Lost and Found (11 page)

Ursula sipped her wine as she told us about Michael. “You wouldn’t
believe
how fantastic he is. He wants me to go home with him next weekend for some party his family is having.” She picked up a cracker. “I’m going to meet his parents and his sister.”

“You’re glowing,” Emily said with a flat voice.

“Don’t be jealous. She’s happy, and Michael seems like a decent guy, so we’re happy for her. Aren’t we?” I said as I handed her the plate of brie and apples.

“Whatever,” Emily said. “She gets the man of her dreams to fall in love with her in three weeks. She looks like a goddess. I’m allowed to be jea
lous.”

“How’s that different from you?” I asked Em
ily.

“How’s that different from
you
?” Emily asked me.

“It’s not. I’m a goddess, the kind who doesn’t need a man,” I said with a laugh.

“There’s some self-confidence I’ve never seen on you. It looks good,” Emily said, sitting back with a smile.

“Uh, I wasn’t serious,” I said.

“I know, but you should be,” Emily said, and Ursula nodded. “Anyway, how are you doing with Cliff? Can we have the three month postmortem?”

“It’s fine. We’re fine. We still talk on the phone, even. It’s really fine,” I said.

“
You talk on the phone
? What?” Emily asked. She put both hands palm down on the table and glared at me. “He has the nerve to call you after what he did?”

“We’re friends,” I said. “It’s fine! It’s good!”

“That man made you fall in love with him, took you away from us, and then left you. There is nothing good about Cliff. Cliff is a danger to society,” Emily said as she thrust a finger toward me. “I don’t want you to talk to him.”

I sighed. “Listen, he’s harmless. He lives two thousand miles away from me. He has a new gir
lfriend, and he calls to complain about said girlfriend. He has absolutely, positively no romantic interest in me. We were friends before we were together, and we’re still friends.”

“He cheated on you! He made you drop out of college and then he cheated on you! He destroyed your self-esteem!” Emily said.

“He didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do,” I said. “I’m pretty sure I have free will.”

“You were vulnerable because of your horrible mom,” Emily said. “He knew that.”

Ursula piped in. “He knew you wouldn’t say no to him.”

I shoved an apple slice in my mouth and chewed, wai
ting for my anger at my friends to settle. “I wish,” I said in a whisper, “I wish you would trust my decisions.”

“Oh? Are you going to apply for a special collections job so you can work with the Jenny Edmonton colle
ction?” Emily asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t have any experience. I’d never get the job, so why bot
her,” I said.

“See? This is why we don’t trust you. You give up b
efore you even try,” Emily said.

Ursula said, “Laney is right. We need to let her make her own mi
stakes.”

“Ursula,” Emily said with an edge to her voice. “I know you’ve found True Love Forever, or wha
tever, but don’t go all soft on us. Laney needs some backbone. She needs to be daring.”

“I have a backbone,” I said.

“No, you don’t. You’re practically gelatinous,” Emily said. She turned to Ursula. “And you. You’re in love with a guy you barely know. More importantly,
we
barely know him. He could be an axe murderer. He could be a serial killer.”

“He could be a Republican,” I said.

“He could be Cliff,” Emily said.

“Hey,” I said. “Oliver said Michael’s a great guy. I don’t think U
rsula has anything to worry about.”

“Oh,
Oliver.
Jackass. Like I trust that guy,” Emily said.

“Oliver is a little bit brusque, but he’s trustworthy,” I said, thinking back to this morning when I’d woken up on his sofa with him sleeping on my legs. He’d stirred a few minutes later, and then gotten up. While I walked Jenny, he made us scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. Over breakfast, he read over a me
dical journal as I chewed silently, wondering if everything was going to be weird from now on. I left without even saying goodbye, and he didn’t look up once from his reading. 

“He really is a good guy,” Ursula said. “And Oliver’s known M
ichael since med school. Eight years. I would have heard the horrible stuff if there was horrible stuff to hear.”

“I want the chance to size up and humiliate Michael myself,” Emily said. “I don’t believe Jackass.”

“Fair enough,” Ursula said, and we sat around and made plans for when to grill Michael.

When I woke up and saw Delaney looking at me with a smile, her eyes half lidded and full of sleep, stretched out on the sofa, I felt incredibly guilty.

After Delaney left, I called. “Mia?”

“Oliver?”

“I need to talk to you,” I said a little too desperately. “Please.”

“What do you want me to do? Drive two hours to meet you so you can…what?”

“I’ll come to you,” I said. “This is important.” I brushed my teeth, changed, and left.

We met Michael at the Saturn later that evening. “So, Michael,” Emily said, “
tell me about your arrest record.”

Michael choked on his drink and started coughing, and Ursula put a soothing hand on his back. “I don’t have one,” he said.

“Drug use? Alcohol abuse?” Emily raised her eyebrows and waited. When Michael reassured her he was as straight edge as they came, Emily said, “Okay, now for the real questions.”

“Those weren’t the real questions?” Michael asked with panic in his eyes.

“Sexual partners, history, positions,” Emily said.

“Okay! I’m going to go get another drink!” I held up my empty tumbler.  “Anyone else want som
ething from the bar?”

Oliver slid into the booth right then, looking exhaus
ted.  “You’re so innocent it’s sweet.”

“Where’ve you been?” Michael said. Oliver said, “Around.”

“So, are we grilling Delaney about her relationships?” Oliver said.

I looked down at my hands. Emily turned the heat off Michael to glare at Oliver.
“You.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “Me? What did I do?”

“No picking on Delaney. Ever,” Emily said.

“Too late,” Oliver said and I said, “
It’s okay.”

Emily narrowed her eyes at Oliver. “I know you. I know how men like you work. You’re a predator.”

I patted Oliver on the back and said, “Oliver doesn’t think of me that way, so I think I’m safe. I’m going to go to the bar now.”

While I waited for the bartender to notice me, I felt a warm hand squeeze my shoulder. I craned my neck up to see an annoyed Oliver. “What is Emily’s problem?” He shouldered past me and leaned on the bar. I couldn’t stop watching the muscles in his back stretching under his white shirt. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his forearms pressed against the top of the bar. My eyes fluttered closed for a second.

I opened them, gave myself a silent pep talk, and said, “She thinks you’re going to seduce me.”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Why would she think that?”

I raised my hands in defense. “It wasn’t me! I just—I was with a guy for a while who didn’t treat me very well, in Emily’s opinion, and she thinks men like that gravitate toward me.”

“Cliff?”

“Cliff.”

“And you told her I wasn’t attracted to you?” Oliver said.

I felt my cheeks burn as I nodded. “Of course. Many, many times.”

He stared off past me. “I mean, what is her pro
blem?” I shook my head, but he wasn’t even looking at me. “If I were a woman, she’d probably be high-fiving me and telling me how amazing I am for being sexually liberated. But because I’m a man and not in a committed relationship, I’m a fucking predator? That is bullshit.”

A bartender finally approached and I ordered as Oliver slipped away to the restroom, his jaw still working. His spot was replaced quickly by Emily. “I want you to stay far, far away from your neig
hbor,” she said, glaring at the bathroom door.

“He’s a nice guy,” I said.

“Tell me why you’re friends. You have a lot in common? He’s generous and kind? Has he stopped constantly insulting you?” She put her hands on her hips.

“He’s…” I said.

“He’s up to something. Guys like that are not nice to women like you for no reason.”

“Ouch.”

Ursula came up, too, and said, “Wow, Emily, bitch much?”

“I was just trying to make sure Michael was a good guy,” Emily said.

“And you’re being cruel to Delaney because...?” Ursula asked.

“I didn’t mean to imply that Delaney isn’t great. She’s great.” Emily turned to me and put a hand over mine. “You’re great. You’re beautiful and smart and kind and you can have anyone you want. But you’re obviously not Oliver’s one-night-stand type and yet he keeps looking at you like you’re a ha
mbone and he’s a starving cartoon cat.  And you shouldn’t want Oliver just because he wants you.”

“He doesn’t want me!”

“Give that line a rest.
Please,
” Emily said, rolling her eyes. I pouted. “But Oliver just reminds me so much of Cliff. And I blame myself for not telling you how much I hated Cliff. I don’t think you should regret your time with him, because you seem so much stronger now, but—”

“You’re stronger
now
? What was she before?” Oliver asked, gently parting Emily to the side so he could stand next to me, putting an arm around my shoulder.

“A puddle of goo,” Emily said, and Ursula nodded.  “We just want you to be happy,” Emily said.

“I am happy. I was even happy with Cliff,” I said. Oliver’s grip on me tightened and I snuck a look at him. The muscle in his jaw was twitching again.

“But then you weren’t. And if I had told you my su
spicions, well, maybe nothing would have changed, but I wouldn’t be standing here wondering if it would have turned out differently,” Emily said.

“I’m lost,” Oliver said, and Emily said, “Good. Stay lost.” He stared at her for a minute and then shook his head, patted my shoulder, and walked back to the booth while muttering curses at Em
ily.

“I’m serious. Stay away from Oliver,” Emily said. Ursula said, “He’s a really great person, but his
relationships are pretty one-dimensional. That’s how it’s always seemed, anyway. I think if you dated him, he’d get the wrong idea.”

“He doesn’t have any ideas about me,” I said. “And how did this evening turn out to be about Ol
iver? We need to go back to Michael.”

“Yeah,” Emily said with a smile. “Yeah,” Ursula said with a sigh.

“And don’t worry. Oliver and I will only be friends.”

“Never say never,”
Emily said, and I said, “I didn’t,” and Emily said, “Smartass.”

“And I know you don’t believe me, but Oliver is not like Cliff.”

“He’s really not,” Ursula said. “But you still shouldn’t date him.”

Emily sniffed. “He’s egotistical and knows he’s good-looking and intelligent like Cliff.”

“But unlike Cliff,” Ursula said, “Oliver doesn’t use people. And you didn’t see it because you were too busy scaring the life out of my boyfriend, but Oliver was watching Delaney. He cares about her.”

Emily sighed. “He did call her sweet.”

“Exactly,” Ursula said. “He really likes her. I’ll be more worried about what’s going to happen when he realizes just how much.”

Ursula gave me a weak smile, but I
was too stunned to smile back.

Delaney sat back down in the booth across from me and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

“Where’d you go this afternoon?” Michael said.

“Chicago.”

“And you’re back already? You must be exhaus
ted.”

“I couldn’t miss this party,” I said.

“Who was in Chicago?” Delaney said, all eyes as she looked at me.

“His whole family is,” Michael said to Delaney. “Well, his brot
her.”

“
Whose wedding he’s not going to, for some reason,” Ursula said pointedly. “I sent in my RSVP card a month ago.” I sipped my beer, avoiding everyone’s stares, thinking of how Mia looked when I’d seen her earlier today. I’d gotten a glimpse of her before she noticed me, and I stood there watching her. Her blonde hair fell around her, different colored strands of yellow going down her back like an exploded paintbrush. Her lips appeared baby soft and smooth, and she had a tiny ski slope of a nose. She was perfect.

I sat down across from her in the coffee shop, pulling off my hat and combing my fingers through my hair, ho
ping it wasn’t sticking up everywhere. “Hi.”

“Oliver, hi.”
Her forehead wrinkled adorably, and then she smiled at me, and I knew I hadn’t imagined any of my feelings for her.

“You look great. Beautiful,” I said, and she looked away uncomfortably, and then turned back, focu
sing on a spot somewhere behind me. “Thanks,” she said.

“I’m not here to make you feel weird. I promise. I just…I wanted to see if I was making up ever
ything that happened between us.”

She leaned forward. “Nothing happened.”

“Then how come I feel like this?”

Her eyes fell to the table. “I’m sorry. This was a bad idea.”

“There’s also this girl. This woman.” Her eyes met mine for the first time, and she said, “Go on.”

“She’s not—”

“She’s not?”

“She’s not a lot of things, but she’s even more things. And I have feelings for her, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get i
nvolved with her. She just got out of a terrible relationship, she’s a mess, and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Then don’t make it worse.”

“I’m trying. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to see you, to prove to myself that there was nothing going on with Delaney, that it was all in my head, because the way I feel about you is crazy.”

“I don’t want you to feel crazy about me.”

“I know you don’t. And I’m trying. I’m not going to the wedding. Brad isn’t even talking to me, and my mother calls me five times a week, which is five more than I can handle, but I’m not going. I’m trying.”

“I’m sorry. About Brad and your mom, I mean,” she said miser
ably.

“I know.” I reached out my hand to caress her fingers, but she slipped them away. “Tell me about this woman.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what I’d say. She’s not you.”

“This is impossible. You know that.
Me and you is impossible. I can’t even look at you without feeling guilty about it. I’ve been with Brad for eight years. He’s the love of my life, and I can’t change the way I feel about him, even if I also feel….things for you.”

“I’m sorry you feel things for me. I wish this was a one-sided crush. It would be easier.”

She frowned. “No it wouldn’t. At least now I know what you’re going through.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Maybe you should give this woman a chance. She could be a trial run girlfriend. Nothing serious.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel serious about anyone but you,” I said, and Mia’s gaze fell away again, b
ecause of course she couldn’t say the same.

Back in the booth at the bar, I tipped back my beer and then said to Ursula, “Trust me, it’s better for ever
yone that I don’t go to that wedding.” I stared at Delaney, thinking about what Mia had proposed. Maybe I just needed someone real to get my feelings for Mia to go away, someone I knew.

Delaney shifted in her seat. “What? What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.”

“You looked lost in your thoughts.”

“Nope,” I said. “I’m right here.”