Lost and Found (56 page)

"That's it! An overabundance of love! Before we met? I
felt so lost, but somehow we found each other and even
though things started out a little bumpy, I'd do it all over
again, so that I could be here, in this moment, right now! I remember asking Claudia why everything
happened to me the way it did and she told me that she
didn't know, but that there had to be a reason and this...
Right here, right now, is why we had to go through what
we did to get RIGHT HERE. I love you, Cash!" He pulls me
closer and kisses me ever so sweetly.

"I love you too, Liv. Thank you for everything! Thank you for taking the job that I knew you didn't want to take, and for kicking my butt when I was lost in my own grief.
For loving my children when you didn't have to. For
giving me two more beautiful children that I didn't realize
my life wouldn't be complete without. Let's go to sleep, okay Honey? Sweet dreams baby, from now on. Only
sweet dreams. No more nightmares for us, my Angel."

I cuddle up closer to him, absorbing his warmth and I
close my eyes, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I will dream
of Derek and the kids and Vanessa as well, to thank them
for helping us find our way to each other. I knew in my heart
of hearts that somehow the five of them had a plan for us
all along that involved us finding each other, because we
were so lost in the world and alone in our grief.

Lost and found. That's exactly what we were; lost in a
world of loneliness and despair, until we found each other.
We will never be lost again.

THE END

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First and foremost I want to thank God for answering my prayers in getting my creative juices flowing so that I could finally follow through with my life long goal of writing my first book.

I owe a million thanks to my husband Ronnie and our three kids; Wyatt, Tristan and McKinlee; for having the patience to leave me alone while I wrote my book. I hope by now you all believe that the dream that I had that led to me writing this book was only inspiration and not something that I want to happen. I love every one of you more than you’ll ever know.

I want to thank my oldest and dearest friend; Rainy Lewis Garner; who helped keep me sane throughout the whole process of writing this book and was patient with me when she didn’t agree with where I was going with my characters but always ended up agreeing with me on where I went with their story. I can’t forget to thank Robin Starr, my little sister Amanda Johnston, and Angela Gleese as well for listening to me talk about nothing but my book for weeks. The three of you, along with Rainy were my biggest cheerleaders from the very beginning

A very big thank you goes out to Dylan Buster for fixing my laptop in the midst of my crisis in thinking that I would never be able to publish this book.

I have so many friends and family that I want to thank but you all know who you are without me having to individually name all of you because I truly have the best friends and family in the world! I have to thank my parents; Robert and Karen Bryan, along with Diana Johnston because the three of you have helped shape and mold me into who I am today and for this I thank you and love you all.

Other Titles by the Author

FOUND BY LOVE

Prologue

2003

The doctor has just left the room and informed me that I wasn't any closer to delivering the baby from when I first got here almost 24 hours ago.  He doesn't understand why I won't allow him to move things along or let him give me anything for pain. I asked him if the baby was okay and he said that he was so as long as he’s fine then he will stay put until he is ready to come out. This is an excruciating pain that I never want to forget and the kind of pain that I want to remember for the rest of my life so that I will learn from this hard, hard lesson.

"Claudia? Why won't you let the doctor help you? I can't handle seeing you in so much pain and for what? What are you trying to prove?" My best friend has held my hand throughout this whole pregnancy and has helped me keep it a secret from everyone. She has been pleading with me to let the doctors give me something to ease the pain for hours. I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head for the hundredth time.

"Vanessa, you can leave anytime you feel like it. I've already told you why I am doing what I'm doing, so if you can't handle it? Well... The door is right over there." I waved my hand towards the door and I see my brother Derek standing there with a hesitant grin on his face.

"Derek? What are you doing here? I told you I didn't want you here for this." The thought of him dropping everything for me has me crying and I hate crying, especially in front of people. He rushes over to me and wraps me in his arms and I finally fall apart.

"I told you that I've been trying to make sure that I had jobs on the west coast for when you got closer to deliver so that I could be here for you since you refused to tell Olivia about... Well-” He waved his hand at me and the monitors that were hooked up to me.  “About this... When you called me yesterday I had assumed that you had already had the baby by now but it looks like my nephew is as stubborn as his cousin Jordan. Do you need me to do anything for you?" I know that he meant well but his words hurt me worse than he could ever imagine.

"Other than not calling the baby your nephew, no, I haven't changed my mind Derek.  I'm still putting him up for adoption." He took his baseball cap off and slapped himself on the leg with it and proceeded to run his fingers through his hair. I got ready for whatever he planned to say to try to change my mind.

"I can't talk you into letting Olivia and I raise him as our own? Or how about you keep him and move back home and finish college there and we help you while you're going to school? You know we will." I vehemently shook my head at him and pleaded with him with my eyes to drop it

"Derek, Olivia just found out that she is pregnant again so you already have a houseful.  No! I'm not changing my mind. If it'll make you feel better, I'll let you meet the adoptive parents when they come in tonight from California. I promise you, I’m not handing him over to devil worshippers or crazy people. They've tried for years to have a baby and they found out years ago that they're infertile so he will be their first and maybe only baby. Please trust me in this because I'm doing the right thing for my s.... this baby." I almost said son and he knew it but thank God he didn't try to guilt trip me like he has been.

"Alright Claud... I'm sorry... I just figured I'd give it another shot. Don't feel like I'm disappointed in ya or anything. I just wanted you to know that I love you and that I'm here for ya in case you changed your mind."

Wow! I can't remember him ever telling me that he loved me because it's a word that my family doesn't know how to say out loud. His declaration has me crying again and I’m sure it has to do with my stupid hormones and labor pains that seem to be getting worse.

I look over at Vanessa and forgot that she was in the room because of Derek's grand entrance and she has an uncomfortable look on her face and keeps looking at Derek and then to me which makes me realize that I haven't introduced them to each other.

"I'm kind of busy here... You guys can introduce yourselves... Geez..." Vanessa stood up and grinned and offered her hand to Derek that he reached over for and shook.

"Hi Derek... I'm Vanessa Hernandez. I guess you could say I'm Claud's best friend out here because I know that your wife Olivia is her oldest and dearest friend from back home." Vanessa is so genuinely sweet and gorgeous to boot and I couldn't help but notice how my brother blushed every time he looked into her big brown beautiful eyes.

"Hello Vanessa... It's very nice to meet you, too. I've heard so many good things about you and funny stories from time to time that include your fiancé. Cash isn’t it? I'd like to meet him one day... I hear he gives my little sister here a hard time like I do haha." Every time Derek and I talk on the phone he always asks me what kind of hell I'm giving Cash because he loves to hear about it and gets a good laugh out of how bad I terrorize him.

"Yes he does... They tend to have a love hate relationship half the time. Sometimes they make me feel like the referee when we all go somewhere."

"Oh I bet! Did he really run around the school naked as a jay bird from losing a bet to Claud?" I think Derek has told everyone that story from here to Florida because he always brings it up and laughs harder every time he tells the story.

"Yes he did and he's still mad at her but it was hilarious and annoying at the same time. He has so many girls following him everywhere that he's contemplating on if he should file protective orders against them. He gets so mad at me when he tries to get me to shoo them off for him but I refuse.  One of these days he's going to have to learn to not make bets with her because he's going to lose every time." I smiled through a contraction knowing that Cash will never quit trying to beat me at my own game.

"I learned that when I was about 10! I couldn’t tell ya how many times she won my lunch money from me, haha." Okay, enough of this. I'm the one in labor here. Geez!

"I'm really glad that you two are hitting it off and everything but could I get some more ice chips? Vanessa? Do you mind getting them for me? I need to talk to my brother for couple of minutes if you don't mind."

"Oh I'm sorry... Sure... That's not a problem at all. I'll be back in a few." She looked over at Derek and asked if he wanted anything but he shook his head no and then pulled a seat up to get closer to me.

"Thank you." I waited until she shut the door before I started in on my brother. I can tell that he knows what I'm going to ask by the look on his face so he beat me at the punch and started talking.

"I haven't said a word to anybody Sis.  Not Olivia... Not Mom and Dad… Nobody! I understand why you don't want Mom and Dad to know but why not Olivia? You two have been best friends, since you two were fourteen and she's not gonna judge you, because she loves you, as much as I do and you know it."

"I'm not worried about her judging me because I know she'd never do that but I know and you know that if there's anyone that could talk me into keeping this baby it would be her!"

"So what's wrong with that? You know how loving and caring she is. I meant it when I said we would raise him as our own.  Doesn't it make you sad that a piece of us is going to be out in the world somewhere, with our blood in his veins? He's not even going to know us and I might see him somewhere when I travel and not even know that he's my nephew. It's something that I'm always going to think about and if I'm going to be constantly thinking about it then how can you not? You're his mother!"

"Derek! You don't get it! I'm not changing my mind and that's why I don't want Olivia to know. She'd say way more than what you're saying to me which would make me feel guilty about what I'm doing. I want to finish graduate school and pass my bar exam and I have to do what's best for the baby. I don't want him growing up to be raised by his aunt and uncle, who he thinks are his parents, and years later find out that his aunt Claudia is his mother. That's just crazy! I picked the perfect parents for him and they've tried for years to get pregnant and my heart went out to them. I can already tell that they love this baby just as much as I do." Why? Oh WHY does he not get that I'm only doing what's right for this baby?

"You love the baby? If you love it then why are you getting rid of it?"

"Are you kidding me right now? Of course I love this baby! I'm not GETTING RID of him! I'm GIVING him to a mother and a father, who will love him, as much as I do. I'm doing what's best for him Derek! Why should he have to suffer for my mistakes and be raised by a single mother, that works full time, and goes to college full time, when he can have both? A mother AND a father!" I was screaming at him and I knew that if I didn't watch it my blood pressure was going to get out of control. Not to mention the nurses will probably come check on me if I don't calm down.

"Calm down Sis... I'm not trying to upset you... I'm just trying to make you realize that you don't have to do this alone. Where's the father of the baby at anyway? Does he even know that you're putting his son up for adoption?"

"No he doesn't, because he assumed I got rid of it, and he doesn't matter anyway, because he moved away, after he threw money at me, to get it taken care of. The only thing he did, other than the obvious, is teach me a hard lesson, of never falling in love again. I will NEVER drop my guard again and let some man do to me what he did!!"

He cleared his throat and grabbed my hand and started patting my hand like I were a child that he had to try to calm down.

"Sis, not all men are like that asshole. You will meet a great man one day that you can start a family with."