Love Beyond Words (City Lights: San Francisco Book 1) (23 page)

“Call her,” Marshall said. “Before it’s too late. If you dwell on why you’re mad, you’ll forget why you were friends in the first place, and then where will I be?”

“She owes me an apology,” Natalie said, plucking a thread on her couch cushion.
Doesn’t she?
It was getting harder to remember the particulars of their argument, though Natalie recalled she’d said some things she wasn’t proud of.

“Just take a photo of Julian’s Pulitzer with your shiny new cell phone and send it to her. That’ll clear everything right up.”

“Over my dead body,” Natalie said. “And he didn’t win it anyway. Just nominated.”

“Only nominated? What a hack.”

“I’d love for you to meet him.”

“Honey, tax season has me by the balls and won’t let go. This phone call is probably costing me three hundred dollars.”

Natalie smirked. “I’m sure.”

“But how are things with Sir Julian? Or should I say Sir Rafael?” He heaved a sigh. “Secret identities are so hard to keep track of these days…”

“Amazing,” Natalie said. “Beyond amazing. He’s the prize-winning author but every minute of every day, he makes me feel as though
he’s
the one who’s struck gold.”

“That’s because he has,” Marshall said, “and don’t you forget it.”

“Oh, Marshall, I love you.” Her smiled faltered. “How are things between you and Liberty?”             

“Weird. It’s like she’s afraid to be friendly to me. What you said really knocked her a good one. Me too, I guess.”

“I’m sorry for that.”

“Don’t be,” he said, and she heard him smile. “I have an honest-to-god date on Friday.”

“Didn’t you just tell me you were too busy to even talk?”

“It’s possible I’m prone to exaggeration.”

Natalie beamed. “I’m happy for you, Marshall.”

“Thanks, honey. I’m happy for you too.”

#

The following Sunday, her day off, Julian was to spend the night at her apartment. He arrived just as she was checking her mail. She started to lead him up the stairs but he held back.

“I want to meet them. Niko and his wife.”

Natalie hesitated, a strange pang of anxiety twisting her stomach. “Okay. If you want.”
Maybe they won’t be in today.

To her dismay, both Niko and Petra were in the café. The jolly Greek man nearly shook Julian’s arm out of its socket before deciding a bear hug was more appropriate.

Petra
pinched Julian’s cheeks. “Look at this gorgeous boy, Natalia! Those eyes!” She then pulled his face close to hers and said, “You treat her good, yes? Or I come and find you.”

Natalie was mortified, but Julian smiled with genuine affection and they chatted for a bit before Natalie was finally able to extricate him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, once inside her apartment.

“Nothing, it’s just…weird.”

“Why?”

“It just is.”

“They’re in love with you. That’s obvious. They’d adopt you if they could. If you’d let them,” he added gently.

“I suppose.” She sat on the couch and picked up the closest book, flipping it open absently.

“Natalie...”

“Would you replace your mother?” she snapped and then shook her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just…I don’t want to talk about it.”

Julian glanced at the ski trip photo on her bookshelf. “You’ve never told me about them. About the accident.”

“Why would I?”

“To let it out. To lance the wound.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.” He sat down beside her on the couch. “Don’t let the feelings fester—”

“It’s not just
feelings
…”

“It’s pain, and I hate to see you suffer it. Let it go.” He took her hands. “You can tell me.”

“It’s not as simple as that, Julian,” she said, snatching her hands away. “It’s not like they got killed and it hurts and I don’t want to talk about it. That’s bad enough, but it’s more than that. I can’t talk about it because not talking about it is what keeps me from remembering.”

“Remembering…?”

“I was there,” she said slowly. Getting even this close to the memory was dangerous. She could feel the tight knot of it writhe like a nest of snakes. “It’s not like I got a bad phone call or a cop showing up at my door. I saw it. I saw it but it’s in bits and pieces and if I talk about it, they’ll come together. And I don’t know what will happen if I see that again.”

“You’ll be okay,” he said. “You’ll be better. You’ll go through it and come out the other side. I know you will.”

“Better,” she said. “I can’t imagine it. And I’m scared.” She met his eyes. “I’m just not ready. Okay?”

“Okay. And when you are, I’ll be here for you.”

Natalie moved back into his embrace. “Thank you, Julian. That’s all I need.”

#

On Wednesday—solely because Julian wanted badly for them to get along—Natalie found herself having lunch with David Thompson.

They sat across from each other at a sidewalk table at the Crepevine, her favorite brunch spot in her neighborhood, and chatted, haltingly, about the only thing they had in common besides accounting. But even before their food arrived, Natalie itched to leave and struggled to banish the nervy disquiet that hummed along her skin from being in David’s presence.

“Julian is something special, isn’t he?” David said. “I’m lucky to call him a friend. And he’s lucky to have me, if I don’t say so myself.” He laughed. “He has no head for numbers—can’t take care of his own money at all. I mean, royalties will only get you so far. I made the bulk of his fortune for him with smart investments.”

Natalie smiled faintly. “His money’s in good hands.”

“It is, though I’d like to think I do more than count his pennies. An accountant and personal assistant…Hell, even his interior decorator!”

“
You
designed his apartment?” Natalie sipped her iced tea.
That explains a lot.

“I did! Do you like it? It needed serious attention and Julian was too busy working on a book. The one about some village queen with a deformed hand?”

“
Coronation
,” Natalie said thinly. She thought reducing that masterpiece to one sentence was like saying
The Great Gatsby
was about ‘a rich white guy,’ but bit her tongue to keep from saying so.

David shrugged and laughed. “Right. He was up to his eyeballs in that so he let me redo the place. And good thing too. Julian thinks crown molding is something that happens at the dentist!” He laughed uproariously.

Natalie managed a smile. “It’s very lovely, though not...what I expected he would like.”

“Oh, it was all his idea. I mean, I worked on the particulars, but Julian was very clear about the overall theme. He wanted something kind of cold and…aloof.”

“He did?” Natalie frowned. “That’s weird, since he’s neither.”

David raised his eyebrows. “Yes, well… He is and he isn’t. You haven’t known him all that long so…”

Natalie stiffened. “I know him pretty well. We’ve been talking for months—”

“Sure, sure,” David said. “He cares for you a lot. No doubt he’s shown you his best side. But there’s a lot of baggage there, as I’m sure you’ve gleaned. About his parents. His father abandoning him, particularly.”

Natalie felt an unpleasant stirring in her gut. It was wrong to be talking about Julian like this, behind his back. It was on the tip of her tongue to say so, but David continued.

“He’s a passionate man, you know? Loving and kind to be sure, but there’s anger in him too. It’s buried real deep but it’s there. I’ve seen it roar out of him a few times and it wasn’t pretty. I was frightened, to tell you the truth.”

“What happened?” Natalie heard herself say, even as shame burned her cheeks.

“Well, the first time his editor, Len Gordon, was visiting. I don’t know what he and Julian were arguing about—I came in right as Len was storming out. Len Gordon’s a nice old guy. One of the nicest you could meet, and whatever Julian said to him left him close to tears. I only caught the tail end of it. It was…bad.” David shuddered. “You know Julian’s gift for words; you’ve read his books. Well, it goes both ways. Sharp tongued, to say the least.”

Natalie shifted in her seat.
Don’t do this. Don’t feed this ugly conversation.
And yet she couldn’t help herself. “So his anger…it just comes out verbally, right?”

David rubbed his chin, thinking. “Well, the second time I witnessed his temper was when he broke up with his last girlfriend, Samantha. They were real hot and heavy for a while there. But at the end he cut that poor girl to ribbons, let me tell you. And he threw a vase. Not
at
her!” He laughed at Natalie’s horrified expression. “At a wall. I’m almost positive Julian wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Natalie set her fork down, her appetite having vanished.

“So anyway, he and Samantha didn’t end well and I think that’s why he had me redecorate his place. To kind of keep future dates at a distance, right? The ultimate bachelor pad!” David laughed again but it died swiftly. “Oh hey, no, don’t feel bad. Gosh, I’m an idiot. I know how all that must sound. I’m sure it’s different with you.”

“It is,” Natalie said, struggling now to keep a civil tone.

“And now he’s contemplating coming out of seclusion, eh?” There was a thread of tension in his voice now. “That’s surprising, given the vow he made to his
dying mother
. I can’t imagine what he thinks to gain by breaking his anonymity.”

“A normal life. A chance to connect with his readers. To just be himself.”

David frowned. “I suppose. He just hates publicity and suddenly he’s all for it.”

“If you’re worried I’ve talked him in to it, I haven’t. He told me he thinks the secrecy isn’t necessary. He’s a grown man. He can handle it. But I will support him no matter what he decides.”

A smile flitted over David’s lips and was gone again. “He’s very lucky to have you.”

#

The Crepevine was in walking distance from Natalie’s apartment, and she was thankful for her foresight in choosing that restaurant. The notion of getting in David’s car for a ride home made her skin crawl.
But why? He’s not…terrible.

Except that he was, somehow, and she couldn’t put her finger on it.
And those things he said about Julian…
Natalie hugged herself as she walked, shivers skittering up her spine. They weren’t all true; Natalie would have bet her life on it. Like David himself, his stories about Julian’s temper seemed
off.
Perhaps there was some truth to them, just enough to make her worry.
But why? Is he attracted to Julian?
She couldn’t blame him if he was, but that wasn’t what bothered her.
I don’t
know
what bothers me about him, that’s the problem.

There was a bouquet of flowers waiting for her at her front door; her neighbor must have accepted them for her. Natalie hugged the long-stemmed sunflowers to her and then read the note.

Thank you for taking the time to get to know David. I hope this second impression erases the first and the two of you can be friends.

Until tonight, all my love,

~J

Natalie vowed she would never repeat what she and David talked about. Not one word
.
She put the flowers in a vase and threw the note in the trash.

It had David’s name on it.

March 18
th
was the day things began to unravel. That’s what Natalie told the police in her report weeks later, when they asked to her recall the beginning, the first incident. Another Wednesday. She had the day off from the café and intended to get some much-needed laundry done.

Natalie walked in the door from her last class when her cell phone rang.              

“Hi, love, it’s Julian. Are you busy right now? I need a favor.”

She looked to the bulging sack of laundry and the neat stack of quarters on the coffee table beside it. “I had some luxurious plans, but I might be persuaded to postpone. What do you need?”

“I need your accounting prowess to sort out a problem. Or maybe it’s not a problem; I don’t have a head for numbers. Can you come over and take a look?”

“I’d be happy to, but what about David? Isn’t that his domain?”

“Well,” Julian said, “I think the problem may be David.”

“You do?”

“But I don’t know. I need someone who understands these things to take a look.”

Natalie bit her lip. “I’ll be right there.”

#

Julian kissed her at the door. “It’s okay. He’s not here. He had some family emergency and I told him to take the day off.”