Shay
Hairy Asses
City by Night isn’t packed on this Tuesday, so we get a nice table near the aquarium. I’m wearing heels and a dress. I never thought much about my long legs, but Ford makes me feel sexy.
He looks hella sexy too, wearing a gray sweater and jeans. Ford scoots his chair closer, so I can caress his leg while he orders our drinks.
Pax arrives a few minutes after we do, dressed in a hoodie and raggedy jeans.
“I overslept,” he mumbles. “Did you order for me?”
“We’re waiting for Bebe to arrive,” Ford says then ignores Pax and focuses on my bare knee.
Leaning over, he whispers, “I’m flipping you over tonight.”
I lift my lips to meet his until Pax clears his throat. “I’m not interested in this crap, so stop. If you don’t, I’m bringing a date next time. I promise she’ll be a diseased hooker who coughs on your food.”
Shrugging, I wave at Bebe standing at the door. “I bet that diseased hooker will enjoy a free meal. Bring her next time if she’s special to you.”
Ford smirks at Pax rolling his eyes dramatically. He rolls them again to make sure I didn’t miss it.
“Bebe, this is Ford,” I say, smiling proudly at how hot my guy is. “That’s his brother, Pax,” I add, waving my hand dismissively at Pax. “His diseased hooker girlfriend couldn’t make it.”
Pax flips me off and Ford’s foot goes flying under the table.
“Be careful,” Pax says, “Your foot slipped and hit me.”
Ford glares and Pax glares, but I ignore them. Bebe sits on the other side of me.
“Brothers,” I tell her then wave over the waitress.
Bebe is nervous and the brothers aren’t helping by being assholes. I want her to get along with them. Well, really just Ford. I need all the little parts of my life to link up. Friends, boyfriend, and soon my brothers.
“You have a kid, right?” Ford asks Bebe.
“Yes, Tallulah.”
“Is her dad anyone we know?”
Bebe shrugs. “Howie Becker.”
“You banged out a kid with Wolfman?” Pax balks, leaning back in his chair. “Why?”
“I was young.”
“So is your kid hairy?” Pax asks.
Bebe glares at him. “No.”
“She’s still little, right? Wait ‘til she gets older and the mustache grows in. I suspect a life of heavy bleaching in the kid’s future.”
“Shut the F U C K up.”
“Why the fuck are you spelling at me?”
Bebe crosses her arms and ignores him. Pax won’t be silenced so easily.
“Look, you made the choice to fuck a dog man hybrid. Now, your kid will live with the hairy consequences.”
“She is not F U C K I N G hairy.”
“Again with the spelling.”
“She spells cuss words out of habit,” I grumble at Pax. “Stop being a jerk.”
“The truth hurts and I’m a truth teller. I can’t change who I am.”
“You’re an asshole, Pax,” Ford mutters. “That’s who you are.”
“Well, that too,” Pax says, giving his brother a wink.
“Can we talk about something else?” Bebe mutters.
“You mean, besides your hairy as fuck daughter?”
Bebe stands up and hovers over a grinning Pax. “Lula is a beautiful child. Even if she wasn’t, she’s a human being you evil F U C K.”
“Unless your kid is hiding under the table, I think you can stop spelling cuss words, baby.”
Bebe doesn’t even look at me before bolting out of the restaurant. I grab ice cubes from my drink and throw them at Pax who laughs. Ford will soon make crotch threats and the brothers will beat on each other later. They’re not my concern though as I chase after Bebe. She’s in the parking lot, spelling cuss words.
“D A M N, I can’t stop.”
“He’s an asshole.”
Bebe looks at me and I see she wants to cry. “Lula isn’t like her A S S H O L E dad.”
“No, she’s a sweet little girl. Beautiful too.”
Pacing around, Bebe glances at me. “Howie is a hairy F U C K I N G guy, but I’m not a shallow B I T C H. I was more interested in how he treated me. You know, in the beginning when he was grooming me. I’d never had anyone make me feel special like that and I overlooked his D A M N hairy back and A S S and everything. I also overlooked how he was a J E R K to other people.”
Bebe stops pacing and sighs deeply. “Howie’s good with numbers. His mom said he was always smart at school stuff and she was disappointed he didn’t go to college. Lula’s smart like that. I don’t want her to be anything like him, but she’s already beginning to read. I took forever to learn to F U C K I N G read and was a C R A P student. I want her to be smart, but I don’t want her to be like him. He’s a F U C K I N G monster.”
“Maybe,” I say, stepping closer, “some things are blood and biology and stuff. But others are about choices and how we grow up. My family is full of losers and they all give into their every impulse. I want to do that too. It’s in my nature to be out of control, but I fight it. My grandparents drilled into my head that I shouldn’t be like my mom.”
Hugging a shaking Bebe, I continue, “Lula might have some stuff in her that she can’t change. Being smart at school stuff can come from her dad, but being a monster is something she’d need to learn. It’s not something she is. You’re a good mom and you’ll teach her to do right. That’s what I think anyway.”
Bebe takes an unsteady breath, defeating the urge to cry. She looks at me with a sad expression.
“You don’t think Lula is hairy, do you? Tell me the truth.”
“She has a lot of hair on her head. I wish I had such thick hair. You also have thick hair, so she probably gets that from you.”
Bebe smiles slightly. “She has really great hair. She doesn’t like me messing with it and I’ve thought about getting it cut into a bob.”
I smile. “That’s why little girls are fun. You can dress them up until they’re old enough to fight back.”
Bebe smiles wider. “I’m sorry I freaked out in there. That A S S H O L E set me off. He does have a point about the spelling.”
“Pax never has a point. I doubt he even thinks about what he’s saying. It’s all gut reaction, no filter with him. He’s like a kid, I guess. You can’t take it personally. I know I don’t.”
Shaking out her hair, Bebe glances around. “Would I be a bad mom if I went back inside and enjoyed dinner? Would it be like I’m not sticking up for my baby?”
“No. One day, Lula will meet a jerk and you’ll want her to stand up for herself and not back down. Looking him in the eye after he talked shit is the tougher option, in my opinion. Of course, I really want you to come back inside, so my opinion might be biased.”
“It is a free meal too. Hmm…” Smiling, Bebe walks with me inside. “I miss cussing.”
“Maybe you can tell Lula cussing is something grownups do and when she’s older, she can cuss too. Like driving or voting or whatever. It’s an age thing, so she can’t do it yet. That’s what I tell my brothers. I promise them when they’re in high school, they can let it rip.”
Bebe leans her head against my shoulder. “You’re smart, but in a way I can understand. Nerdy smart people annoy me because I feel stupid when they talk.”
“Ditto. I’m like the dumb girl from
Big Bang Theory
. I never know what any of them are talking about.”
“Good thing we have our looks, though I’d rather be smart.”
“Me too,” I say, smiling.
Ford catches sight of our return and his dark blue eyes study me from my feet to my eyes. Being hot has its advantages too.
“He promised to behave,” Ford says.
Pax shrugs. “I forget girls are weak and I need to edit myself. I apologize for your fragile nature.”
Bebe sits down and frowns. “I can’t tell if your mom hugged you too much or not enough?”
“Second one, baby.”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Isn’t that your name?”
“Bebe, not baby.”
“I like baby better.”
“Thank you for sharing that info.”
Pax grins. “I’m glad Shay talked you into being less bitchy. It’s really a better look on you.”
Ford kicks Pax under the table again. I feel his foot go flying and see his brother grimace. They glare at one another, but I focus on the menu.
“Ooh, can I get the scallops?”
“You can get whatever you want,” Ford mutters.
“I know, but I want you to feel like I respect your authority.”
Ford grins. “I’ll be sure to reward your respect for my authority later.”
Pax leans over to Bebe and says, “People are obnoxious in the beginning of a relationship. They think they’re special and the world wants to see their horny bullshit.”
“Why are you talking to me like we’re in on this together?”
“I’m trying to make you feel included, so you don’t run away again.”
“Don’t talk shit about my kid and I won’t run.”
Pax nods then yanks off his hoodie. After everyone orders, he leans over to Bebe again.
“I kicked your hairy boyfriend in the ass once and he almost cried. Of course, the tip of my boot butt fucked him, so I wouldn’t blame him for a few tears.”
Rolling her eyes, Bebe laughs. They seem to be finding a groove, so I focus on Ford.
“What’s your favorite color?” I ask.
“I’m a guy. We don’t have favorite colors.”
“Mine is blue,” Pax says and Bebe laughs again.
I ignore them and keep my gaze on Ford. “I need a new bikini for the summer. What color would you prefer?”
“Is invisible a color?” Ford asks.
“So you’re okay with other guys seeing my Kibbles and Bits?”
Ford’s eyes narrow and he looks around as if a man might be checking out my lady parts at that very moment.
“Wear one of those grandma swimsuits with the skirt and shorts.”
“He means a burqa,” Pax says helpfully.
Bebe laughs for a third time and I wonder if she’s hot for Pax. He’s funny, but not that funny. With tanned, muscled arms, he looks sexy in his white tee. Of course, anyone can look hot in a tight tee. Ford makes a fucking sweater look painted on over his strong chest. Yeah, mine is better.
Ford frowns at me. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what.”
“Right here,” he mutters, wagging his fingers at his face. “Nowhere else.”
“You’re so possessive. It’s a very endearing quality.”
A grinning Ford loses his smile when he realizes Pax is staring at us. “What?”
“Bored. Band isn’t playing.”
“Are you five?”
“I don’t think so.”
Ford rolls his eyes then focuses on Bebe. I tap his hand then wave at my face.
“Right here. Nowhere else.”
Leaning over, he sucks at my lips and Pax groans.
“Now, I’m really bored,” Pax whines before turning his gaze to Bebe.
“Oh, crap,” she mutters.
“That’s right. It’s your job now to entertain me.”
“You have a kid, so this shouldn’t be too hard,” Ford says.
Bebe smiles. “I hear you use bats on guys. Why? Too weak in the upper body to get the job done with your fists?”
Pax sits up and taps on the table. “You hear that, Ford? A little girl starting shit.”
“I’m not a little girl, but I admit I’m starting shit. So how come you don’t fight using karate or F U C K I N G throwing stars or something?”
We all laugh as Pax glances at Ford. “Throwing stars. Can you imagine?”
“I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.”
Pax grins like a kid. “Fuck, I’ll rule Little Memphis with my throwing stars. Sure, I might kill a few innocent bystanders, but that’ll just make me look more badass.”
Imagining Pax throwing little stars at the club’s enemies sends me into a laughing fit. Eventually, I rest my head on my arms and let the giggles work their way out my system.
“You broke her,” Ford says to his brother.
“It happens. Usually I break a chick with my dick, but this works too.”
Bebe likely gave Pax a look because I hear him ask, “What?”
“Nothing.”
“No really, what?”
“Well, usually guys with great moves don’t need to broadcast them.”
“Are you doubting my skills? Hell, I’ll fuck you right here and prove my talents to the entire restaurant.”
“Having everyone’s approval is important to you, isn’t it?” Bebe asks patiently. “Are you insecure?”
“Fuck insecure. I will whip my dick out and nail every girl in this place.”
“What about Shay? Do you want to prove you’re better than your brother? Isn’t that what all your bravado is really about?”
I look up in time to catch Pax realizing Bebe’s teasing him. He sighs.
“Nicely played.”
“My kid is not F U C K I N G hairy.”
“Fine, but you have to admit Wolfman is a hairy fuck.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s true. You don’t even want to know how hairy.”
Pax leans over and smiles. “Really hairy ass, huh?”
“Manly pubes though.”
Rolling his eyes, Pax leans back. “That’s not special.”
“Who says?”
“Would you two shut up?” Ford grumbles.
When Bebe frowns at his tone, Pax pats her hand. “I’ll handle this, baby.”
“Ford, don’t yell at a lady. Especially a girl that’s endured Wolfman’s dick.”
“Ah, I think he’s attempting to be sweet,” I tell Bebe who grins.
“Can’t we have a normal conversation?” Ford sighs.
We all sit quietly, trying to think of normal conversational topics.
“I kneed Wolfman in the balls once,” Bebe says. “He then kicked me between the legs.”
“How much did that hurt?” Pax asks. “Like on a scale of one to ten.”
“Like a five.”
“Getting nailed in the balls is between a seven and ten, depending on how hard and the amount of nut crunch involved.”
“A girl in high school punched me in the T I T S and it hurt more than the crotch shot.”
Pax frowns. “Why did a chick nail your tits? Jealous of you?”
“No, she was stacked,” Bebe says, taking a sip of soda. “She thought I was sleeping with her boyfriend.”
“Were you?”
“No.”
“Sorry, but your lies aren’t believable,” Pax says quickly. “You fucked him.”
Bebe rolls her eyes and looks at me. I can only shrug then feel up Ford under the table.
“I believe you,” I say. “About the cheating and the boob shot. My brother elbowed me in the boob on accident and I whined for twenty minutes. Maybe longer. Left a bruise too.”