Lost Paradise (14 page)

“You’re saying I can’t be with her until she
has the children?” Devlin said, horrified.

“Yes,” Stephen said. “You’re hitting her
cervix, weakening it by repeatedly bruising the muscle.”

Theo’s eyes almost popped out of his
head.

“We’ll abstain,” I said loudly, flushing dark
red.

“Yes, of course,” Devlin said softly. “I
don’t want to risk my child.”

Stephen nodded. “Good. As none of you spoke
about The Lust, I’m assuming Sar’s had no more episodes?”

I kept my mouth shut, unwilling to tell him
it was lasting longer this time than it had before.

“That’s right,” Theo said, taking my hand a
squeezing it. “That was rough on her. I’m glad it’s over.”

“Then you’re doing very well,” Stephen said,
giving me a smile. “Set up an appointment for two weeks.” He
left.

“Okay,” I said, slipping into my jeans.

“I’m sorry,” Devlin said, leaning over the
table as I put my shoes on. “You never said that I hurt you,
Love.”

“You didn’t,” I reassured, giving him a soft
look. “I enjoyed what we did. I’m glad we got a chance to do it
before we heard we shouldn’t.”

Theo abruptly leaned in between us, his
yellow eyes inches away from Devlin’s. “You both fucked her at once
last night, didn’t you? What kind of sick mind—?”

“It was Sar’s fantasy, Theo,” Devlin purred,
holding Theo’s eyes. “Though I admit freely that it was mine and
Danial’s as well. You should be careful of your words.”

Theo turned to me, appalled. “I’ll be waiting
for you in the truck. Take your time coming out, Sar.” He left,
shutting the door behind him with a slam.

Devlin was holding me in an instant. “Are you
sure I didn’t hurt you?” he said hesitantly. “I have had some women
tell me—”

I didn’t want to hear whatever he was going
to say. “This isn’t the time for hearing about other women,” I said
grumpily, putting my finger to his lips.

“Then just tell me last night was as
wonderful for you as it was for me,” Devlin whispered, nuzzling my
neck.

“You felt wonderful to me, both of you.” I
leaned back into him, the realities of what they had made me feel
leaving me tongue-tied. “I….I…”

“What?” Devlin said, looking down at me. “Say
it. No one can hear us now except for Lash.”

“No one else is like you are,” I
admitted.

“Are you saying I’m the best?” Devlin said,
engrossed.

I just smiled at him teasingly and went to
leave. Devlin pushed the door closed and held it shut. I pulled on
the handle, then gave him a roll of my eyes. Devlin grabbed me at
my waist, sat me back on the table, and then leaned over on me,
pinning me with his weight.

“Stop that,” I sputtered, trying hard not to
laugh. “We’ve got to get going.”

Devlin folded his arms, then, across my upper
chest, and rested his chin on them, his molten gold eyes staring
into mine. “Not until you answer me. Am I the best?”

I gave him a teasing smile and kept
quiet.

He leaned close and whispered. “You don’t
have to answer with words, Sar.” Then he began kissing me hungrily,
teasingly, as if his kisses held the answers to all the secrets I’d
ever longed to fathom.

How was I going to last six celibate months
with him so near? “Stop,” I breathed, pushing at him. “Yes, you’re
the best.”

“Why?” He smiled, gesturing with his hands
for size as he moved his eyebrows meaningfully.

I shook my head. “No. You’ll have to wait
another day for that answer.”

Devlin reached his hand deftly under my
shirt, touching expertly. I closed my eyes, luxuriating in his
touch, then stopped him. “Wrong again.”

“Ahh,” he said knowingly. “My voice.”

This was becoming fun. I gave him another
smile, and shook my head.

Now Dev was agitated. “Poetry?” he offered
hopefully.

“Let me leave,” I said gently.

“Tell me,” he implored. “I have to know.”

“Your words, of course,” I said, giving him a
smile.

His brow knitted. “You said it wasn’t
poetry—”

“I like the whole Dev experience,” I said,
cracking a smile. “But when you tell me how I make you feel, how I
feel to you, what you want to do to me as you make love to me.
That’s what makes you the best.”

Devlin grabbed me and kissed me, his hands
running up into my hair, his mouth opening on mine. He pressed
against me, his hands slipping down to cup my rear. At once, I felt
him elongating against my waist. “Stop,” I said firmly, pulling
away. “Even if we weren’t in a doctor’s office, we can’t do
anything for months.” I put some distance between us. “I don’t want
to start what we can’t finish.”

“They are going to be the longest months of
my life,” Devlin said throatily. “They are going to feel like
centuries. But being with you at the end of the wait will be all
the sweeter, Sar.” He beckoned to me. “Come. I’ll behave.”

I followed him out to where Lash waited,
reading a magazine. He looked up, nodded to us, then looked down
again.

Devlin turned to me. “Don’t let Theo make you
feel bad for last night,” Devlin said. “What we did wasn’t wrong
and neither was wanting to share that.” He smiled pleasantly. “Tell
him if he’ll remove the stick up his ass, he can join you and I one
night playing Danial’s role.”

I blinked at Devlin, unbelieving. Devlin saw
my expression and laughed. “I’ll see you this weekend. You don’t
need to come on Wednesday, as I’ll be away.”

Would he be, or did he just not want to
bother with me now there wasn’t going to be sex?

“I’ll be late coming back on Friday night.
Please be here by eleven, and be waiting for me in bed. I’ll be
exhausted and looking forward to spending the night in your arms.”
He took my hand and kissed it. “I’ll adhere to Camlyn’s orders, I
promise.”

It would be the first time I had stayed at
Hayden that we hadn’t had sex. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved
that he still wanted me to come or to be dismayed, because I’d
still be doing the musical houses all weekend. “I’ll come early,” I
agreed. “I planned to start sewing with Serena, and maybe I can get
Lash to show me the outside of Hayden to get some ideas for the
gardens.”

“Lash will be here at all times, if you
should need him.” Devlin kissed my cheek gently. “I’m glad you are
helping me so much,” he murmured. “I love the rooms you painted. I
especially like the room of gold and green. If it wasn’t so
non-secure, I’d make it my bedroom so I could be reminded of you
when we’re apart.”

His words struck me as empty flattery. I
managed a smile in return.“I thought you’d like the silver one
best.”

“I like that one, too,” he amended. “I like
them all, Sar, because you did them.”

I was embarrassed for some reason.
Uncomfortable, I looked away. “The filing is taking a while. I’m
only about half finished.”

“There’s no rush,” he replied.

“By the way,” I said, remembering. “I meant
to ask you: I’m finding photos, and other memorabilia, like ticket
stubs, play cards, and even love notes—”

Devlin went utterly still, his expression
freezing.

“I didn’t read them, once I realized what
they were,” I reassured. “So far I’ve been putting them in a drawer
marked Personal, by year or decade. Is that okay, or do you want me
to pick up some boxes like Danial has—?”

“No,” he said quickly, embarrassed. “Just do
as you are doing. I’ll look through them when you’re done. Most of
them can be burned. The others, I’ll put in order or
something.”

“I could make you a scrapbook,” I offered
hesitantly, feeling perverse.

“No,” he said gently, hugging me. “Some
memories are better kept locked away, where they are not easily
found by anyone. And some are better just forgotten.”

“Okay.”
Whatever that was supposed to
mean
. “Bye, Lash.”

Lash didn’t look up from his magazine, or
give any sign he’d heard.

Dev let me go. “Go out to Theo, and have a
good week,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said, and then left,
walking out into the sunlight.

Theo was waiting for me inside his truck.
When he saw me coming, he started the engine. We didn’t speak as he
drove, even though I could tell he wasn’t heading home or to
Danial’s. Eventually he pulled into a park, and shut off the
engine.

“Let’s take a walk, okay?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said giving him a hesitant smile.
“It’s a beautiful day.”

We walked for a while, hand in hand, not
saying anything. The sun was out, and the wind was at our backs,
buoying us forward, trying to hurry us a little.. It had to be near
sixty-five degrees. The winter birds were out in force: cardinals,
chickadees, crows, sparrows of all types clamoring and calling as
they swooped. There was even a red-tailed hawk circling far off in
the west. I watched it coast for a while, until Theo suddenly
spoke.

“Was it your fantasy?” he said.

“Yes,” I answered.

“That’s all I need to know, then,” he said
gruffly. “All I want to know, Sar. I just wanted to make sure it
was your choice, what happened. I always think Devlin is
lying.”

“He wasn’t,” I replied carefully.

“Are you going to abide by Stephen’s
directive?” Theo said abruptly, looking at me hard.

“Of course!” I said defensively, staring back
at him. “I’m not risking my children’s lives. How can you ask
that?”

“Because I needed to hear you say it,” he
said, sounding tired. “Sometimes I think you’re changing before my
eyes, and I need to know that you aren’t. I need to know you still
love me. Because if there comes a time when you don’t, I want to
know it before anyone else does.”

“You will,” I assured him.

Theo looked at me in surprise. It hit me he’d
expected to hear me say I would always love him, that there’d never
be a time I wouldn’t. “You deserved an answer, not a declaration
that was a cover instead of an answer,” I murmured.

Theo didn’t reply. I lapsed into my musing,
dismayed that he thought I was changing.

Yesterday morning in Danial’s kitchen, I’d
sworn my feelings for him were intensifying, that my feelings for
Danial and Devlin were lessening. But back at the doctor’s, I’d
felt like the opposite was true. Now I felt as if that woman
teasing Devlin in Exam Room 1 had been someone else.
What was
wrong with me?
The only thing I was sure of was that the
overwhelming physical and emotional need for Devlin that had been
such a big part of our love was lessening. Whether it was the
pregnancy or the bond between Theo and I, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I
just couldn’t keep loving someone who was so demanding all the
time.

“I looked into going out West,” Theo said
suddenly, breaking my thought. “I booked seats on a plane for the
end of May for you, Elle, and I. We’ll be gone a week. Danial has
already given me the time off.”

I took his hand and squeezed it. “Sounds
great.”

“I’ve booked the same house,” he said, giving
me a hopeful look. “It won’t be like before, because we’ll have
Elle, but—”

“And I’ll be huge by then,” I said, laughing.
“We’ll have a great time. My in-laws will like you. I can’t wait to
show Elle where you were—”

“About that,” Theo interrupted. “Can you not
tell her about Aspen?”

I nodded. “Theo, you can be the guide. Elle
doesn’t need to know any more about Aspen than you want her to. I
never told her anything.”

“Thanks. I don’t want her to know.”

“Even if she found out, I don’t see where
it’s a problem,” I said. “You were under the spell, and even if you
hadn’t been, we weren’t together—”

“Sar, you are thinking of you and me,” Theo
interrupted. “I thought of the same thing when I came back and saw
you with Danial. I should have thought of her instead and let her
know I was alive, even if she didn’t want to live with me, or ever
have anything to do with me.” He got to his feet. “We should head
back.”

“Sure,” I said flatly, trying to contain my
irritableness. “Let’s go.”

We made good time back to the truck. But as
soon as we got there, Theo stopped a few yards away. He began
backing away, pulling his gun, and moving me behind him.

“Get back to the bench.”

“What is it?” I said, panicked.

“Men. At least five, maybe more. Armed, I
smell gun oil. They are closing in on us.”

“Who? Robert—?”

“Drop your gun, Theo, or we’ll shoot her!” a
voice called.

Closing my eyes, I teleported us to Danial’s
great room.

“Sar, stay here,” Theo said, walking fast to
the door. “I’ll get Terian and head back—”

“You can’t,” I called to him. “Terian’s out
west, looking for his brother’s family.”

“No, he’s not,” Theo said, turning to face
me. “He came back weeks ago.”

“Danial must not have told you,” I said with
a shrug. “Leri gave him some info and he and Sun left to chase down
leads.”

“Why would she do that?” Theo said
skeptically.

“I asked her to,” I said proudly.

“That was good of you,” Theo said
approvingly. “But we’re screwed, Sar. They are going to trash my
truck, if they don’t just blow it up.”

“I can take you back,” I offered. “Get some
extra clips, and maybe an AK-47 or—”

“It’s too dangerous for you,” he said,
cutting me off.

“Then give me some of the extra body armor,”
I replied evenly. “I’ll only be there for a moment anyway, to drop
you off.”

Theo looked at me, weighing the options. He
stepped closer suddenly, grabbing my hand. “Take us to the were
compound.”

Seconds later we were in the room I jokingly
referred to as the armory. Boxes of ammunition, enough for a war,
were stacked on shelves, a rack of assault rifles and miscellaneous
handguns covered one wall. The other wall had rows of body
armor.