Lost Angel (The List #1) (11 page)

I’m struggling to break my eyes away from his
first. He hasn’t so much as spoken to me, let alone touched me, but he damn
near knocks me off my seductive strut—not to mention the heat radiating from my
nether regions. Talk about
nipplefest
! They are definitely keen to
introduce themselves even if I’m hesitant—I could always blame the air-con.

A corner of his lips curls up slightly and
twitches into what looked like a smile, but it’s gone again. Can he read me?
Does this mysterious stranger know the intimate effect he’s having on me?

Just before I move past them, he is now up
close and I’m practically in his face but he doesn’t falter… God he’s going to
think I’m some sort of deranged personal-space-invader
. Stop staring Beth. Smile,
just fucking smile.

I somehow manage to fuck that up too. I attempt
an alluring smile that oozes sexy confidence but I’m rusty to say the least, so
it definitely comes across as shy, star-struck and probably a little bit weird.
I may as well tug on his elbow, look up into his dreamy eyes, swooning and say
“Hi,
I exist—”

Wills tells me she’s going to go and grab a
shower. As I finally pass behind him, I’m half expecting—willing—him to turn
with me as though we’re actually physically connected but he doesn’t.
Dammit
.
One-sided it is.

After captivating my eyesight, he relentlessly moves
on to attack another sense. My movement steals two lungs full of his
wonderfully fresh, sunshiny days, clean yet oh so manly scent. Like an addict, I
instantly imagine turning around and shoving two fistfuls of his top into my
face so I can embed it permanently into my nostrils, to call on for all future
masturbation.

Fuck me, what has gotten into me? Being
undersexed whilst being with somebody was just about manageable. However, being
undersexed whilst single, is a whole new ballgame. It’s like my body is clawing
back control and telling me that not only should I embrace it but it’s now
within my power to find somebody who wants to explore and satisfy this burning need
inside me too. That responsibility usually falls into my own hands… Quite literally!

We make it to the open office but my seat faces
away from Wills. I rush the process a little, keen to get back out and maybe actually
meet this guy. Less than ten minutes later, I punch in the ladies changing room
code into my phone for safekeeping and we re-emerge. Wills must’ve hit the
shower by now so I have a coffee in the café and wait. I take the time to
absorb the atmosphere planning my ideal gym sessions here… And yeah, of course
I discreetly search for my mysterious gladiator, unfortunately to no avail. But
he works in here and I’ll be working out in here so…
2:34pm

On the drive home I try and leave broaching the subject with Wills long enough so
it’s not too obvious but cave after five minutes. “So—what’s with the muscle
man I saw you talking too?” Who am I kidding? As if my best friend can’t read
me like a book.
“Ah-ha, you mean Jaxson. Yeah, he is something else isn’t he?”

Jaxson, Jaxson. I’m dying to know if she’s been
with him but I can’t tell from her answer so I probe for more. “Have you known
him very long?” I try to casually concentrate on my driving.

“Coming up to two years. Well that’s the answer to the question you
asked
…
And the answer to the question you
want
to ask is; No Beth, I have never
fucked him, I’ve not so much as kissed him.” She observes my reaction, which
confirms her assumption so she goes on to elaborate and I’m eager to learn
anything she has to say about him. “Look, Jax is a firmly closed book. He’s
emotionally padlocked. He’s part of the group I knock around with on a regular
but he has this flawless public façade, concealing something, something deep. Don’t
get me wrong, he’s a good guy with a good heart, he just doesn’t like showing
it much.” Oh, not what I expected to hear. “Don’t be blinded by the
eyegasms
,
B!”
I laugh out loud and shake my head at myself for even attempting to beat around
the bush with her. “Eyegasms? Is that what happened to me?” Not that I’m
complaining. “So why haven’t you gone there Wills, he is just so… so—”
Speechless.
“
Fuckable?
Is that the word you’re looking for? Well yeah, he must be.
He’s single and never leaves a night out without his dick on a promise! But
nah, we’ve never clicked like that. Jax is a cool friend. That’s the way it
works sometimes. And Beth, don’t think I was oblivious to the way you two
looked at each other either. You pair practically eyefucked whilst Shona and I watched.
It was a good job I was already heading to the shower, I had to—”

“Shut. Up… Look—let’s just say that if we’d put
‘eyefucking’ on my lovely list, I’d be happily strike that one off it right now
because what happened in there was completely involuntarily yet monumentally
executed. I think I’m still reeling.” My tummy flips suddenly at the
recollection of his eyes all over my body.

“Beth, he manages the place, so that
complicates things a bit.”

“He is the manager of 24/7?! Are you kidding
me? Why wasn’t he wearing a suit or something? He just looked like another
personal trainer to me.”

“He
was
a personal trainer when I
joined, but it was really quiet until he took over as manager. I’m sure the
members have tripled since then. He’s a hands on kinda manager. I told you,
he’s cool. Sometimes he even runs a class or holds an induction or does injury
treatments...”

“Sounds like a nice boss.” Definitely somebody
I could see myself working beneath.
In another lifetime Bethany!

“The staff respect him with his firm but fair
approach. The members either wanna be him or be with him. One things for sure,
Jax runs a tight ship though, he takes no shit.”

“No wonder he is single. Working all hours plus
all the working out of his own he must do to keep that body of his in shape—” I
realise I’m speaking my thoughts and Wills has a very curious glint in her eye.

“H-hold on a minute Beth. I knew you’d
appreciate his temple of a body – who wouldn’t – but I didn’t think he’d be
your type. Mean, mysterious and muscly—”

“Me neither” I flash her a mischievous smile. “But
I won’t say no to the occasional eyegasm whilst I’m working out. Won’t do
anybody any harm.” We high five but I see a glimpse of concern behind her
smile. I know she thinks he’s too much for me to handle and she’s probably
right. Like I said though, there’s no harm in looking.

“Anyway, enough gym talk. Let’s go and get your
pale ass sprayed for tomorrow night. Which reminds me, whilst I was working out
I sort of invited a few friends to the club tomorrow night—including Jax, oh
and Shona. I didn’t think you’d mind—”
“Of course not the more the merrier. I’m so looking forward to it!” I barely manage
to contain my excitement at the prospect of Jaxson being there. I’m certainly up
for bagging a few more
eyegasms
,
nosegasms
and whatever other
‘gasms he’s capable of giving me in public, even if he is the big time player
Wills suggests.

I drive us over to Bella’s for my 3pm
appointment. Marcella isn’t working, which is a shame but the beautician,
Carmen, that did my spray was really lovely. I’d forgotten how much I love the
sun-kissed look. It must trick my body into feeling like it’s been on the beach
because I feel revitalised.

Carmen also touched up my nails as a freebie
because she’d noticed a couple had started to chip. Now that’s customer service
that’ll secure repeat custom, they don’t even do nails as a service, it was her
own stuff, bless her.

4:16pm

Shortly after arriving home Willow knocks on my
bedroom door then enters in silence, closes the door and sticks an A4 printout
to the back of it. She strokes her hand over the paper, nods at it, turns to me
and says with a straight face, “Good luck Bethany” and walks out shutting the
door behind her. This girl’s one of a kind crazy. I stroll over to the door and
read the title on the paper; ‘Fuck It List’ in bold underlined letters.

I cannot believe she has actually typed this
thing up. I feel nervous when I look at it but it’s an excited nervous.

Fuck It List

1. Blowjob

2. Handjob

3. Cunnilingus

4. Sex in a workplace

5. Sex in a car

6. Sex in the shower

7. Multiple orgasm

8. Get a tattoo

9. Get a piercing

10. Sex on the beach

11. Phone sex

12. Cybersex / Sexting

13. Tantric sex

14. Get stoned

15. Use food / ice
sexually

16. 69

17. Kiss a girl

18. Tie somebody up

19. Be tied up

20. Watch a porno alone

21. Watch a porno with
a partner

22. Do a lap dance

23. Do a strip tease

24. Sexual role-play

25. Make a sex tape

26. Sex outdoors

27. Go to strip show /
live sex show

28. Be spanked

29. Hit somebody

30. Kinky sex

I later find out that she’d typed most of it
into her phone whilst I was having my spray done, then printed it off direct
from her phone when we returned. Wills also sent it to my phone so I anally copied
it into my ‘Lists’ app. Nothing wrong with being thoroughly prepared. I want
this list at my fingertips.

Friday 20
^th
March 2015

10:06pm

T
onight could not have come quick enough. I’ve
worked hard all day to make sure that I don’t have to work much this weekend.
Even my period arriving isn’t going to bring me down; I don’t feel too bloated
and thankfully my periods are always light, lasting just a few days. Wills on
the other hand, always suffers with bad cramping and heavy periods. So I’m
grateful.

Out of my wardrobe I’ve carefully selected a beautiful
V-neck peach top that still had the tags on. I’d bought it earlier this year
but Mike wrinkled his nose at it and said it showed too much flesh. If that’s
true, it gives me all the more reason to christen it tonight because I want to
dress to impress. It’s basically two pieces of V-shaped fabric that are only
connected on top of the shoulders and a few stitches on either side of my ribs.
The neckline is a deep V and it’s symmetrical at the back but still leaves
enough to the imagination. The top comes to a point that just covers my
bellybutton leaving my hips and some of my sides exposed. The fabric feels
gorgeous and drops elegantly, moving with ease. I’ve coupled this with a belted
beige suede mini. It lands way above my knee and compliments the pièce de
résistance of my outfit; my knee high brown tan
gladiator
sandals. I
have accessorised with large metal cuffed bracelets and a similar one around my
upper arm. Paying silent homage to yesterday’s close encounter. Nice touch!

Once dressed, I stand in the bedroom mirror to
give myself a final once-over. I look and feel sassy. Nobody would guess that
I’m on my period and wearing comfortable granny knickers under this skirt. I
spot my wedding ring, or ‘noose’ around my finger as Wills kindly referred to
it.

A couple of girls from the gym showed up at
Wills for a drink and a chat beforehand. It’s great to meet new people and
these pair are super easy-going and hilarious.

The girls all said I look lovely, which is a
good job because they look fantastic, obviously used to getting dressed up and
going clubbing. I’m still pretty clueless. My hair is untouched so I ask their
advice and Emma, the buxom blonde receptionist from 24/7 takes charge, braiding
my hair into a perfect thick high bun, leaving lots of long wisps cascading
down either side of my face. I love it and it leaves my neck exposed,
accentuating the V that drops low between my shoulder blades but my invisible
bra strap does its job nicely.

Just before the taxi is due I refill our shot
glasses and stand to make a toast. “To Willow, my amazing best friend. Wills
you have given me so much love and support. My ‘next chapter’ would be nothing
without you. And as promised—” I slide my wedding ring off and place it in the
middle of the coffee table. At which point Willow is now standing with the side
of her face across my bare back, cuddling me from behind “Here’s to a great
night as single ladies.”

When the taxi arrives we trot our tipsy asses to
the car.

That’s it now, I’ll never wear that wedding
ring again. It was intended for eternity—

11:28pm

Wills chosen club is called Tricks and it’s in
prime position at the heart of the nightlife action. There’s a huge queue but once
inside I’m dragged straight to the main room, which is hot and heaving. Playing
dance and house anthems with an amazing intelligent lighting system. There’s
multi-coloured beams of light shooting around the room, strobe lighting and
even multiple beams projecting images of dancers on screens, dancing to the
beat of the tracks. It’s so effective.

After I’ve tried to take it all in, I realise there
must be speakers nearby because it’s so loud. There’s no point shouting to
Wills so I opt for body gestures instead. She goes with the girls to the bar
and I head off for a look around and to find the toilets. There’s random people
getting it on against the walls in the corridors and basically anywhere they
can.

I ignore the sign for the toilets and head up
the staircase to the next floor which isn’t as busy. There’s four club rooms in
total, two up two down, all playing different genres of music, ranging from
alternative indie to dubstep. This place almost has something for everyone. I
step into the smaller of the two rooms with lots of discreet nooks and alcoves,
which leads me to believing there’s probably people getting up to all sorts in the
dark corners. Everybody seems friendly enough though. One guy randomly grabs my
hand and twirls me under his arm as he walks past me in the corridor. He
doesn’t even say anything, he just smiles and keep on walking. I like this
place.

Finally I venture to the toilet, which is thankfully
clean because they have toilet attendants, who also randomly sell lollipops so
I buy a couple and pop them in my handbag for later. When I make it back to the
girls, they’ve met up with the crowd from the gym so as I grab my bottle from
her I quickly glance around but can’t see my gladiator. Grrrr… I hide my
disappointment behind my drink.

Nevermind, I’m here to have a great time with
Wills anyway, not to lust after some mind numbingly gorgeous Adonis with a body
to die for who, incidentally, is
way
out of my league but dishes out
eyegasms on tap. I mean, I like a challenge but going after him would be
punching way above my weight, especially for a rookie like me! Guess that means
another eyegasm is off the agenda tonight too.

A couple of hours later and we still haven’t
moved off the dance floor. The music and company are equally great. The boys
casually flit between dancing with the girls and hovering on the edge of the
floor probably more interested in scouting out the talent in the club. The
majority of us are single and some happily gyrate, flirt and kiss random
strangers quite casually. I’ve clocked a few kissing each other within the
group and nobody bats an eyelid as though it’s standard practice. 

We’re having a brilliant night. The girls are taking
it in turns to fetch our rounds of drinks so that we never lose our spot at the
front of the floor by the DJ on stage. The lads sort their own drinks and
shower us with shots too.

I’m dancing with the girls and a few of the
lads in as good a circle as we can manage on this busy floor. We have just
finished our third dance off, which was childishly epic. I idly admit that I
wouldn’t have had the ability to lose my inhibitions and get involved in
something like this before now. I would have wanted to, but stopped myself for
fear of making myself look stupid or worse; embarrassing Mike. Not now though.
New friends, new beginnings, new lease of life.

I somehow feel like I’ve known these guys for
ages. It’s remarkable how well you can get on with new people when you’ve
barely had a conversation with some of them. Laughing, dancing and miming
appears to suffice for now. Plus I completely trust Wills judgement and she’s
vouched for them all. Who knew dancing was such an idyllic means of bonding? Why
on earth did I assume clubbing was anti-social? I was so wrong.

I don’t seem to be getting much male attention
though tonight, which is a bit disheartened considering I’d made an extra
effort. The others’ don’t seem to be struggling. I have caught a few good
looking men looking in my direction but every time I think somebody’s going to
make a move, nothing happens.

Out of the blue Wills barks in my ear, “You ready
to christen your Fuck It list babe?” I give her a ‘tell me more’ gesture with
my hand. She grabs my phone, opens the app and scrolls down the screen. “Number
17, Kiss a girl—”

I feel Miss Sensible pulling me away... But I’m
up for the challenge and it looks as though it’ll be the only lip-action I’ll
be getting tonight anyway. I love surprising Wills because I know she’s expecting
me to at least hesitate. Instead, I shrug my shoulders and shout “Fuck It… Not with
you though!” Wills pouts her lips in jest then claps her hands like a seal. She
makes a roundhouse ‘ta-dah’ hand movement to everybody that we’re with. Hmm...
not sure if I’d rather snog a stranger but considering I’ve pretty much seen
most of them kiss at least one other person tonight, I’d say that I’m probably
the exception to the rule, which makes this easier.

Wills cups my ear so that I can hear her
properly. “Singles only, except Sam, she doesn’t do girls. I’ll join in for
moral support, follow my lead.” Then without a moment’s notice she turns away, grabs
Emma and they start kissing. Shit, my turn, I’ve got stage fright. Who do I
pick? I catch eyes with Katie who is nearest to me. She is about my age, short
brown hair, a little shorter than me and very innocent looking. She looks at
them kissing and then back at me. She beckons me over with a subtle movement of
her head and a flick of her eyebrows. Thank fuck for that, she’s bailing me out
big time. I take the plunge;
live in the moment Beth
. Two steps in her
direction and we tentatively lock lips.

My first thought is that I can smell weed on
her but she doesn’t taste of weed or even cigarettes. After a few seconds we
adjust to a mutual rhythm and then I really notice the difference. Her lips are
slim and soft, I feel as though I’d bruise her if I tried to deepen it further.
Her tongue feels experienced but so delicate. She actually tastes of juicy apple
schnapps. I find that I’m holding back from my usual stride because there’s no
sexual desire. But I stay committed as I explore her mouth knowing that I’m
also starting this new journey of exploration for myself. We start to unwind
our tongues and slow it down more. I find that we’ve moved closer at some point
and our breasts are pressing together. Still not sparking any desire within me
but I wonder if we look hot to any onlookers. When we pull away she lifts her
hand from my waist and holds the side of my face, then leans forward, turning
my ear to her mouth. That’s when I smell weed again, it must be on her hair.
She must be a smoker.

“Girl, you put these lot to shame. Tell Willow
you’re a better kisser than her any day!” We both start laughing and I know
that if I tell Wills she’ll be trying to convince me to kiss her so she can see
for herself. Bursting into loud song, I scream the lyrics to “I kissed a girl”
by Katy Perry, my voice is swallowed by the bassline but Wills reads my lips
and joins in as we share a celebratory high five. One down and twenty-nine to
go – I did it. I fucking did it! I’m learning how it feels to let myself go and
it’s exhilarating. What a rush and what’s reassuring is that nobody gives a
shit, except Wills of course.