Losing You (Finding You Series Book 2) (14 page)

He tightened his grip around me as we both knelt sobbing on the sand. At that point Daniel lost his innocence. He’d killed a man. Not just any man, but his father. He’d taken a life. Words would never make that okay.

“If you didn’t do it, I was going to try and give it a shot, although I don’t know how it would have turned out.”

Daniel was a mess. I was in a daze. There lay a dead man at our feet.

The damp sand seemed to reach up and grab me, pulling me downwards into darkness.

***

Someone was shaking me and calling my name. “Dakota! Dakota! Wake up!”

The person sounded desperate as I struggled to stir.

“Please! You have to wake up.”

What had happened? And why did I feel as though I’d been through a washing machine?

Opening my eyes just a crack, I noticed Daniel’s face hovering above mine, tears still spilling from his emotional eyes.

“We have to get rid of his body.”

“What?”

“The body. We have to get rid of it. Someone will find it.”

Those words slapped me in the face hard as everything came rolling back. The struggle. A rock pounding into a face. Blood. Tears. Death.

Pulling myself up and rubbing my face furiously, I didn’t know what the hell to say to the boy.

Daniel knelt down to my level and asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

No. I wasn’t okay. I was far from that. Okay wasn’t even in the same realm as I was.

Daniel’s father wasn’t just dead but defaced. We had murdered him and now we had to get rid of the body. As much as it had been self-defense, the feeling of loss for human life weighed on me like an elephant.

I felt ill. Death rose in my throat as I turned my head and vomited into the water, letting the tide carry it out. Daniel held my arm, as if reassuring me. Comforting me.

“It’s going to be okay. I killed him, not you. I have to live with that. Please forgive me, Dakota.” His sobs were far from easing.

“You did what you had to in order to protect me. I don’t blame you for that.”

“I’m not sorry I killed him.”

I looked up, wiping my mouth, seeing the truth as clear as day. “I know.”

I truly did. I had wanted it so many times in my own life. An end to the constant fear that ate at you day by day, stealing your soul. Sometimes you wanted to kill yourself. Other times you wanted to kill the person that was sucking life from you.

Daniel dropped his gaze to my leg and then up, realization in his eyes. “You used your leg! You walked on your leg!” Was this his way of dealing with everything? Focusing on something other than the distorted carcass beside us.

“Huh?”

“Your injured leg. You walked on it.”

“I had to. He left me no choice.”

“But that means it’s getting better!”

“We’ll see.” It was hard to focus on the pain with murder staring us both in the face.

Waves lapped over the lifeless feet that splayed sideways.

“You need to help me drag him out to sea. Do you think you’ll be able to?”

This was so horrible. I didn’t want to have to touch a dead body, much less look at it again. I needed this to be over with.

“I don’t know. Daniel…” I let my head drop while I tried to focus on what I was being asked.

“We can’t leave him here. The tide is on its way out. It will carry him away. We just have to take him deep enough so he floats.”

Christ! Was I really going to have to do this? Why was Daniel suddenly so composed?

He got up and walked to his father’s head, placing both hands under the heavy man’s armpits. Attempting to drag the body without me, I could see him straining to get it to even move.

There was no way he’d be able to do it on his own.

Daniel nodded to me and motioned to his father’s legs. I tried not to look above those legs as I moved over and attempted to pull myself together.

“That’s it. Stay on your knees if you have to. I’ve got him. You just need to help take some of the weight off.”

I was grateful I was at the end that still resembled a person. Placing my hands around each ankle, I was surprised that the skin was still warm. With a nod to Daniel, I pushed forward while he pulled.

When the first small wave washed over me, I gasped, aware that I was back in the ocean I had floated on top of for days. The ocean that had been in my nightmares. The ocean that had kept me a prisoner to the very demons it had let loose inside me. Yet, here I was, numb to it all, wanting nothing more than this very ocean to swallow up the evidence of our eventful morning.

We pushed the body out far enough so that the pull of backwash drew the body away from the shore into its murky depths. I was up to my waist, still kneeling. Daniel let go and watched as the waves toyed with his father, pushing and pulling him further from us until he was just a dot and then nothing.

Numbly we made our way back to shore, where we wept some more and retched until there was nothing left but shame for the life we’d taken.

A man had been breathing, thinking, moving, feeling only moments ago and in a heartbeat he’d had all that taken away. It was the deepest, darkest place I’d been so far, and yet in all the black a flicker of joy danced. A joy Daniel no longer had to suffer abuse. A joy that we were leaving all this behind.

Chapter Fifteen

Dakota

Nothing more was spoken about the killing. It was our little silent secret. A promise not to talk about it, which was fine by me. I wanted to push it away as much as Daniel.

The day after the murder I nursed bruises, cuts, and scrapes. I chose to do nothing other than sleep on and off in the cave, letting my body recover, trying to forget the previous day’s events. Tears came and went without warning and I let them fall freely. The past few weeks had caught up with me, emotionally and physically, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I think the only thing holding me together mentally was my departure the following day. Finding Kyle. He would help me deal with all this crap. All I wanted was to hear his voice, soothing me and telling me everything was fine. Ever since the crash I’d felt like I was living a dream. Not a nice dream, more of a nightmare. Nothing felt real. Nothing except my love for Kyle. It was all I had to cling onto. Seeing him again would help make things better.

Daniel seemed extremely eager to leave behind his pain. He could start anew without any questions. He could lock away the skeletons.

I hadn’t come up with a plan for getting him successfully off the island yet and just couldn’t think about it. I was too exhausted.

When he came in and joined me, I used what little energy I had to pull myself upright so we could sit side by side. He looked disconnected from it all on the outside, but I knew he must be hurting inside.

I took his hand and said, “I never asked you if you were all right. How are you doing, Daniel?” While it wasn’t talking about what happened the previous day, I needed to know how he was feeling.

Turning to look at me, he nodded. “Yes. I’m fine. I just can’t wait to leave tomorrow.”

“Aren’t you going to miss your mom, though? And the others you’ve known your whole life?”

His eyes clouded over as he drew his eyebrows together. “They don’t care about me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not even here. I pretty much stick to myself.”

“What about the other kids? Don’t you have any friends at all?”

“Not really. A lot of my time has been spent studying English and reading books.”

“Your mom, though. She’ll miss you. I think you need to get her permission to come with me.”

“No! She won’t let me go. Please, Dakota. Don’t make me ask her.”

It didn’t sit right with me, taking a boy away from his home. “Hmmm.” I left it at that. For all I knew, Jasmine would be at the helipad to check in the supplies anyway, so we wouldn’t have a choice but to tell her of our elaborate plan. I prayed she didn’t ask if we’d seen her husband because my face would surely give away my guilt.

My eyes begged me to close them, so for the rest of the day I dozed, nibbled on fruit, and dreamt of Kyle. It was good to shut down for a while.

***

The day of our departure fell into our laps and I couldn’t help but feel excitement build as I stretched and hobbled outside the cave for the last time. I still ached all over and wore some colorful bruises, but it didn’t matter. I was returning to my life. After so long, my dream was coming true.

Lifting my face to the morning sun, I inhaled deeply, drawing on its energy to help give me the strength I needed to make the trek back towards the village. It was a mammoth walk, which I knew I would struggle with now that I had new injuries to contend with, but I also knew that it would be the path to my release from this hell-hole. I could withstand anything in order to reach Sapphire Island.

I jumped slightly as Daniel walked up behind me and spoke. “Come on, let’s get out of here. We’ve got quite a hike to reach the helicopter pad. Are you up for it?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been up for this journey since I got here. Nothing is going to stop me.”

“We can pick fruit along the way.”

Nerves had stolen some of my appetite but I would eat what I could to help sustain me while we walked, not sure at what hour I would get a decent meal.

The trip to the other side of the island had us off the beaten track. We didn’t want to run into anyone that might start asking questions, so we had chosen the route that would bypass the village but lead us to the helipad. Daniel was on a mission and would get us over to the other side at any cost. He knew the island like the back of his hand, so when everything became alien to me I had to trust his instincts.

We’d been hiking for what felt like a couple of hours, stopping to rest frequently. I was ready to drop but was determined to push myself beyond my limits.

Suddenly Daniel came to a grinding halt.

“What’s up?”

“Shh!” he ordered. “I heard something. Stay very still.”

Unable to hear anything except the palm fronds gently blowing in the breeze, I relied on Daniel’s impeccable island instincts to alert us of any danger.

“What is it, Daniel? Is someone there?”

He kept quiet, putting a finger to his lips to encourage me to do the same as I was dragged behind a very substantial tree.

We waited, trying not to breathe as someone passed. I heard Daniel suck in a breath. Peeking out from the tree I caught the person’s back as they disappeared into the jungle. Jasmine.

Shit! Why is she so far away from the village? Is she finally looking for Daniel after all this time? Her husband?

“That was close! My father must have told her he was going to find me and bring me home. When he failed to show up, she’s decided to look for him. We have to hurry!”

He must have seen the concern on my face. “Don’t worry, she won’t find us. We’re one step ahead of her. By the time she heads back to the helipad, the chopper will have landed.”

There were a million thoughts going through my head. What if she reached us before we were airborne? What story was I going to give the pilot? I still had no idea. I hadn’t exactly been in the right frame of mind to come up with an elaborate lie to get Daniel away from his mother. I could feel the invisible walls slowly start to close in on us as we marched forward.

“How much further?” I whispered.

“Not far now. About another half mile.”

I wasn’t sure how he had come to that conclusion or even knew how to measure distance but it didn’t sound so bad. A half mile. I could do that. I was now spurred on even more by the thought of Jasmine hot on our heels. If she discovered Daniel was leaving today too, I wasn’t sure what sort of confrontation we would be up against. I only knew that it wouldn’t be good.

Finally, we reached our port of call. I could have kissed the rotting helipad but instead I opted for almost collapsing on it, dangling my legs over the edge so that my toes were under the water to try and help cool me down. I looked around at a part of the island I never knew existed. A corrugated iron shed tucked itself into the grassy verge, door open, ready to be filled. It was fairly dark inside, so I couldn’t see what, if anything, was in there.

Daniel looked in briefly and then came and perched next to me.

“We’ve done it, Dakota. Soon I’m going to be a real boy.”

“Oh, Daniel. You are a real boy. You’ve always been a real boy. Now you’re going to be a boy with the life you deserve. I’m going to make sure you have the best that I can give you, I promise. I vow to keep you safe always.”

“I know you will. I trust you. You risked your safety for me and took on my father. No one has ever done that for me. I know we said we wouldn’t speak of it again but I’m glad you came to the island. I’m glad you helped me. I’m glad he’s dead.”

It was the voice of gratitude. It was the voice of relief. For the boy, murder was a far easier burden to carry than the burden of not being loved by his father. I swallowed hard at the memory of the lifeless body we’d both dragged out to sea, unable to process my emotions about any of it. I didn’t feel gratitude. I felt relief for Daniel that he didn’t have to suffer, but I also felt the heavy weight of guilt and shame. I felt like I could sleep for a month. Physically and mentally I needed it. To just close my eyes and forget everything. Life shouldn’t be this hard. It felt like the more I dealt with, the more I was given to deal with. I just wanted to be able to coast through each day without drama.

We embraced in silence and sat like that for a long time.

From off in the distance, a helicopter whirred, quiet at first, and then louder as it approached.

“Look, Daniel! It’s the helicopter! We really are going. I can’t believe it!” I shrieked, suddenly feeling edgy. My dream was coming true. I was going to Kyle. It was monumental.

Will I be able to find him? Will he still want me? Will I ever be able to bring myself to tell him about the murder of Daniel’s father?

“Yippee! It’s coming! It’s coming!” chorused Daniel. He seemed to have pulled himself together quicker than I could.

Our ticket to freedom neared until finally it was hovering above the landing pontoon. The palm trees were forced from vertical to horizontal as the rotor produced a strong, gale force wind. I had to hang onto Daniel for extra stability.

The pilot skillfully brought the helicopter down ever so gently and turned off the blade, which settled everything back to the upright position.

Two friendly-looking men stepped out and began taking boxes of supplies out of the back. They both waved to us as they worked, unaware that they were about to have two passengers on board.

I stood up on my crutches, hands shaking, attempting to form a plan in my mind.

“What am I going to say, Daniel? How am I going to get you off the island?” Suddenly, I felt like it was all going to crumble to dust. Who had I been kidding? These two men weren’t just going to let me climb in with Daniel and fly with them to Sapphire Island without Jasmine’s approval.

Daniel shrugged. “I’ve been thinking but all I can come up with is that we are going on a short holiday to Sapphire Island.”

That held no weight. Damn! “I don’t know. You think they’ll believe us?”

“Probably not. What else have we got, though?” I could see his shoulders start to droop forward at the notion that I might end up flying solo on the chopper. It made me feel sick.

The supply hut didn’t take long to fill up again, with large crates stacked up on top of one another. It was hard to believe that so many crates had come out of such a small helicopter.

When the two men finished unloading, they walked over to their audience.

“Hey there!” addressed one of the men, stopping as he reached us. “It’s a nice day to be down here at the beach. You both look like you’re enjoying yourselves.”

I muffled a giggle, eying both men to try and determine if I was going to use Daniel’s story to get us both on board.

I didn’t have time to answer because Jasmine’s voice sang out through the trees.

“Daniel! Daniel! Are you there? Where are you?

Holy crap! This was not happening. This just was not happening. We were so close.

Daniel moved in beside me and clung on as we both swung around to the direction Jasmine’s voice had come from.

We could see the bushes rustling and then the familiar figure of Daniel’s mother strode through into the clearing, a look of shock on her face that we were both standing next to the pilots. After all, she hadn’t seen her son in a month.

I tried to read her face behind the shock. Any emotion that might let me know that she cared. I was a little too far away to tell, so when she walked forward, her eyes focused on Daniel, I stared her down, looking for any motherly emotion.

I was surprised to see her eyes glassy with tears.

The two men next to me moved forward to greet Jasmine but she shunned them as she grabbed Daniel, pulling him to her.

“Daniel! Where you been? I was worried!” Her gaze lifted and found mine and I saw blame there.

“I’m okay, Momma. I’ve been looking after Dakota. She had a fight with Dad and left the village. I found her over the other side of the island and took care of her.”

Okay, he was good. That sounded plausible. Keep going, Daniel.

Jasmine still peered at me skeptically. “Where your father?”

My heart nearly erupted out of my ribcage as I looked away.

“I don’t know. We haven’t seen him,” Daniel said into his mother’s bosom.

“Well, you okay now. You come with me.” She started pulling Daniel away and he turned his head to me, pleading with his eyes for me to do something, all the while the pilots were watching us, probably wondering what the hell was going on.

“Everything okay here?” one of them asked.

“Yes!” I sang as I turned from them back to Jasmine, who was retreating with Daniel. “Wait! Jasmine! Please, I have to talk to you! Stop!”

Daniel pulled on her arm to get her to halt and begrudgingly she did so.

“What?”

I looked at the pilots. “Can you just give us a moment? Daniel and I are going to be traveling with you to Sapphire Island, but I just need to speak to Jasmine first.”