What he really wanted to do was to turn everything round for her. But no, he could not. He mustn’t even think of it. He’d consoled himself by getting into Helen’s bed and he’d taught her to rely on him. He’d taken what he’d thought of as second best, but he cared deeply about her too, and he couldn’t push her away now and turn to her daughter. Helen would be distraught. She and Chloe were fond of each other, supportive of each other. What would that do to their relationship? If he asked Chloe to marry him now, it could destroy everything for her mother.
‘Rex?’ He knew it was Chloe calling his name; he turned to see her coming towards him, carrying the baby, with the toddler at her heels. She looked washed out, grey-faced, and he could see she’d been crying. He wanted to gather her in his arms to comfort her.
‘Chloe, I’m so sorry. Your mother’s told me. Such bad news.’ He could see her face screwing in an effort to keep her tears back. ‘You deserve better.’
‘Mum’s being kind. She’s done her best to welcome me back.’
‘I wish there was something I could do to help.’
She was blinking hard. ‘There is, as a matter of fact.’
He’d heard enough from her mother to know she was traumatised by being put out of Adam’s house and worried about her future. He wanted to ask her what had happened, what had gone wrong. But she might think he was prying. ‘I’ll help in any way I can,’ he said. ‘You know that.’
‘I’ve brought very little with me. Just clothes for a few days. Would you take me back to Manchester in your van to collect the rest? There’s Zac’s big pram and a pushchair, a cot and a high chair for Lucy. Oh, and her rocking horse and all their clothes and other paraphernalia.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I’ll be glad to, but not tomorrow, I’ve made an appointment – I’m hoping to get more work.’
‘The next day?’
‘Yes, that’s fine.’
‘I’ll ring Adam and tell him we’re coming. Thank you, Rex. Mum said you’d help or I’d have never dared ask such a favour.’
‘Chloe, I’ve told you, I’m glad to do all I can for you.’
Chloe waited until she thought Adam would be home from work before ringing him.
His first words were ‘I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want you back here, so it’s no good asking.’
That felt like another kick from him. ‘I wouldn’t dream of asking,’ she retorted with all the dignity she could find. ‘Wild horses wouldn’t drag me back now. What I do want are my belongings, my clothes and all the children’s things. Cots, prams and toys. I won’t be able to manage without them.’
‘I’ve already packed up most of your stuff. I’ll leave everything in the conservatory. You can arrange for it to be picked up.’
‘Rex is bringing me in his van on Friday.’
‘I won’t be here, I’m going to a sale in Derbyshire on Friday.’
‘Good, there’s no point in meeting, is there? I’ve still got the keys to your house.’
‘So you have. Be sure to leave them behind. You’ll have no need of them after this.’
‘I’ll do that,’ she said and put the phone down, relieved that it was arranged. She still felt very uptight and wished she didn’t have to go back to Adam’s house, but she couldn’t afford not to collect her things. Rex had been sweet, but all the same, she’d be glad when the Manchester trip was over.
During the first days back at her old home, Chloe wasn’t able to relax and she couldn’t sleep. It didn’t help that Lucy kept asking, ‘When is Daddy coming to see us? When are we going home? I want my bike and I want Daddy.’
Aunt Goldie had said some horrible things to her, but now she and Mum were bending over backwards to be kind; they couldn’t do enough to help.
Chloe got up early on Friday morning to wash and dress the children. She’d arranged for Rex to pick her up at half ten, so that Ruby would have time to clean up and go.
Mum and Aunt Goldie had offered to look after both the babies, but she elected to take Zac with her. He was a hungry baby, needing to be fed every three hours, and she was breast-feeding. She had loads of milk and would be uncomfortable and leaking if she didn’t feed him.
Rex arrived at the appointed time and strapped the carrycot behind her seat. He was dressed smartly today. ‘Nice silk shirt,’ she said as they started off.
‘A Christmas present from your mother.’ He turned to smile at her. ‘Too good for gardening.’
‘You’re very kind to take me to Manchester. It’ll take up a lot of your time.’
‘I always enjoy a day off doing something different.’
‘Adam won’t be there, but I’m not looking forward to this.’ She felt at ease with Rex; she’d known him for years and saw him as a family friend, part of the old life she’d turned her back on two and a half years ago.
‘He’s treated you very badly.’
‘He’s a crook. That’s how he can afford an expensive lifestyle. I couldn’t stay.’ She told him how she’d found out, and about the false alibi she’d given him.
‘Then you had to leave him.’
‘Yes, I was afraid that sooner or later it would all blow up in my face. That we’d both be charged with fencing and I’d be in big trouble.’
Rex’s heart turned over that she’d confided that to him. ‘I didn’t realise you had that sort of problem. I thought it was the usual, you know, not getting on.’
‘That too, when I couldn’t persuade him to give up. It all went sour.’
It upset Chloe to see again the lovely home she’d thought of as hers. ‘At least it’s locked up and there’s nobody here,’ she said to Rex. ‘Come on in.’
Nothing had changed, except for the collection of baby equipment, cardboard boxes and bags waiting in the conservatory for her to take away. She helped Rex carry the things out to the drive, ‘There’s a lot here,’ he said.
‘There’s probably more,’ she told him. ‘I bet he’ll have forgotten half the nappies and cot sheets. I’m going to check the airing cupboard and my wardrobe. I don’t want to leave any of my clothes here.’
She left him to load his van and went upstairs. The airing cupboard was stacked high with things that belonged to her and the children. She tied them into cot sheets and stuffed them into pillowcases. Then she dragged Lucy’s toy box containing her bricks and colouring books and other bits and pieces on to the landing.
Warily she went into the bedroom she’d shared with Adam. Trying not to look at the vast bed, she opened the door of what had been her wardrobe. It made her gasp to see the garments hanging inside, only two or three, but they were not hers. She slammed the door shut and turned round to see fluffy white slippers by the bed and a whole collection of cosmetics on the dressing table. So Adam
had
had another girl here. To move her in this quickly, he must have been carrying on with her for months.
She took her alarm clock from the chest of drawers, and recognised the exotic bottle of perfume standing beside it. She picked it up, opened it and sniffed at it. She’d never cared much for it; the scent was too heavy for her.
Rex appeared in the doorway with Zac in his arms. ‘He was starting to cry,’ he said. ‘I think he needs changing.’
‘This was my Christmas present from Adam,’ she said, and hurled the bottle of perfume at the skirting board as hard as she could. It didn’t break the glass, but the stopper rolled away and a heavy cloud of cloying scent rose into the air. She shut the door on it.
‘I’ll change Zac in the bathroom, I’ve done all I can here.’ She put her clock in the toy box before taking the baby from him.
She didn’t want to spend a minute longer in the house than she had to. As soon as she was sure Rex had loaded everything belonging to her and the children into his van, she double-locked the front door and posted the keys back through the letter box.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
R
EX CLIMBED INTO THE van, started the engine and began the drive back. He’d felt Chloe’s tension from the moment he’d followed her inside the house. Now the van was full of her raging emotions.
He tried to comfort her. ‘You’ll be all right now.’
She was unbuttoning her blouse, getting ready to feed her baby in the passenger seat beside him. He glanced at her before he could stop himself. One exquisite rosy breast was being offered to the baby. He heard Zac’s satisfied sucking.
He sat up straighter, gripped the steering wheel harder and took a firm grip on himself. Chloe didn’t realise what she was doing to him. He anchored his gaze on the road ahead.
‘I don’t know how I’m going to cope.’ Rex thought he could hear tears in her voice. ‘Mum’s trying hard not to say “I told you so”. Well, of course I knew the family would hate me for living with Adam.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘They feared for you, they knew how difficult it would be if things went wrong.’
‘They couldn’t help but know, could they? It’s Aunt Goldie’s mistake over again. Look what one unsupported baby did to her life. And I was daft enough to double the handicap.’
‘Chloe, you mustn’t think of it as a handicap.’
‘Actually, it’s a disaster. How else would anybody see it? If only I could put the clock back. I’d give anything to be back working in the civil service.’
‘Hindsight makes everything clearer.’
‘It would be hard enough even if I didn’t have two children.’
‘You mustn’t regret having them. Show them you love them and they’ll grow up level-headed and contented. They won’t always be babies, they’ll be real people who’ll love you for the care and affection you give them now. Many would envy you your family.’
He could see that Zac had finished feeding and Chloe was buttoning up her blouse again, but she couldn’t put him back in his carrycot unless Rex stopped the van. The baby was dozing off in her arms.
‘Are you hungry?’ he asked. ‘There’s a café round here somewhere. We could have a bite to eat.’
‘Yes, there’s one on the next corner.’
It was only when he tried that he found he couldn’t get the carrycot out without first unloading the pram and rocking horse.
‘Never mind, Rex. I can manage a sandwich with him on my knee.’
They went inside a fancy little café and he ordered bacon sandwiches and a pot of tea. While they ate, he told her about his own unhappy upbringing.
‘Once my mother died, nobody seemed to care about me, certainly not my stepfather. That made me stand on my own feet from an early age, but I didn’t find it easy. At least you have your mother.’
She sniffed into her handkerchief. ‘But what am I going to do? I can’t sponge on Mum for the rest of my life.’
‘Don’t worry about that for the time being. You’ve just gone through a bad patch. You need to give yourself time to get over this knock.’
Did it sound as though he was belittling her difficulties? he wondered. She was facing more than just a knock. She looked quite ill.
He went on more gently. ‘Then you need to think about what you want to do. You still have choices, there are things you can still achieve.’
‘I could have had anything once, but now . . . I’ve messed everything up, haven’t I?’
‘Not necessarily. Having two babies changes things, but it doesn’t mean all is lost.’
Two tearful lavender-blue eyes stared into his. ‘Come on,’ he said, putting a hand under her arm to help her up. ‘Let’s get on home, you’ll be more comfortable in the garden.’
He unlocked the van. It was hot inside, and when he took the baby from her to lay him down in the carrycot, he could see mother and baby had been sweating against each other.
‘Get in, we’ll open all the windows.’
They set off. ‘Chloe, you must give yourself a few months to weigh everything up,’ he advised. ‘Take it slowly but make your decisions.’
She was twisting her lips in agony. He could see her mopping at her eyes with a screw of damp lace. He’d brought a clean handkerchief with him, half expecting something like this. ‘A man-sized one,’ he said, pushing it towards her.
It brought a storm of tears he hadn’t expected. ‘You’re trying to be kind, buck me up, but whichever way you look at it, I’ve ruined everything. Made a real mess of my life.’
Her hand was beside him on the bench seat; he patted it. ‘What counts is how you pull it together again.’
‘How can I possibly?’
‘You can, you’ll manage. You must think about what you want from life.’
‘I don’t know what I want, I only know it’s not what I’ve got now. I’ve made a bad mistake. I thought I wanted Adam.’
‘Make the best of what you do have. Your mother will help all she can and so will I. You’re not alone, Chloe.’
That opened the floodgates; soon the tears were pouring down her face.
‘It takes courage to pull yourself up and get on with life,’ Rex said. ‘Don’t see yourself as a victim. You mustn’t think like that. And don’t blame Adam. You got carried away too.’
‘I got pregnant,’ she said through clenched teeth. ‘That changed things for ever.’
She’d quietened down by the time he was running his van alongside her mother’s garage. He started to unload so that she could unstrap the carrycot. Zac was fast asleep.
‘Thanks, Rex,’ she said. ‘You talk a lot of sense. If anyone can save my reason, it’s you. I’m grateful.’
Rex knew she’d never needed him as much as she did at this moment, but she didn’t recognise that he ached almost as much as she did. He wanted to gather her and her baby into his arms and kiss them.
Chloe felt she was going to pieces. She didn’t feel well and both her body and her mind were acting strangely. Rex seemed to understand and was trying to buoy her up with kindness. He helped her carry Lucy’s bed upstairs and make it up with the bedding from the nest Mum had made for her on the floor. It was while he was trying to erect the big cot for Zac that his hand touched hers and she felt the tingle of electricity run up her arm. It had been just the same in that café when he had helped her to her feet. He was really very sweet. Mum was very lucky to have a friend like him, someone she could trust.
Chloe found the first weeks at home hard going. It was taking all her energy to get through each day as it came, though she knew her family was rallying round. Whenever Rex came to work, she’d go out to talk to him if she could, and give him a hand in the garden.