Authors: Heidi McLaughlin
He wants this and so do I.
“Let’s go to my house,” he says so quietly, it's as if he’s trying to keep his words a secret. I know it pains him to say those words. Bringing me home has never been an option and it’s something I’ve accepted. I know he’s embarrassed by his home. I get that. For him to suggest we go to his house shows me how much he loves me, how much he’s willing to put his feelings aside so that we aren’t having sex in the back of my car, in the church parking lot.
Ryan pushes my hair off m
y shoulder. He’s so tentative, going with what feels natural when it comes to us. “I want to have sex with you, but not here… like this. I can’t offer you much, but I can at least offer you a bed.”
“We could get caught.” I know we’ll get caught. Parents ha
ve a sixth sense when their child is having sex in the house, although it could be the squeak coming from the bedroom that is the dead giveaway.
Ryan shrugs. “I’ve heard the guys talking in the locker room and they’re always talking about having sex in the
ir cars and trucks, at least that is what they are telling each other and it’s not like I don’t want to do it, I do. I just don’t want you to feel cheap or like I don’t care.”
Blue lights flash through the fogged up windows, followed quickly by a flashligh
t. “Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit,” I say as I scramble off Ryan’s lap. I look for my shirt, sliding it over my head just as the officer taps on the window.
I look at Ryan, who’s whiter than a ghost, staring at me. I throw his sweatshirt at him, but he doesn’t fl
inch, even when it hits him in the face.
He shines the flashlight in the window, tapping again. I have to lean over Ryan to push the window release down. I don’t let the whole window down, just enough that the officer can see inside.
“Good evening, officer,” I say, hoping to kill him with kindness.
He looks at his watch and back into the car, shining his light all around. “I think we’re way past evening, wouldn’t you say, Ryan?” He points his flashlight directly into Ryan’s eyes. His arm comes up to act
like a shield. It doesn’t escape me that the police officer knows his name.
“Yes, sir.”
“I suppose you have a good explanation as to why you’re out at this hour, in a running car, sitting in the church parking lot?”
“Just talking,” I answer immediately. I rub my hands up and down my legs, trying to calm my nerves. The officer looks at us like we are a bunch of lying teenagers. He’s right. He should look at us this way. He steps away from the car and does something with the radio on his shoulder. I can’t tell what he’s doing, but I need to use this distraction to get Ryan to snap out of it.
“Ryan?” I pull his face toward mine, forcing him to look at me. “We weren’t doing anything wrong so we need to answer his questions so he’ll leave, okay?”
He nods and puts on his sweatshirt that isn’t even dry yet. I lean forward and shut off the car. I forgot it was running and is probably out of gas. I don’t dare step out of the car, although I want to move up front and get the hell out of here. I can’t believe I let things get this far. I should know better.
The officer steps up to the car. I smile, hoping to convey some sort of “I’m sorry and it will never happen again” image. He’s unreadable, his lips in a straight line. I think if he was to smile, his face would crack
and break like old plaster.
“Hadley Carter?” I swallow hard when he says my name. I look down. I can’t look at him as I nod in assent. “I need you to step out of the car.”
Ryan finally acknowledges what’s going on. He grabs my hand as he opens his door. I follow him out. He shuts the door behind and pulls me to him. I get this chivalry act, but it’s not going to help.
“What brings you to Brookfield, Miss Carter?”
“Um –”
“She came to see me.” Ryan speaks with confidence. The officer looks at him doubtfull
y and that pisses me off. He shakes his head while he writes something down.
“It’s true. I flew in and texted him when I got here.” Ryan pulls me closer, wrapping his arm around me.
The officer nods as he continues to write in his notebook. He walks around the car, flashing this light in the windows.
“What’s in the bag?”
“Clothes, I flew into Jackson and drove straight here. I didn’t have time to check into a hotel yet.”
“Where are you guys off to?”
“Excuse me?” Ryan speaks up. I’m thankful he’s not just standing here. I know he must be scared, but really, what does he have to lose. I look like a freaking child predator here.
“Your dad reported you missing about two hours ago and I find you in this car with
Miss Carter and her luggage.”
“It’s a backpack, hardly what you’d consider luggage.”
The officer steps in front of us and turns off his light. “That’s not how I see it. What I see here is an impressionable young man from a good family getting mixed up with big-city money like you. What I see is an older woman taking advantage of a young boy. A boy that may not have everything he needs out of life and you come in here with your money and flash it around. What I see is a woman about to kidnap this boy to cause him harm.”
My mouth drops open at his accusations. I hate that he’s close to accurate. I did come in here and show Ryan that I can offer him something different, but I only did it because I love him and want to be with him. I never suggested we run away
together. His birthday is close. If we’ve waited this long, we can wait until he’s eighteen.
Besides, he needs to finish school and get his diploma and then we can be together whenever we want. He can travel with me and work on my tour if he wanted. Altho
ugh we’ve never discussed that, I’d want him with me. But never would I force myself on him.
Ryan steps forward, dropping his arm until our hands link together. “Whoa, Officer Daniels, you don’t know anything about me and Hadley. I’m here because I want to
be and she’s nothing like that. She didn’t do anything or force me to do something that I didn’t want to do. We’ve been together for a while now. She’s my girlfriend.”
“Is that what she tells you?”
“It’s what I know. We’re in love, that’s why she’s here. She came to visit.”
“Son, people visit at homes, not in parking lots. Haven’t you been listening to Reverend Monroe’s sermons?”
“Yes – and if you were listening too, you’d know Hadley’s been at church with me and my mom, so my dad is mistaken. So what if I’m not in my bed. I haven’t left Brookfield.”
“Save your story for your dad.” The officer steps forward and grabs my arm.
“Don’t touch her.” Ryan pushes his arm off me and moves me behind him. He stands in front of me, guarding me. His shoulders are shaking. I reach out and rest my hand on his back, hoping to calm him down, but things just turned from bad to worse.
Officer Daniels stares down Ryan, his face taking on a menacing look. I cower even though Ryan is shielding me. Officer Daniels takes a step fo
rward, his hand on his gun. Ryan stands his ground, not moving. I don’t know how he’s so calm. The only thing I know is that we are in some serious trouble.
“I’m going to forget you touched me because of your relationship with the Rosses, but you need to m
ove out of the way so I can arrest Miss Carter.”
“Arrest her for what?” Ryan scoffs.
“Harboring a runaway.”
“I didn’t run away! I’m here because I want to be here.”
“That’s for a judge to decide, now step away.”
“No!”
Officer Daniels draws his gun and points it at Ryan. I clench his sweatshirt in my fists, tightly. My knees are about to give out. This can’t be happening. This is a dream. I’m going to wake up any moment now and be back in my hotel where Cole is watching over me, babysitting me, because I can’t take care of myself. Ian is right. I’m trouble.
“Ryan, I’ll go with him.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, turning around to face me. I know it’s never good to turn your back on a gun or an officer trying to arrest somebody, but he did. He cups my cheeks and presses his lips to mine.
Another car pulls into the parking lot, the blue lights flashing, alerting the homes around the area that something is going on. When the other officer steps out, the first thing I notice is the handcuffs dangling
from his fingers. I close my eyes and lean my head against Ryan’s chest. Everything I thought could go wrong with us is nothing compared to what’s about to happen.
“I love you,” he whispers against my forehead. I fist his sweatshirt, hanging on to him. Th
ey descend on us at the same time, a calculated move that I’m sure they practice repeatedly. Officer Daniels grabs Ryan and pulls him away from me. I scream for Ryan as the other officer steps behind me, wrenching my arms back. He’s holding my arms tight, squeezing them until I lose feeling in my fingertips. He pushes me to the trunk of my car and slams my head down on the hood, kicking my feet out wide. Through my tears I see Ryan in a similar pose, both of us being handcuffed.
When the officer pulls me u
p, I see blood coming from Ryan’s mouth. He looks at me, I mouth ‘I love you’ before I’m pushed into the backseat. The door slams and radio is blaring with police code that I don’t understand. The cops meet and compare notes; the one who arrested me is looking back at his car and laughing. He pulls out his phone and types something before putting it back in his pocket. My luck, he just tweeted that he’s arrested me. This is not how our time together is supposed to be.
The officer gets in and puts his car in
to gear. He’s talking but I’m not answering. I know enough now to know that I need to keep my mouth shut. I’m in enough trouble. I don’t need my mouth getting me into anymore.
I close my eyes and lean my head back and allow the tears to escape. There’s no
stopping them once they start. I cry for the day I met Ryan and changed his life, because obviously I’ve done nothing but damage him. I cry for what’s going to happen to him and how he’s going to feel when I break his heart. I have to do what’s right for him, even though it’s going to kill me. I can’t offer him anything but drama. If it’s not pictures, it will be an interview question taken out of context. It will be a promotional event where a reporter reads more into a hug. Nothing I say can prepare him for my life. It was stupid of me to think we could be a normal couple, that I could be a normal person. I’m nothing but a cancer to him and I need to leave him alone before I damage him for good.
Ian was right…
Ryan
What just happened?
I don’t even know. One minute we’re talking about going to my house and now I’m in the back of a police car, in handcuffs, with a busted lip. I don’t understand how everything turned sour so fast. We weren’t doing anything but talking.
My dad… since when do
es he check in on me? I could stay up all night and watch the door and he’d never come in, so why now? My mom wouldn’t tell him I’ve been sneaking out. At least I don’t think she would.
I can’t believe Officer Daniels touched Hadley like that. When he did
, it was like all the anger I’ve been feeling about those pictures came to surface. I wanted to pound his face in, but something told me to hold back. This rage… this anger… it’s nothing I’ve ever felt before, and I hate it.
My dad is standing outside the
police station when we pull up. I’m sure he didn’t expect this, but I don’t care right now. I want him to leave me alone. I wish I had the balls to tell him that I hate my life here and that I want out. That I don’t like the way he treats my mother. I don’t want to work in the mill. That I wish he were more of a dad, the kind that took time to teach me how to throw a baseball or toss a football. That he encouraged me to be more than he was.
Another officer opens the backdoor and pulls me out by my arm. My
dad steps forward and touches my lip. I jerk my head away. Not only do I not want him touching me, but my lip hurts.
“You’re lucky he found you first, because if I did, you’d have more than a busted lip.”
I look at the officer holding onto my arm and ask, “Did you hear him?”
“I didn’t hear a thing,” Officer Daniels replies in his hillbilly voice. Of course he didn’t. “Where is Mr. Ross?” I ask, but am met with silence.
I’m pushed into the station, taken to a room and thrown into the chair. I almost tip over, causing the officer and my dad to laugh. I don’t get it. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“Mr. Ross,” I yell, but the door is slammed before my voice can carry out of the room. He’s always been friendly and nice to me, but now, here I am being treated like
some common criminal. I need Mr. Ross. I need his help.
The officer leaves, leaving my dad in the room and no way to defend myself. Great, just what I need. My dad pulls out the chair across from me and sits down. He folds his hands, pressing his index f
ingers to his mouth. If he thinks I’m going to talk to him, he’s crazy.
“Where were you going?”
I look down at the table and count the specs of red mixed in and wonder if that’s blood. I should’ve asked Dylan a long time ago if her dad was a violent man.