Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (27 page)

My stomach turned and I rubbed my forehead, my head spinning a little.

“Maya.” In a heartbeat Alexander was standing right next to me, his hands inches away from my skin. “What’s happening?”

“I need to sit down,” I said, closing my eyes and trying hard to stop everything from spinning.

Lacing his fingers through mine, Alexander guided me to a lone chair that sat under an arched entryway.

When I sat down and took a deep breath, I said, “I don’t think I’m up to talking about Jackson yet. Can you go back to the part where you said this is our home, please? Explain?”

He put his hands on my knees, gently parted them, and kneeled in front of me.

“I bought this house for us. It will be our home—unless you want to buy somewhere else.”

Clearly, he had lost his mind.

“I’m leaving, Alexander. I don’t know what you are doing, but this won’t be our home. There is no us anymore.”

“If you don’t like the location, or if you think it is too small, we’ll find someplace else. I thought you’d like it; I didn’t think you would want a really big, pretentious house. It isn’t you.”

I blinked at him. “Are you on something? Or are you drunk? You are not making any sense, Alexander.”

“I love you, Maya,” he announced, his hands slightly shaking as they rested on my thighs. “I love you, and I can’t let you slip through my fingers again. I know you like to think it isn’t true, and I’m only saying I love you because I feel guilty. Oh, I feel damn guilty for a lot of things, but loving you isn’t one of them. I want to love you. I want to live with you. I want to be with you, kiss you, touch you, sleep next to you, and wake up with you wrapped around my arms. I want to watch you get dressed and get undressed because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I want to watch you smile, see you cry with happiness. I need to watch you love our babies. Show them how to love, how to forgive, how to care. I want to spend a lifetime with you. And if you leave, I can’t do any of that.”

A fist closed around my heart.

“Alexander,” I choked out. “I don’t think we are good for each other. There are too many…things between us.”

“There is nobody else, Maya. It’s just the two of us. I don’t need anything or anyone else. My own father chose to protect that son of a bitch knowing what he did to you. Do you think, even for one second, that I will ever talk to any of them again? I already cut every business tie we had, which wasn’t that many. Other than you, I have no one. Other than you, I need no one.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

His hands gently covered my cheeks, tilting my head up to look into my eyes. “Can’t you see?” he said quietly with a broken smile on his handsome face. “Can’t you see I’m meant to be with you? Can’t you see without you nothing else matters?”

I gazed into eyes, repeating to myself over and over and over again that we’d tried and it hadn’t worked.

“I’m in pain,” I whispered.

“I’m in pain, too, and it doesn’t matter, sweetheart. I love your pain. I love everything that makes you who you are. If you leave, if I don’t have you, then I have nothing.”

His words washed over me like a balm.

“Alexander,” I started, but didn’t know what else to say.

“Do you want another house? You don’t think you can be happy here?”

I shook my head. “It’s a beautiful house,” I said, knowing it without even seeing more than one room. “But Alexander—”

Again, he cut me off.

“We’ll move in this week. I hired a designer and showed her photos of your home so she would have an idea of what you like. I wanted to have it done before I brought you here, but when Helen texted and said you had bought your ticket, I knew I was out of time.”

“Helen told you?” I asked disbelievingly. I would have expected it from Stephanie, but Helen?

I guess she hadn’t been as subtle as I’d thought…

Alexander’s hands skimmed down my waist and stopped at the edge of my button up shirt. Getting dressed hurt, but taking this off was easier than wearing a t-shirt. When he started to unbutton my shirt, I panicked and held on to his hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Let me see.”

Gently he brushed my hands away and kept unbuttoning until there was nothing to unbutton anymore.

When he put his hand on my bare stomach, I flinched and closed my eyes. Then his hand moved to my waist, ghosting over the skin. I knew what he would see; my right side was completely bruised. Some parts still dark purple, some parts a greenish yellow.

“I will erase every single one of them. I promise you. I will make you forget every single reminder on your body. And then we’ll try again.” He lifted his eyes up to mine as his big hand covered my stomach. “I promise you, sweetheart, I will give you a happy life.”

I nodded, tears already rolling down my cheeks. His own eyes were filling with tears, and I couldn’t bear the pain it caused me. Leaning down, I gently touched his lips to mine.

It was a small one. Compared to our kisses that sent off fireworks into the sky, it was brief. But it was somehow stronger, meant so much more to both of us. It was love.

Our lips touched and we created love.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Instead of buttoning my shirt up, he leaned down, kissed my stomach, and then rested his forehead against it without hurting me. His hands stood motionless on my waist. “I’m so sorry, little baby,” he whispered against my skin. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to meet you.”

I felt his tears drop to my stomach, and I shed my own silent tears.

Trying to be careful with my arm, I hugged his neck with my left one, and we stayed like that, huddled into each other for a long time.

When he straightened and brushed away my tears, his own eyes were red.

“I promise you, I will make everything right, Maya.”

“I believe you,” I said, because I believed he would do his best.

He nodded once, then got up. His knees must have been dead by then. “I have a surprise for you.”

“More than a house?”

“This one is much smaller. I’ll be right back.”

He left me in the living room and disappeared behind a door next to the staircase. When he came out, he was holding a blue ribbon wearing, wiggling, nervous puppy.

“Alexander,” I gasped. “What did you do?”

He stopped in his tracks, and the puppy in his arms doubled his efforts to get down on the floor.

“I need him to take care of you when I’m gone,” he explained matter-of-factly, his eyes searching mine. “You liked that infuriating dog back at your home. I thought he would make you happy.”

My face fell, hell even my heart fell to my stomach. “When you are gone?”

He placed the puppy on the floor and the little yellow monster came running to my side, sniffing anything and everything around me.

“When I’m at work, I need him to take care of you until I get back. There is no Natalie, Maya. Since that night…I’ve only talked to her once, on the phone. She is going back to Canada with her family. There will be no one else but you.”

“I understand.”

“I think you don’t, but you will. My words mean nothing to you right now, but in time you’ll see. You’ll trust me again.”

A high-pitched bark came from my feet, drawing my attention.

The little ball of energy was sitting next to my feet, looking up at me expectantly, his tongue lolling, tail sweeping the wood floor.

“He is a handsome one,” I said, glancing at Alexander.

“He is a rescue. They said he is part golden retriever mixed with something, I don’t even know. He’s been giving me and Adam hell these last few days. I have no idea how to potty train a puppy. Adam wasn’t any help either.

Slowly, I got up from my chair and watched the little one run around the house then head first into Alexander’s legs. As soon as he righted himself, he latched onto his pants and started to play tug-of-war with him.

I laughed for the first time in days. “I think he loves you,” I said, craning my neck to look up at him.

“Do you still love me, sweetheart?” he asked. “Because that’s what matters to me.”

“I loved you long before you started to love me, Alexander,” I admitted, and something in his eyes warmed.

His hand sneaked around my neck and he gently pulled me to himself, our lips meeting in a heartbreakingly beautiful kiss.

“We’ll be all right,” he whispered against my lips, leaning his forehead against mine. His hand squeezed my neck. “I will make it so.”

I closed my eyes and tried to relax into his body as much as I could with my arm between our bodies and a little puppy stomping and growling on our feet.

“You will,” I said and captured his smiling lips.

“Thank you for dropping Helen off first,” I said as I unlocked the door.

“Of course,” he muttered, not paying attention to me.

“Did you see how Caleb looked to Adam first before accepting our birthday presents? He adores him. And he looked healthy, too, didn’t he?” I asked my husband as I stepped into our home, holding the door open for him. We were just getting back from the small birthday party Adam had organized for his little brother.

Alexander gave me a quick nod, his eyes meeting mine for just a second before he got back to his heated conversation.

I shook my head at the way he was acting and closed the door. Buddy came running down the stairs as soon as he heard the door close, but slowed down the instant he noticed what Alexander was carrying in his arms as he climbed up the stairs.

Thank god he was always careful not to jump on us when our arms were full.

His head turning back to keep track of where Alexander was going, he bumped my legs with his head and looked up at me expectantly.

“Hey, you,” I crooned, bending down to give his wet little nose a quick kiss. “Have you been a good boy?” I asked. He woofed once, likely letting me know that he was always a good boy. Smiling, I rubbed the back of his ear. Longingly, he glanced behind his back, and knowing what he was waiting for, I said, “Come on then, let’s check out what they are doing.”

It had been exactly two years and two months since Alexander had first brought me to this house. I couldn’t remember a single time I had been happier in my entire life than I’d been the last two years.

Was it hard to get over what had happened? Yes, we both struggled with what we’d gone through—at times, Alexander more than me. But in the end, we knew we couldn’t let go of each other. So, I married him exactly eight months after we moved into the house because he wanted me to be his wife when I was ready to give birth to our child.

“Do you think he’ll need another surgery? You should talk to Adam about it and see if they need anything. I tried to ask, but he wouldn’t even let me finish,” I yelled up the stairs, knowing he could hear me.

“Of course,” he answered quickly.

Amused—and yes, a little jealous—I followed the gentle murmurings. Leaning against the doorframe, I tried to hold back my laugh.

“Do you really think so? I don’t know why I didn’t think about that,” Alexander was saying.

He was sitting on the big grey couch and my beautiful little girl was hanging on to her father’s chest, tugging and trying to eat his tie as she expressed her opinion on anything and everything. After a few unintelligible words, she made sure to splutter a quick ‘Dada’, making her father’s eyes sparkle with happiness.

My eyes fell to my handsome boy, who was cradled in his father’s other arm next to my daughter. He was listening to his sister with the utmost attention, his little hand lying flat on Alexander’s shoulder.

Buddy slowly slid down to his stomach in front of Alexander’s feet, his tail swinging as Ava hypnotized every single one of them.

“And then what happened? Tell me more, sweetheart,” Alexander urged her baby talk as Ava took a deep breath to continue with her story.

Alexander’s eyes found mine, and we smiled at each other.

Big.

Smiles that filled my heart with so much love that it was hard to put them into words.

It was moments like those that filled my eyes with happy tears.

Ava put her little hand on his cheek and got back his attention, more than ready to tell the rest of her story.

Already distracted, Cole’s gaze fell to Buddy, who was shaking with the need to get in on the conversation. I’m pretty sure if there had been any empty space left in Alexander’s lap, Buddy would have tried to get in there too.

Cole leaned backward and made grabby hands at Buddy, who extended his neck and gave him a quick lick on his fingers.

My silent boy pulled his hand back and gave a surprised little laugh, his gaze finally finding mine.

“Mamma,” he mumbled, squirming on his dad’s lap trying to get to me.

Finally, someone who wants me.

I sat right next to them and lifted my arms up to take Cole from Alexander. He looked at me for a second, and then reluctantly handed over his son.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked laughing. “You can’t hog the babies Alexander. We already talked about this. I barely get to hold them when we are in the same room as it is.”

“I miss them, try to be understanding please.”

Cole hugged my neck and put his head on my shoulder, his tired eyes watching his father and sister.

“Understanding? You’ve barely let them out of your sight all day. At one point, I was afraid you were going to grab Cole from Helen and leave. If you didn’t have to go to work every day, I’m pretty sure I would never get to hold them for more than a few minutes.”

“If Cole is getting heavy, I can have him back,” he said opening his arm and ignoring my words.

“Alexander,” I snapped, hitting him on his shoulder.

“Fine. Just be careful, he is tuckered out. We need to put him into bed.”

“You do know I’m not the nanny, right? I can still feel the pain of pushing out two kids back to back.”

“Dada!” Ava yelled and managed to grab Alexander’s attention again.

“I’m sorry, beautiful girl, I’m all yours. Keep going, I want to hear everything.”

Ava giggled and babbled some more to him.

While Ava’s energy never seemed to run out, Cole was already asleep in my arms, tiny fingers grabbing my shirt.

I pulled my leg up and got more comfortable on the couch, pushed his hair off of his forehead, and gently pressed a small kiss on his soft skin. He blinked his eyes open, two beautiful baby blues peering up at me, and then they closed again as he sighed, going back to his sleep. While Ava seemed to think it was her job to wake us up in the middle of the night, Cole was the opposite. He was the cutest baby in the world, and I’m not just saying that because he is my son. He really was the cutest little boy, only ten months old and already looking like a copy of his father.

Buddy put one paw on the couch, his eyes on Alexander, waiting to see what his reaction would be. Just when he thought it was safe and put his other paw on it, getting ready to jump up next to me, Alexander’s firm ‘no’ stopped him in his tracks. Puffing, he lay down and put his chin on my feet.

Laughing a little, I hugged my little boy tighter against my chest and bumped my shoulder against Alexander’s. He gave me a little of his weight, making sure I knew he was right there.

“I love you,” I whispered as I watched our daughter finish her story and smack kisses on his cheek.

He smiled down at me and kissed her right back, making her squeal and scream as if she wasn’t having the time of her life.

When their little kiss fest was done, she leaned toward me, still smiling, and patted her brother as gently as she patted Buddy.

“Coco?” she asked, looking at her father.

“Yes, Ava, Coco is sleeping. Do you think you are ready to do that yourself, baby? We had baby fun all day and your dada is ready to have a little fun of his own with your mommy now.”

“Alexander! Don’t say that to her!” I hissed, putting my hand over Cole’s ears.

“Why? Your body is humming as always. No need to deny it, Maya.” He turned back to his daughter. “Will you rest a little for Dada?”

“Dada!” Ava repeated loudly.

“Yes, baby girl. I’m right here,” he said, his voice going soft.

She hit his chest once, and then curled up on his shoulder, showing her first signs of exhaustion. If she fell asleep then, we could maybe have two hours to ourselves—that is, if she didn’t decide resting was overrated.

“I don’t think she’ll be able to keep her eyes open for long,” I said softly. “I’m gonna lay Cole in his crib. Then I’ll take her.” Slowly, I put my leg down to get up, but Alexander’s hand around my fingers stopped me before I could move away.

“Stay,” he said just as softly.

Glancing at him, the protest died on my lips, and I leaned back against him as he protectively put his arm around me and his son.

“I love you, Maya,” he said as Ava softly tugged on his hair and talked to herself, still fighting to stay awake.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, frowning up at him.

He gently caressed Cole’s hair, and then looked down into my eyes. “Yes, baby. Just need you to know how much I love you.”

“Well, I guess it’s good that today I love you, too.”

“Only today?”

“Today you weren’t that bad, so yes, today I love you, too. We’re gonna have to wait and see how you do tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow it is then,” he smiled, his lips against my temple.

“Alexander,” I started when Ava started to settle down more. “I have to tell you something, but you can’t get angry, okay?”

“When have I ever gotten angry at you, Maya? Tell me.”

“It’s your dad.”

His body tensed.

“What about him?”

“He came to the café yesterday.” The café Alexander had given me as a present on my birthday. The café that had my father’s piano sitting in the middle.

“You should’ve called me. I told you I don’t want you to talk to him when I’m not around. I won’t let him poison you.”

I glanced at Ava and saw her struggle to keep her eyes open.

“He isn’t poisoning anybody, Alexander. Calm down. I think he wants to meet his grandchildren, but can’t ask.”

“I don’t want him near our family.”

“But Alexander wh—”

“No. I don’t want any of them near us. If he ever comes back again, either kick him out like I know you can, or call me and I’ll handle it.”

“Fine,” I sighed, letting go of the subject for now.

“Our family,” he whispered.

“What?” I asked softly, my eyes on Ava and her cute open mouth.

“This is our family,” he repeated.

I smiled. “Yes, it is.”

“No one can take you away from me.”

“No one can, baby. You are stuck with us for the rest of your life.”

“I’ll do anything for you, Maya,” he rasped, his eyes boring into mine.

“I don’t need you to do anything. I just need you. Right here, just like this.”

“You will have me until my very last breath, sweetheart. Never doubt that.”

His arm holding Ava securely against his body, he leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss on my lips.

“Dadda?” Ava roused from her light sleep, looking at us with a questioning look.

“Your dada loves you with all his heart, little girl,” he murmured, kissing her head. “Go back to sleep.”

“I want Cole, too,” he whispered to me.

“You can’t just let them sleep on you all the time, Alexander,” I whispered back. “We should put them into their cribs.”

“Okay, we’ll do that next time. Now, give me our son.”

“I thought you were going to show me a good time. Didn’t you say you wanted to have fun with mommy?”

He looked at me without answering.

“Fine,” I said, gently lifting Cole from my arms to his.

He kicked his legs once, but then settled back into his sleep.

“I’m giving you ten minutes, after that they are going into their beds.”

“Okay, sweetheart,” he answered readily.

Knowing how much he loved to have them both in his arms, I got up, and before I could leave the room, I heard him whisper, “I love you, little boy.”

God. I was already ready to jump his bones; ten minutes would feel like an eternity to me. With the way he was with our little babies, I was having a hard time keeping my hands to myself. Who knew he would get even hotter when he became a ‘dada’.

“Go on, Buddy. Keep Maya company.” At his words, Buddy came up to all fours and trotted after me.

Again, I leaned against the doorframe, watching my husband, my heart at peace and in love.

I wished my father was there with us, to see me become a mother, create a family. A family that was together only because of him.

I wished he could have had the chance to hold his grandchildren in his arms. Teach them to play the piano. Laugh with them. Play with them. Teach them about life and family. Be mesmerized by Ava. Share silent but meaningful moments with Cole.

I wished it all for him.

For me.

And I wished he could’ve met Alexander and known that I was happy with him. Known that he would love me and take care of me, just like he had from the moment they put me in his arms.

But most of all, I wished him happiness with my mother, wherever their heaven was. The woman he’d spent a lifetime loving, even after she was long gone.

“I love you, you know,” I said softly, a single tear rolling down my cheek. “I will always love you.”

He lifted his gaze up to me, and his face softened.

“You own every single one of my heartbeats, my beautiful wife. You will always be loved by me.”