Live Long, Die Short (29 page)

Indeed, in a later book,
Vital Involvement in Old Age
, Erikson identified this later-in-life generativity as “grand-generativity,” a second opportunity “to incorporate care for the present with concern for the future, for today’s younger generations and their futures, for generations not yet born, and for the survival of the world as a whole.”
²

Remember that one of the key characteristic of those who age successfully, according to the MacArthur Study was social connection, which was defined as having a network of friends and family, as well as continued meaningful activity. The word
meaningful
is key.

The Eden Alternative was founded by Dr. Bill Thomas to remake the environments for older adults needing care by recognizing the core belief that aging, even aging with impairments, should be a time of continued growth and development rather that decline. According to Dr. Thomas, “Meaningless activity corrodes the human spirit. The opportunity to do
things that we find meaningful is essential to human health.”
³
Key here is the phrase “things that
we find
meaningful.”

Americans are an industrious lot. We work more hours than our European counterparts and hold productivity and outcome-oriented activity in very high regard. Add a salary to that and you’ve got the golden fleece of human effort. Which is why we often hear retired older adults explain that they “
only
volunteer” or “
only
work in my garden” or “
only
do some community theater.” During their earlier years, these same people, like most Americans, obviously did not value such things as truly productive. Now, on the western side of their productive years, they are plagued by their own misunderstanding of what is meaningful. The value of any of our endeavors, and therefore their level of meaningfulness, can only truly be defined by each of us. You may choose to maintain earlier value systems of reimbursement or praise and may consequently experience the growing corrosion of your spirit. Or you may redefine value as something other than a capitulation or rationalization of your new status, realizing, based on the wisdom and experience you’ve gained during your life’s journey, that enduring value might be different from your earlier assessment. Maybe what you value in life now includes a salary; maybe it doesn’t. The key, again, is meaning.

Neuroscientists tell us that, unlike a younger person, who uses a focal area of the brain to solve a problem or make a judgment, an older adult uses much more of her brain for the same problem or judgment. This, they theorize, is the source of the wisdom of older adults. By incorporating more experience and brain faculties, the older adult sees a bigger picture. Rather than merely seeing the problem as an isolated challenge to meet and then move on from, the older adult sees it in the context of broader applicability. A driver pulls into the parking spot you’ve been waiting for. The younger person might lean on the horn, have harsh words, or move on to another space, angered by the ignorance and audacity of the other driver. An older adult might consider the possibility that the other driver didn’t see her, or is much more harried, or has less social responsibility, or is potentially violent, or just that it’s not that important to “win.” A broader context.

So, too, a broader context should define our sense of what is meaningful. We should not be prisoners of previous, often unexamined, value systems. If an activity is meaningful to you, it will provide you with the continued engagement in life necessary to age successfully. This is another meaning of being authentic. To achieve authentic health we must be true to who we are, not only as a species, but also as individuals. Whether it’s growing
roses or lobbying to eliminate land mines, feeding birds or being politically active, picking up litter or saving the whales, you are the judge, the ultimate authority on what has meaning for you and therefore what will bring you satisfaction and even joy, and with that, a better aging experience.

There is a scene in the movie
The Bucket List
where Morgan Freeman relates to Jack Nicholson that in ancient Egypt, in order to enter heaven, each person was asked two questions: Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others? In conversations with hundreds of older adults, I have found that what brings meaning and purpose to lives—consistently, if not unanimously—involves other living things. Whether other humans, animals, plants, or the environment as a whole, living things give us a sense of giving back, of improving the lives of others or the planet, that particularly resonates with older adults. This is, of course, compatible with Erikson’s view of grand-generativity. Dr. Albert Schweitzer told us, “I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”

A comprehensive 2007 review of the research on the health benefits of volunteering found lower mortality rates, greater functional ability, and lower rates of depression later in life in those who volunteered, even those who did as little as two hours a week, compared to those who did not volunteer. Older volunteers were most likely to receive greater benefits because “volunteering provides them with physical and social activity and a sense of purpose at a time when their social roles are changing.”
⁴
Our Masterpiece Living data also shows that volunteerism improves memory and the ability to provide help and support to peers. We were very pleased to see volunteerism rates consistently twice as high in our successful aging communities compared to national norms.
⁵

A more recent study from the Universities of North Carolina and California–Los Angeles demonstrated that subjects whose happiness was based on a sense of higher purpose and service to others had gene expression profiles that were associated with augmented levels of antibody production and lower levels of pro-inflammatory markers (linked to cancer, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease). Those whose happiness came from consuming things had more unhealthy profiles.
⁶

Mary Donnelly is eighty-three but is a phenomenon on Block Island, a small island thirteen miles off the coast of Rhode Island. A nurse for over fifty-three years on the island and the mother of seven, she has led a life filled with meaning and purpose. Now, in her ninth decade, she continues her volunteer work as the sole administrator of the Mary D. Fund, which aids full-time residents of Block Island when financial difficulties knock. She is a woman with a mission to help others.

Some enlightened senior living organizations have recognized the positive effects of volunteerism and have incorporated humanitarian efforts into the culture of the community. American Baptist Homes of the West (ABHOW) has a robust Social Accountability program that promotes outreach into the surrounding community. One senior-living community developed a garden with the help of 120 volunteers and then donated the produce they grew to a local food bank.

Purpose is not stagnant. As Richard Leider tells us in his book
The Power of Purpose
, “purpose is not discovered once and then we are done with it. It is reexamined at various points throughout the life cycle, typically during crises and major live transitions.”
⁷
Precisely, and is not older age—a time when our current society tends to “pasturize” its older adults, putting them “out to pasture” with no expectations other than to enjoy retirement—a time of crisis for people who have succeeded in careers, raised children, owned businesses and homes, been mentors, helped raise grandchildren, and now are marginalized by that same society they helped build? Yes, this is indeed a time of potential major crisis. Ultimately, as our understanding of aging and what it takes to age successfully become more widespread—and as the content of this book and similar research, like the Masterpiece Living data on thousands of older adults, become common knowledge for policymakers and aging individuals—our society will begin to tap into the enormous resource that resides in our older adults. Until then, it will be up to each one of us to find what brings us meaning and purpose and to ascribe our own value to whatever it is we feel we must do to not only get out of bed in the morning but to move out from the pasture and onto life’s pathways. And as we search for that path of meaning and purpose, we would do well to heed the advice of Mark Gerzon in
Coming into Our Own
: “If it feels safe, it’s probably not the right path, but if it scares you, it probably is.”
⁸

Ray just turned eighty. He is African-American, is one of thirteen children in his family, served twenty years in the Air Force, and has a lifelong interest in painting. Despite the fact that he has seen the worst of racial prejudice in his lifetime, he has consistently remained positive in his outlook on life. Having weathered the death of June, his wife of fifty-five years, as well as the onset of neuropathy in his legs, which necessitated that he use a walker, and having recently finished treatment for throat cancer, he attributes his resilience to focusing on the positive: “I could mope and groan and feel sorry for myself, but I still have things to do.”

Ray’s reputation and now contribution to the community is his success in leaving his walker in the fitness room. With a determined effort to walk better, he began a long commitment to get stronger and more flexible, which resulted in his walking today unassisted and with little evidence of the neuropathy that persists. Having seen the virtual miracle of his own effort, his purpose in life, his
thing
, is “to help as many people as I possibly can.” As a passionate champion of exercise as a way to maintain independence, he encourages his neighbors to move more, even leading the morning exercise classes in his community when the regular instructor is not available. An older neighbor recently abandoned her wheelchair after working with Ray and the community’s fitness expert.

When asked what he would tell younger people about aging, Ray advises them to “learn as much as you can about everything you can so that you can be in a position to assist someone else. I learned this from my mother and father. Do things with a good heart.” That is Ray’s clearly stated purpose and it shines through brightly as a guiding light in his young, aging eyes. His closing words to me in our conversation resonated: “I love to sing. Since my throat cancer surgery, I can’t sing anymore, so I hum.”

Masterpiece Living Pearls for Finding Your Purpose

Your purpose lies within you. Dig deep and live your legend.

1. Imagine you’re at your own funeral. A close friend or a family member is giving your eulogy. What would you like to hear? What would make you feel proud of your life? Of your accomplishments? What one thing would you particularly like to hear above all others? This one thing is something you should consider focusing on now. What can you do now to make sure that it’s part of your life’s legacy?
   
2. Ask yourself, “What is the work I cannot
   not
   do?” What is it that’s been with you, weighed down by the “stuff” of your everyday life, but that every now and then floats to the surface, making you think
   What if?
   or
   Wouldn’t that be great?
   Sever the weight that keeps it submerged and let it come to the surface. Begin to think
   Why not?
   
3. Don’t discount that what you’ve been doing, whether it’s paid work or volunteer work, may be bringing significant meaning and purpose to your life. However, be aware of the warning of Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Laziness and fear are strong motivators to keep on truckin’ even when what you’re doing is not “making your life count.”
   
4. If you had $10,000 to give away to a cause or organization, which one would it be? Perhaps it’s time to start or continue working for that cause or organization or something related to it. This is something meaningful to you and it obviously beckons you.
   
5. What did you want to do with your life when you were in your teens or early twenties, before life’s responsibilities took root and determined your path? Consider researching this area and finding opportunities to work or volunteer in it. These youthful dreams often still hold a fascination, and returning to them can be very fulfilling.
   
6. If nothing resonates with you after going through these first five exercises, consider an exploratory period or trying new things that sound appealing. Pick up a new or long-neglected hobby. Consider volunteering. Take a class. Take a retreat from your daily life, preferably in a quiet natural setting (Native Americans called these “vision quests”). While there, allow your thoughts to wander freely, and see where they lead you.
   
7. Give up the idea that a purpose must be grandiose. You should not have to brag about your purpose or expect others to consider you saintly or heroic for pursuing it. The only real characteristic of true purpose is that it has meaning
   for you
   and brings you contentment and joy. No one else can tell you what is meaningful to you. You are the ultimate authority on what your purpose is. Yes, seeking a new purpose can be scary. It involves change. It
   should be scary
   , but if you are true to yourself as you seek it, you will find not only that purpose but also your authentic self, your life’s definition, and a sense of satisfaction that will sustain you through the rest of your life’s journey.
   
8. If you are adventurous, the Peace Corps—or the Peace Corps alternative, Cross-Cultural Solutions—and AmeriCorps have no upper age limits! Doing something that scares you will most certainly give you a sense of purpose.