Love Beyond Words (City Lights: San Francisco Book 1) (33 page)

“I’m sorry to have told you all this,” Natalie said miserably when she was finished. “I’m sorry to get you involved but I’m too scared to be alone.”

Marshall glowered. “Where is David now?”

“He’s sticking close to Julian.” Tears filled Natalie’s eyes again. “He’s there, at Julian’s house. And Julian doesn’t even know. I don’t know what to do.”

“Call the police,” Liberty said automatically. “Right now.”

“No! God, no! David will hear them coming. He’ll…he’ll k-kill Julian. And the blackmailers…If David gets arrested, they’ll come after Julian too. He told me. He told me how it would happen.”

Marshall made a negating motion at Liberty when she started to protest. “Now let’s think this through,” he said. “Who are these so-called blackmailers? How do you even know they’re as big a threat as David says?”

“I-I don’t.”

“So maybe they’re bluffing. Maybe they saw this sniveling little rat and decided to take advantage of him. You say he’s got the hots for Julian?”

“Yes.”

“And he probably blabbed that to the bartender as well. Or maybe the bartender read between the lines. I’ll bet they’re a two-bit operation playing off David’s fear for Julian.”

Natalie nodded. “Maybe. But how can we gamble with Julian’s life like that? David said they’d hurt him if the money stopped.”

“I call bullshit on that one,” Liberty put in. “Marshall’s right. Once David’s in jail, there’s no benefit to offing anyone but adding murder charges to their rap sheet. That threat’s only useful to keep David in line.”

“Okay,” Natalie said slowly.

“Okay, so we call the cops,” Liberty said.

“No!” Natalie cried. “David’s with Julian now. All it will take is for him to hear one siren. Or a knock at the door. You think the police will storm the apartment and catch him unaware? Maybe bust through the windows like in some movie? With no proof but my word?”

“Honey, you can’t do nothing.”

“I don’t
want
to do nothing but I can’t do the one thing I know will get Julian killed. I won’t. We just have to get Julian away from David. That’s it. That can’t be too hard, can it?”

“Not at all,” Marshall said. “I’ll to go down to Julian’s building and hang out until the weasel leaves.”

“Then what?”

“Yeah, then what?” Liberty demanded.

“Then I follow him, maybe distract him with my over-abundance of charm and wit, and you call the cops. Easy-peasy.”

“No, Marshall. I can’t let you,” Natalie said while Liberty shook her head in agreement. “I can’t just sit here while every one I love is out risking everything for me. No—”

“You did the hardest part,” Marshall said. “You suffered David’s scary insanity and you broke up with Julian to keep him safe.” Anger flashed in his hazel eyes. “David put a gun to your head, honey. And that pisses me off. A lot. The way I see it, he’s got some payback coming.”

“Oh Jesus, now is not the time to get all butch on us,” Liberty snapped. “He’s got the gun, like you said. All I see happening is that he hears sirens and that’s it. No more Marshall. Uh uh. No way.
Call the police
.”

“All I see happening is that David hears sirens and that’s it,” Natalie told her, her voice choked with tears. “No more Julian.”

Liberty leaned back in the old chair, meeting Natalie’s eye for a moment before looking away.

Marshall cleared his throat. “Look, David’s clearly got a few screws loose. There’s no possible way his little plan can hold together. We get him alone, get him arrested, and let the cops deal with the blackmailers. Okay?”

“Okay,” Natalie said. “But what if it’s not enough?”

“What do you mean?”

“Even when he’s safe, he’ll still hate me. The things I said to him,” Natalie whispered. “I-I told him…I feared him.”

Liberty frowned. “Who? David?”

“Julian,” Natalie said. “To break up with him. I told him I thought he’d…And he was so hurt. Liberty, I betrayed him. He told me personal fears, about his father, and I just
used
that to wreck him. I wrecked
us,
just like he said.”

Marshall gave her a squeeze. “Honey, it wasn’t real. We’ll sort this all out and he’ll know the truth. He’ll understand.”

“What if he doesn’t? I had to say the worst thing. To get him out before David...”

Her words trailed as her gaze found the stack of composition books under her coffee table. She extracted herself from Marshall and gathered them on to her lap. “Everything I said to him was a lie,” she murmured, running her fingers along the cover of the first book. “That I feared him…and that I needed this. These books…my refuge. I chose Mendón instead of Julian.”

Liberty and Marshall exchanged concerned glances, but they faded out of her awareness as she opened the first page. Julian’s tiny, precise script filled the paper in black ink. Her heart ached to read the first sentences, like greeting an old friend for the first time in years. A new Mendón book; familiar and yet tantalizing new…but the beautiful words dwindled to pen scratches on paper in her eyes.

She shut the book and looked up at her friends, smiling through tears. “There’s no truth in that at all.” She set the stack of books on the coffee table. “I don’t want the writing. I want Julian. I can’t…I can’t keep hiding in made-up worlds where nothing bad happens that I can’t turn the page on. I have to…live.”

Liberty reached over and took her hand. “Uh, okay honey. I think you need to rest now. You sound a little burnt out.”

Natalie nodded and stretched out on the couch. The adrenaline that had been surging through her veins had run its course. She couldn’t keep her eyes open. “Will you stay with me? I was so scared. In the movies, someone points a gun and they just put their hands up. But it’s so much worse than that. So much…”

She closed her eyes and someone covered her with a blanket, someone stroked her hair. She felt sleep dragging her down and half-feared she’d have terrible nightmares of David’s gun but there was nothing but blackness.

David’s hands trembled so violently, he dropped his cell phone twice. The third time he managed to take the picture of the dividend check from EllisIntel, and
whoosh, i
t was gone, spirited into the separate checking account.
But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.
Now Cliff wanted thirty every month, and Julian wanted him to sell the stock. The two opposing forces that were crushing the life out of him. He’d have to find another $30,000 for somewhere else, and if it came from the regular expenses or royalties, Julian would notice. Maybe not right away; his break up with Natalie would consume him but for how long?

He clutched his desk as the pressure built into a full-blown panic attack. His breath came in short, panting gusts and his pulse raced until he thought his heart would explode. His thoughts raced just as fast; he imagined them careening around his brain, bouncing off the walls of his skull.

Yes, what about Natalie? She’d seemed cowed, but what if she wasn’t? What if she called the police after all? I can’t be everywhere all the time. If she’s stupid enough to betray me, Julian will have to die.

His hand found the gun in his pocket and it somehow brought him a small modicum of calm, but one born of a deep, deep melancholy. His racing thoughts felt suddenly submerged in thick, grave-cold gelatin, and grisly visions swam up at him from the murk.

Julian would have to die. David would have to watch his gorgeous head break apart, reducing the mind that concocted beautiful words to a mess a man with plastic-gloved hands would scrape up later. The reduction of something perfect and sublime to something insignificant and mundane…the power of it made David giddy but saddened him too. He would have to take his turn. He couldn’t live without Julian and the world wouldn’t let him live for snuffing out such a light.

His own death would not be such a monumental thing. It would be quiet and small, but he would know peace. His mind would be silent. At last, the chattering voices that hinted at danger in everything and everyone would also be reduced to smatters on the wall.

Maybe better to do it now before the forces ranged against him tightened their hold, and the maddening itch in the back of his mind grew unbearable. Maybe better to shock them all with his audacity. And what better punishment for Natalie—the cause of all this madness in the first place—than to destroy Julian for her a second time?

As if in a dream, the apartment folded and he stood before Julian’s bedroom without having taken a single step. A slant of morning sunlight spilled over Julian’s sleeping form. His face was turned away, his body still but for the gentle rise and fall of his chest. In a heart’s beat, David stood over him, and touched his fingers to his warm skin. Julian’s head turned, his eyes opened, he smiled sleepily. David smiled back, through tears, and raised his other hand. Julian’s eyes widened as the barrel of the gun met his temple.

The shot was loud there was so much blood…so much…

David jerked violently like a sleeper rudely awakened. He was in the kitchen, at the sink.
How did I get here?
His hand was in his pocket, his finger around the trigger. The safety was off.

“Dear God,” he said, and swallowed over a throat that had gone dry, and clicked the safety back into place. The phantom gunshot had silenced the maddening chorus of whispered warnings. Now they began again.
Right on cue,
he sighed, hanging his head.

Julian shuffled out of his bedroom, giving David a start. He looked like shit. There was no better way to describe it. His curls had run amok and shadows ringed his eyes. It was clear that despite all the time he spent in bed, he wasn’t doing much sleeping.
He won’t come out seclusion now. Surely not
, David thought, pleased.
And he isn’t in any shape to do any work on the book…

The book
.

And just like that, a plan bloomed in his mind to save them both.

Julian’s dull gaze flickered to the David. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see how you were doing,” David said. “And I have a favor to ask.”

“Sure.”

“My apartment complex is being fumigated for termites and I was going to shack up with my parents. But now my mother is sick, so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me crashing here for a few days?”

“Fine.” Julian sank onto the couch and proceeded to stare dumbly at the view surrounding them.

David heaved a breath and watched Julian’s silent misery. David longed to smooth his hair and kiss his lips and tell him that everything would be all right. But he didn’t know that himself.
Unless my plan works.
He couldn’t allow himself to hope.

#

It was after noon when David pulled into Orbit’s parking lot with a fat envelope of hundred dollar bills in his hand. He tore out of the car, his dress shoes slipping and on the gravel, and raced to the back entrance. He had to hurry. Every moment spent away from Julian was dangerous.

Jesse admitted him from the back and led him down that hallway. Garrett, Cliff’s beefy blond brother was leaving Cliff’s office just as David approached.

“Hold up, Garrett. Stay. Both you stay. Dave didn’t behave himself so well last time,” Cliff said from behind his desk. Smoke encircled his head. “You have something for me?”

He was enjoying this too much, David thought. A two-bit mafia boss in a ratty chair and cheap fluorescent lighting.

“I have it,” David said, and his hand reached to the inner pocket of his sport coat. He tossed Cliff the envelope. “But I can’t do thirty grand every month. I just can’t.”

Cliff flipped through the envelope then set it aside, satisfied, and heaved a sigh. “Dave, Dave, Dave. Not again. Didn’t we go through this before?”

“Yes, but Cliff…”

“No buts, Dave. I got too much shit to do to listen to your whining. Same time next month.” He jerked his chin at Jesse and Garrett. “Get him out of here.”

A swell of anger washed over David, drowning his fear. “No.”

Cliff looked up from his paperwork and blinked. “No?”                                         

“Come on, David, let’s go,” Jesse said in a weary voice. He tugged at his arm but David pulled free.

“It has to stop. And I think I know how. I have an idea. One that will work for all of us.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Cliff narrowed his piggy eyes. “You have one minute.”

“What if…” David swallowed. “What if you had one big score? One final score that set you up for life and you wouldn’t have to worry about money ever again?”