They sparkle with intelligence and clarity of thought. There's a purity and tranquility of expression on Virgo features that seems to deny those secret worries. Most of them are extremely attractive, with delicate noses, ears and lips. There's certainly no lack of grace and charm, and there may be a bit of vanity which pops up at odd moments. Virgos are very critical of their own photographs and fussy in the extreme about how they look, both on film and in person. If you're observant, you'll catch them primping in front of a mirror when they think no one is looking. They're always well turned out, and usually meticulous, if conservative, dressers. Virgo Warren Buffet would rather be caught without an investment strategy than without a tie and coat..

The Virgo is normally a small person, certainly no giant, but he's muscular, and he has far more strength than his fragile appearance suggests. These people can stand more intense work over a longer period of time than the tougher, more brawny signs—if they can avoid a nervous breakdown in the process. Although they're externally capable and cool, inner anxieties gnaw away at them, upsetting their digestion and their emotional balance. Tackling more work than they can safely manage, and then straining themselves to the breaking point to fulfill the obligations is behind many a Virgo's ragged nerves. They were meant to be calm and soothing when their intricate and delicate mechanisms are running smoothly and the wheels aren't clogged with brain fatigue.

Virgos are unquestionably dependable and sincere. Nevertheless, they're capable of pretending to be sick when they don't want to go somewhere or do something. At these times, the latent Virginian talent for acting comes forth. Occasionally, they manage to convince themselves of such imaginary ills, but the cool eye and clear head of Mercury-ruled people insure that most instances of such self-deception are short-lived. They're are fastidious and exacting in grooming, eating, working and romance. Your neat Virgo friend who looks as if he just stepped out of the shower probably just did. He takes more baths and showers than any four people you know put together. He also has very precise ideas about health, little patience with laziness, and very few illusions about life and people, even when he's in love. Male or female, romance never clouds Virgo's eyes with a thick enough film to blind him to any existing flaws and shortcomings in either the relationship or in the loved one. To use the idiom of the day, Virgo always “knows where it's at,” though the slang-hating Virgos will shrink in distaste from that phrase.

Of course, you shouldn't get the idea that everyone born in late August or September is fussy, prissy and dogmatic. Lots of Virginians shine with a clever Mercury wit—if you catch their side remarks—and they project a bright, Mercurial charm that's hard to resist. Cameron Diaz is a Virgo, which should settle that point once and for all. You may run across a Virgo who is so busy keeping the corners of his (or her) mind neat and orderly, that he's become careless about his clothing or his surroundings, which may fool you when you catch him in an off moment. But wait. Sooner or later you'll find him picking up a pin from the rug, brushing his hair or pinching a piece of lint off his shoulder.

Although they dream very few impossible dreams, Virgos often have the inconsistent trait of looking like lovely dreamers—as if they were all wrapped up in the very rainbows their logical minds refuse to believe in or follow.

When they're annoyed by vulgarity, stupidity or carelessness, Virgos can suddenly become cranky, irritable, scolding and nervous. But most of the time they're gentle folk, and quite nice to have around, especially around the sick room. Some of the finest doctors and caregivers are born under this sign, full of efficient sympathy and crisp capability. When you have a headache, your Virgo friend is the one most likely to run to the drugstore for you. If you're at his place, he won't have far to go, because there will probably be a miniature drugstore right in his house. His bathroom medicine cabinet is usually loaded down with patent reliefs for stomach-ache, constipation, upset liver or acid indigestion. Peek inside sometime. He'll never take a drug unless he's familiar with each ingredient and how it works, so he'll be an expert at telling you which remedy will be best for your headache, depending on what caused it. Virgos who travel often take their portable drugstores right along with them. They may carry an extra suitcase, just for the pills and bottles. If they're used to a certain brand of soap or lotion, they'll tuck that in, too. It would be a disaster if they happened to get stuck in a town where they didn't sell what the Virgo is accustomed to using. He usually buys his soap and sundries by the case, because it's cheaper—or at least by the dozen—which is another reason he doesn't like to purchase things en route. Sometimes a Virgo will even tote his own water with him on trips. Don't laugh—do you know what can happen to a person's stomach when certain foreign bodies in strange drinking water enter the digestive system? Virgos can tell you. When these people form habits, they form habits, and taking a vacation or a business trip is no excuse to break them. If he's used to keeping his socks in the middle left-hand drawer of the bureau at home, that's where the socks go in the hotel room. If it's one of those bureaus with only three large drawers, and no choice of left or right, it can really hang him up for awhile. He may end up just leaving them in the suitcase, but his sleep will be restless. The next morning, the waitress in the hotel dining room will quickly learn that when the Virgo says three-minute eggs, he doesn't mean two minutes and forty-five seconds. Or when he says sunnyside up, he doesn't mean sunnyside down. And he'll definitely base his tip on her attention to such details.

A Virgo may criticize your statements with hairsplitting arguments which drive you wild, but if you are in a jam, he'll also quickly step in to turn things right side up again with no motive except to serve. If the job you tackled has you so bogged down in boring details, you despair of meeting the deadline, Virgo will roll up his sleeves and pitch in willingly. It's not ego that makes him itch to take over when things are in a shambles. It's just that his orderly Mercurial mind can't stand procrastination, neglected details or confusion of purpose. He may even straighten things out before he's asked, with no intention of rudeness, because bringing order out of chaos is instinctive with him. He's the kind of guest who will happily help the hostess clean up after the party. But he's also the kind of guest who will notice immediately that you have carefully placed the
Vanity Fair
on the coffee table to hide an ugly stain, and arranged the cushions on the couch to cover the cigarette holes.

Like the Libran, Virgo is quick to deny his habits and traits. He has an apparent blindness to his faults and he seems unable to see his own weaknesses in as clear a light as he sees everything else. But the truth is that he does see them—and he sees them in such infinite detail that he can't bear to hear them generalized. Try to tell a typical Virgo he's critical, a worrier, fussy, neat or unusually concerned with diet and health, and you'll face a flat denial. Who, him? He's not like that at all. I still have the ten-page letter from a Virgo mother, written in a tiny, precise handwriting, in which she carefully details all the reasons why the descriptions of her Sun sign don't fit her, never realizing that the very orderly form and length of her hairsplitting complaint was giving her away.

“I'm just not neat,” she wrote. “My house is terribly sloppy.” But then she continued, “After all, I do have two very small children, who constantly make messes which drive me crazy. I pick up after them every second of the day.” (She then proceeded to itemize her endless tasks, one by one, very carefully.) “I try to keep things in a particular spot, and I never waste time reading or watching TV like my neighbors do. But things are still untidy when my husband gets home for dinner. I don't think he has any right to complain, because I do work till after midnight while he's sleeping, getting the house in shape for morning. I couldn't get breakfast in a dirty kitchen. Dirt breeds germs, and sickness spreads fast in a family. But before he leaves for work everything's a mess again. So this neatness thing about Virgos really annoys me. I'm really not neat. I'm also not a worrier nor a hypochondriac. I never criticize my husband's mistakes with the check book, at least not very often, because it's not my place to do that…. I'd
like
to be neat, but what can I do with the children and all? Really, if you could see how they …” and so on. (Naturally, she carefully included a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a reply.) The last line in her letter wondered, “Can you tell me why the descriptions of my Sun sign don't fit me at all?” Those pages are framed and now hang on the wall under a symbol of Virgo.

You should be able to pick out a Virgo in a roomful of people with no trouble. He's incapable of sitting still for very long. After a while, he'll become visibly restless and pace the floor or change chairs like a jumping jack, and project a vague sense of urgency as if he's late for another appointment somewhere. At the same time, the facial expression will portray a certain tranquility, like a mask. The full damage caused by Virgo's nervous intensity seldom shows completely on the outside, but it surely can mess up the digestive system inside. That's why you'll often find them carrying a roll of Turns for the tummy.

You won't find those people lavish in affection or in spending money. They're normally prudent in both areas, giving their love quietly and steadily with little demonstrativeness, and handling cash just as conservatively. Strangely, as willing as Virgos are to give efficient service to others, they have an almost neurotic and intense dislike of accepting favors themselves. They don't want to be obligated to anyone for any reason. And they don't want to depend on anyone but themselves for anything. The deeply imbedded fear of dependence in old age is what makes many of them live so economically as to be called stingy. But that's really too harsh a word. When there's plenty of security and no need to worry about the future, Virgo will spend money more freely, although even then it will be spent with full value received—or back to the store for a refund.

Though he has absolutely no sympathy for beggars or idle wastrels, he is unfailingly generous when a friend is in trouble. The Virgo who is almost miserly where his personal needs are involved, will make charming gestures of financial aid to those who really deserve it, or to people he really likes or loves. But you'll never find him throwing money away carelessly, because waste is one of his pet peeves. Virgos labor hard for what they have, and extravagance never fails to shock them. They usually have a few sharp things to say about spendthrifts and people who are too lazy to work.

There's one thing that will remove some of the sting of Virgo's criticism, however, and that's the knowledge that he's secretly as critical of himself as he is of you. He just can't help seeing the flaws, because he was born to notice the tiniest crack in the vase. He won't take to lateness any more kindly than he does to wastefulness. Actually, to be late is waste of a kind. It's a waste of time, and to Virgo, time is the stuff of which life is made. So be punctual if you want to avoid his stinging disapproval. Frank Sinatra's friends learned that when the singer said “dinner at eight,” he meant eight, and not eight-fifteen or eight-thirty. Although Sinatra was a warm, fiery Sagittarian by Sun sign, he did have a Virgo ascendant which also explains why he was so painstaking about rehearsing and such a bug for detail in music arrangements. Every note and every tone had to be exactly correct when he recorded or the session would be repeated until he was satisfied. Add such meticulous and impeccable taste to the Sagittarius fire and warmth and you can see why he sold a song or two.