Authors: Ava Michaels
I
just wished Jess was giving me away too, but she was busy with the festivities,
so in a sense she was giving me away. She was also giving herself away to
Mario. All night, it might seem.
We
all looked at each other and nodded. We looked splendid, I thought. Exactly as
I imagined we would.
“Here
we go, lady,” Alex said, smiling in a proud way. I was lucky to have friends
like them.
I
felt weird, being paraded down the steps which preceded the college forest.
There were plenty of other couples walking down the steps, but I felt like the
candles along the path were lighting the way just for me, my vagina.
The
elegance of this whole affair was perfected by a kiosk at the gate offering
buckets full of free condoms. Colleges were finally realizing kids were going
to have sex so you might as well protect them.
There
were several couples that, while being well dressed, stumbled a little
drunkenly down the steps and through the forest. This forest thing was
inevitably going to be a problem, but not for me. I had two people practically
carrying me to the main attraction. Oh, wait, that would be me soon enough. I
kept hearing circus music in my head.
It
was a respectable night and it seemed like most people were adhering to that
idea. Although the world may not be as ordered, regulated, and fairy tale-like
as we wanted sometimes, it was nice that once in a while people wanted it to
be.
I
breathed a sigh of relief as we entered the forest. What Mario’s friends did
for this place was simply beautiful. The old logging path through the forest
was lit by miniature candles every several feet. Within the woods were hanging
globe lanterns that gave the party a natural feeling, like it was an impromptu
gathering in the forest for the community, which it technically was. A party of
this planning within a week was definitely impromptu in my book.
There
were several Alpha Delta Phi pledges standing along the path with plastic
champagne glasses of Andre champagne.
“This
may be the best plastic flute filled with the worst champagne but, I
am loving
every minute of this,” Veronica said, grabbing a
glass from a tow-headed young pledge and kissing him on the cheek.
“I
am loving
these little pledges,” Alex said, giving a
quick little pinch to the same pledge, who didn’t seem to mind it. “The Alpha
Delta boys know when to fall in line when it really counts.”
We
continued along the path and it seemed like either there were many more guys
with mustaches than I remember, or several men decided to boldly don a costume
or fake it.
It
looked like everyone really fell into character for this ridiculous event. It
just goes to show you, give people a story to tell and they will run away with
it.
This
entire entrance here felt very surreal. It felt like I was spitefully throwing
myself to the wolves to get back at Big Stick for possibly lying to me. I
didn’t know what I was doing, but what I wanted to do was say that I was still
me and he still had to earn a woman as good as I was.
When
we exited the forest trail we came into the clearing. There were three large
tents
up,
one looked like it was for wine, champagne,
and a couple of kegs. Another one was for finger food and the last was
separated for the men’s pipe room and the ladies powder room. It might have
seemed sexist, but I actually appreciated it for one night at least.
The
entire area was strung with ropes that were wreathed with ivy and the little
white globe lamps. It was three tents surrounding the outside of a Grecian
style amphitheater, crisscrossed with the same kind of little emanating globe
lamps. It looked like a deliciously gaudy version of a 19th century garden
party, but I guess that was what it was supposed to be.
There
had to be about three hundred people here. Obviously, not all of them were
students but so far, everyone was pleasantly buzzed. The couples were all
dancing in ballroom style with a little bump and grind
around the amphitheater, albeit very
drunkenly, trying their best to keep up the mirage of an older, more
sophisticated culture that we occasionally pined for. It was amazing for the
effort that was put into everything. Laughter and loud conversations were going
on simultaneously with lovely chamber music that had a strong sexy techno beat
added to it. There were still some frat boys pulling their normal stunts,
practicing feats of strength by lifting their dates with one hand or chugging
beers as their buddies chant their names. But even that was made a little more
elegant by the atmosphere.
I
could tell that this was a big hit. As I entered the crowd that ran from the
tree-line above the amphitheater and was literally spread three hundred and
fifty nine degrees from there.
Alpha
Delta pledges circled the banquet with platters filled with finger foods,
triangle sandwiches with tuna and turkey, and more Andre champagne.
We
can be classy, even with four dollar bottles of champagne.
I
saw Jess chatting with Veronica and they seemed to be discussing events for the
night. I’m glad those two became quick friends. They were very much alike,
crazy and willing to spread their legs for just a minute of pleasure.
I
walked up to them and Veronica said a word. They both turned and appraised me
critically, like old Jewish grandmothers at the butcher shop.
"So,
Miss
Thang
," Veronica started with an appraising
eye. "Are you ready to mingle tonight, make a good impression of our most
darling lady? Spread your butterfly wings? You know…
In your
special place?"
"What
do you mean?" I asked. What else was there to this evening?
Jess
took over pinning a name tag into the front of my dress.
Oh
no. Was I supposed to parade around like some bimbo at a beauty pageant? Jesus
Penus…
"So
in a few minutes you are going to meet with the other debutante ladies, there
are fifteen in all, and when the band strikes up you will parade into the ball
area, do a little circuit through, and mingle," Jess said
matter-of-factly.
"So
I'm supposed to go out there and sell myself for some guy to take me on a
terrible date?” I asked.
Veronica
laughed.
I
rolled my eyes. “Please don’t make me do this. I’m really having a great time
as a wall flower. Just let me enjoy the evening from the sidelines? Don’t make
me talk to anyone… ”
"Don't
worry, honey," Veronica said. "We are likely going to be doing that
for you. You just come along for the ride. If I know anything about Alex, he is
probably already out there with pictures of you in a bikini… Telling them how
great you are in bed…"
I
gulped. This might be a long night.
"Fine…
Let's do this," I said.
Jess
escorted me back behind the far tents and to the throng of white-dressed fellow
debutantes. They were all very pretty and it seemed like there was going to be
some competition tonight. Fortunately, I thought the crowd might be a bit more
rambunctious than usual, so there wasn't many 'debs' without several suitors
clamoring for their hand.
Jess
dropped me off with a hug.
"So
throughout the night, you are going to talk to some guys and if they are
interested in you they will go to the silent auction table," she said
smiling.
"Silent auction?"
I said.
"So this is going to be a price competition?"
"No,
honey," she said. "We realized that pretty much everyone here is a
college student. You have to pay hundred dollars to bid, but the auction part
requires them to write down their idea of a date they would take you on. At the
end of the night, the guy with the best date idea as determined by the whistles
and hoots from the crowd, wins the girls hand for a date."
That
sounded better. It was a way of making sure that the richer, uncreative dates
were weeded out…
But still…
Why couldn’t they have
threw a just
kegger
and got me drunk.
"Why
Jess, you're almost making it sound like a high class slave auction," I
said sarcastically.
"Don't
let Veronica hear you say that," she joked.
So
there I was, standing with fourteen other girls who were ready to offer it up
in the name of charity… And be paraded in front of the entire campus and sold
to the most creative bidder…
For a date, but likely our
vaginas.
A VAGINA AUCTION.
Now that has potential
to raise some serious cash.
I
admitted that this was a better plan than I had thought but wished I wasn’t up
there. The other girls in line were giggly, talking, and loving all the
attention. I wanted to go back to the apartment.
When
the band struck up a waltz, the girls started their struts through the forest
and into the clearing. Some struts were definitely not from virgins…. The girl
with the nametag of Tiffany was definitely walking like a professional from the
streets of the Las Vegas strip.
The
crowd had all stopped to watch the debutante's entrance and finally broke out
of their roles and whooped and whistled-albeit quite respectfully.
When
I entered the spotlight, I heard a whoop and cry from Alex somewhere in the
crowd. That man couldn't golf clap if his life depended on it.
When
we had all entered the crowd and were mingling around, the band struck up a
different song for the general festivities. Despite their pledges to guide me
through this surreal ordeal, Alex and Veronica soon disappeared from my side.
Before I could even protest their absence, they were lost in the throng.
I
drifted towards the “backstage area” and all too soon heard the pock-marked AV
freshman they’d managed to pull away from his World of
Warcraft
session doing what sounded like his best game show host impression, announcing
to all the “ladies and gens here tonight” what the order of events would be.
………
The
squeal of a guitar being sound-tested drew my eyes to the elaborately decorated
stage. Shit. I couldn’t believe this. None other than Carlos and His Bulge were
going to be gracing this event with their musical
stylings
,
apparently.
I
can’t lie – he looked good. As soon as I saw him, he seemed to see me. His eyes
lit up in a way that I really wished they hadn’t, and he unstrapped his bass
and hopped off the stage.
“Hey, Ol!”
I
tried to play it cool, looking in the other direction like I was searching for
someone, drinking urgently from my cup of Andre.
“Ol!”
Now
his hand was on my shoulder, so I closed my eyes and turned around. I was
afraid of him after he tripped and poked me in the face. Losing an eye wasn’t
an option. He kissed me on the cheek and I opened my eyes.
“Hey…
Hey there,” I said awkwardly. The spot on my cheek left by his kiss was not
what I expected. In fact, it was cold and clammy and I no longer saw him like I
did before. I couldn’t help my feelings and I hated myself for having them but
I wished he were Big Stick…
“How’s
it going? I was wondering how your night was at uh, Animal House the other night.”
“Oh,
it was fine, it was fine,” I said quietly, trying to appear interested. I
didn’t want to be mean to him. It wasn’t his fault Big Stick wasn’t what I
thought he was and that it was all I could think about...
“Yeah,
sorry I never caught up with you… Breaking down all the equipment, loading up
the van and stuff, you know, it takes a while,” he said, smiling at me way-too
charmingly.
“It’s
no problem,” I said, trying not to meet his eyes. I was just way too upset at
the moment to get into another Carlos situation, especially another awkward
one. How he could act like nothing happened surprised me.
“You
look beautiful tonight,” he whispered, his lips once again way too close to my
face.
Luckily,
Veronica materialized to grab me by the arm.
“Come
on girl I gotta show you something,” she said matter-of-factly, barely even
acknowledging Carlos’s presence.
I
let myself be yanked away and I only gave Carlos the most cursory and polite
farewell I could manage from over my shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
Carlos
smiled weakly, and how handsome he looked paired with how quickly he had
came
after me that night gave me a
twinge of guilt. However, I was also happy to get away from him.
As
Veronica led me over toward the field’s entrance I snagged another cup off one
of the pledges who were faithfully keeping the party lubricated... Veronica
yanked a flask of rum from her purse and stuck it in my face. She was all
business tonight.
“Drink,
bitch,” she said over her shoulder with a glare.
I
did, and happily, starting to feel the sort of buzz that threatens to turn into
drunkenness. Some of my champagne sloshed from my cup and onto a passing
gentleman who seemed much too well-dressed even for this charade of a ball.