Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight (8 page)

Every book report

Every piece of artwork, writing assignment, and math problem

Every workbook, notebook, and homework task

Every. Single. Item.

This wasn't about the stuff. Each of these items represented a milestone for the dad. Each was a tangible example of his sons' progress, their growing intellectual ability, and his pride in their success.

So dads keep homework and moms keep baby gifts. A man will hang on to the jacket he was wearing the last time he went out with his brother before the accident. Millions of middle-aged people cling to heirlooms they don't even want, because these items bring back images of long-gone parents and grandparents whose faces grow ever more distant and hard to recall.

Our homes become like photo albums of the past. But these “photos” aren't images that take up little space in a photo album or zero physical space on a computer. They're items of furniture and wood carvings and cars and blankets and clothes. These memory objects can take up lots of room in your home. This is space you can't fill with useful, functional items or
new
memory-associated items.

Often, when people are overly attached to too many memory-related items, I detect a real sadness in the way they talk. Like my client whose grandmother died 26 years ago. She put every single item from her grandmother's home into storage. I mean
every
item. She then preserved it like a museum for 26 years! She never dealt with the loss, and her grandmother's possessions were an attempt to not let go. I have little doubt that unresolved grief and depression play a particular role in this type of clutter.

My major concern with these possessions is that they can become what I call
malignant
clutter. This is a term I'm going to be using often later in the book as a way of identifying items that can have a negative, even harmful, effect on your mood, spirit, and outlook. Rooting out such items will be an important task as you go through the 6-week program of rebooting your home, your weight, and your attitudes.

Malignant clutter is the stuff around your home that you hold on to even though its very presence is harmful to you. It's possible that you can feel the hurt when you look at it. It eats away at your spirit. It spreads bad feelings through your mind, and these bad feelings can harm your body.

We generally associate the word
malignant
with cancer, and I don't use this term lightly. A malignancy, either in our home or in our body, is something that needs to be identified and removed for the sake of our mental health and physical well-being. I have found that
malignant clutter
is the best way to describe objects such as:

The medical equipment that filled the room of a child who passed away from a long illness. Although I didn't start to work with the grieving family
until 2 years later, these memories of a devastating time still lingered in their home and were made real every time they looked at the equipment.

The divorce papers piled on an office shelf more than 3 years after the contentious breakup had been finalized. Just glimpsing the papers brought back heartbreaking memories of the failed relationship.

The household goods that were boxed up and stored in the garage after a family had to downsize into a smaller home following a job loss. Their circumstances didn't promise to turn around anytime soon, and those boxes served as a constant reminder of what they'd lost.

Malignant items don't have to be reminders of bad times, like a breakup or a health crisis. They can bring back memories of loved ones or high points in your life. But if these memories leave you feeling sad or feeling that your life isn't as good now, then the objects are causing you mental and emotional harm and have no place in your home.

The things you own should help you create the home and the life you want. The key to enjoying happiness and good health in a warm, welcoming home is to live
in the present moment
surrounded by items that you cherish and that have meaning for you and your family. If too much of your time is spent replaying your greatest hits or struggling with old pain, you're not making new memories of your present life.

You think,
I might need this thing someday
.
This is a common response from my clients as I tackle the clutter and disorganization in their homes. They don't want to throw out paperwork, clothing, books, magazines, paper clips, dish towels, or old sheets because “I might need this someday.” They're absolutely correct. They might indeed need some of these things, and I'll never convince them otherwise.

If the “memory clutter” I just mentioned ties you to a past that's gone, the “I might need this one day” clutter wraps you up in a future that might never happen. When people demonstrate this undue preoccupation with the future, I see anxiety bubbling to the surface. While remembering the past and preparing responsibly for the future are perfectly normal things to do, when your stuff takes over and limits your ability to function in your home
now
, you have a problem.

Thanks to all the bulk purchase discounts offered by huge warehouse stores, people are taking their “I might need this one day” up to the jumbo level. They bring home towers of toilet paper and giant tubs of mayonnaise that they wouldn't have bought if they weren't so inexpensive. Then they
have to figure out where to wedge these stockpiles of items they may not finish for years.

Every single item you touch could conceivably be useful to you someday. It's true. You can save a considerable amount of money when you buy your toothpaste in six-packs. Also true. But keep in mind that you have limited space in your home.

All your “someday” objects have an extra cost you may not be considering: They're taking away space from items that you could be enjoying
right now
. They're occupying room you could be sharing with family members
right now
or using to build a happy, connected life with others
right now
.

When it comes to your home's cleanliness and livability, it's best to devote your resources to the current moment—which is a very real time that is actually occurring—rather than to some future event that may never happen.

Time to Make a Choice

During this 6-week program, you'll learn to recognize when
any
of these factors are spurring you to buy or accept stuff you don't need and then hang on to it longer than you should. You'll learn how to resist these pressures. You'll learn to control them instead of them controlling you.

You'll learn how to fill the empty spaces in your life with better things than
stuff.
As you haul the clutter out of your home, you'll create more space. You'll have more physical room in your home for family activities. You'll have more time in your schedule (since you won't have to shift around clutter just to clean house) for activities that feed your spirit.

That's exactly what several people in the test group who went through the
Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight
program told me. The changes they made over 6 weeks opened up time for exercise. They cleared stress out of their mind, leaving room for happier feelings. They rooted out sources of conflict in their marriage, creating a better place to meet in the middle with their spouses.