Lockdown (AM13 Outbreak Series) (11 page)

I decide to make everyone a half decent breakfast to wake up to, to help them both feel as optimistic as I do today. Who knows, maybe the lighter mood will help us travel even further and get this journey over with quicker. I stand up and scan the room, and immediately notice that something is wrong. Jake is still fast asleep, where I left him last night.

But Michelle is missing.

Chapter

Twenty

Okay, don’t panic. Do not freak out. If I just stay calm, everything will be okay. Deep breath. Okay, don’t panic. I keep repeating this to myself while my insides dance about, completely ignoring my brain. I try to rationalise with myself that she can’t have gone too far. I mean, she’s left all her stuff here, and her injured leg is pretty severe. She’s slow, so no matter where she is, we’ll be able to find her.

Why the hell did she leave? It’s not like her to just vanish with no good reason! What is she up to? If I could just figure out
why
she’s no longer here, I might be able to work out where she is. We’ve scanned the entire warehouse, just looking for a sign or a clue, and there’s just
nothing
.

Jake hasn’t uttered a single opinion on the situation, which puts me on edge. If he hasn’t got anything to say, he must think something bad has happened. Well, he’s wrong. She’s fine, I just
know
she is.

“We should probably go outside to look,” he finally mutters. As he looks up at me, his pale face is filled with a fearful expression. “Maybe it’s best if
I
go and you wait here…”

“No way!” I hiss. “You are
not
leaving me alone. What happens if we all get separated?” My heart is pounding in my throat. I don’t want to be left alone, I can’t. I won’t be able to stand it.

Jake nods, grabbing his backpack, along with Michelle’s.

“What are you doing?” I ask, snatching it from his grip. “We can’t take this. What if Michelle comes back? She’ll think we left her.”

“But what if the warehouse gets surrounded by infected? Or what if the authorities find it? I know what you’re saying, but we don’t want to lose these supplies unnecessarily.”

“I—” I start to argue, before realising that he’s right. “Yeah, okay. I’m going to leave something, though. Some sort of sign that we’re coming back.” I would hate it if Michelle came back here to find us just gone.

“Don’t leave a note. Just in case. We don’t want anyone to be able to track us.” I half-heartedly roll my eyes at Jake’s paranoia, but I listen. This is the sort of time that over-caution is a good thing.

I finally settle on leaving my mobile phone in plain view on the warehouse floor. If someone else was to discover this, they might not think too much of it. Even if they did suspect, by the time it’s charged enough for them to start figuring out who it belongs to, we will be miles away. I may even be at home. However, Michelle will know it’s mine. She’s joked many times that I’m addicted to my phone, so she’ll assume that I’ll never leave it behind. I hope that’s what she thinks anyway. I hope she gets my message.

As soon as we get outside, I stick close to Jake’s side. He whispers as we move, talking to himself more than me. I settle myself on giving each worry a little time to go over in my brain—as much as I know that isn’t useful. I just cannot work out
what
Michelle was thinking, taking off like that. I keep desperately trying to find some logic in there somewhere. Surely she knew that we’d worry and look for her? What could be so important that she’d risk all of us?

We quickly cover the area near the warehouse before deciding to expand our search out towards the main road. There’s a small business park that isn’t too far away, which we passed yesterday. Jake suggests that she may have gone there looking for supplies. At first I dismiss this idea, before realising that he might have just hit the nail on the head. It’s clear that Michelle thinks she’s been holding us back, so it’s actually likely she might have wanted to do something by herself to rectify that.

The closer we get to the business park, the more convinced I become that this is where she’s going to be.

***

“Michelle. Michelle!” I’ve given up trying to be quiet and am just yelling her name at top volume. We’ve been searching here for absolutely ages with no luck. We’ve even broken into most of the buildings just to check she isn’t trapped. Nothing.

We’ve stumbled across a few infected people along the way. Obviously some people
did
try to hide inside buildings when they noticed early signs of the virus, but it looks like the predictions were correct—once AM13 is in your blood stream, you have no hope. You
will
succumb to it. Jake actually had to kill a couple of them when they tried to attack us. I looked away as he brought his axe down into them over and over again. I shouted at him to make sure he got them in the head, but didn’t pluck up the courage to check if he’d followed my advice. I’m sure he must have done the job right, because it’s unlikely we’d have escaped unscathed otherwise. I just can’t bear the thought of the killing, or the dead bodies we’re leaving behind.

I’m also desperately trying to ignore the blood covering us both. The smell is making my skin crawl. We must look like mass murderers, which doesn’t help me deal with what we’ve done. I just sincerely hope we can get back into that warehouse later and change out of these clothes. I won’t be able to feel anything
close
to normal until the evidence of this day is out of my sight.

The fear is really gnawing in my stomach now. I just can’t believe we haven’t found her yet. What if something bad
has
happened to her? Possible scenarios are finally making their way into my brain. I’ve been trying to force them away all day long, but now I can’t stop them. What if she’s been eaten? Or just bitten and decided to get away from us? Or what if she’s been kidnapped? Or caught by the authorities? The only hole in all of these theories is me and Jake. Why would any of these leave us behind?

The only other possibility is that she was starting to go loopy with pain. What if she started to hallucinate and crawled off into a ditch somewhere? Would we have found her, if that was the case? We’ve looked just about everywhere. Oh God, I feel so awful. I just want to know exactly where my friend is.

Jake keeps trying to say something, but can’t seem to find the words. I know exactly what it’s going to be. He’s going to tell me that we’ve looked all day, everywhere possible, and shouted her name loud enough for anyone to hear. He’s going to add that we’ve worn ourselves out, wasting a whole day of supplies by not progressing on our journey, and another day of looking will be pointless. He’s going to tell me that if we haven’t found her by now, we never will. I can’t bear to hear those words, so before he opens his mouth again, I interrupt.

“No!” I announce, startling him. “We
have
to stay, we can’t just leave Michelle. You know we can’t. She’s injured, and probably alone somewhere, frightened.” He makes a noise as if to speak, but I keep on going. “She’s my best friend. She would stay for me, and I’ll stay for her. I know you want to go and get this journey over with, but we started it together and we should end it that way. If we leave her now, we give her no chance of surviving. She may even be back at the warehouse already!”

Jake nods tightly, remaining silent. It’s clear that there’s no changing my mind, and I’m sure that a part of him is relieved really. He isn’t being callous, I’m sure of that. He’s just focusing on finding his son, and surviving.

I hold my breath as the door to the warehouse swings open, but my heart sinks into my shoes at the emptiness and my mobile phone is still abandoned on the floor, exactly where I left it, taunting me. Frustrated tears prick my eyes at this horrible situation. How has everything gone so wrong?

I eat a few bites of food in silence, shrouded in misery, before climbing back into bed to try and get some rest. After some time, I feel Jake’s arms snake around my waist, trying to comfort me. I know I should probably shake him off, but I’m just too scared and upset to face the night alone.

I don’t sleep a wink. Thoughts of Michelle just swirl round and round in my mind. I’m still trying so hard to work out where or why she might have gone. I think back to our conversations before we left—planning our breakout, giggling at our rebellious nature—trying to piece together a solution. It’s then I realise maybe she headed back to the office to try and get help, to get her leg sorted. It
was
pretty bad and it would have only gotten worse without medical attention. That’s why she left her bag behind, so Jake and I would have plenty of supplies. And she didn’t tell us because she knew that we’d insist on going with her, which would put us way behind schedule. Plus if Jamie had let us in, we would never have escaped again. She was thinking about us, putting our needs before her own.

As much as I hope this is the truth, I still feel bad for Michelle. I hope she makes it in one piece and Jamie is kind when she arrives. Also, I wish she’d told me. Yes, I would have gone back with her, but I wouldn’t have minded. This journey isn’t exactly fun and she knows how important she is to me.

Oh God, I just hope she turns up tomorrow and we can put all this behind us. At least that way we’ll know for sure what has happened.

Chapter

Twenty-One

The morning slowly arrives with still no sign of Michelle. The desperation is starting to consume me now. This is getting ridiculous. People don’t just take off for
no
reason in the middle of a dangerous virus-riddled situation like this! Why the hell has this happened? I just can’t believe that she’d leave us with no clue of her whereabouts. I’d never do anything like this to her, ever!

“What do you want to do?” Jake asks quietly. “I know this is a difficult situation, but if we stay here, the infected will eventually box us in. They’re already starting to move towards us. I don’t know if it’s because they can hear us, or maybe they can smell us and they’re getting hungry. In any case, if we don’t move from here soon, we’ll end up getting stuck.”

He’s right, I know he is, but how can I make that decision? How can I choose to carry on, abandoning Michelle?

“I don’t know what to say,” I croak.

“I know.” Jake moves close to my side, he rubs my arm comfortingly. “I just can’t see what else we can do. We have no idea what direction Michelle went in, where she’s going, what she’s doing. Right now, we know nothing. All you can be sure of is that Michelle wouldn’t want you to remain here to die. She wouldn’t want you to get infected, would she?”

He hits a nerve with this statement. I’m utterly desperate not to become like those beasts that are milling about outside, just waiting for their next human victim to munch upon. I can’t bear the thought of AM13 running through my veins, turning me into something else—something that is definitely not me. Something that is willing to maim and kill others without even a second thought.

“She’s probably gone back to the office,” Jake continues, voicing the most pleasant theory that I’ve been able to come up with too. “If she didn’t
want
us to carry on without her, she would have let us know, wouldn’t she?”

I nod weakly, knowing I’m on the brink of making the most selfish decision possible. If I could think of any other option, I would. But there’s nothing. All I can smell around me is death. I’m so damn afraid that the fear is infecting all of my brain cells, begging me to make the choice that I don’t want to.

If everyone had just followed the Lockdown in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now. I wouldn’t be here considering leaving my best friend behind. If everyone had just listened to the information they were given, then so many lives could have been saved. There wouldn’t be all of these people wandering around, eating others and waiting for death. If only everyone had believed in the AM13 virus straight away, there’s no way it would have spread so quickly.

Mind you, who am I to talk? I supposedly found this virus and I didn’t believe in it. That seems so long ago now, like another lifetime. In just a few short days I already feel like a different person. All I was concerned about back then was my stupid reputation. How unimportant that all seems compared to what I’m facing now. Although even as I learned more, and saw just how real the danger of this infection was, I
still
made the decision to disobey the Lockdown. I’m not in any position to criticise anyone!

I absently wonder how many others there are, like us. Outside, avoiding the authorities and the infected equally. Trying to get somewhere they should have gone before all this started. I hope if Michelle does bump into anyone, they look after her.

“Yeah, okay,” I finally say dejectedly, accepting that leaving is our only option. There isn’t anything else I can do for my friend from here, but I might be able to help when I’m somewhere with access to phones and power. If I have to, I’ll even phone the authorities and report her as missing. Anything to ensure her safety.

I watch Jake pack up his things, noticing the terror in his eyes. He’s muttering to himself about selecting a route that progresses our journey, but also covers any areas we might have missed in our search yesterday, just in case. It’s obvious that neither of us expected a loss this monumental, and it’s hit us both hard. I just feel so useless. A tear rolls down my cheek. I never once considered doing this without Michelle. In fact, I don’t think I considered
any
negative possibilities, not really. Now I can’t think about anything else.

“Are we leaving Michelle’s bag here?” Jake asks. “I know that we could use the supplies, but I’d rather she have it if she comes back.”

“Yes,” I whisper, blinking the tears angrily out of my eyes. I shouldn’t be so pathetic; I don’t even deserve to cry. I’m the one safe; Michelle is out there somewhere, alone.

As we begin to walk, leaving the warehouse behind us, my whole body coils round in knots. Both of us trudge along in a morose silence, hating what we’re doing. This time, we walk alongside the road, even though it’s a very risky move. This allows us to check places we haven’t been before, whilst also making up for the lost time. Neither of us wants to be out here in the open for much longer. We both just want to be safe indoors, having completed this insane mission.

We only manage to exchange a few words throughout the day, and these are directly related to practical plans. Everything feels like we’re just going through the motions.

We eventually reach the edge of a small housing estate, which leads to a little street of shops. The first thing I notice is how dirty things have already become. I could look around and feel like the virus has been a problem for years, rather than mere weeks. Litter and grime covers the streets and the only sounds I can hear are those of small scurrying animals, grabbing all the food they can. I feel weird. Empty and lost. This can’t be reality, it just can’t.

“What should we do?” Jake asks apprehensively. “We could go this way. It would save a lot of time, but puts us at risk of being seen.”

“Let’s just risk it,” I answer, desperation overshadowing any fear of getting caught. I feel that getting home as quickly as possible is the best plan for us. “Do you think anyone would let us in if we knocked on their door? Feed us and give us a bed to sleep in?” I wonder aloud.

“Not a chance!” Jake insists. “Imagine how terrified these people are. Most of them will have seen the footage of attacks—or even seen it happen first hand. Now they’re locked indoors with only the fear-mongering media for company. There’s no way anyone would risk their families for the sake of two potentially infected strangers.”

“Yeah, I know.” I sigh. “I would just
love
a warm bed tonight.”

“I’m not sure if I can get you a bed, but maybe we should head down towards the shops. We could really do with topping up our food supplies. Maybe we’ll find somewhere nice to stay tonight while we’re at it.”

I can’t stop myself from glancing in the windows of the homes that we’re trying to sneak past. In the back of my mind, I’m hunting for a friendly-looking face. Not with the hope that they’ll let us in—that’s too much to ask—but for the possibility that someone will let me use their phone. I would love the chance to ring the office. I know Jamie would verbally murder me, but I could also find out if they’ve seen Michelle. Just so I’d know. Even if they hadn’t seen her, I’m sure they would do something to help me find her.

The more I think about it, the more desperate I become for someone to see me.

Much to my disappointment, all of the suspicious eyes I was expecting simply aren’t there. No one seems to even be looking outside. We could probably just walk along normally, unnoticed. I guess there’s not much point in even opening the curtains when the only thing you’ll see is people in the grips of the virus occasionally milling about. It’s easier to pretend the horrors of the outside don’t exist.

There’s not a lot of noise coming from any of the houses. I’m not sure if people are just too bored to do anything loud, or if they’ve learnt that sound attracts the infected. I can’t imagine anyone wanting their home to be surrounded, even if they
are
locked away from it.

One particular house stops me in my tracks. A family is standing at the window—a mother, father, and daughter by the looks of it. They’re all infected. Obviously one of them contracted the virus, and instead of turning them in, the family hid them. It was probably the child. No one would willingly hand over their children to God knows who. As I watch them, an overwhelming sadness hits me. I wonder how many other houses are the same—filled with infected, because families risked themselves rather than giving a loved one up to the authorities. I’m surprised they haven’t been killed yet. The armed forces must have noticed them when doing the rounds. Why have they just left them? Maybe because inside, they can’t get to anyone else so they aren’t a priority. Or maybe they’re slowly losing control of the situation; how would we know? We’re stuck out here with no access to the news. The thought that things are spiralling negatively makes me shudder. This needs to end sometime; they
have
to get this virus under control. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

Jake stands by my side, silent with a haunted look in his eyes. He’s zoomed in on the child, clearly thinking about his son. He must be so frightened that Harry is in the same condition. I open my mouth to say something comforting, but instead my brain-to-mouth filter deserts me and something else comes out instead.

“Do you really think that the only way out of this virus is death?” I instantly curse myself for being such an insensitive idiot, but it’s too late to take anything back now.

“Yes,” he snaps defensively, clearly thinking that I’m referring to the people he’s been forced to kill while we’ve been out here. “Look at them, they’re already dead. Killing them is putting them out of their misery.” I look up at him, surprised. I didn’t realise he felt so strongly about this. “None of their normal organs are functioning, they’re behaving like cannibals. They shuffle about slowly, blankly, no sign of human emotion or memory. People have bitten their own children. Do you think they’re still classed as ‘alive’? They’re already dead, plain and simple. And to be quite frank, if I was in that condition, risking other people’s lives, I’d want someone to smash an axe through my head too.”

Woah
.

Jake stalks off, and I follow closely behind, just thinking this all through. Everything he’s said actually makes a lot of sense, and to be quite honest, it makes the whole thing a lot easier to deal with. If you see the infected as dead, then killing them and finishing the job really is doing them a favour. At least I’ll know if I end up like that, Jake will do the right thing. What a depressing thought. The
right thing.
I desperately hope it doesn’t come to that.

“Do you think there’s a cure in the works?” I finally ask. Now that I’ve started to consider the virus in more detail, I realise how little I really know about it. The way things are looking right now, if there isn’t a cure found soon, there might never be an end.

“I imagine that there’s someone, somewhere trying to fix this.” Unfortunately he doesn’t sound certain as he speaks. I was hoping he knew something I didn’t.

We’re distracted from this conversation by finally reaching the street of shops. It’s weirdly empty without any shoppers—like a ghost town. I didn’t exactly expect anything different, but it’s still strange. The shops all feel really familiar, reminding me of
before
. Of my old life. Of popping out to the shops on a Saturday to buy a little something, despite not really having any money. Of heading to the supermarket after work to get something in for dinner. Of panicking that I might not be able to pass off my second-hand clothes as new at work, trying to impress my colleagues who always seemed so much more glamorous than me. Funny how much time I spent worrying about the opinions of all the people I just walked away from without even a second glance. How ironic that when it comes down to it, I don’t really care about any of them.

Except Michelle, of course, but if I think about her too much I’ll break down. I need to wait until we’re inside somewhere safe, where I don’t need my wits about me, before I can let that happen.

The food shop shelves are almost empty. I guess they’ve either already been looted by others out here like us, or everything was sold before the Lockdown began. I guess shop owners didn’t bother to restock in the knowledge that they would be shut for a while.

To my utter distaste, I notice many of them were running ‘End of the World Sales.’ How classy! That’s just mocking and taking advantage of a terrible situation, even if they didn’t really realise the true extent of those words when they first wrote them. Although, I suppose in a way it’s no different than what Jamie did at the news station. He was using the story to up our ratings and further our careers—we all were.

We eventually come across one small corner shop which doesn’t have any sale signs on display. It’s still stocked much better than the others, which is good news for us, so we decide to break into this one and shelter for the night.

We start to force the door open as quietly as possible, fully in the knowledge that danger can lurk around any corner. My heart is heavily pounding and my breaths are shaky as I hear the click and snapping sound of the lock breaking. We’re in!