Living a Lie (29 page)

As they drove back to the office. Jack didn’t say anything and neither did she. Now and again he would turn, and glance, and smile, and she would do the same. There was a new feeling between them, a kind of bond. He was delighted. She was troubled. Only time would tell.

That night Mildred was full of apologies. Though she seemed more like her old self, Kitty suspected she had something very serious on her mind, something more than the letter from the solicitor. Something Kitty believed had to do with her.

“Have I done anything to upset you?” she asked anxiously.

“You’ve never done that to me,” Mildred answered with a pang of conscience.

“Are you sure there’s nothing on your mind? Nothing I can help with?

Am I paying you enough board? I can pay more if you need the money? I have savings. They’re yours if you want them. “

“Oh, Kitty!” Mildred sighed, then smiled.

“You pay more than enough, and no, I do not want your savings, but thank you all the same.”

Switching off the television, which had been on in the background, she swung round in the chair, looking at Kitty and saying in a very firm voice, “All right. I can’t hide anything from you for long, so I might as well admit. Yes, I do have something on my mind, and yes, it is giving me a few bad nights. That’s why I’ve been so short-tempered lately, and I’m sorry. I don’t have the right to take it out on you.”

“Is it to do with this house?”

“Sort of.”

“It’s that solicitor’s letter, isn’t it? I knew it would play on your mind.” Kitty felt so helpless.

“The letter just got me thinking, that’s all.” Beyond that, Mildred would not be drawn. But the air was clearer and they were able to talk more easily.

“Did you have a good day at work?” Kitty wondered whether it was something there that could account for Mildred’s problem.

“Busy as usual,” Mildred replied, getting up to make her way to the kitchen.

“I fancy a sandwich. Do you want one?”

“What kind?” Having eaten hardly anything at lunch and only cheese on toast for tea. Kitty was famished.

“I’m having cheese. But there’s some of that ham left, and a tin of sardines. I could do them on toast if you want?”

“I’ll have the same as you, thanks.” Getting out of her chair, she went to the kitchen too.

“I’ll make us a drink,” she offered.

As they worked the conversation continued, with Kitty relating how she and Jack had gone out for lunch.

“Oh? I thought you intended to keep him at arm’s length?” But Mildred wasn’t too surprised.

“He turned up just when I was feeling low.”

“About Georgie?”

“I suppose.”

Something in Kitty’s voice made Mildred turn and look at her.

“Are you falling in love with Jack Harpur?”

Kitty gave a small laugh.

“Afraid not,” she said. But she couldn’t be certain.

“Pity.” Shaking her head, Mildred returned to her sandwich-making.

Kitty was curious.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because he would make a good husband, that’s why.” She turned again, the knife in her hand, a knob of butter stuck to it. When she wagged the knife at Kitty the butter fell off.

“And because it’s time you had someone to look after you… someone like Jack Harpur, a man who idolises the ground you walk on.”

Astonished at Mildred’s outburst, Kitty almost scalded herself.

Carefully replacing the kettle, she accused, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to marry me off.”

“No such thing!” Her aunt appeared offended. But Kitty was right.

“Marry her off was exactly what she wanted to do. It would give Kitty the new life she deserved, and would solve another problem too, Mildred’s problem. One that she had kept secret these past months. One that would not go away. Nor did she want it to.

Kitty carried the tray into the lounge. Setting it down on the coffee table, she poured the tea into china mugs and handed one to her aunt.

“You’re right anyway,” she admitted, “Jack would probably make a good husband.”

“But not for you?”

“I don’t think so.” Kitty seemed to remember having this very same conversation before.

“His father’s leaving for America.”

“Lucky him. The sun shines brighter there.”

“I’ve an idea the business isn’t doing too well, but Jack says it’s fine, and that he’ll make rich pickings when demand for boats picks up.”

“There you are then. It’s a bit slow at the factory too, although we still hear of small businesses starting up all over the place.”

Mildred took a healthy bite of her cheese sandwich. She switched on the television news. There was fresh evidence regarding the shooting of John Lennon in New York on 8 December; a short film showing President Reagan doing a walkabout; and a profile of the murderer dubbed “The Yorkshire Ripper’. ” They must catch that bastard soon!

“

Mildred said. Kitty agreed, and as always her heart went out to the victims and their relatives.

After washing up the supper things, Kitty had a long lazy bath and an early night. She could hear her aunt downstairs long after the hallway clock had struck midnight.

“It’s that ex-husband of hers,” she muttered under the bedclothes. Somehow she could never imagine Jack wanting to throw his wife out on the streets. She didn’t like to admit it, even to herself, but Jack Harpur was growing on her. Not in the exciting passionate way Harry had.

More in a comfortable, pleasing kind of way.

“Sounds like an old slipper,” she chuckled. Funny, though, that was exactly the way she did see him.

Jack was out of the office all next day.

“Gone to look at a new crane,” his message read.

“I’ll call you at home tonight.”

All day she kept her head bent to her work. At five it was done; the files were in order, every invoice entered and paid, and she even found time to make half a dozen overdue phone calls, mostly regarding late delivery of equipment for the yard.

“See what I get through when you’re not around?” she murmured, looking at the neat desk and thinking of Jack.

On her way home she got off the bus outside Peacock’s auction yard;

they were selling Christmas trees. After a flurry of bidding, she managed to acquire a six-footer with long thick branches and a perfectly shaped peak.

“The fairy’s arse will fit nicely on top,” the porter crudely remarked. He arranged delivery for that night, and charged her a pound.

“Don’t get nowt for nowt these days,” he grunted.

His eyes were so small behind mounds of pink flesh that Kitty couldn’t tell whether he was looking at her or at the woman standing beside her. In any event he was licking his lips as if he could make a meal of someone. Paying her pound, she said thank you and hurried away. At first she felt a little unnerved by the incident, but once she got outside, had to smother the laughter.

“He’s right,” she giggled.

“The fairy’s arse will fit nicely on top.”

Kitty’s next stop was the shop at the bottom of Park

Road. Like most privately owned corner shops, it stayed open until all hours.

“Tree decorations?” the man asked.

“I’ve got a really good selection this year.” He pointed her in the right direction and half an hour later she emerged with a small apple-box filled to the brim with tinsel, coloured glass balls, and four packets of assorted balloons.

Though in a much brighter mood than she had been the day before, Mildred wasn’t really keen to hang Christmas decorations, but Kitty persevered until she was obliged to help, and soon the house was dripping with Christmas pretties.

When the tree arrived forty minutes after Kitty, that too was dressed, and soon there was a cheery Christmas atmosphere all over the house.

“It won’t be too long before we have to start thinking about your party,” Mildred remarked, climbing down the stepladder and looking decidedly precarious.

“I shall have to replace this old thing before someone gets hurt,” she remarked. Then she said something that got Kitty wondering.

“Mind you, it’s hardly worth it now.” When she saw Kitty regarding her with a curious expression, she blushed with guilt and turned away, leaving Kitty feeling shut out again.

If that small remark had disturbed Kitty, it was nothing to what her aunt said a short time later when the two of them were blowing up the remaining balloons.

“Remember what I said yesterday … about there still being new businesses starting up?” Patting a bright blue balloon, Mildred watched it float on to the carpet, her gaze briefly flickering to Kitty as she waited for an answer.

Deep in the throes of inflating another balloon, Kitty gasped, “I remember.”

“Well, we’ve been looking for a new haulier to carry our goods nationwide… the other one put his charges up again and the boss told him where to get off. Anyway, the office put out an advert and the response was just amazing.”

“I’m not surprised. Contracts are hard to find these days. We have the devil of a job shipping the boats across the country. It costs the earth.”

Are you listening to me? ” Mildred swung round, impatient to impart her news.

“You’ll never guess who got the contract!” Her eyes crinkled into a smile and it was all she could do to sit still.

Returning Mildred’s smile, Kitty played along.

“I haven’t the faintest idea,” she confessed.

“So you’d better tell me, then we can get on with blowing up the rest of these balloons.”

“It was an old friend of yours… Harry Jenkins.” Unaware of the devastating effect her revelation was having on Kitty, she turned her attention to the task in hand.

“I had a long chat with him. Apparently he changed his mind about going to university … His father wasn’t very pleased, but he should be, because Harry’s done quite well for himself. He has a thriving haulage business now… two juggernauts and another in the pipeline now he’s secured the Metrix contract.”

Choosing another balloon, she went on, “He’s made a handsome young man, quietly spoken and easy to talk to.” She gave a deep sigh.

“If I was twenty years younger, I could fancy him myself.” She dreamed a while, then dealt another innocent blow to the already shocked Kitty.

“I knew you wouldn’t mind, so I’ve asked him to your birthjosepmne i^ox day party. He was delighted, said he hadn’t seen you in a long time said how he would look forward to it.” She chose a red balloon, which she began stretching this way and that, easing the fabric so it might expand more easily.

“He got married six months back … someone he met at college. Of course I asked him to bring her. I knew you would want me to. That’s all right, isn’t it, dear?” When she looked up, Kitty was gone.

“While you’re in the kitchen, pop the kettle on,” Mildred called out.

“After all this blowing and puffing, I could do with a drink.”

In the kitchen Kitty stood with her back to the wall, tears flowing down her face, her brown eyes glazed with sadness.

“Oh, Harry! What have I done?” she whispered.

“You needed me, and I sent you away… straight into someone else’s arms.” Her eyes closed and she could see him, tall and straight, his strong shoulders bronzed by the sun, dark eyes smiling at her, turning her heart over the way they always did.

Now they would never again smile at her in that special way.

That night was the longest of her life. She fell asleep well after midnight and woke up before daylight broke the sky. She paced her room and sat by the window, lay on top of the bed, and all she could think of was what she had lost.

“My own fault,” she kept whispering.

“I

should never have let you go. ” The tears fell on her pillow and dried there. Nothing eased the heartache. Nothing could bring him back.

Harry was gone, and she was the loser.

“To hell with you and the bloody contract!” Susan’s face was red with rage.

“The last time I had a holiday was our honeymoon six months ago.

Since then you’ve buried yourself in your work. half the time you’re out after contracts and the other half you’re either up to your neck in paperwork or driving the lorries yourself Why don’t you hire another driver? Why can’t you pay somebody to come in and help? There must be any number of people in Blackburn who would welcome a nice little job like that. Christ almighty! Anybody would think you had to do the whole bloody lot yourself! “

Used to her vicious tirades, Harry stood with his back to the fire, hands thrust into his pockets and long legs apart. His dark eyes smouldered as he waited for her to finish. When at last she threw herself into a chair, glowering at him from beneath drawn eyebrows, he waited a moment for her to calm down, then in a low controlled voice, said, “How do you think I built this business up? Through sheer hard work, that’s how. By doing most of the graft myself… admin, driving, carrying the goods on my back, packing, loading and accounting for everything that was carried in my name. If a tyre needed changing, I was the only one there to do it… crouching in the pouring rain, wondering what the hell I was doing there or what it was all for.” Thoughts of Kitty still clouded his mind.

“I had dreams and I worked hard to see them come true. Now I have a business to be proud of, but it’s only the beginning. I mean to build an empire, and if I have to do it with my own two hands, then that’s the way it will be.”

“You promised to take me abroad in the spring… Cyprus, you said.”

“We’ll go to Cyprus,” he confirmed.

“Have I ever gone back on a promise?”

“No. You always keep your word.” Now she was smiling, enticing, her lips pouting for a kiss as she stretched her legs out, her short skirt riding up to show her slim thighs.

“Do you want me, Harry? Do you want your wicked way with me?”

He didn’t answer. Her solution to every crisis was sex, not love. He had already learned to his cost that she didn’t know how to love.

She was up against him now, opening his shirt and rubbing her breasts against his broad chest. Reaching up, she twined the short dark hairs over her fingers.

“I love the feel of your chest,” she murmured.