Losing You (Finding You Series Book 2) (11 page)

“Your bad one. Have you tried walking on it lately?” His mind appeared to be ticking over.

“No. The last time I tried, it ended in disaster. I haven’t been game since.”

“Well, I think you should try again soon.”

“I will, Doctor. Thanks for your concern.”

He laughed at the moniker, flashing me his white teeth in a full smile.

“Here, I’ll help you into the cave and then go get us some food. There are a couple of coconut trees not too far from here that I can climb. Coconuts will provide us with milk and nourishment.”

The thought did not appeal to me at all. I was nearly over coconut milk. It was all I’d had to drink in a month. The only water I’d ingested had come from whatever fruits I’d eaten. If I never saw another coconut for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t bother me. I craved a coffee. God help me when I returned to Sapphire Island. I was going to overdose and be high for a week on the stuff. In fact, if there was a way to feed it into my neglected system via an intravenous line, I would be first in line. A few heaped teaspoons of sugar wouldn’t go astray either.

Once we were safe in the grotto, Daniel was up again. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

I slumped back against the solid wall of the cave, happy to be in some sort of shelter, hidden and safe. My head was swimming with dizziness, my body urgently needing sustenance. Even lifting my hand was a cumbersome chore.

While I waited for Daniel, I looked at my skinny arms and legs. My weight had plummeted since the plane crash. I wasn’t a big hulk of a woman to start with so it was weight I couldn’t afford to lose. My elbows jutted out sharply, as did my wrist bones and my once shapely legs now appeared knobby-kneed and waifish. I’d have to tuck into a few Big Macs in LA to gain it back. My mind hummed to that happy tune. LA. Kyle. Each hour felt like a day. Each day a year.

I ached for Kyle more than my next meal. I’d give up a thousand coconuts and bananas right now to feel his masculine jaw with its two-day growth. To search those startling eyes and to feel his warm, protective arms around me.

What if he has already fallen in love with someone else? Does he know yet that I’m dead? He’d have to. It would surely have been in the news. Will he have the same feelings for me that he had before? I can’t expect him to drop everything for me. Can I?

The thought of losing him to another was numbing. I realized the agony he must have gone through when he found out that he’d lost me. Poor Kyle! I couldn’t begin to imagine what he and my parents were going through. If only I could put them out of their misery.

Daniel saved me from brain trauma by emerging with two large, bearded coconuts and a couple of fat bananas. One for each of us.

“There’s more where these came from. I hope you like bananas and coconut.”

The bananas appealed to me far greater than the coconut but I was in no position to start being fussy. At that point I could have eaten grubs, the hunger was so fierce.

“Well done, Daniel! I’m starving. How are you going to break the coconuts open?” It appeared to be another dumb question as he walked over to the rocky outcrop and started smashing them on the jagged edges.

Before you could say, “She sells sea shells” ten times fast, we were devouring the juice that had been reserved into the expertly cut halves of coconut and slicing into the flesh with our teeth like rabid dogs, the milk oozing down our chins. There were no manners needed, just gluttony. I was saving the banana till last to help take away the taste of the coconut.

Daniel grinned triumphantly at his find like the cat that got the mouse. Thank heavens for small mercies.

“It’s not much, but it will have to do for tonight. Tomorrow I’ll make a spear and catch us some fish. We can make a fire to cook it on.”

While we sat enjoying our fill, there was a question plaguing me.

“How long do you think it will be before your parents find us?”

“They won’t find us here. No one knows this cave exists. You can’t see it from up top and besides, my father is due to go to work fishing for a while so he won’t be around. I doubt whether my mother would even bother. It’s not the first time I’ve run away. She knows I can take care of myself.”

It was hard to believe that they just didn’t care. It seemed incomprehensible. If it were my child, I’d be an absolute wreck, searching frantically until he was found. There were other dangers on the island besides his parents. High cliffs he could fall from and an angry ocean he could drown in, just to name a couple. They certainly shouldn’t just assume he would be okay and could take care of himself. He was still just a boy, albeit one growing into a teenager, but still…that didn’t stop accidents from happening.

Chapter Thirteen

Kyle

My parents were slowly convincing me to get out more. Days were blurring into weeks, and as time wore on, the pain eased to bearable.

The premiere of an earlier movie was coming up and my parents were trying to set me up with my old girlfriend, but I was fighting them all the way. I didn’t want to ask Beth. She’d moved on, just like I had. It was years since I’d seen her or spoken to her.

“You don’t have to date or have a romantic interest in her; just take her for company. She’s a lovely girl and you would have a great time, I’m sure. I see her mother at the store nearly every week and she always asks how you are doing.”

“I’m not asking Beth, Mom. End of story. I’ll go to the premiere on my own if I have to.”

I watched Mom sigh and give in to me for now but I knew the subject would come up again soon. While I appreciated her concern, it was starting to annoy me.

A week later as I was sitting in the living room with the house to myself, there was a knock at the door.

I flicked off the television and went to answer it.

“Hey there, Kyle! How are you? Remember me?”

It was my old neighborhood buddy, Kurt Holloway, whom I hadn’t seen for a couple of years. He still lived at home with his parents and was a couple of years younger than I. His father had managed to get him a job in his publishing company with Kurt following in his footsteps, climbing the corporate ladder. When Mr. Holloway eventually retired, Kurt would take over the role as managing director. His life was set.

Kurt was engaged to his high school sweetheart, Jennifer Wallen, whom he’d been dating since his senior year. It was all very sweet but very predictable.

Kurt stood in front of me, waiting for a response.

“Well, can I come in?”

“Oh yeah, sure. Sorry,” I apologized, opening the door further so Kurt could enter. We hugged each other briefly, doing the whole manly back slap thing before walking over to the sofa and sitting down.

“Do you want a drink of something? Soda? Beer?” I offered.

“Nah. I can’t stay too long. Just popped in to tell you the good news.”

“Oh?” I raised my eyebrows expectantly, happy that someone’s life was rolling along merrily.

“Well, as you may have heard, Jennifer and I got engaged last spring. We plan on getting married in three months. I wanted to bring you your invite.” Putting his hand into his jacket pocket, he pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.

“Thank you! That’s great!” I enthused, trying to sound happy for my friend. It wasn’t that I was jealous or anything. I just didn’t feel like talking about weddings at the present time.

“We’ll probably end up with a small apartment until the kids come along and then look for something bigger. Jennifer wants to start a family right away, but we’ll have to wait and see. I’d like some time to get used to being married before we have any kids. Hey, anyway, enough about me. How are you doing? Your mom told me you were at home for a while to cope with some personal things. Anything I can help with?”

I eyed my bulky friend with his crew-cut, tanned skin, and all-American good looks. He hadn’t changed since high school. A few more wrinkles, that’s all.

I was tempted to blurt everything out and unburden my heavy heart but I didn’t want to burst Kurt’s happy bubble.

“Ah no, not really. Just something I have to deal with. I’ll be fine. I’m getting through it and moving forward in my own way.” I could feel the frown deepen on my brow and Kurt didn’t miss it, either.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and asked, “Are you sure you’re okay, man?”

“Yeah, promise.” Liar. I needed to switch to actor mode so I wasn’t as readable.

“Well then, are you up to going out this Saturday night? It’s kind of an early Stag night. There will be people you know from high school. What do you say? Make an old friend happy?”

I had known Kurt forever. We used to ride to school together and then hang out in the afternoons. My career made it hard to catch up but I still considered him a friend. I was hardly in the mood for partying, but knowing that I didn’t have an alibi, I couldn’t refuse.

“Thanks, Kurt. Sounds like a blast. Where are we going?”

“There’s a new club in the city that’s recently opened. It’s had rave reviews. Might be the last chance I get to party hard before I make an honest woman out of Jennifer.”

It’s only one night. I can come home early if I want to. Who knows, maybe I’ll even enjoy it. Dakota would want me to get on with life. She wouldn’t want me moping around this house forever. I need to do this, for her.

Time was helping fill the hole in my heart. I would never stop loving or missing Dakota but she was dead and never coming back. I needed to accept that. Nothing I could do would change the fact. Some days were better than others. The grief could be so crushing at times if I let myself dwell for too long and then there were days like today where I thought that maybe everything would be okay. That I would survive and move on.

“Well, buddy, I’d better be going,” revealed Kurt, getting up and heading for the door. “Jennifer wants me to go with her to visit her parents in Santa Monica. I can’t keep the lady waiting. I’ll pick you up at eight o’clock Saturday night. It’s great that you’ll be coming,” he added, giving me a friendly pat on the back.

“Okay, Kurt. I look forward to it.” Maybe.

I shut the front door and walked to my room, flopping down on the bed with both hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling.

It had been a month. Was it too soon to loosen my grip on Dakota’s memory? How long was I supposed to grieve? I didn’t have that answer. All I knew was that life was still moving on whether I chose to climb aboard or not. I could watch it pass me by or join in again.

My parents would be pleased. They had almost become desperate in their attempt to get me out of the house. Now they would be getting their wish. I knew they were only trying to help me and I loved them for it. I was even starting to wonder if I should move back into my city apartment where I had my own space until I could sell it and move to the beach.

It’s not that I wasn’t grateful to be living with my parents. I was. It’s just that, I’d made a home for myself in my apartment: A space that I called my own. Somewhere I could leave clothes lying around or dishes in the sink if I didn’t feel like cleaning up. I guess I had outgrown the family home and my old room. I wasn’t that same boy anymore. Maybe I’d tell my folks that I’d be moving back there this weekend. The jet-black sports coupe that I’d purchased weeks before departing to Sapphire Island still sat in the basement of the apartment complex. I was ready to get behind the wheel again and head out to the ocean.

***

Saturday came quickly. It was a little too quickly for my liking, but as the saying went, time stopped for no man. I found myself in the living room with Mom and Dad, tensely waiting for Kurt. Pacing back and forth, I was beginning to wear a track.

“For goodness sake, sit down and relax, son! Anyone would think you were going to jail. You’re going out to enjoy yourself.”

“I know, Dad. I guess I’m just used to being at home at night. I still don’t think I can face the media.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just keep your chin up and say nothing.”

Minutes later there was a knock at the door. I hurried over to answer it, anxious to get the evening underway so I could return to my apartment. Telling my folks that I was moving out was met with a positive reaction. They were both overjoyed that I wanted to return to my life and start living again. I wasn’t sure about living, but I would be existing.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Rutherford!” said Kurt, who was dressed up like he was going to his wedding. Polished black shoes, long ‘pressed with crease’ pants, white shirt, and black jacket and tie. Suddenly I felt a little underdressed in my casual shirt and pants. I hoped none of the others had dressed up in full suits.

“Hello, Kurt. How are you tonight?” asked Mom, as she perched on the sofa doing a tapestry. “How is your mother?”

“I’m fine, thanks, and Mom’s great. She said to say hello to everyone. She’ll no doubt catch up with you at the store. You both seem to do your shopping at the same time every week. I reckon you have it planned that way so that you can have a good gossip.”

“Sure we do. When there are no men around, we can have a good chat.”

Dad gave her a playful jeer as she elbowed him in the ribs. I rolled my eyes at my parents’ teenage behavior, suddenly needing to leave.

“I guess we’d better be going then, Kurt,” I offered, moving my friend towards the door.

“Have a good night, both of you. We’ll see you in the morning, Kyle, when you come to pick up the rest of your things,” sang Mom.

“Okay. Night. Don’t have too much fun while I’m not here.”

I didn’t miss Dad wiggling his eyebrows at my mom right before I shut the door on them and climbed into Kurt’s car.

“We’re gonna have a good time tonight, buddy,” chanted Kurt as we drove off in his 1969 Mustang. Mr. Holloway had bought him the car for his twenty-first birthday right about the time he had started working for the family publishing company. Kurt’s father was very big on material possessions and always liked to show off the things his children had to his executive friends. I liked Mr. Holloway but didn’t necessarily approve of his values.

As we flew down the highway, Kurt pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. At least I thought they were cigarettes.

“Want one?’ my friend asked, holding the packet out to me after taking one himself and lighting up as we stopped at a set of traffic lights.

“No thanks, I don’t smoke anymore,” I declined, much to the amazement of my friend.

“Who said anything about cigarettes? These are way better than that. Why don’t you try one, it’ll help you relax.”

I could smell the dope as it wafted over to my side of the car. I’d been through it all years ago when I was younger. Many of my friends were still using it. Two guys had now moved onto harder drugs and it was destroying their lives. I didn’t want to end up that way.

“No thanks. I don’t smoke dope anymore, either. I guess I’ve changed a lot since you last saw me.”

Kurt glanced at me as if he was seeing me for the first time. “You sure have changed. What’s gotten into you? You haven’t gone straight for the love of a good woman, have you? My missus knows I smoke pot but when I’m out with the boys it’s my time and she lets me do it. Just not at home. Anyway, I’d do it with or without her consent.”

“I stopped a while ago when I saw what it was doing to my life. It was governing my social life so much so that I couldn’t go anywhere without lighting up a joint. I was continuously on edge from the constant media attention. The dope used to relax me. It took me a long time to appreciate that you don’t need to be high to enjoy life. A special lady taught me not so long ago that every moment is precious and we shouldn’t take life for granted. We have to believe in ourselves first and then we can achieve what we want in life.” My focus drifted. I still craved her. She was my drug. I was still having withdrawal symptoms. I’d do anything to turn back the clock and have even one more day. One hour. One kiss.

“So where is this special lady now? She really has had an effect on you. I’ve never seen you this way before.” Kurt’s eyebrows knit as he watched me search for the right words.

“She’s in heaven, looking down on us as we speak. We met while I was on location filming the pirate movie. We fell in love. A love like I’ve never known before, I mean it was so intense that sometimes I couldn’t breathe. I’ve never had that before. She was on my mind constantly and still is. We both knew we were soul mates and destined to be together forever. I knew it as soon as I looked into her beautiful eyes that she was the one. I’ve heard people talking about making eye contact across a crowded room with someone and knowing. Well, I knew. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like you’ve met that person before and they seem familiar. It goes way beyond lust or physical attraction. I don’t think I’ll ever find what we had again. It broke my heart when she died.”

The car seemed to slow as Kurt weighed my words. “I’m sorry. She must have been one special woman to have had such a weighty effect on you. How did she die?” Kurt sounded genuinely moved by the story.

“Her plane crashed on the way to New York. You know the one that was on all the news broadcasts? She was on her way back to Australia to organize her affairs before moving over here to spend more time with me.”

“Are you going to be okay? I mean, are you sure you’re ready to go out tonight?”

“To be quite honest with you, when you first asked me, I was close to saying no but I knew how much it meant to you to go out again, just like old times. The closer tonight came though, the more I started to think it might be a good idea. I’ve been cooped up inside for so long, it’ll do me good to get out. Let’s just concentrate on having a good time.”