Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (2 page)

The next second I felt the bike wobble, but I was too excited to be afraid. Remembering his words, I kept pushing on those pedals. Yeah, it didn’t feel like I was going in a straight line, but hey! I was moving forward, and I was doing it all on my own.

“I did it, Dad,” I said again, this time not yelling.

No one answered me back.

Also, the stone wall seemed to be coming right at me, my little feet carrying me and my pink bike right to it.

“Dad!” I shouted.

“Maya, slow down!” he yelled back. He was close, but not right behind me.

I started screaming more earnestly. “How do I stop? How do I stop?”

Before I could hear his answer, I lifted both of my legs up and out, thinking—oh, so cleverly—if I didn’t pedal, the thing would just come to a stop. That’s exactly when I lost my balance and toppled to the side, right onto the moist grass.

Two seconds later, my dad was lifting the bike off of me and gently checking my legs for injuries.

“Maya,” he whispered, holding my face in both of his hands. “Why did you do that? You can’t suddenly lift your legs up like that. You scared me to death, baby. Don’t you remember? We talked about stopping and slowing down.”

“I forgot how to do it,” I whispered back.

There were a few tears rolling down my eyes, and there might have been some pouting, too.

He sighed, wiping my tears away. “You’re okay, baby. Does it hurt anywhere?”

I shook my head no. I would live.

“We’ll work on how to stop, okay? You already got the hard part down. I’m so proud of you. That took a lot of courage, baby.”

“I did good?” I asked with a hopeful look on my face.

“You did amazing, little star. You were going so fast and you were so well balanced. In no time, we’ll be riding together.”

My tears forgotten, I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss on his cheek.

I was probably the happiest girl that day. I had made my dad proud. Even my scuffed up knees couldn’t hold me back from trying again.

***

Groaning, I pushed back the memories. I really was doing better since getting back from New York, but it was a slippery slope; I never knew when the grief would hit me.

Realizing the girl and her father who triggered a happy memory were already gone from the street, I turned back to Linn.

“You’re right. I won’t torture myself anymore, okay? You don’t have to worry about me. I think it will just take a few days to get back to normal. I’m sorry.”

“You never have to apologize to me for this, Maya. I’m here for you, you know that. Just don’t push me out. That’s all I’m asking.”

“I won’t, I promise.” I got up and pushed the chair back to its place. “Everything will be okay.” I didn’t believe it, but maybe if I said it enough times it would start to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

Linn did the same and gave me a smile. “Yes, everything will be okay, Maya. We’ll make it so. Now, how about we share a small piece of Princesstårta? Tempting, huh? A little dessert before lunch?” she asked, wiggling her brows suggestively.

I laughed, thankful that I was going to have her around from now on.

“Sure, let’s do it, but I get the bigger piece. Actually, wait, why don’t you want your own piece, again? You’re not exactly the food sharing type. Does it have anything to do with your date with Anders tonight?”

She narrowed her eyes at me, her lips slowly tipping up.

“What was the guy’s name, again? Wait don’t tell me,” she held up her hand, her face scrunched up as if she was thinking hard to remember his name. As if she ever shut up about him. “Oh! Got it! Alexander, right?”

Her smile grew bigger and bigger as I watched her silently, my own lips twitching.

“Right,” I said slowly.

She threw an arm around my shoulders, walking us toward the counter. “Come and tell me all about that dreamy night where he played the piano for you.”

Goosebumps appeared on my arms.

Change the subject. Fast!

“When is Anders coming to pick you up again? Oh, what was that? You think I should chat with him about you a little before you guys head out? Why, Linn, I think that’s a great idea! I have so many things to share with him!”

She started babbling something about checking the preparations in the kitchen and fled.

My heart did a small jump in my chest as it did every time I thought about him.

I wasn’t over him. Not yet.

***

When the clock hit 8:00 PM, I sent off the last of the remaining customers with a tired smile on my face. As I waited for Linn to get ready for her date in the back, I poured myself a cup of coffee and leaned back against the counter. After a long day, there was nothing better than sipping hot coffee with a splash of Baileys—or a few.

Just as Linn came out looking like she’d just woken up from her beauty sleep, I leaned down and took out the box of semlor I’d promised to take to Alan from the small fridge before I could forget about it completely.

“Wow, what the hell did you do back in there? Why do I have to look like a baby elephant just stomped over me while you get to look like that?”

Her short blond hair lay in soft waves around her face, and the simple white dress she was wearing only added more to her relaxed chic look.

“Shut up, you look great. I only look like this because I’ve been slathering on makeup for the last thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, sure. Because jeans and a graphic tee definitely trumps what you are wearing.”

She rolled her eyes at me, grabbed onto my arm, and leaned down to change her flats for heels. “Don’t forget about the leather jacket. It definitely ups the sexy in an edgy sort of way.”

“Hmm,” I hummed as I got back to sipping my coffee. “Do you want something to drink before Anders gets here? I can go lighter on the Bailey’s for you.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

I felt her probing eyes on me, but did my best to ignore it.

As soon as she straightened and let go of my arm, I turned around and played with the coffee machine just to look busy.

“You should come with us. It will be fun.”

Frowning, I gave her a sideways look. “On your first date? That wouldn’t be awkward at all.”

“It’s not like you don’t know each other. Come on, give me one good reason,” she insisted.

“I thought I gave you one already. It’s your first date. Not to mention you’ve been waiting for this forever.”

“So what?”

“Thank you, but no thank you. I’m not that pathetic. At least not yet,” I added on second thought.

“Why not make it a double date, then? I can text him right now and tell him to bring Lasse with him. He’s cute, and he just moved back from Stockholm. You’ll get along just fine.”

She leaned on the counter and gave me a pleading look.

“What is this about?” I asked. “Are you nervous to go out alone with him? Or are you nervous about me being alone?”

“Both?” she asked hopefully.

“Thankfully, you’re a big girl now so you can overcome your fears without me holding your hand along the way. Besides, I promised Ester I would drop by. You don’t have to worry about me, Linn. I’m feeling better. I’m actually too tired to feel anything at the moment. We’ll do a girls night this weekend, okay? Or whenever you want.”

Abruptly, she reached out and wrapped me in a tight hug. My coffee sloshed over and spilled on the counter before I could put it down safely.

“Hey! What’s going on?” I managed to get out. She was a petite little thing, but her hold was stronger than you would expect.

“I’m always here for you, Maya,” she whispered. “I miss Charles too, and I promised him I would take care of you. So, please let me do that, at least every once in a while. For him, okay?”

My eyes started burning, and I had to clear my throat before I could attempt to speak. “Uh, yeah. Sure. I’m sorry.”

She hugged me tighter for a second, and my eyes glazed with unshed tears.

Finally, she let me go, and I looked up at the ceiling, fanning my face to stop the tears from tipping over.

She was right. My dad had loved Linn as if she was his second daughter, and the first few days after his death, she’d been a crying mess just like me. If taking care of me would make her feel good about the promise she’d given my dad, I would gladly let her.

“Maybe we can do a movie night at my place tomorrow? Would that be okay with you?” I asked.

Her eyes reflected what I saw in my own every morning: a lingering pain. Maybe it wasn’t as big as mine, but it was still there for me to see. I wondered if anything would ever fill the emptiness that was in the pit of my stomach, but maybe I wouldn’t have to go through it alone after all.

“That would be great. Thank you,” she said, avoiding my eyes.

Her phone beeped—a text from Anders—and a small smile touched her lips.

“He’s waiting for me,” she said, her smile stretching bigger. “We’ll talk tomorrow? Or maybe tonight so we can go over the date?”

“Of course. Go on. Don’t make him wait. It already took you two years to say yes to a date.”

The bell on the door chimed and, thinking it was Anders getting restless waiting outside, I didn’t want to turn around and greet him with watery eyes. I didn’t want to be the one who messed up their first date.

“Ursäkta, vi är inte öppet längre,” I heard Linn say.

Grabbing my now lukewarm coffee, I forced an acceptable smile on my face and turned around to greet my late customer.

When I saw who it was, I gasped. As if in slow motion, the mug slipped from my fingers.

I heard it crash to the floor, bits and pieces flying everywhere, spilled coffee making small puddles around me.

And then…

Deafening silence.

With her in the same room with me, I was completed somehow. Connected again. To her. To this unexplainable thing we had between us. Or maybe used to have…

My eyes slowly worked their way down her body; I don’t think I could’ve spoken a word. I didn’t trust myself, yet.

I ignored her friend’s questions. She did the same.

In the back of my mind, I wondered if she was truly over me.

If I’d made a fool of myself by coming here like this.

She took a step back.

After what felt like minutes—or more like
hours
—she finally met my eyes.

Something loosened inside me.

Christ!
There was my girl. Her emotions right there on the surface, ready to spill out of her and consume me.

She wasn’t over me. Not by a long shot.

With him in the same room with me, I felt free of my worries. Only connected to him. To what we’d had that had been left behind months ago. As if no time had passed.

I watched his eyes slowly move over my body and my knees weakened, forcing me to take a step back and grab on to the counter behind me.

His gaze snapped to my white-knuckled hand, then slowly lifted back up.

Linn’s voice trickled into my mind. I ignored her. He did the same.

When I felt like I could, when his slow perusal of my body was done, I met his eyes.

Something…my heart…tripped over itself.

Shit…             

I wasn’t over him. Not by a long shot.

Torn between taking her in my arms without losing another fucking second and trying to give her enough space to come to terms with my presence, I was silently waiting for her to say something when her friend broke our eye contact by getting between us.

“
Vem är du?” she raised her voice, making me cringe.

“I don’t speak Swedish.” I frowned at her, not knowing what the hell she was sputtering.

Just a few feet behind her, Maya cleared her throat, and my attention shifted back to her sparkling eyes.

“It’s okay, Linn.”

Her friend had turned her back on me, listening to Maya intently.

“Bullshit. Du skakar, Maya!”

“I’m okay, really,” she answered whatever her friend had said as she forced a little smile on her beautiful lips.

“He isn’t scaring me. I…I was just shocked. He is…Alexander.”

As soon as my name spilled from her lips and I heard the wonder in her voice, my blood started boiling. Some nights, when I was lying in my bed alone, I could still hear her breathy moans in my ear as she begged me to take her harder. I closed my eyes briefly, just to take it all in.

My fingers itched to remove the little blonde from between us and get closer to Maya. I needed to breathe in her scent so I could calm the fuck down.

When her friend heard my name, her head whipped back to me. Her mouth was hanging open, her eyes inquisitive.

Just when I was going to ask her—as politely as I could manage at that moment—to give Maya and me a minute, a slow smile crept up on her face; I tensed.

Leaning to her left, she looked over my shoulder. “Ah, I think I see Anders out there. He must be wondering where I am by now. I better hurry up.”

“Linn, wait…” Maya croaked from behind the blonde.

“I’m sorry; I really have to go, Maya. Like you said, I don’t want to make him wait any longer.” She rushed to the door. “We’ll talk tonight, okay?”

Before Maya could even open her pretty mouth to answer, she was gone—leaving us in complete silence.

Throughout the whole thing, my eyes never left Maya. Her body was taut as a bow, waiting to snap. I would be lying if I said a small part of me wasn’t afraid she wouldn’t want me there. That she would be angry I’d followed her back to her home. I could hardly care, though.

Finally, she looked at me again, her hands letting go of the counter behind her.

“A-Alexander, what are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” I asked, and started to walk toward her.

Slow and easy, Alex
.
Take it slow and easy
, I reminded myself. I didn’t want to just attach myself to her lips and scare her more than I already had, but damn it if it wasn’t tempting to do just that.

As I neared her, she took a step to her left, but then seemed to catch herself as she froze in place.

“Are you afraid of me Maya?” I asked as I kept stalking toward her, my voice suddenly going thick with need—a deep primal need for her.

She straightened to her full height and lifted her chin just an inch or so. I doubted she was even aware of what she was doing.

“There you are,” I whispered, stopping just two steps away from her. I would give her a second to get used to my presence, and then those two steps would have to disappear completely.

Ignoring my last words, she asked hotly, “Why would I be afraid of you? Do you think you’re something special Mr. Ross?”

Her lips twitched, and she arched one perfectly shaped eyebrow. There was a twinkle in her eyes, something I hadn’t seen before.

That did it for me.

In one breath, I closed the distance between us and crushed her body to mine. Her arms got trapped between us as I took her mouth in a hard kiss that burned my body from head to toe. Faintly I registered her gasp, but I swallowed it down. I needed to feel her heat against my body too damn much to take it slow.

Not that it looked like she was complaining.

Hell, she pressed her body harder against mine and managed to free her arms to tangle them around my neck. I groaned and cupped her ass, pulling her more firmly to my rapidly hardening dick. She took everything I gave her, her tongue never retreating, never slowing down.

God, she affected me more than I’d remembered.
She
was more than I’d ever hoped for.

Just as I was starting to lift her up to plant her ass on the counter, she broke free of my mouth, panting, her face flushed.

“W-wait. Just…wait,” she whispered, her eyes still closed.

I took in the beautiful flush on her face as she took deep breaths, her chest rising and falling. She was even more beautiful than she’d been a few months before—something different about her made her stand out even more. Her taste on my mouth, that electric buzz on my skin I could feel whenever her skin touched mine… It was all there, even the possessiveness I felt toward her as if she was meant to be mine and mine alone from the very beginning of the time.

There was nothing in the world that could stop me from taking her mouth again, but just to take it slow for her sake, I framed her face with my hands and breathed her in for a few seconds, taking my fill of her.

“Maya,” I groaned.

Leaning down, I kissed her flushed cheek, her hot breath warm on my neck. Then, I slowly made my way to her lips again, and her breath quickened. I nudged her lips open and smiled when she didn’t say anything to stop me.

This time I took it slow. My tongue played with hers in a slow caress, building us up again.

I stopped thinking and gave myself over to the kiss, to her, memorizing her mouth, her tongue, her full breasts pushing against my chest. Tilting her head, I deepened our kiss, still taking care not to rush her.

“Why are you here?” she asked breathlessly, breaking apart for the second time.

I sighed and gently kissed her one last time. I hadn’t come to fuck her—at least not
just
for that. Smoothing back her hair, I rested my forehead against hers and looked into her eyes.

I could see how much she wanted me in those beautiful chocolate brown eyes, but there was something more in them. It wasn’t just lust. Me being here proved that we were more than lust.

Her arms were still around me, and I was finally feeling alive. The grief she’d carried on her shoulders three months ago didn’t look as heavy as it had back then. She didn’t need me to take her pain away, but this time it was my soul, my heart that needed her.

And being there, breathing in her scent…it all just proved to me that I’d done the right thing by coming to her home—to her.

She would be the one to heal me.

She would be the one I got to keep for myself.

“I still feel it. Do you?” I asked.

Her eyes flew open and looked right into mine.

“Do I, what?” she whispered back.

My thumb slowly caressed the pulse point on her neck, and her eyes fluttered closed, making me groan.

“There is still something between us.”

“Oh, you think so?” Slowly the smile I’d missed like fucking hell came back. It was a bit wobbly, but as long as it was me who put that shaky smile on her face, I would take it. “And what exactly is this ‘something’ you are referring to?”

“This ‘something’ that makes me sure that you are what I’ve always been looking for.”

Her breath hitched, and I saw something flash in her eyes. Was it pain? Or could it be relief?

I smoothed her hair back again, keeping her body close to mine.

“I don’t know if me saying that scares you, Maya, but it’s all I got. It’s this contentment I feel when I’m near you, touching you.” I leaned down and ran my nose along her neck as her body trembled against mine. “Breathing the air you breathe in. It’s crazy that after all these months I can still feel the same feelings rush through me, still feel the hurt and helplessness of the day you ran away from me.”

“I didn’t run away from you, Alexander. I don’t belong there. I was always going to leave. Staying a few days more wouldn’t have changed anything between us.”

“How can you know that? I sure as hell didn’t think so. I think you staying, giving me a few more days would’ve changed everything.”

She shook her head, still deep in denial.

I sighed and touched her forehead with mine.

“I didn’t come here for this,” I said, and her body stiffened.

“Why did you come then, Alexander? Are you tired of your blonde booty calls in your own city and you had to cross the Atlantic Ocean to change it up some?”

Damn women and their mouths.

I captured her lips in an unforgiving kiss. The last thing I wanted to hear coming out of those lips was anything about my so-called booty calls. Forcing her back against the counter, I leaned down and grabbed her thighs, lifting her up in one smooth move.

Other than a small gasp released so fucking sweetly in my mouth, she didn’t object to our new position.

When she opened her legs wider for me, I grabbed her ass and pulled her jean clad pussy right against my erection so she could feel what she was doing to me.

I groaned and deepened our kiss as she mewled into my mouth and pulled me by my neck. I knew I could’ve taken her right then and there, but I respected her enough to give her an out. It would be the first and last. After I gave her that, I wouldn’t hold back, even if it scared her.

Untangling my tongue from hers, I gave her lips a bite and tug before I let her have a second to catch her breath. It was satisfying in more ways than one to actually feel the frantic heartbeat in her chest.

Trailing my finger down from her neck and stopping right over her heart, I asked, “Is this for me?”

“I wouldn’t push my luck if I were you, Mr. Alexander,” she answered, her eyes still on my lips.

Grabbing her hand from my shoulder, I put her palm right over my own racing heart. “I seem to have the exact same reaction to you, Ms. Maya. And unlike you, I’m not scared to give you the truth.”

Sighing, she fisted her hand over my heart and rested her forehead against my neck, her warm breath slowly breaking the hold I had on my body.

“Then give me the truth on this too: why are you here, Alexander? How did you find me?”

“I’m here because I need you, Maya,” I whispered, placing my hand at the small of her back. I would’ve preferred to feel her warm soft skin under mine, but I would take whatever I could get.

For now.

“And when you have money, it doesn’t exactly take too long to find whoever you’re looking for.”

“But, why?” she tried again. “Why would you even try to find me? And why now?”

“Like I said, Maya, it seems like now I am the one who needs what only you can give me.”

She lifted her head from my shoulder and stared straight into my eyes. If it had been a different time—like four months before—what I saw in her gaze would have forced me to take a step back and slow things down, but right then, seeing how she struggled with her own emotions just made me plain happy. If enjoying it made me a bastard…so be it. I needed that look—the same one she given me our last night in New York—more than I needed anything right now.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, probably misunderstanding what she saw in my eyes.

“You ran away from me, that’s what’s wrong.”

She set her mouth in a straight line and gently pushed on my shoulders as if she could make me take a step back.

“Do you expect me to believe that? I ran away, so your ego was crushed, and you had to come and find me to take back your manhood?”

“My manhood is exactly where it is supposed to be, thank you.” I grabbed her hands and sharply pulled them behind my back, forcing her breasts to make full contact with my chest. “I didn’t say that’s why I was here, Maya. I’m simply stating a fact. I told you to stay put on that bed, but you didn’t listen to me. From the moment I met you, you seem to have this attitude where you think you can just disappear on me.”

“That’s not an attitude. And if we’re going down that memory lane, I quite clearly remember that you left me to go play hero for another woman, so excuse me for not sitting on my ass waiting for you.”

Catching me off guard, she managed to push me back an inch and slid down from the counter. Before the little monster could get away, I gripped her waist with both of my hands and placed her ass in the same spot as before.

“Hey!” she yelled.

Ignoring her raised voice, I asked, “What woman are you talking about?”

Wiggling against my body to get away, she glared at me. “Natalie!” she spat out.

“Ah, you mean the phone call? Okay, I completely forgot about that. Baby, it wasn’t wha—”

“Oh, please. Don’t insult me by saying it wasn’t what I thought. I guess it’s easy to forget when there are so many fish in your own personal pond. You must forget whose little mouths are caught by your hook.”

I chuckled and her frown deepened.

“My own personal pond, you say? Can’t say I’ve ever been a huge fan of fish, nor their little mouths, baby.”