would run away at the suggestion. Not that he didn’t feel like it, but he found himself reluctant to
part from these two. In fact, he didn’t want to leave them at all. As much as he tried to escape the
past, he longed for a connection to it too.
“Of course you,” Nina said. “They’ll be thrilled to see you.”
Lee saw the sharp look Gev gave her. “I’m sorry. I should’ve kept up—”
Nina hugged his arm before letting him go. “Nonsense. You had no reason to and certainly
no obligation. You were just a kid when you left here.”
“Still, I never forgot about you guys.” He looked at Gev when he said that, hoping he
would understand. “I’m glad I’m here now, even with all that’s happened. I’m sorry about your
roommate. And his friend.”
Gev nodded, a haunted look back on his face. Lee knew that look—he sometimes saw it in
the mirror himself. It would take Gev a long time to get those images out of his mind. He had
seen one of the worst things a person could see.
“I can’t believe it was only this morning I walked into that,” Gev said.
“We need to get your mind off it,” Nina said, wrapping her arm around Gev’s waist. “Do
you think you could eat something now?”
“What about the girls?”
She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. “I’ll check on them. Mason met me at the
house when he heard what happened. They’re probably sleeping, and I think I’d like to be there
when you go to the parents, if you don’t mind.”
“No! I want you to!” Gev said.
The faint stab of envy at what was obviously a very good relationship between the siblings
surprised Lee. It had to be a wonderful thing to have a sister like Nina. Though his bandmates
and their wives and lovers and siblings were all like family to him, he would never have anything
66
Carolyn Gray
like
this
. But it made him glad for Gev that he had Nina, especially after losing Stefan like he
had. Once again, Lee’s thoughts turned to how hard it must’ve been for Gev. And apparently
hard for Gev when
Lee
had left too. He hadn’t known, couldn’t have known. Yeah, he’d been a
kid himself, traumatized and extraordinarily depressed and upset, but… He should’ve known.
Nina flipped open her cell and took a few steps away, dipping her head to talk to her
husband.
Gev folded his arms over his chest again and looked at Lee. The wind toyed with his hair
as the afternoon sun brushed across his face, brightening his eyes. The image of Gev flying
through the air, propelled only by his own strength, flashed through Lee’s mind. Seeing Gev
now, standing there in sweatpants, a ratty old jacket, and a bleached-out shirt, his face covered in
light stubble, it should be hard to imagine he could do the things he could.
Except, Lee could. He barely kept himself from reaching out and touching Gev, and an
ache ripped through him that made him take a step back.
Involved in Nina’s animated conversation, Gev missed Lee’s momentary lapse, to Lee’s
relief. “Might be a few minutes. Mason’s an attorney, so he’s no doubt pumping her for
information on everything.”
“Is he in criminal law?”
“Not at all. He’s a patent attorney. But he knows all about Stefan and everything.”
And me
? Lee wondered.
“I hope you don’t mind going with us,” Gev said.
“No, of course not. I can follow you guys, since your parents moved.”
“Can I ride with you? My car’s back at the house.”
Nina returned to them before Lee could answer. “Okay, all set. The girls are drugged and
passed out. Mason’s doing work he brought home, although I heard the television on and know
he’s watching TLC. Want to follow us, Lee? I guess you probably don’t know where the parents
live.”
“No, we’ll meet you there.”
Lee stayed quiet, except for the crazy beating of his heart. The thought of being alone with
Gev made him…unsettled. That’s what it was. Unsettled.
Nina opened her mouth, eyes wide. “Of course. Fine with me. If I beat you there, I’ll wait.”
“Nina likes to drive too fast,” Gev said. “The woman’s a terror on wheels.”
She smacked him on the arm. “Just because you drive like a granny. I drive normal for a
Dallas driver.”
He ducked away from her, behind Lee—behind him close enough that Lee swore the hair
at the back of his neck stood on end. Now he really was wondering what the hell was going on
with him that he would be affected by this guy he’d just met…or, okay, re-met.
But then he thought of those leaps and the body that had made them. Plus, Gev was gay
and—according to his sister and, worse, not denied by Gev—had long had a crush on him. Lee
wondered if he would be able to stand up to that.
And then wondered why he should.
* * * *
Long Way Home
67
“This is a nice car for a rental,” Gev said, running his hand appreciatively over the leather
seat. “Only time I had a rental, I could only afford a Focus.”
“Only the best for Nick Kilmain.”
Gev settled back into the seat. “Ahh, yes. He’s something else. You must like working for
him, though.”
“Been with him and Brandon since the beginning, when they first got started, actually. His
brother—” Lee cleared his throat. “Brandon’s brother Adam started the band but quit along with
everyone else when they found out Brandon and Nick were lovers.”
“But not you.”
“No.”
“Why didn’t you quit too?”
Lee took himself back to that moment, sitting there in that chair, watching his two closest
friends in the world embrace, kiss, Nick’s eyes bright with excitement as they realized that
though one door had shut, a new, bigger, better one had opened for them both. He’d been a part
of something amazing and yet outside it too—for Brandon and Nick, there wasn’t room for
anyone else. The envy Lee had experienced at that moment fluttered in him now, teasing him.
Perhaps even mocking him. Usually he pushed it aside, knowing it was not for the likes of him.
Sometimes, though, his heart pushed back, insisting,
Why not
?
“Because,” he said softly, “I knew greatness when I saw it, and I saw it in Brandon and
Nick. They were magic together, and I wanted to be a part of what that meant.” Lee knew he
sounded a bit overly passionate, but he
was
where those two were concerned. And after what
they’d gone through, he wanted it clear to the world he would never let either of them down
again.
“Yeah, so the gay didn’t bother you.”
Lee wondered what Gev was getting at. “No. Their sexuality doesn’t bother me at all.
Actually, it’s kinda cute. Those two together are amazing. They have the most meaningful,
beautiful relationship between two people I’ve ever seen.” Only when he’d spoken the last words
did he realize how wistful he sounded. But if Gev noticed, he didn’t let on. To Lee’s relief.
“Wish I could meet Brandon too someday.”
“He’d like you. What are you doing last weekend of the month?”
Shit
. Lee gritted his teeth,
wondered what the hell he was thinking. Or if he was thinking at all.
“Last weekend? Why?” Gev’s eyes lit up. There was no way Lee could back down now.
“Brandon’s brother is getting married.”
“I thought—”
“Oldest brother. Jonathan and Amanda.”
“Oh. Well, I actually don’t have any plans. We get a little bit of a break before getting
ready for the holiday season.” He pointed. “Turn there; it’s a shortcut.” He looked behind them.
“Nina’s still following us. She hates this way.”
“Why?” Lee said as they headed down a very nice street. “These houses are nice.”
“I know! I would love to live in something like that. These houses were built in the 1930s,
but most have been renovated now.”
68
Carolyn Gray
The houses were amazing, true. But he’d been in houses like these dozens of times—
bigger ones, more glamorous, more breathtaking, more history-rich. To him, they were all bricks
or stone or wood. Houses were not for him. He liked Nick and Brandon’s house in Durango a lot,
though—wide open, in the mountains, not too big or ornate, just beautifully crafted.
He’d never truly had a home of his own. Sure hadn’t grown up in a home. The house he’d
inhabited—that was all he could call it—had long since been demolished. He’d seen to that
himself, something he’d never told anyone.
Another
something he’d never told anyone.
But the thought of having a home someday, maybe, appealed. He didn’t see the point now,
not since, when he wasn’t with the band, he was alone. A hotel was better, just a couple of
rooms, staff to worry about things, no responsibilities.
No warmth, no love. An empty shell, like him.
“Lee?”
He startled. “What?”
Gev tapped his arm. “Lost you a minute. You were supposed to turn back there.”
“What? Sorry.”
“Turn there. It’ll take you back around.”
“Bet your sister’s wondering what the hell I’m doing.”
“She probably thinks I had you do that to annoy her. What were you thinking about that
made you look so…I don’t know, pissed off or something?”
He wasn’t prepared for the question. And once again, he found himself not wanting to lie
to Gev. Why, he wasn’t sure—maybe because he was Stefan’s brother, and Lee and Stefan never
lied to each other about anything. And he was plain sick and tired of hiding every little thing
about himself. After he left, he’d never see Gev again anyway.
“Was thinking about the house I grew up in,” he said, his voice soft.
Gev didn’t say anything for a minute. “You know it was torn down? There’s a new house
there.” He shifted in his seat. “The cool thing? The house was rebuilt by Houses of Hope. The
family that lives there now, the mom is a single mom with six kids, works at the hospital as a
nurse. Two of the kids are disabled. It was in all the papers when she was given the house. You
didn’t know about that?”
“I knew. I backed the project financially.”
Gev’s expression warmed Lee despite himself. “That? Is awesome. Good for you.” Gev
ran his hand through his hair. “Shit, that was fucking great as hell to do.”
Lee wasn’t used to that kind of reaction directed at him. The few he’d had to tell—the
lawyers and bank—had thought he was crazy to do what he did, giving some random woman and
her family a new home. “You’re filthy-mouthed, aren’t you? I thought ballet dancers were all
pure and ethereal in thought and movement and all that.”
Gev burst out laughing. “No fucking way. We all have our vices. Better cussing than some
of the other things my friends do. Chad has a bad habit—” He stopped himself. “Shit,” he
murmured.
“Sorry, Gev.”
“I’m going to miss him so damn much.”
Lee hesitated, then said, “You guys were just friends?”
Long Way Home
69
“Yes,” Gev said. “Good friends. Lots of good times.” He propped his elbow on the door,
chin in hand, and stared out the window.
Lee regretted asking him. Upsetting him. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m not going to live there again. It was his place
anyhow.”
“You don’t have to think about it now. Not about that.”
Gev dropped his gaze. He toyed absently with a hole in his sweatpants, his expression far
away and lost. Lee found it difficult not to keep looking at him; he wasn’t sure if it was a dancer
thing, but Gev’s facial expressions were the most animated and telling he’d ever seen on a
person. He tried to remember if Gev had been like that as a kid; he thought so. Going back to
those days wasn’t something Lee liked to do, but now that he was with Gev, he found it
impossible not to think back to when they were both kids, when Stefan was alive. Before all hell
had taken over and their lives had fallen apart.
Gev looked up, slapping himself on the thigh, obviously pushing away whatever dark place
his thoughts had taken him to. “We’re almost at the parents’. Two blocks after that stoplight, turn
right. It’s the last house on the right.” He determinedly chased away the pall that had fallen over
them both. “I
will
be at my most pristine when we’re there, I promise you.” He looked at Lee
sternly, but his eyes danced in amusement. “And you better be too, Mr. Nelson. My mom still
keeps bars of soap handy, you know. You don’t mess with the Russian. Everyone knows that.”
He doubted seriously Gev’s mom would be likely to come at him with a bar of soap—
more like a broom handle. He drove down the street toward the light. Gev’s mom really wasn’t a
hard case, but he remembered more than once when she was irritated with something, the
Russian really would fly. She hadn’t taught her kids her native language, which bothered Stefan
when they were older, so he’d started to teach himself. He’d even tried to teach some to Lee, but
he didn’t have Stef’s knack. At least, not for Russian.
“So you and your mom get along all right?”
“I guess. She’s not really been the same since Stefan. Dad’s okay, though.”