Look Both Ways (22 page)

She was doing a slow countdown to three o’clock, Friday, the time of her flight to Canton, when she received an interesting Friday morning phone call.

“Miss Cross, this is Lillie Mae Whitehead.”

“Hello, Mrs. Whitehead. It’s good to hear your voice.” She quickly brainstormed and decided Mrs. Whitehead was calling about the seminar she had promised to hold. “What can I do for you today?”

“I remembered that you’re from Ohio, and I know how lonesome holidays away from home sometimes are. We have special Thanksgiving services at our church, and I thought you might like to come, maybe to the Wednesday night service.”

“Oh, Mrs. Whitehead, you’re so kind to think of me. I’d love to come, but I’m going home today. My youngest brother is getting married next Saturday.”

“That’s wonderful. I’m glad you’ll be with family for the holiday. I hope you have a safe trip.”

“Thank you, and thank you again for remembering me. I plan to start visiting churches when I get back in town, and my friend Angie and I decided to attend your first Sunday in December service.” She paused and added sweetly, “Rev. Cartwright is well, I trust.”

“He’s just fine. I’ll let him know you asked. I’m sure he’ll be very happy to have you at our service. Very happy.”

Angie came bursting through the door just as she hung up.

“Girl, my kids are going ape over that cat of yours. You would think Dino was the prince of Egypt. Carl is going to kill all of us if they get so attached they start asking for one.” She noticed Susan’s pensive look. “Oh, no! I know that look. What is it?”

Angie’s face broke into a grin as she listened to Susan’s story.

“Told you. I don’t care about that mess with Cedargrove. That man is in love with you. He probably put her up to call. I’m sure he also has that foolish pride.”

“No, I don’t think he was in on this. The evening he stopped by my apartment was when Mom informed me of Charles’ wedding. Will knew I would be out of town for Thanksgiving. He didn’t ask her to call.”

“Well, she must have felt sorry for him and did it on her own. I sure felt sorry for him the other night. We talked about it all the way home and Carl, who opposes matchmaking of any kind, encouraged me to try and get the two of you together.”

Susan left work feeling great. On her drive to the airport, she thought of nothing but Will and of visiting his church and looking into his face as he delivered the sermon for the first Sunday in December. She purchased an issue of
Cosmo
, boarded the plane, and relaxed. The phone call from Mrs. Whitehead had greatly increased her joy, making it possible for her to freely allow Will back into her thoughts. He had never been out of her heart.

She tore their relationship apart and examined each layer. It was the first case of instant attraction she had experienced. She admitted to loving him harder than she intended and to feeling a great deal of disappointment when he gave up without much of a fight. It was irrelevant now, she thought. If he wanted to continue his pursuit, she planned to allow herself to be captured.

She spotted her parents at the bottom of the escalator to baggage claims. “Mom! Daddy! I never thought I could miss anyone as much as I’ve missed you.”

She clung to her father the way she had as a child. He was always there, so she had not experienced the separation anxieties of leaving home. She went to college in state and saw them frequently. When she and Stan married, they moved just four miles away from the home where she had grown up.

“I love you, both of you.” She pulled them together in a group hug, thinking how simple life had been before she became an adult.

CHAPTER 9

“Tell me about this new man in your life. Your mother says he’s an attorney,” Ralph inquired as they headed home from the airport.

“His name is Marc Paxton. He practices family law in a firm founded by his father. He represented Will and the others during our little confrontation, but his firm sometimes does work for Sealand. That’s how Angie met him. She thinks he’s great.”

“What do you think?” Ralph asked.

“He’s wonderful. Intelligent and intellectual. He likes art and classical music. We’re going to an art show when I return. He’s also handsome to a fault, and he hates cats. I don’t think I could keep Dino if the two of us got together.”

Tammy snorted. “Sounds boring. Have you spoken with Will’s son?”

“Why should she concern herself with a man who caused her so much anguish, Tammy?” Ralph objected. “Some Bible thumper who is probably not going to be a good husband and who can’t give her the standard of living she should have. Leave her alone. She’s dating a refined young man now, a professional with a lot of promise.”

“Your father doesn’t understand, but I do. Regardless of how perfect a man may be, there has to be chemistry. You’ll find the right man, honey. I know you will.”

Tammy looked at her daughter over the front seat of the car. “Speaking of Will Cartwright—”

“Tammy, what’s the matter with you?” Ralph interrupted. “We’re not speaking of that preacher. Just because his father is one of your heroes from the olden days doesn’t mean our daughter should go around letting him treat her the way he did. I don’t care if he is a preacher. If I ever see him, I’m liable to break his face.”

“Just hush, Ralph. I know the kind of man my daughter should marry, and I think Willard Cartwright Jr. is perfect for her. I’ll bet he didn’t have anything to do with that church mess, and I’ll bet he’s in love with Susan.”

Susan smiled broadly. “When I was growing up, I would always warn my friends about the two of you bickering before they came to visit. Bobby had assured me that you would walk over hot coals for each other, and your little digs were just part of your love. I’ve missed it.”

She felt their love and knew she was included. “Will did not have anything to do with the newspaper article. I know that now, and I’ll tell you something, but only if Mom promises not to take flight again.”

“Pay no attention to your mother, honey. You know how she is. What do you want to tell us?”

She relayed the story of Mrs. Whitehead’s call and of Angie’s blind-faith assurance that Will loves her.

“We’re going to his church when I get back. The first Sunday in December. I think Angie is right about the reason she called. Now, don’t carry on, Mom, but I have never found a man I wanted to be with as much I want to be with Will. Marc is interesting and incredibly handsome—pretty handsome—not the strong masculinity of someone like Will. I want to fall in love with him, but I’m still hung up on Will. I think the only way to handle my feelings is to give our relationship another chance.”

“The heart wants what it wants,” Tammy said. “Don’t apologize for your feelings. Explore them. If you’re in love with Will and he with you, don’t let anything or anyone come between you. Men like Will don’t grow on trees.”

“Good,” Ralph said. “If they did, you’d be out in the woods trying to find one for her to marry. Honey, you need to take your time. Weigh this thing out before making a decision.”

“Thanks, Dad, but I’ve waited long enough. I want Will back in my life as soon as possible.”

* * *

Susan felt totally relaxed back in her old room and enjoyed having her parents to herself for now, knowing their attention would be divided when Bobby arrived with the baby and Charles with his bride-to-be. She frowned at the bridesmaid’s dress that was waiting for her, and thought the suggested hairstyle was a cross between Doris Day and Grace Jones, but kept it to herself.

After breakfast the following morning, she went to McMyrtis Department Store to select a wedding gift from the bride’s registry. She reviewed the remaining pieces of china and settled on eight plates to round out a dozen place settings. She waited patiently behind the two customers, but froze when the tall man behind the counter turned her way.

“Susan!” Stan rushed around the counter and held out his arms. “My last customer purchased a gift from your brother’s bridal registration, and I was wondering if you were in town.”

A closed chapter of her life stood before her.

“Hello, Stan. I didn’t know you worked here.”

He looked at her quizzically. “Your parents didn’t tell you? I see your mother in here all the time.”

“My parents never talk about you.” The pain of their failed attempt at togetherness was gone. Looking into his eyes, she only felt grains of sympathy. She accepted his brief hug.

“Did you just get in?”

“I arrived last night. How are you doing?” she asked, managing a small smile.

“I’m fine,” he said too quickly. “My wife is expecting twins, so I work here on weekends to build a little nest egg for the babies.”

“Congratulations. I didn’t know you were married.” His intense gaze was unnerving. “I just came in to get a gift for Charles.”

“The list is right here. I just printed it for the other customer.” He nervously placed the four sheets of paper in front of her.

“I already looked at the computer registry,” she said, placing her credit card on the counter. “Just let me have eight plates.”

“Yes, we’ve been married about seven months. We started a family right away. Do you plan to have kids?”

“Certainly not without a husband. Do I know your wife?” She had wondered where Stan turned after they divorced. She never inquired about him, and quickly changed the subject when her friends offered updates.

“I don’t think so. She’s younger…she’s just twenty-two.”

“What does she do?”

“Do? Oh, you mean a job. My wife doesn’t work; she’s never worked. I’m the breadwinner in our family. I’m doing quite well on the job.” He turned and spoke to a gray-haired woman. “Millie, can you handle things for about ten minutes? I need to take a short break. I need to get eights plates for this customer.” Turning back to Susan, he said, “This is my ex-wife, Susan Cross.”

Susan wondered why he felt the need to explain their connection.

“I took this little side job just in case there are complications with the twins, but I’m doing great financially. We just purchased a house down on Saint Peter Street. A two-story with large windows. I’m doing great.”

She knew the house very well. They had talked of replicating it.

Resisting the urge to smile, she said, “Yes, I can see.” He continued talking, and she pretended to look at a grouping of crystal and he went in the back room for the plates.

“I just mentioned you to my wife. She was watching something on television that was taking place in Houston. How is it down there?”

“Hot as hell.” She signed the credit slip and took the plates. “I need to have these wrapped, and I have a few more things to buy, but it was nice talking to you, Stan. Good luck on your marriage, and I hope you like fatherhood.”

Without emotions clouding her vision, she was able to see the complex texture of his character. She now saw the insecurity she had previously missed. The thought of a working wife diminished his role as a husband and was, in his eyes, emasculating and demeaning.
God, I hope I had no part in creating that pathetic image.

She walked through the children’s department and her heart lurched. As soon as Will had mentioned children, she had started imagining a little boy who looked like his father.

“My mind began moving in strange directions,” she confided to Barbara over lunch.

“Seeing Stan just made me realize how much I want to reconnect with Will, but it also made me wonder about our marriage. I loved Stan when we married. You’ve known me for most of my life. Do you think I’m too overpowering? Too controlling?”

“I know you, and I know Stan. His problems aren’t your fault. Stan could never be the strong man you need, and you would have wasted away trying to be the passive woman he needs. He has the right woman now—at least for the time being. She’s young, uneducated, and needy. I’m sure he didn’t tell you that she already has two children with different fathers. She is Sandra Becket’s younger sister.”

Susan was shocked. “That’s probably why my parents never mentioned it. You’re right. He has someone who needs his care.”

“And you need to get back with your minister friend and make a life for the two of you.” Barbara patted Susan’s hand. “I was there when you fell in love with Stan. You were happy back then, but your face beams when you mention Rev. Cartwright. It has to be right.”

Susan was grateful for the reassurance. She had missed Barbara and enjoyed spending time with her as the week wound down and all thoughts turned to Thanksgiving and to the wedding. Susan had lunch with Barbara on Wednesday, and then had her hair cut short before visiting her favorite aunt.

“Why did you get all of your hair cut off?” Aunt Virginia asked. “A woman needs that crowning glory, and you need to think about getting married, honey. Women were meant to have families. God made them that way,” Aunt Virginia declared. “I think you should fine-tune your domestic skills and find a man to give you a good home and a few babies. I got an education, married, and had four kids. I still worked. Teaching school is a great profession for women. You’ll have more time to spend with your family. That’s important.”

“Not all women want children, Aunt Vee. I do, but I love my career.” Not wanting to ruffle the feathers of a mentor who had taught her to sew and cook, she listened to the anti-feminist views and realized how closely they mirrored Stan’s.

“I really love Aunt Vee,” she told Tammy at the wedding rehearsal. “I just don’t remember her being so anti-feminist. Did she and Uncle Harry have a nice marriage?”

“They had a great marriage as far as I could tell, but that’s because they were both dinosaurs,” Tammy whispered. “Virginia ran around like Edith Bunker; ‘yes, Harry, anything else you need, Harry? Can I lick your feet, Harry?’ She was a great mother; that’s why you liked her. She’s the most domesticated woman I know.”

“That does explain it,” Susan answered, trying to smooth the puffy sleeves of her bridesmaid’s dress.

“You can’t do anything with those sleeves.” Tammy folded the dress across a chair. “I do love Trish a lot, but that girl has the worst taste in clothes I’ve ever seen. Those bridesmaid dresses are
Gone With the Wind
revisited. Photographs of this wedding will get laughs for generations to come.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Susan replied. “She is a nice person. So meek. I thought my brother would have chosen someone more dynamic, but if he’s happy, then I’m very happy for him.”

“I don’t know exactly how to break this to you, but I think Bobby is also a dinosaur,” Tammy said, laughing softly. “He chose a woman who will pamper him the way his big sister did.”

Susan made a mental note to keep the pampering to a minimum in all future relationships with men. She helped with the holiday meal and enjoyed her parents’ bickering. She saw that her father was more excited about spending time with his first grandchild than he was about the wedding. During dinner, Susan noticed that everyone at the table was paired except her and the baby. She smiled at her parents’ renewed little tiff over the canceled wedding of Ralph’s niece.

“They need more time. My sister spent a fortune, and they need more time. I don’t know what’s wrong with young people today,” Ralph groused as he carved the turkey. “You have to wait to get married, and then plan your children. Everything has to be planned. Your mother and I didn’t wait and we didn’t plan. We loved each other and wanted to be together so we got married, just like Charles and Trish.”

“Our kids are sure of what they want,” Tammy interjected. “Not everyone is. Choosing the person with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life is not an easy thing and should never be rushed into without thinking of every possibility.”

“So what does that mean, Tammy? If you’re thinking you should have dated more and you want to get back out there, you can just forget it. Nobody is going to put up with your mess the way I do.”

“You put up with my mess? I’ll have you know that I’m the one who makes the concessions in this marriage. You haven’t changed one iota since you said I do. I’ve bent in a thousand directions just to keep peace in this family.”

“Pay them no attention,” Susan told a clearly perplexed Trish. “We’ve been hearing this all our lives. They love each other madly. This is just the show they put on for the rest of us.” She shook her finger at her father. “I don’t want to hear any of this when I bring a man home to meet my folks. You’d surely scare him away.”

“If you bring Will’s little boy home with you, I’ll sit on Ralph if he starts to run his mouth. I want so much to meet him.”

“Who is Will’s little boy?” Charles asked.

Ralph took a sip of wine. “He’s that preacher’s son who made your sister’s life miserable a couple of weeks ago. His father was one of those nose-into-everything slamming, sweating, and screaming preachers from back in your mother’s day. I think she had a crush on him. She has never met his son, and even after he upset your sister the way he did, she still thinks he’s the greatest man on earth. I think your sister would be better off with this nice attorney she’s dating. Now he sounds like a real catch.”

Susan was silent. Running into Stan had removed any doubt she had of a relationship with Will. Seeing him had made her realize the full dimensions of her need. She admired powerful men with strength, courage, and humility. She had been madly in love with Stan, and at the time, he seemed to have the qualities she needed to be happy, but there was much she had not realized.

She spent a restless night comparing the men she knew. Remembering that the “perfect husband is one with the perfect wife,” she thought of her needs and theirs. Travis was adorable, kind, and intelligent, but limited by his own insecurities. Marc was everything rolled into one handsome package, but witnessing his flight of terror from a cat had altered her perception of him. She needed a confident man who would allow her to love him completely without demanding constant attention. She needed Willard Joseph Cartwright Jr. She knew her mother was only half joking about making concessions in their marriage. Her father was the steadfast and mighty oak tree. Her mother had relaxed her views on small issues over the years, while her father still held his original beliefs. She remembered the clamor when Ralph brought home a puppy for her and her brothers. Tammy had refused to entertain the notion of having an indoor dog, but relented when Ralph insisted it was best for the children. It had been a huge indulgence on her mother’s part, but small in comparison to the enormous love her parents shared.